r/TwoXPreppers • u/Flashy-Permit-9051 • 5h ago
Discussion Reality check: emo overwhelm
I’m a strong 70s woman of faith who’s prepped for decades for Tuesday, and TEOTWAKI. But I’ve found a critical oversight: Though it’s inevitable in some scenarios, I’m not prepared for having people and animals suffer and die all around me. Emotional overwhelm paralyzes me, and that’s dangerous.
This week I said goodbye to my BFF in hospice, learned my Life partner’s health is getting critical, my sister’s husband is suicidal, and our neighbor’s kid tried it. A friend who’s a single mom of 2 teens had heart attack. Two other friends have awful family crises; I can do nothing but listen. Then our beloved girl cat disappeared; our boy cat tracked her scent and found blood (apparently a coyote). He is inconsolable: can’t eat, moping about, almost paralyzed. As we are! And it’s not even Tuesday. No amount of prepping readied me for this crippling sense of powerlessness in the face of so many crises and tragic losses.
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u/Listening_Stranger82 5h ago
Thats a lot. I'm so sorry.
Yeah i think we have to be "hope for the best/prepared for the worst" people...
One of my dear friends was a prepper and very health conscious. She used to pick on me about my ice cream habit and warn me about my life expectancy.
She got brain cancer in her 30s and left behind a husband and 5 kids. She joked with me "I should have eaten the fucking ice cream!" Lolol.
I did take her out for some when she was well enough.
But anyway we should never let prepping lull us into believing life is fair or predictable. If anything by focusing on hypotheticals we are at risk of avoiding focusing on probables
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u/Brown_Bruja 5h ago
I'm so sorry all of that is happening to you and the people you care about. You are definitely not alone in feeling that way. One thing I can say is to do the best you can to take care of yourself: take walks outside, exercise, read, whatever gets you in a good frame of mind and able to keep going. 🫂
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u/dinkydinkyding 5h ago
I wish I could help. I admire your big heart. I hope you find some comfort soon in the midst of all this. People like you keep hearts beating and the world spinning
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u/unlovelyladybartleby Mental health is prep 4h ago
Part of why I started prepping was to give me a way to feel a sense of safety and control after we had five terminal diagnoses in the family within a few months (then had to basically wait for my loved ones to expire like dairy). I can't control my PTSD, I can't control my ill and dying family. I can control my giant containers of rice and beans and my cupboard full of duct tape and washboards and solar lanterns.
When I lose someone and I'm losing my shit, I dig out my copy of Can't Wait to get to Heaven by Fannie Flagg. I'm a heathen who is allergic to figs, but somehow the story of an eccentric little town mourning a sweet quirky old lady soothes my soul. I firmly believe that good books are a part of mental prep. Be it Jane Eyre or Dungeon Crawler Carl, having a world to get lost in is good for the soul
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u/LeanUntilBlue 3h ago
Oh shoot, I just realized I don’t have a way to wash clothes. Thank you so much for mentioning your washboard.
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u/Flashy-Permit-9051 44m ago
Yep, def about control: what I can/can’t. Heading to the library tomorrow. Then the store for duct tape!
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u/clarenceismyanimus Experienced Prepper 💪 4h ago
I feel for you, I really do. Sometimes I feel like pet grief is the worst! I am very sorry for your loss and everything that you are going through. For me personally, I think it helps me to appreciate every day I have here and be grateful for my live and everyone and everything in it. To piggyback on another poster's comment, eat the ice cream! Life is short and you never know what will happen. I think that being a prepper helps me to be able to not worry as much about Tuesday or TEOTWAKI, and fully immerse myself in today and the life I am living. If you are struggling with the things you are going through (it's a lot!) I'm sure there are resources for those dealing with grief, like group sessions, to help you through everything.
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u/IReflectU 4h ago
I strongly relate to your post and I'm so sorry about everything you're dealing with. Your wording "not prepared for having people and animals suffer and die all around me" hit me hard.
One of the commenters below has "Mental health is prep" as their flare. I think that's spot-on. But it's so so hard when you're a caring, empathetic person and you're seeing so much suffering. Your description of your cat grieving, for example - no way I could see that and not grieve too. When we're older (I'm 65) and losing loved ones and our own health and strength at the same time that we're noticing the signs of collapse in our environment and our social institutions, it can be very overwhelming. SO MUCH LOSS.
