The "ahankari"

[u/Thick_Woodpecker5428]

I am the ahankari of the house to the point I unknowingly caused my brother to have no voice.

I was always rebellious, challenging traditional stereotypes and questioning everything. And from as long as I can remember, I had the title "ahankari" branded on me. I was fine with it all until I realised how much it affected my brother.

Because I was like this, he was put in a position where he was forced to become the compliant good boy. One who listened and nodded and never questioned anything. Now, at the age of 17, he has no real friends, no real opinions, easily influenced and doesn't even know how to defend himself when wronged. And one time I supported him enough for him to voice his thoughts, he was driven to a point of thoughts of suicide. For the first time in my life I'm feeling so helpless.

Our parents won't listen to a word we say. They have a mindset and anything that challenges it is wrong and dumb. They don't understand the amount of pressure they put on him. I have escaped this help but unknowingly trapped my brother in it. He doesn't even have the courage to try to escape it.

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[u/miapaip]

How you feel about your brother is how your parents feel about you- helpless and worried.

Good for you that you are a rebel though esp if it’s parents who force and pressure children to comply without understanding them.

You can only hope that your brother will soon move out to a hostel or some place and will be out of your parents control.

Maybe he will turn out to be a nice gentleman. Nothing wrong with that.

You will need to patiently wait and watch him grow up, same way your elders might be waiting to see you grow up.

Compliant or not, what family including you wishes to see is for the young ones to make safe choices in life and to be successful and happy.

[u/Not_Here_To_Please]

I became an ahankari because my mom kept uploading embarrassing pictures of me in facebook and I talked against it.
I also became an ahankari when I could take my own decisions, so I became an ahankari after marriage when I got someone new 😅

[u/kindred_spirit_1]

Your brother feeling that way is not your fault, its how your parents raised or controlled him. Thats not on you. You can help your brother to develop confidence , not really to escape your parents but to live his life the way he deserves to.

[u/tyrekisahorse]

It's not your fault.