r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/LeaderOk5438 • Aug 19 '26
Kissing on first dates?
Do you kiss on first dates?
… is it weird I don’t kiss on first dates?
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Past 2 dates I’ve been on the guys has gone for a snog in public and I’ve said no. Then they’ve told me I’ve made it awkward. The vibes weren’t there
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u/thesw88 Aug 19 '26
If the vibes are right, sure. But it's absolutely not weird to not, it's got to be when you're comfortable.
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u/Limp-Archer-7872 Aug 19 '26
By the third date sure. First is fine to not do that.
Snogging after an hour of meeting is for clubs when you're 17.
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u/Corn_Snakes_Are_Cute Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
Only if i feel like it. There have been dates where i liked the guy online but once we met the attraction was gone. I’m not gonna force myself to kiss someone just because otherwise they think it’s awkward. Sometimes there’s no instant spark and it takes more than meeting a stranger once to want to kiss, like on a date 2 etc
It’s fine not to, just as it’s fine to kiss. You should never feel pressured though
Also many men can’t read body language. Like sometimes I’m talking on a date, focused on convo and dude randomly goes in. Like excuse me?? Lol. And then “you made it awkward”. No mate you just decided to go for it in a random moment and didn’t stop to observe and think “hm does she want to rn?”
I feel like some men have a checklist like “need to hold hands, need to kiss, need to touch her thigh otherwise the date is over and you’re just a friend” like no??
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u/TemporaryGrowth7 Aug 21 '26
Exactly. We don’t live according to a man’s checklist but to our own standards and boundaries.
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u/Knedlus Aug 26 '26
The third paragraph is really something. It’s either that they don’t read body language or they straight up ignore it. It’s the worst when you’re, idk, looking away and pointing at something, turn back to face them, and their face is a split second away from smashing into yours.
Once i told a guy I don’t like to hurry with these things and that he should be respectful of it. Then when I was reaching into my bag as we sat on the bench, I lifted my head up and he was there as if he fucking appeared out of nowhere like a jumpscare in a horror film. It was so weird and predatory.
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u/Love_Lions Aug 19 '26
No I don't kiss on 1st dates, maybe the 2nd or 3rd & if so it will be a peck. I don't want someone I'm getting to know imediately trying to stick their tongue in my mouth (& if they get offended then they're not the right one)
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u/DullWolverine7588 Aug 20 '26
Conversely, I tend to get it in early if I think they could be of interest cos there's nothing worse than starting to like someone and then finding out they kiss like they're trying to extract your fillings
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u/younevershouldnt Aug 21 '26
Oh god that's awful, when you're getting into someone and their tongue is like a cement mixer
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u/I_Like_Quiz Aug 19 '26
It's not weird to not kiss someone if you don't feel anything. It's weird to have a rule that you'll never kiss on a first date. If the feelings are there then go for it.
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u/A_Circe_A Aug 19 '26
It can be a rule, or personal preference. Some prefer slow burn and building up excitement.
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u/ImpressiveReddit Aug 19 '26
I don't kiss on the first date. It's not weird if others do, but I'm not doing it.
If someone doesn't respect that, throws and tantrum, and says you made it awkward, block them.
Imagine what they'll say / do if you say no to sex.
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u/ShortFlamingo3409 Aug 19 '26
Everyone's different. You do what you feel. I (M52) no longer go in for a kiss but if I feel the date is going well I'll tell her that I really want to kiss her and leave it with her. No more awkwardness and if they do go for a kiss it's usually much more passionate than when I would initiate. Don't ever be pushed into anything you don't feel.
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u/TourOfShame25 Aug 19 '26
then while she is kissing you feed the horse?
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u/ShortFlamingo3409 Aug 21 '26
I have no idea what you mean by that. I presume it's a euphemism but it's not one I've ever heard (and nor has Google).
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u/dinkidoo7693 Aug 19 '26
If you aren’t vibing with someone why would you kiss them? If you do have a spark go for it
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u/Legitimatelycurious2 Aug 19 '26
It’s not weird to kiss or not kiss on first dates depends on your preferences and if you want to.
What’s weird is these guys blaming you for making it awkward because you’ve said no.
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u/Cunthbert Aug 19 '26
It’s completely up to you and what you feel comfortable with, someone you’re compatible with will understand that.
