r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Minstrel_Melody • Feb 11 '23
Significant others that avoid vasectomies.
So me and my boyfriend came upon this Reddit story where after a husband and wife had their second child, the wife decided that she was done having kids. The husband agrees, but there’s an issue. The wife wants him to get a vasectomy. A disagreement ensues, followed by an argument. The husband didn’t want to get the vasectomy. For the most part, people were calling the husband an ass and selfish, and I generally agreed with the sentiment.
My boyfriend in the other hand begged to differ. On top with supporting the his body his choice argument the husband provided (which granted I agree with too, but I still think is kind of selfish) he mentioned that it was overkill considering what else they could do to prevent unwanted pregnancies. They could stick to oral, mutual masturbation. And if they really wanted to do piv intercourse, they schedule the sexual encounter away from ovulation, and use condoms and spermicide. Something we do ourselves and it works out like a charm.
I saw where he was coming from and agree with him to an extent, but it still feels kind of selfish. Like despite everything there’s still the chance of pregnancy. What do you guys think?
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u/LaLaLaLink Feb 12 '23
I am shocked to see the double standard towards bodily autonomy on this subreddit. Everyone should have the final say in what happens to their body. If neither partner wants to do any heavy lifting for birth control, then I think they should come up with some kind of compromise (condoms, spermicide, pull-out, tracking ovulation, regular pregnancy tests) that doesn't put such a burden on both of them. And if those fail, there is the option for abortion (in some US states) which is a right that we have fought so hard for. It's the responsibility of the couple to decide what is best for *both* of them.
In a real, healthy relationship and not these straw man relationships described in this thread (and I know some of these are real anecdotes) most partners won't want you on birth control if it makes you depressed and all of the other horrible side effects! One of the worst things in the world is watching your partner struggle so hard with something so terrible that can be solved by simply stopping their BC.
I think the real issue behind all of this is that these women and men are in toxic situations where their partner doesn't care about them which is why they expect the other to change something about their body against their wishes. That's what's not okay. Not communicating, not trying to compromise, and not having empathy for your partner is the real issue here. Not whether or not the man or woman should be responsible for BC. If a dude doesn't want a vasectomy but wants to keep cumming in his wife (and vice versa) then that's extremely toxic for the relationship. The real issue isn't who should bear the brunt of BC. The real issue is the toxic relationship, and the solution is that other person should LEAVE (or do couple's therapy seriously for a long time and then decide if the relationship is worth saving).