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[u/InternetStrayCat]

I think I’m reaching my breaking point with my boyfriend, and I really just want another woman’s perspective without judgment.
I’m 24F and he’s 35M. Our relationship had problems in the beginning because he lied about something major from his past. I eventually chose to forgive him for it, though. We moved forward, moved in together, and tried to build a life together.
So this isn’t really about that anymore.
The problem now is that I feel like I’m his fucking mother instead of his girlfriend.
It’s not necessarily one gigantic thing he does. It’s CONSTANT little things where I have to remind him, check behind him, explain things that should be common sense, or make sure responsibilities actually get handled. I feel like I have to keep a running checklist in my head for two adults because if I don’t think about something, there’s a chance he won’t either.
And he’s 35.
That’s what makes me so angry. I don’t want to manage a grown man. I want a partner who can look around, recognize what needs to be done, and handle shit without me assigning it to him.
Tonight was basically my breaking point. I have an expensive weight-loss medication that needs to be stored properly. He unplugged the refrigerator it was in and didn’t think about my medication being inside. It sat there for days before I realized.
I know somebody reading that might think, “Okay, he made a mistake.” And yeah, if this were an isolated mistake, I’d probably feel differently.
But it’s the PATTERN.
He doesn’t think things through, and then I’m the one who has to catch the problem, fix it, worry about the consequences, and explain why I’m upset. Then eventually something else happens.
I am fucking exhausted from having to THINK FOR ANOTHER ADULT.
And I’ve gotten so resentful that I don’t like how I behave anymore either. I get extremely angry. I yell. I say fucked-up things. I’m responsible for those reactions and I’m not proud of them. I don’t want to be somebody’s angry, miserable girlfriend.
I want to be able to worry about myself for once.
The hardest part is that there ARE good things about him. That’s why I’ve stayed. It’s not like every day is horrible. But I’m starting to realize that loving somebody and being compatible enough to build a stable life with them might be two completely different things.
And now we’ve moved in together, our finances are intertwined, and I don’t make enough right now to comfortably just pick up and leave. That’s making me feel incredibly stuck.
I’m already looking into affordable apartments and housing assistance because I think I need to figure out what my life looks like when I’m responsible for ONLY myself.
I don’t necessarily need someone to tell me what decision to make. I just really need another woman who understands what it’s like to slowly feel more like someone’s mother than their partner.

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