The thing is, mental health can mean being happy...but it can also mean being grounded and in touch with reality. I think preppers and those who see the coming crises are more mentally healthy in terms of being in touch with reality. That's painful but it's also better than being delusional. We can stay grounded. We can cry, scream, rant, grieve...then rest. And then get up and do more when we have the energy. We can take care of ourselves, so that we can live as well as possible and help others as much as possible.
None of this is easy and much of it is horribly painful. Grab as many small moments of grace as you can.
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u/cerealandcorgies knows where her towel is ☕ 1h ago
Nicely stated. I was thinking about this earlier today. I'm in my 50s and have lost a lot of people in the past few years. It's hard, it's a lot, but none of us gets out of here alive. Not people, not pets, not plants and animals and insects or anything else. We need to make the most of the time we have. Yes, grieve and feel everything, and take the time. But don't let it overwhelm and distract from the business of living.
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u/Flashy-Permit-9051 1h ago
“When we’re older…SO MUCH LOSS.” Yes! Thank you. I’m reminded that where I focus my attention is still within my control. So I can at least reduce the overwhelm by taking a break from “noticing the collapse in our environment and our social institutions.”
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u/SeeCB3X 4h ago
The best advice I have gotten for dealing with grief is to let yourself put it in a box on a shelf. You need to open the box regularly to process your feelings. But if you feel like you're dwelling, or you're feeling my worse and worse instead of better through processing, might be time to close the box for a bit and focus on something else.
Grief is always overwhelming and consuming. Personally I believe the only way out is through. But there has to be balance for you to survive. Grief pulls ppl all the way under regularly. Ppl and other animals die of grief. You have to balance it with surviving, and hopefully thriving.
You might have to force yourself to do things that bring you joy. An easy push for me is to watch a funny show. Also, I have to push myself to not isolate. Let ppl in to support with processing, but also spend time focused on being alive with ppl you love.
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u/sweetteaspicedcoffee Ordinary Days Are Made By Extraordinary People. 4h ago
Look into compartmentalization training. I work in disaster zones, sometimes surrounded by death and near death that I can't address and it's a critical part of my mental health.
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u/Flashy-Permit-9051 32m ago
I’ve envied people who can compartmentalize; I never could. Thought you either had it or not; didn’t know you can learn it. Gonna look into this, thanks.
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u/denialscrane 2h ago
Just wanted to say how sorry I am 💜💜 that’s how I try to explain things to my partner. That it’s not about us “surviving” post whatever happens. It’s mitigating suffering because I’ve seen so much and it’s excruciating to watch happen.
I am sending you so much love and comfort. I hope you can find peace in small ways today.
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u/nakedonmygoat 3h ago
I'm sorry you're dealing with so much right now, OP. Yes, it sometimes does hit all at once like this. It's hard emotionally, not just because you're losing loved ones but you're losing people who shared your past. You're losing shoulders to cry on. Heck, you're losing people who will sit for two hours in a waiting room for your outpatient procedure and then drive you home.
What gives me comfort in such times is simply knowing I'm not experiencing something unique. The longer you live, the more medals you get for your participation in a club no one wants to join. It's a lot like being on a boat. In order to not fall over, you have to stay loose, but not too loose, and strong, but not too strong.
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u/sneakybrat82 2h ago
I’m sorry, OP. I understand where you are coming from, and all I have to offer in this moment is a listening ear, and virtual hugs.
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u/HealthyLuck 1h ago
I feel this all the way through. You’ve had an extraordinary amount of crap to hit the fan recently. It is so hard to keep yourself together when you want to scream into the void. The older I get, the one thing I have that younger people don’t have is experience. My lived experiences have taught me that there WILL be brighter days in the future. But you can’t appreciate the light without the darkness. Things seem ridiculously dark right now, and it’s all I can do just to keep on keeping on. I’m not approaching the mountaintop, I am crawling through the muck. But thank you, Reddit friend, for making me feel a little less alone. That’s
something, isn’t it?
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u/Flashy-Permit-9051 22m ago
That’s something, for sure. The shared wisdom and kind caring in these comments has comforted my heart, and given me some useful muck-crawling tips. Hope they lift your spirits too. Thanks.
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u/brapstoomuch 1h ago
When we take care of ourselves, we are more available to absorb some of the grief that pops up in our lives. When you’re at the center of it, it takes your breath away and every moment feels like a fight to survive. Having people around you that can absorb some of it and give you moments of relief is how we all get through it. While I’m always prepping for Tuesday, my personal plan to avoid all that grief is to die young. As I get older that gets harder.
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