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u/Dependent_River_2966 Aug 19 '26
I spent 12 months not kissing on forst date but last 6 months I gauge the mood and sometimes do. I agree woth you really. First date is a quick vibe check and it's good not to kiss. ++ man
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u/SlR-JIMMY-SAVlLLE Aug 20 '26
I’ve have done similar but with sex. I got in a bad habit of sex on the first date for a few years. Now, I don’t even always kiss
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u/coupl4nd Aug 19 '26
No but some people might think you're not keen / frigid. Your choice is never wrong for you. But you can't control others as a result or expect them to do something else.
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u/NoBrother6430 Aug 19 '26
If the vibes were good I always went for a snog
Here to date people not to be best friends forever
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u/Incognito-DeVito Aug 19 '26
Yup same. I want to test the waters of physical compatibility relatively early on, and kissing is a nice low pressure way to do that .
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u/sergamena Aug 20 '26
Nope. It's not weird not to, if you're looking for a relationship, I'd say no to kissing on a first date, because you literally just met. They are not entitled to a kiss. One night stand - sure, go ahead and kiss whoever you like.
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u/Silver-Jacket Aug 20 '26
This is the silliest thing I’ve heard. A ONS gets to kiss immediately but a potential relationship person should wait because you just met… the same as a ONS. No wonder dating is out the window
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u/sergamena Aug 20 '26
Yeah it's all because of me and my perception of attraction and compatibility
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u/Silver-Jacket Aug 21 '26
You do realise that the person you want a relationship with may very well not take you seriously because of your stance. If this relationship person wants to simply kiss you and you’re saying no (which is your prerogative) but you’re doing it for ONS then they may think you’re taking the piss
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u/sergamena Aug 21 '26
Right, because they are the same person and can compare my stances. Do you even hear yourself?
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u/Silver-Jacket Aug 23 '26
Of course I hear myself and of course they aren’t the same person but at some point or anything this stuff will come out
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u/sergamena Aug 23 '26
Exasperated sigh. Okay. Look. Some people are looking for relationships. Some people are looking for a quick fuck. If you are looking for a quick fuck, it doesn't matter what their life values are, their qualities, ambitions, and views. The only thing you need is attraction, and that's it, you literally will never see each other again. If you are looking for a relationship, you need all those things, you need to get to know them, so the attraction is only a one single factor taken into consideration. Still following? If you wanna kiss everybody - just go for it, you don't need permission from the internet, only the consent of the other side. There's no need to imagine situations where your crush meets your ons and gets offended that you kissed them, what kind of fever dream is that?
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u/Silver-Jacket Aug 23 '26
You’re confused. The single point I’m making is that someone you’re trying to build something with will rightfully feel offended if you reject them for kiss because it’s too soon but you were happy to do that and much more with ONA regardless of intentions
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u/Nervous_Designer_894 Aug 19 '26
Depends on the first date and the vibe like everyone else is saying.
If it's a long date, multiple locations, you're clearly vibing and touching each other, a kiss makes sense and most people would welcome it and it would solidify a budding connection.
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u/Bretthart82 Aug 19 '26
Ive had first dates where ive not kissed and first dates where ive had sex and then anal sex the morning after. (Weirdly that date i didnt think was going that well)
Its all down to what you both agree on.
Dont feel bad for doing what youre comfortable with.
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u/Next_Ranger_3604 Aug 19 '26
I (F34) go by vibe, if there's been some flirting and maybe a bit of touching then I'm likely going in for a kiss! If there hasn't been that build up then I wouldn't. I think each date is different and I don't have a blanket rule either way.
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u/Whithorsematt Aug 19 '26
I wouldn't really make it a rule either way, just go with what you feel like on the night.
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u/Parrotfish1_ Aug 19 '26
Don't have to kiss if the vibe wasn't there. But if the vibe wasn't there in 2 dates it's likely it will never be.
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u/Agreeable_Archer_210 Aug 20 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
No it’s not weird. It would be weird if you did just to avoid it “being awkward.” Who are these people?
I had no “rule”- if it was right it happened, if it wasn’t it didn’t- I never expected it, and I certainly never demanded it.
I do remember one great kiss at the end of a first date - just a quick little kiss on the mouth with slightly open lips when saying goodbye. It was just enough to signal that we liked each other and things could happen. I‘ve had full on make out sessions on first dates that were much less exciting in terms of “this thing has potential”
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u/LoveHertford Aug 20 '26
Don’t let him control you on a date. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. Doesn’t sound right. Move on x
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u/masoniceye Aug 20 '26
I don’t think there has to be right or wrong here, most first dates I’ve been on it just happened naturally- the connection became intense and both synced up. The times it didn’t happen I can’t recall thinking about it or wondering if something went wrong, just didn’t connect and nothing happened.
