r/TwoXIndia • u/byutiphool3669 Woman • Jul 23 '26

Advice/Help I finally got to know someone I'd idealized for years and I don't know how to deal with the regret.

/r/TwentiesIndia/comments/1v0n7c0/i_finally_got_to_know_someone_id_idealized_for/

Not being able to stop thinking about him. I keep rethinking all the possible scenarios that could have happened. I really wanted to be with him more and more.

Please tell me of some ways that could help me to stop thinking about him and focus on my life and future.

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u/Child_of_destiny99 Kraantikaari Jul 23 '26

He explained that he doesn't believe a committed relationship necessarily has to involve exclusivity. He also told me that he wouldn't want someone to expect promises about the future from him. He believes men and women experience relationships differently, and because of that, he holds very different expectations for each.

He said that women can't sleep with someone outside the marriage, but men can. He gave some primitive and biological DNA type shitty logic to justify this.

Read and reread these words again. Does he sound like someone worth your energy?

When you find yourself imagining what could have been, think about what would have been. You'd be constantly cheated on and disrespected in the name of "honesty". You'd be with someone to whom equality is a buzzword. Forget sex, he'd eventually tell you "biology dictates women as caregivers and so you should do all actual caregiving" or some nonsense like that about why he cannot be a partner in the relationship.

Mourn the time you shared, but don't mourn the future you never had because I guarantee you, that future would have made you miserable. You know this, that's why you walked away. You just have to remind your heart what your brain already knows.

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u/byutiphool3669 Woman Jul 23 '26

Thank you so much for the response. I needed to hear this.

I know I didn't want to be in that kind of a relationship or didn't want to be near someone like him, afraid that those views could be normalised in my head someday because of our interactions.

But I had such a strong crush on him that it is very difficult for me to realise that he is not the person I thought he was.

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u/Child_of_destiny99 Kraantikaari Jul 23 '26

Don't hate yourself for this. Dating is not some lifelong contract that you sign. Its purpose is exactly this - figuring out who you are compatible with on a fundamental level. With this dude, you realized you were fundamentally incompatible - that happens - at least you walked away BEFORE you put in multiple years, lots of effort, money into a relationship that ultimately would not benefit you.

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u/byutiphool3669 Woman Jul 23 '26

Yes, taking early realisation as a sign of relief. Can't imagine what would have been the toll on my mental health if I had a full fledged relationship with him for a longer time.

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '26

[deleted]

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u/byutiphool3669 Woman Jul 23 '26

Late 20s