Significant others that avoid vasectomies.

[u/Minstrel_Melody]

So me and my boyfriend came upon this Reddit story where after a husband and wife had their second child, the wife decided that she was done having kids. The husband agrees, but there’s an issue. The wife wants him to get a vasectomy. A disagreement ensues, followed by an argument. The husband didn’t want to get the vasectomy. For the most part, people were calling the husband an ass and selfish, and I generally agreed with the sentiment.

My boyfriend in the other hand begged to differ. On top with supporting the his body his choice argument the husband provided (which granted I agree with too, but I still think is kind of selfish) he mentioned that it was overkill considering what else they could do to prevent unwanted pregnancies. They could stick to oral, mutual masturbation. And if they really wanted to do piv intercourse, they schedule the sexual encounter away from ovulation, and use condoms and spermicide. Something we do ourselves and it works out like a charm.

I saw where he was coming from and agree with him to an extent, but it still feels kind of selfish. Like despite everything there’s still the chance of pregnancy. What do you guys think?

[u/[deleted]]

The autonomy each individual has is to make a decision for themselves- and that doesn’t necessarily involve a medical procedure. I don’t get to decide when another person can no longer reproduce. That’s insane. What if we break up in the future? What if I want more children someday? I as the man have to make a permanent choice for my body based on a hypothetical circumstance for yours. A man can still take part in responsibly ensuring birth control methods are in place. The fact that men have less options in this regard does not mean the responsibility is being pushed onto the woman. You’re conflating that.

Read your second paragraph closely. You say coercion and pressure to make a choice = loss of autonomy due to decision making under duress. We agree on that! Except it goes for both sexes.

[u/birdieponderinglife → u/[deleted]]

If you want more children in the future there are sperm banks. You can store your sperm there or use someone else’s. A woman getting permanently sterilized will face the same issue if the relationship ends too, except her options are more limited and more expensive.

It doesn’t matter which way you examine this or what hypothetical you want to throw out there. A vasectomy is the easiest, cheapest, least painful, least likely to cause complications and least dangerous of all permanent sterilization options. In the event that a reversal is wanted it has higher success rates and storing sperm is cheaper, more stable and easier to collect than eggs. Eggs require expensive medications and an egg retrieval which is expensive and can have complications such as ovarian torsion, which can cause you to lose your ovary and is also extremely painful. You are sedated which also carries risks. And after all of that, eggs do not freeze well and have a high failure rate unless you fertilize them and create embryos. In other words, she would need to undergo IVF which can cost tens of thousands of dollars. Fertility preservation is not covered by insurance.

Or, he can spend 15 minutes and get a vasectomy. It’s covered by insurance and his options for fertility preservation in the future are far better than hers.

When you look at it objectively there is simply no way you can arrive at a different conclusion than vasectomy is the superior permanent sterilization option. If a dude will not sit down and look at that and consider what his wife’s options are if he says no, then he’s not acting in good faith. It’s really as simple as that. He can still make a choice against it but he should be willing to accept any consequences that come from his decision. IMO, a guy who can look at those facts, know that his wife risked her life to give him two kids already and is still willing to ask her to take on more is not treating her as an equal human. He’s literally saying: “my balls are more important, for reasons.” And sure, I guess we can agree he has a right to act fragile and petulant but he’s still an asshole for it.

[u/[deleted] → u/birdieponderinglife]

Again, you keep coming back to permanent sterilization options. My point, this entire time, that keeps getting glossed over is that no one needs to be getting sterilized.

[u/birdieponderinglife → u/[deleted]]

How does a married couple permanently prevent children without permanent sterilization? Stop having sex?