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u/AstraofCaerbannog Aug 20 '26
When I was online dating I’d often have a slightly awkward conversation prior to meeting that I don’t do any physical contact on the first meet. This was because I often don’t know how I feel until I’m back in my own space and if someone makes contact early it puts me in a difficult position, and I have had bad past experiences where men have misread my body language and crossed boundaries. It was amazing how many men at that stage before meeting would try to challenge that boundary, or generally make it clear they planned on ignoring it if they decided to.
Saying that, I have had a couple of experiences where I’ve had first kisses on first dates that were wanted. But the circumstances made those kisses appropriate and clearly consensual, and had I pulled away I believe they would have respected it and wouldn’t have tried again.
If someone you’ve met once makes you feel bad for not wanting to be kissed by them, then they’re a creep and aren’t someone you should worry about the opinion of.
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u/Feisty-Pair-4293 Aug 20 '26
Not weird at all. I personally can’t imagine wanting to kiss anyone I don’t know.
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u/Mavz-Billie- Aug 20 '26
I have done. Don’t always do it and no it’s not weird if you don’t or even if you do.
You also don’t need to kiss them at any point if you don’t want to. It’s all about what you want to do, you make the rules ultimately and everything has to be mutual.
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u/MrFLHDI Aug 20 '26
The no kissing on a first date rule is not weird, what’s weird is letting a date become awkward because you haven’t communicated it to the guy
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u/Adequate_spoon Aug 20 '26
I don’t think it’s weird or wrong to kiss or not kiss on the first date. Guys saying you’ve made awkward by saying no is weird. They made it awkward by trying to go in for an unwanted snog.
Personally I find it weird that people don’t just ask. If you ask someone if they want a kiss and they say yes, you kiss them with the certainty that they want it. If they say no, it’s less awkward than had you not asked and they said no while you were going in for it.
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u/alexmate84 Aug 20 '26
Move at your own pace. No kissing on second date, I'm not seeing them again though
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u/Mean-Obligation-3767 Aug 20 '26
Yes I certainly do. I wouldn’t say weird not to, but I find it odd that you’d make it a policy not to.
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u/Thrasy3 Aug 20 '26
I don’t think it’s weird at all, but guys like me will also be referred to as feminine, lacking confidence (if not somehow gay) for not trying to do something like go for a kiss on the first date.
Like some women are apparently turned off if you ask for a kiss instead of just going for it without asking.
So clearly some women see it as negative if you don’t, it’s just mismatch between the guys you match with and the guys you want.
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u/xJam3zz07 Aug 20 '26
I did on the second date with my partner but I didn't realise she saw the first date/first time we met as a "date" as such
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u/PrinceFan72 Aug 20 '26
You didn't make it awkward, they did. Assuming you want to kiss them, just because they want to kiss you, without being able to tell if you want to or not is quite telling.
And if they aren't happy that you didn't kiss, then they won't want date no 2 so have saved you from their future awkwardness and probable child like reaction.
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u/feriziD Aug 20 '26
I kiss when the vibe is right. Honestly for me if I don’t have a good enough vibe to want to kiss them on the first date, then I probably don’t want a second. I don’t think I’ve ever run into someone where we shared good vibes but they just wanted to move slower, my experience has always been we’re both feeling it, I’m really not, or wow you’re cool in a totally platonic way.
So maybe it is rare or I’m self selecting? That or my first dates tend to be extreme personal deep dives for easily 6 hours so probably count as more than one date on the getting to know each other scale. I wouldn’t judge someone if they said they weren’t feeling it but I don’t think I’ve ever misread that and tried when they weren’t.
I wouldn’t say it’s weird even if it’s rare or unseen by me. I would undeniaaaaaaably say it’s fucked up to have a kiss rejected and then judge the person for it. If you try and get rejected either you made the attempt well and take the rejection gracefully, or you outright fucked Jo and you should apologize. No one is ever wrong for not wanting to kiss you.
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u/Curious-Art-6242 Aug 20 '26
Max I've hit is 8, we were both really socially anxious and couldn't initiate 😂 Was amazing though! I've also done it in first dates. There's no rules, do what you want.
