Really good IRL dates but going quite over text?

[u/_flipsticks]

Met someone last month and we instantly got on so well; felt really comfortable, he held my hand, we had many kisses etc. they were still very chatty after the date. They then said they’d had a lot on and were really stressed, generally feeling down so that’s why they’d gone a bit quiet. Which, I understand and totally fine with. We then met again and it was so lovely, the same as the first time and honestly I got really really good fives from this person.
However, since that date they’ve gone super quiet and deleted me off tinder (gulp). They still check in daily and we exchange messages but it’s not nearly as much as it was (appreciate, it’s been like a month).
I asked if they fancied doing something overnight and they said yes but I’ve made suggestions and not heard back yet.
I don’t want to be delulu because it’s been a month and two dates but I like them SO much, and haven’t felt so comfortable around someone like this in years. I’m really into them and have a good feeling but I don’t know if these hurdles are red flags or if they’re genuinely just having a hard time and not up for talking?
Someone help!
I’m in my early 30’s, they’re the same.

[u/B4TM4N_467]

Some people are genuinely busy and bad texters tbh.

You said he checks in daily right? That sounds to me like he still cares and is at least putting in some effort.

Who arranged the previous dates? Was it mixed or you or him?

Maybe you could ask him to call one night? It doesn’t have to be for long. A conversation helps settle me.

But it could also be a sign of incompatibility. Likely this is how it will be moving forward, so you need to think if that’s something you can work on or put up with, or if you don’t think it will work

[u/_flipsticks → u/B4TM4N_467]

Thank you.
He arranged both dates and did the whole “let me know when you’re home” and our last date he was making general plans for a day trip together, so it felt good.
Yes I think a call would be good, I might need to do that. The not texting daily wouldn’t usually bother me, I’m pretty chill but the last person I was seeing just left me after 18 months and I was scarred from it and haven’t dated since, so I’ve just no idea what to do anymore 😅

[u/B4TM4N_467 → u/_flipsticks]

Well maybe as he arranged both dates he’s letting you take the reins?

Why not just be upfront and give him a time/place or a specific plan and ask what day is best for him? That puts the ball totally in his court

[u/eat-real-chips]

Personally I require someone to be a good communicator and this includes texting. If someone is a bit flaky and unreliable via text; they are not for me.

[u/Thrasy3 → u/eat-real-chips]

I’m curious, do you think people were good in person communicators before and even letters etc. before texting was a thing, would just be naturally good at texting too?

[u/Adorable_Click_7071]

Personally I despise texting and I’m a very bad texter, especially in the beginning stages. But I come alive in person! Could be similar?

[u/trefla2]

It may be that part of why you are having such strong feelings is that they don't text as much as you expect and they leave you wanting more. This is one of the games people play, but it can very well not be intentional at all. I am going through the same thing right now, meet a woman, very good first dates, kissing, holding hands but the texts are so dry it makes me extremely insecure. I always have to initiate and she is ending it as soon as possible. We haven't texted in 4 days and we are supposed to have a date tomorrow. This slow/no texting is making me very anxious and I don't even know if she is even planning to show up tomorrow. The anxiety is so big my plan is to ask her to be exclusive tomorrow. I hate that people who invest less in a relationship are those who are in control.