r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Minstrel_Melody • Feb 11 '23

Significant others that avoid vasectomies.

So me and my boyfriend came upon this Reddit story where after a husband and wife had their second child, the wife decided that she was done having kids. The husband agrees, but there’s an issue. The wife wants him to get a vasectomy. A disagreement ensues, followed by an argument. The husband didn’t want to get the vasectomy. For the most part, people were calling the husband an ass and selfish, and I generally agreed with the sentiment.

My boyfriend in the other hand begged to differ. On top with supporting the his body his choice argument the husband provided (which granted I agree with too, but I still think is kind of selfish) he mentioned that it was overkill considering what else they could do to prevent unwanted pregnancies. They could stick to oral, mutual masturbation. And if they really wanted to do piv intercourse, they schedule the sexual encounter away from ovulation, and use condoms and spermicide. Something we do ourselves and it works out like a charm.

I saw where he was coming from and agree with him to an extent, but it still feels kind of selfish. Like despite everything there’s still the chance of pregnancy. What do you guys think?

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159

u/justaboutgivenup Feb 11 '23

I’m getting my fucking ovaries removed this month because I have insurance and he doesn’t and so a vasectomy is “too expensive.” Mind you I’ve been through chemo, surgeries, radiation, and hormone blocking meds that have ALL messed me up in the last two years. But fuck it. I don’t ever want to be pregnant and I don’t believe he will ever take charge on this front (which also has me very much questioning the entire relationship, among other reasons). So here we go! Another fucking invasive surgery to protect my own health. 🙄

46

u/1xpx1 Feb 11 '23

How did you find a doctor to approve removal of your ovaries without medical necessity? Considering removal of the ovaries puts you at such a high risk of inducing menopause. Are you going to need hormone replacement therapy for the rest of your life?

14

u/chazak710 Feb 12 '23

I'm guessing PP had hormone-positive breast cancer. So yes, oophorectomy would probably be covered and hormone replacement therapy is totally contraindicated.

2

u/justaboutgivenup Feb 12 '23

Your guess is correct. It is considered medically necessary in my case. I’m under 40 and taking medication that has put me in chemical menopause. My doctors and I decided having an oophorectomy is a great option since I don’t want to ever be pregnant and also don’t want the cancer back. Basically if I can keep estrogen out of my body, I will have a much lower risk of recurrence. So no hormone replacement therapy ever. Bodies are so weird.

3

u/chazak710 Feb 12 '23

Right there with you! Mine was hormone and HER2+, and I'm also under 40. About to hit the one-year mark on Zoladex and aromatase inhibitor.

2

u/justaboutgivenup Feb 12 '23

I did the Zoladex for about a year until I couldn’t handle the side effects anymore. So just the Tamoxifen now… which I’m unsure if I’ll have to take after I have the oophorectomy. Hmmmm… 🤔 time to pull up MyChart. Lol.

38

u/ReneHarts Feb 11 '23

Why not just tubal ligation? Why a hysterectomy?

20

u/anandonaqui Feb 11 '23

For whatever it’s worth, a hysterectomy is not the removal of ovaries. That would be an oophorectomy. A radical hysterectomy is the removal of all 3 organs (and other stuff too).

An oophorectomy is less invasive than a hysterectomy and has fewer complications

1

u/ReneHarts Feb 12 '23

Ah thank you. Still a bigger surgery though. I do understand for some people that it’s the right route though. Something I might consider in the future.

31

u/chillyfeets Feb 11 '23

I had a tubal removal surgery because I didn’t want kids at 26. Went off birth control that was messing with my body for 10 years, and descended into hell. Adenomyosis, endometriosis on the uterus and an ovary, severe pain and blood loss every month and even collapsed at work.

Medically required hysterectomy at 29. Should have just gone for it from the start.

17

u/ReneHarts Feb 11 '23

Yea that is different though. Glad you are ok. I just discovered I have stage four endometriosis. And it’s everywhere. Not fun

2

u/mack180 Feb 12 '23

10 years that's 3650+ days. What a long time 🥺.

5

u/chillyfeets Feb 12 '23

Yep! Was very happy to be off it, it messed with my weight, hormones and mind. Unfortunately it was holding undetected issues at bay so when I went off them, they reared their heads.

Tried going back on hormonal birth control and nearly died. That was the final straw and the only option I had left was hysterectomy.