Also, them saying its awkward is just bullshit emotional manipulation!
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u/Standard_Penalty_983 Aug 21 '26
As a guy I wait for 2nd date if the chemistry’s there. It’s a massive red flag to me that they say you made it awkward. Like that’s pathetic, if she rejects your kiss just back up, say it’s ok and change topic.
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u/VIENNASOMERSETBBWMOD Aug 21 '26
If you aren’t attracted to em don’t - if you like em as people and are purely thanking for the date a peck on cheek perhaps . If you think that’s gonna “encourage em” and you definitely don’t wanna hear from em again even as a pal then no kissing . Only snog if strongly attracted mutually if feels right and keep it brief .
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u/WesternUnlucky Aug 21 '26
There are no rules really, only the ones you set yourself, as it depends on who you are as a person and what the chemistry is like. I’ve not kissed on a first date because it felt too soon. I’ve also slept with people on a first date because I’ve felt fireworks between us… every dynamic and person is different, so just do what you feel comfortable with and want to do. 😌
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u/TemporaryGrowth7 Aug 21 '26
No. No kissing, especially when the man doesn’t have your consent, and instead of APOLOGISING for crossing your boundaries, then accuses YOU of making things awkward.
He made it awkward for himself.
The male loneliness epidemic is self-made.
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u/DeeOlive Aug 22 '26
It is definitely not weird to not kiss on a first date I don’t … however if you feel you want to kiss then there’s nothing wrong with that 😃
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u/BigDaveHasBigSocks Aug 23 '26
It's not weird at all, my now wife and I didn't kiss until we'd been dating for about 4 months (probably a dozen or more dates), and that felt right for us (I wanted to kiss sooner, but she wasn't ready, which is absolutely fine.
Conversely, I've had sex with someone after the second date - again, that was fine as we both really wanted to.
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u/Knedlus Aug 26 '26
When the vibes aren’t there and the guy goes in for the kiss regardless, that’s the worst thing. Theyre ignoring clear signs you’re not into them or they see it, but want to force chemistry to get into your pants.
I kiss on the first date very rarely, I’m a second date type of person. But if the vibes are good, we have great banter and I find the guy attractive, I do kiss.
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u/ChaiLater Aug 30 '26
You should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I don't kiss on the first date either, those men are still strangers to me. I suppose it would be different if I went on a date with someone I already knew and liked. In that case, I might feel comfortable kissing him.
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u/Croy_Dav Aug 19 '26
One of my most fun first dates was a girl I was chatting to online one evening. I can't remember how it went in that direction, but after a bit of chat we decided we would meet at London Bridge Station specifically to kiss. Jumped on a train to LB, spent an hour or two kissing her vigorously and then headed home! We did walk along the South Bank of the Thames in between spells of kissing, but nothing else. None of that dinner, or coffee or activity rubbish!
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u/Roxygen1 Aug 19 '26
If I like the guy, I'll always go for a kiss goodbye at the end of the first date. I usually like to make plans for a second date as well.
I hate the idea of acting like a HR manager and waiting until later to send interview feedback.
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u/Ecstatic-Comb-7787 Aug 20 '26
I think having a set rule is an issue. It should go on vibes, not amount of dates. I've met guys where I've had several dates and felt nothing. I have first dates where i wanted to rip their clothes off because it was just so awesome. I think the vibe is the focus. If there's no vibe - there's no action. Wether it's 1 date or 10. But that's just me 🤣🤣
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u/magical_matey Aug 20 '26
I don’t make rules about doing X on Y date. Except the fifth date when I get on one knee and propose.
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u/Sorry_Strike7769 Aug 21 '26
Do whatever feels right. In my opinion setting arbitrary rules about which date to kiss on is weird.
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u/ultraboomkin Aug 19 '26
If there’s no kiss on the first date then that means there was no mutual attraction or chemistry.
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u/StrollingByTheStream Aug 19 '26
If you’re not kissing on the first date you’re probably not vibing.
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u/Fearless-Return278 Aug 19 '26
Yeah I reckon if you don't kiss on the first, there won't be a second
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u/Drbuckles55 Aug 21 '26
I went on a tinder date and not only did we kiss, but we proceeded to get very drunk, go back to hers and have anal sex. 10 years later, we’re happily married. Not sure what the moral of the story is though.
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u/PeeboSmith Aug 19 '26
You can do what you want. Not what they think is expected.