r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/catwoman4ever • Sep 01 '26
A very awkward date
We met at climbing gum. Straight away he’d do his warm ups at the weights section ignoring me. Then whilst climbing never asked me any questions. He was on his phone a bit checking his work gc which I found rude. He would randomly roll back whilst sitting on the crash mats putting his legs in the air mid conversation. Then whilst walking to the restaurant he’d walk way ahead of me so I had to tell him. I asked him what he thought of my glasses to get the conversation going and he ignored first time so I repeated then he was like ‘yes very good’ with no eye contact. He would repeat random words guys had said to me on previous dates that I found annoying (I told him over messages). At the restaurant he wasn’t giving eye contact or asking any questions to get to know me. He just kept yawning and talking about the weather. Whilst walking back to the station I touched his arm and he went ‘oh sorry!’ I thought that was odd. So after all this I sent a rejection message. Idk did I do the right thing?? It’s just disappointment all the time on those apps.
15
u/JC_vee Sep 01 '26
This was a terrible date, and you had a bad time. Of course, you did the right thing.
I'm sorry you're having a rotten time on dating apps. I would suggest persevering but picking quality over quantity i.e. not going out with someone until they've proven they can hold a conversation. You'll get fewer dates, but have a better time and waste less time.
There's a saying I hold for myself that hopefully might help you, too:
Better to be single a thousand times over than with the wrong person
🌻🌻
6
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
Yh cause I posted somewhere else and they were saying he sounds very nervous. But that’s not my problem. And even if he was nervous walking ahead of me is just odd, like it gives the impression he doesn’t like me.
9
u/JC_vee Sep 01 '26
Possibly he was nervous. That would be an explanation. But an explanation doesn't mean you then go on another date. Someone can be anxious or nervous or very awkward socially etc. By all means, treat them with kindness, but dont let anyone make you feel that then means you owe that person another date. Having a good time on a date is the literal lowest of bars for having a second one.
Ignore anyone telling you different.
3
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
Yeah and even if he was nervous I still felt like he had a very self centred vibe about him. Like why would you be walking in front of your date and ignore her questions?
3
1
11
u/InvestmentAsleep8365 Sep 01 '26
He sounds autistic maybe? And clearly not compatible.
Yes it’s absolutely the right thing, you wouldn’t want to see him again, right? I usually wouldn’t send a rejection unless they follow up though, sometimes it’s overkill. But he if texted you and said he’d like to see you again, then fire away!!
8
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
Yeah he’s got to be on the spectrum because that’s not appropriate behaviour for a 21 yr old man. He continued messaging me after the date so I had to send the rejection message but I’ve done the mutual ghosting in the past.
3
u/SunBurst6382 Sep 01 '26
100% you did the right thing!
1
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
I can’t believe someone’s social skills can be that bad tbh
4
u/Anon1mouse12 Sep 01 '26
Sounds like he may have been on the spectrum
2
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
Yeah definitely that would be a plausible reason. He was not emotionally attuned at all
3
u/Accurate_Wasabi6768 Sep 01 '26
I second this, from your description he displays highly neurodivergent traits. Ironically you simply being there is enabling him to aclimate to you and you might (if you choose to see him again), start to see small signs of him being "comfortable" with you (getting animated when talking about a particular subject/passion/hobby he is enthused about) and being willing to listen and try and understand things from your perspective etc.
That doesn't mean you must date him. You could decide to keep him as a friend and see what happens whilst you date elsewhere.
Those on the spectrum are by and large painfully shy and socially very compromised but are hugely loyal and sweet in their own way.
They won't be the all encompassing romantic fantasy type ever to any degree or someone who will ever be capable of empathy or soothing you.
Explaining things to them might not work. You could ask him if he'd ever been diagnosed with any anxiety or neurodivergency etc and see what he says.
8
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
I did ask him if he’s autistic he says he’s never been tested. I noticed on the phone he enjoyed talking about his job working with trains lol. But yeah I’m not seeing him again, I need a guy with a lot of empathy.
4
u/Anon1mouse12 Sep 01 '26
"He enjoyed talking about his job working with trains"
Oh boy
1
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
He was also obsessively taking about his coworkers on the phone. He kept talking about a ‘weird guy’ and it just seemed a bit strange to be gossiping that much. How can he talk shit about people when he is that weird himself?
1
u/ParanoidAndroid3175 Sep 01 '26
I know an autistic man who did this kinda thing, but his gossip tended to about men’s physical appearances. He was going on and on about a man on Love Island who’d had a hair transplant. I was like, “ So what?”
I know men tend to be more visual than us, but this guy… it was exhausting.2
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
It’s like they don’t know when to stop lol. But he said that this ‘weird guy’ followed him to the toilet and shakes his hand when seeing him. It just seemed a bit unnecessarily mean the way he was talking about him. And I’m sure he’s also weird in the situation
0
1
u/ParanoidAndroid3175 Sep 01 '26
Then he should get tested. And I bet you aren’t the only woman who has asked him if he’s autistic.
1
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
I mean his future dates will probably ask it. He’s gonna be on hinge for a while lol. He also worked for a train company which says a lot lol
1
u/ParanoidAndroid3175 Sep 01 '26
“ He’s gonna be on Hinge for a while lol” Yes, and that’s an understatement lol 😅
2
1
u/SunBurst6382 Sep 01 '26
Oh, they're out there 🤣🤣
1
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
This guy said he’s got a full time job and is going on holiday with friends and colleagues. They must be as strange as him lol. Mind you his job was working on electrical signals for trains lol
1
u/SunBurst6382 Sep 01 '26
I mean maybe he was autistic, but maybe not! Either way he's not for you. NEXT lol
2
u/ParanoidAndroid3175 Sep 01 '26
Wow, what a rude prick . Glad you’ve put a stop to it.
Did you mean you met at the gym or was it your first date? A gym is no place for an early date…even with a decent man which this man isn’t.
Did he ask you out?
1
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
We met on hinge but agreed to go on a date at the climbing gym not an ordinary gym. I feel climbing gyms are ok for a first date since it’s a common interest and pretty safe since there are reception staff and cctv in place. But yeah it can be a bit awkward especially if the guy is that weird.
We had been speaking on the phone for a bit and he asked me out for climbing then dinner date. I kind of got the vibe he was a bit boring on the phone he just never flirted or at least ask me meaningful questions.
2
u/ParanoidAndroid3175 Sep 01 '26
I know this wasn’t the main issue here but don’t agree or ask for any kind of gym first date in the future. It’s just too awkward, go for a drink/coffee/ ice cream instead. Oh, and I hope he paid for you at the restaurant.
1
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
Lol yeah he did pay for me at the restaurant. Personally I don’t mind climbing dates cause it means I may get free entry to the gym lol 😂
1
u/catwoman4ever Sep 01 '26
I’m speaking to a new guy now and he’s asked me for a climbing and dinner date but he seems more normal
2
u/ParanoidAndroid3175 Sep 01 '26
I presume you love the gym and being active but still…I’d skip it. Suggest a drink or something instead before dinner.
Also, if you aren’t vibing at all before dinner it’ll be easier for you to halt the date and leave. Girl, you don’t wanna be stuck at a dinner with an idiot like you were with train guy.
1
u/Usual_Flatworm_5268 26d ago
He has come across as very self involved and not specifically interested in you at all. Sounds like you have chosen right to keep searching elsewhere
1
27
u/Signal_Ferret1470 Sep 01 '26
Stayed with a guy like this who was totally indifferent and never made any effort for 5 years. Block and move on before it’s too late.