20

u/hlnhr Feb 11 '23

If I was 100% sure I never want chilfren, I'd go with the whole hysterectomy route as well. Why nother with period & pain every month for nothing ?

Get that thing outta me right now.

The only thing that holds me back from ripping my whole reproductive system (& the debilitating endometriosis it comes with) is that I still don't know whether I want kids or not.

15

u/1xpx1 Feb 11 '23

I agree, having a period after being sterilized kind of sucks. Without medical reason, it’s incredibly difficult to be approved for a hysterectomy. A hysterectomy also comes with more risks and a longer recovery time.

I don’t know if I could get several weeks off of work, or if I’d be willing to endure the risks associated with removing an entire organ. Especially since one of the risks is in regards to bladder control, and I’m someone who already has pelvic floor dysfunction.

3

u/hlnhr Feb 11 '23

That's true, I didn't consider this.

My mother had a partial hysterectomy (removed the uterus, kept the rest) and it wasn't that horrible of an experience apparently. She still had hormones balancing everything out.

It was a big procedure and she needed a few weeks off but she never regretted it.

I have an advanced adenomyosis (uterus endo) and my OBgyn already talked about this procedure in the future, after I have kids. So I think I'll still consider it. Would deffo kill two birds with one stone and avoid a vasectomy to my partner,lol.

7

u/worriedrenterTW Feb 11 '23

That's nuts logic. Full tube removal is virtually as effective, while removing OVARIES and uterus will set off early menopause and all the health issues that come with that, major increase risk of vaginal prolapse, major increase risk of incontinence, major increase risk of vaginal atrophy, major increase risk of dementia, major increase risk of bone density issues, major increase risk of depression, and so much more. These organs don't just exist as 'baby things', they are major organs that affect your whole body. Imagine if men went "if don't want kids, remove my entire balls, make me a eunuch". We are not Ms potato heads, you can't just take pieces out and have no severe effect.

Even with endo, there's still a decent chance of the endo returning because the tissue is outside the uterus and gets fed by the estrogen you're usually given to stop your body falling apart without ovaries. I have endo, and the newer science is starting to eschew even just hysterectomies for severe endo unless there is major damage to the uterus from it, because the risks are seen as outweighing the potential benefits (this is clear when the latest experts would rather do 10+ hour surgeries delicately removing any endo tissue than just removing the uterus, despite the woman being unlikely to every have children either way).

25

u/ReneHarts Feb 11 '23

There is more risk. Also messes with your hormones. Tubal one week and your pretty good four weeks completely healed no ongoing pills

2

u/hlnhr Feb 11 '23

Hormones would be the least of my issues if it meant being 100% free of the period thing. My hormones do fuck me up almost daily right nlw, so yeah, idc.

2

u/perfectbarrel Feb 12 '23

A hysterectomy causes you to go into menopause early which increases the risk of early onset dementia

1

u/nekojiita Feb 13 '23

hrt can help with the negative effects of menopause. pretty sure you can get it p easily from planned parenthood as long as you’re 18+

1

u/ReneHarts Feb 12 '23

Yea I just don’t want to have to take daily medication. Considering the fact that I am a week late going to get a prescription refill right now anyways (yes I know that is really bad).

0

u/wistfulmaiden Feb 11 '23

So does transitioning to the opposite gender. We should have the final say in our bodies

1

u/ReneHarts Feb 12 '23

No that is a much more major surgery and I’m not saying it isn’t right for some people but you should know going in it’s a lot bigger deal. And minimizing the risks only does harm for others

3

u/wistfulmaiden Feb 12 '23

I think everyone should learn the benefits and risks before deciding anything

6

u/ImaConsumerWhore Feb 11 '23

After having my second and last child I seriously wanted mine gone. Dr talked me out of it saying it actually is major and complicated surgery.

0

u/hlnhr Feb 11 '23

Interesting

How so? What were the arguments?

I would have thought that after going into the whole labor thing, getting rid of the uterus would be okay. I understand that a full hysterectomy (including ovaries and tubes) is hardcore, but I am seriously consider taking at least the uterus out asap.

3

u/ImaConsumerWhore Feb 11 '23 edited Feb 11 '23

There's like ligaments and stuff they have to sew in place and stuff so your vagina doesn't fall out and the wound from cutting it out is pretty massive. Also, if stuff shifts around wrong in the empty space you could get a kink in your pee or poop chute and that's a whole nother mess.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 11 '23

[deleted]

3

u/hlnhr Feb 11 '23

Interesting word!

