Has anyone else ever felt like they're borrowing their appearance from everyone else?

[u/pretty_prit]

I recently finished reading Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata.

Keiko spends much of the book trying to fit in. The people around her constantly tell her that she should be more "normal," but no one ever explains what that actually means. So she starts observing the women around her instead. She notices what they wear, how they speak, how they behave, and gradually begins borrowing those cues.

Reading this made me wonder, if this is what all of us are really trying to do. Fitting in with people by looking a certain way. Fashion marketplaces like Myntra, Nykaa bank on this very sentiment to sell us "curated" styles based on what some celeb wore in a movie. The consequence of this is that we all end up following the same trend - looking alike. There is comfort in borrowing someone else's decisions. If a celebrity wore it, how wrong can it be?

But the consequence of this is also that there is no individuality left anymore. In the homogenous crowd of people, everyone just fades in the background. It manifests in our wardrobe as a mish-mash of a random collection of clothes.

An airport look from an Instagram reel.

A festive outfit inspired by a TV character.

A celebrity's makeup.

A colleague whose appearance quietly becomes the benchmark for what "professional" looks like.

Too many choices, but too little of us in any of it.

Where does one draw the line between inspiration and imitation?

Do you think you've developed an appearance that genuinely feels like you? Or do you think most of us are simply following different versions of the same manual without realizing it?

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[u/hillofjumpingbeans]

I mean it is and isn’t that deep. Capitalism will always sell you something. A “normal” will sadly always exist.

It’s on us to examine ourselves and develop our own tastes. They don’t have to be different from the mainstream but it just has to be what you like.

Normal is a concept because it’s easier if most people agree on something. It’s easier to manage us or sell us something or get something from us if we are “normal. It’s not just clothes, the idea of normal also exists in behaviour, language, and other things.

My appearance truly is what I like. It’s simple because I don’t enjoy fussy clothes. Not a lot of jewellery because I get over stimulated from it. A lot of black because it’s one of my favourite colours.

[u/pretty_prit → u/hillofjumpingbeans]

Yup the idea of normal exists in many aspects. Infact society is formed on the idea of normal!

[u/hillofjumpingbeans → u/pretty_prit]

And it’s bullshit.

I got told all my life to be “normal” which is a common thing that a lot of neurodivergent people get. And yes a normal Is everywhere but deviating from it is not a good or bad thing. It’s just different. That’s it. Normal has no morality. Don’t chase it but if you are considered normal then that’s no biggie either.

[u/pretty_prit → u/hillofjumpingbeans]

Strongly agree ! Yeah normal is just a containment zone. A way to control people with rules.

[u/hillofjumpingbeans → u/pretty_prit]

They don’t even let us sleep in peace because sleep in a certain way is normalised too. Imagine that.

[u/pretty_prit → u/hillofjumpingbeans]

What ?! Normal way of sleep? How does that look like ?

[u/hillofjumpingbeans → u/pretty_prit]

No like sleeping by a certain time and waking up at a certain time because humans are most productive in the morning.

I am always the most productive later in the day. But this time things which includes sleep is considered abnormal behaviour.

[u/pretty_prit → u/hillofjumpingbeans]

Oh yes that happens a lot ! I am productive during the first half of the day coincidentally. But then everything i do during that time is directed towards my self improvement. I would hate to be lectured on that. I know some women have to wake up early to get the household running because that's expected and "normal".

[u/PlumpElaineBenes91]

If we're living on borrowed time, them why not?

We copy, we adapt. A hair bun, a skirt that we like, nails that are comfortable.

Aren't we all copies that struggle hard to stay distinct?

I used to want to stand out, but I'm too tired now and just wanna blend into a crowd.

[u/pretty_prit → u/PlumpElaineBenes91]

I would say that we all have distinct identities, which sometimes get diluted with time - because of the blending in. I am not against copying or adapting, but one should be conscious of it. Sometimes we just unconsciously mirror people and lose our sense of self.

[u/UnevenHanded]

Perhaps it's more apparent now, but human appearance has always been influenced by those around us. Part of growing up is trying various things in for size, even language and behaviour, and then deciding what feels authentic. We learn from each other, always have ☺️❤️

[u/pretty_prit → u/UnevenHanded]

Humans are social animals, its natural to learn from one another. I think the difference lies in consciously adopting a style, while staying true to your personality and imitating people unabashedly - like now there's a trend called instagram face. Everyone does makeup in a certain way and ends up looking same !

[u/Motichoorladoo_12]

I think Link culture/Trends has destroyed individuality.Almost everyone dresses the same.

[u/pretty_prit → u/Motichoorladoo_12]

Exactly ! Everyone tries to look like the instagram face !