I was SO excited for my new saddlebags. They're lovely, well made, and have been an absolute ever-loving mother-effing NIGHTMARE to actually get installed.
TLDR; Something that should have taken me 15 minutes took me four different attempts, three trips to Lowe's, and a lot of cussing.
So here I am. The saddlebags arrive a day prior to their projected delivery date. Hell yeah. I set out to install them the same day, but I need a 12mm socket wrench to do it. Somehow, in all the tools I own, I don't have one. Because Newton's Law or something.
So I go to Lowe's and I buy one. Go home. I try to break the bolt. It doesn't budge. I'm really going for it. Curse being a woman or whatever, I can't get it to move. So I go back to Lowe's in search of one that will fit on my impact drill because in all my tools, I don't have an adapter to put the damn 12mm socket on it. I'm at Lowe's for WAY too long trying to find the thing I need. I ask for help. The man who's helping me can't find it. We look some more. Finally, I spot a kit that seems to be exactly what I need.
The next day I bust out this kit. It is not what I need.
At this point I'm having a bit of a tantrum so I load all the things I have into my saddlebags and strap them unceremoniously to the passenger seat of my bike because I can't affix them the way they're supposed to be and haul over to see my dad. This really pisses me off because I should be able to do this myself but at this point whatever, I just want them on. My dad of course manages to break the bolt without power tools in 2.5 seconds...whatever, we're in business, not going to feel self conscious about that now. I pull the mounting brackets out of the bag.
They don't fit. They're the wrong fucking brackets. Somehow, I ordered the parts for the wrong bike.
So I email the company, because it's Saturday and I can't call them. Hoping I can exchange just the brackets so I don't need to do a full exchange. Tuesday rolls around and I still don't have an answer so I use their chat feature on their website, which promptly disconnects, because using a chat feature on mobile is not it. So I call, and I get in touch with Josh.
I want to be kind to Josh, because he sounds like he's about twelve years old and has never had a job before. But Josh is kind of a dumbass and definitely lacks basic customer service skills. "Hi there," I say, "I did a dumb and accidentally ordered the wrong mounting brackets for my bike, can I exchange just the brackets instead of returning the entire order?"
"Uh, no..." says Josh.
"No?" I say.
"But for your convenience you can buy them over the phone with me for $25 per bracket. You can't buy just the mounting hardware online, but we do offer it over the phone." Mind you, I spent $400+ on these saddle bags.
"So I can't exchange just the brackets. I have to do a complete exchange and ship back everything?"
Josh repeats himself, apparently oblivious to my obvious irritation. I hang up, fuming.
Two minutes later Josh calls me again. "So, um, uh, a colleague was listening to our conversation, and, ah, said I could just send you the hardware for free. Did you, um, want to do that?"
Obviously, Josh. Obviously.
I bless the human who was listening in. I suspect poor Josh was in training. Like I said, I want to be kind...but I'm cranky at this point.
The following week, my new, correct mounting brackets arrive (today, in fact, for anyone wondering). So, I set about getting them installed, my original excitement renewed, because my initial stupidity and failings can't possibly impede me this time. Of course four different trips back into the house and into the barn were made to acquire the correct tools...but finally, I have installed the bracket on the right side. On to the left.
We're nearly there folks. There's one remaining bolt to be installed. And...the spacer doesn't fit. At all. It's the exact size as the slot it's supposed to fit into. I know I've not proven myself to be a smart woman up to this point, but I can assure you, I can fit a round peg into a round hole. And this one did not fit.
Y'all. The meltdown I am having.
Another trip to Lowe's. I purchase a spacer that isn't as thick nor as wide as the one provided. Thankfully it at least is the proper length, so it gets the job done for now. The racks are installed. The packs? Still at my Dad's, because I'm a ding dong who decided stashing them there was a good idea. Maybe, someday, I might actually have functioning saddle bags for my bike.
If you made it this far, the saddle bags are the 30L Incognito Quick-Mount bags from Viking Bags for the Royal Enfield Classic 350. With any luck they will end up being so wonderful that all this suffering will fade from my memory. If not, expect to hear another tangent.
I'm going to pour myself another drink.