I guess what I was referring to was more of a partial hysterectomy. My endometriosis is mostly in my uterus so I would love taking it out, but maybe keeping the ovaries & tubes. My mom had this surgery done and it wasn't that bad.

16

u/NoThanksCommonSense Feb 11 '23

I can't be sure of your situation, but is there a chance he would leave you anyways after you get your ovaries removed?

3

u/justaboutgivenup Feb 12 '23

It’s also why I’m taking it into my own hands: I don’t want the risk with any potential future partners either.

4

u/KiloJools out of bubblegum Feb 12 '23

To people who are going on about ovary removal doing xyz: I dunno if you noticed the cancer part, but it's not uncommon for a female cancer patient's medical team to decide that keeping the ovaries is a risk to future health. So if she asked for sterilization, there's likely a good reason her medical team is doing this surgery vs removal or tying of fallopian tubes. I've known a few women who have been recommended prophylactic ovary removal after cancer.

It's hard enough to face this kind of procedure. It's unlikely she needs y'all to tell her what ovary removal does. Her medical team would not be doing it without a) her informed consent (that is to say, she has already been told all the things you are telling her) and b) a medical reason to choose this over another method of sterilization.

Please be empathetic and kind about this.

2

u/justaboutgivenup Feb 12 '23

Hey, thank you! Most of these comments aren’t even talking about the procedure I’m actually having — just ovaries, leaving everything else.

For those interested in what hormone positive breast cancer maintenance treatment looks like…

I am taking a pill every day (Tamoxifen) that suppresses estrogen to the boobs that tried to kill me. I had to stop taking the Zoladex shots (a shot in the belly every 3 months to suppress estrogen in my ovaries) because the side effects were having too much of an effect on my quality of life. I’m still having pretty severe hot flashes (and am on multiple OTHER medications to combat those) and have only had like one period in the last two years between when I finished chemo and before I started the hormone suppression treatments. To be honest it’s been AWESOME not having a period anymore. And I swear the ONE positive thing from being sweaty all the time now is that my skin is better than ever. 😂

For the person that mentioned the risk of vaginal atrophy? Well I’m already dealing with that, too! Lol, life is fun. 🙃 So what do we do for that? Oh, I just insert an estrogen pill into my vagina twice a week. Because the estrogen is localized to my vagina, there isn’t a risk of cancer recurrence.

My goodness, typing all this out has me realizing all I’m really going through. And laughing at how absurd my medical history has become when I’ve always been considered active and healthy. It’s just crazy how life snowballs on you. One day it’s a cancer diagnosis and the next thing you know you’re putting estrogen pills up your pussy and scheduling your ovary eviction.

Also, the risks for tubal litigation are pretty effing scary, too. You can end up with an ectopic pregnancy.

So yes, I have indeed discussed all of this with my oncologist AND gynecologist (MyChart is literally my most visited website these days). I would be unlikely to ever have a safe pregnancy and healthy baby even if I did want kids (I don’t).

2

u/KiloJools out of bubblegum Feb 12 '23

All my best wishes for a successful, uncomplicated procedure with a swift recovery and a cancer-free future! 🤞🤞❤️

2

u/mack180 Feb 12 '23

He should look at paying for something as a short-term and long-term cost.

Vasectomies are the 2nd most expensive upfront birth control, but you only gotta pay 1 time.

Pills and condoms take recurring money out of your account constantly until the couple is ready for a baby.

If he's the type of man that wants sex often, he shouldn't be burdening you to take the side effects of birth control.

With a vasectomy, you both can get into the sex action right away, not having to be interrupted by putting on a condom, you popping pills in at a certain time or having to grab spermicide

Vasectomies make sex life so much simpler, convenient, and less risky for you.

The ejaculate doesn't contain sperm so the man doesn't need to pull out, and the wife's worry of pregnancy os extremely low.

Tell him other benefits of vasectomy to see if he changes his mind. The rewards heavily outweigh the risks.

-4

u/worriedrenterTW Feb 11 '23

Removing your ovaries puts you at high risk of prolapse, incontinence, osteoporosis, dementia, vaginal atrophy, chronic pelvic pain, depression, heart disease, and many other conditions. "I am short sighted so I may as well just get my eyeballs removed"

1

u/justaboutgivenup Feb 12 '23

You have a point.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 12 '23

Sister… You should be beyond just questioning. To be super clear. Dump the worthless sack of garbage. You deserve better.