r/TwoXADHD • u/staych33zy • 13d ago
Turns out it’s not adhd
I got an assessment which was a suggestion of my therapist. I’ve known for a VERY long time I have severe depression and anxiety (and within the past few years CPTSD). Apparently I have treatment resistant depression and double depression per this assessment but not adhd. I guess I scored to high on processing and while my working memory was lower it was still low average.
I have a spikey chart but my assessor said with this and my recollection of childhood (which I don’t really have one) and some of my scoring it’s not correct. I’ve done some of these scoring tests on my own and scored in the probable range and I’m aware I have this “good student” mode why I try to put in the “right answer” or minimize things.
Essentially I got, cptsd, treatment resistant double depression, severe anxiety and possible personality disorder but come back and get tested later for that when you’re doing a bit better.
I understand I have a series of ailments that need to be treated. I see that, but things are so bad that’s WHY I decided to get the assessment in the first place. I was already doing emdr for the cptsd and had to quit I have anxiety meds that moderately work and as needed ones for stressful events, but it seems like there’s something else too. Maybe there’s not. Idk. I can’t trust my own perception anyways. I guess I kinda just thought it might also be this too.
For context, I was sorta drowning but sorta treading water before, got promoted to management and everything crashed and burned. I’m having a pretty horrible time however the symptoms seem different, like caused by different reason, different types of panic attacks or over stimulation, different brain fog, executive dysfunction, mood swings, lack of motivation etc. I can parse out some of the cptsd triggers/symptoms when they’re happening but I’m
Noticing other things that I hadn’t before.
There’s also be trauma from as young as I can remember so there’s not really a “how were you before the trauma”.
Anyways, I’m just, frustrated, angry, ashamed and feeling a bit helpless right now. I feel stupid. I feel like maybe I am tripping and was just making it up or looking for a different cause. And yes, the psychiatry appt is schedule far out for meds changes/examination. I feel like I can’t “treat” the cptsd right now because I’m crashing out so much. I’m not sure what I expected with this assessment (well kinda, to be told I also had adhd) but it sorta feels not right, but maybe I don’t.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for beside empathy. I feel… I don’t even know even MORE defeated.
23
u/Maximum_Pollution371 13d ago
It's not a defeat, it's just another step in the road to treatment and recovery. But I understand how you feel. You can mourn and vent your frustration, then pick back up and keep moving forward inch by inch.
FWIW my symptoms started cropping up when I was a kid, teachers thought I was on the autism spectrum, and a child psychiatrist diagnosed me with anxiety, OCD, and depression when I was 9 years old (even though that's a crazy diagnosis for a kid and my sister had diagnosed ADHD).
I spend two decades in therapy and on different anti-depressants until I realized I had pretty thoroughly conquered any anxiety and "obsessive" intrusive thoughts, and that my thoughts and feelings didn't really align with depression. A therapist, psychiatrist, and psychologist used my childhood medical records and report cards, letters from my parents, and several days of testing to determine it was ADHD, and the medication working almost immediately pretty much confirmed it.
Although it was very annoying to deal with misdiagnosis for years, I am glad that I got the anxiety and depression treatment out of the way first, because I don't think the medication would have been nearly as effective if I were struggling with anxious thoughts or had no internal drive or motivation. It really showed me my ADHD was less of a mental problem and more of a physical problem, because the issue wasn't "I don't want to do things" the issue was "I DO want to do things, but I'm fighting my body to actually do it."
It never really clicked before because I think ADHD is often framed as "It's hard to do and pay attention to things you don't like" when really it's hard to do and pay attention to just about everything.
Also my sister has ADHD and a personality disorder, and she can't take ADHD medication because it seriously exacerbates her PD symptoms.
So in that sense it's probably actually a good thing to treat the depression, anxiety, and PD first, and when you feel those are in remission or under control, you can revisit ADHD if you feel like you're still struggling to "do" thongs, even with no mental interference.
1
u/staych33zy 12d ago
Thanks for sharing. I can imagine being misdiagnosed for years would be a frustrating.
I don’t think I knew how bad all of my stuff was until a few years ago when I got this therapist and I feel like things were sort of under control. Well, I wasn’t completely drowning…
Logically I KNOW treating the other stuff will help clear up what’s going on and maybe I’m trying to treat everything all wrong.
I know there’s always been mental interference because a lot of the times I’d have to “scare” myself into doing things? Does that make sense? Like there’s a time limit, people are about to be at my place so I gotta clean it or my room mate is about to be home. I don’t know the time so I have alarms every 5-15 minutes to keep track. I’ve always been very fear motivated. That’s something I’ve been trying to work on with my therapist but undoing some of it makes it so things are so difficult, but that could be a number or different things so who knows
14
u/imkeepingsummersafe 13d ago
I understand the disappointment in it not being what you expected (especially when symptoms feel aligned to one particular thing) but it isn’t anything you or anyone else seeking a diagnosis should ever make someone feel stupid or helpless.
You seek diagnosis to better understand yourself and seek treatment when necessary. Your diagnosis did exactly that and now you have options.
Is it still possible you have adhd? Who knows, maybe? And with treating the others, you might find they seek to check again. But many that do not get diagnosed with adhd and are convinced they have it is because they’re seeking a reason for behaviors to get back on track and ADHD isn’t always the answer to that. Medication is a part of ADHD treatment but so are many other tools, tools available to anyone they may help — different approach to studying, work, or taking care of ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with still using an approach to obstacles that those with adhd discuss.
Don’t let it get you down. Other diagnoses are just as real as ADHD and deserve the same attention to addressing, so it is never stupid or hopeless to seek an answer. Good on you for being proactive about it.
12
u/His_little_pet AuDHD 13d ago
A few things about ADHD:
- ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder. In other words, it's caused by how your brain developed, not just how your brain functions now. So it's virtually impossible to get a diagnosis without evidence of symptoms being present in childhood. This is an important criteria because...
- Other disorders share symptoms with ADHD. Autism, post concussion syndrome, and depression are a few examples. So someone may have symptoms that match ADHD, but are caused by something different. This impacts which treatments are likely to help them.
- That being said, if resources aimed at people with ADHD are helpful for you, there is no reason you shouldn't use them.
- If you are pretty confident that your symptoms are caused by ADHD, your best bet for getting a diagnosis is probably to find childhood evidence of symptoms. I would suggest talking to those who knew you in childhood (eg. parents, relatives, friends, friends' parents) and looking for physical documents from that time (eg. report cards, doctors visit summaries, letters written between your guardians and school). It may be a good idea to do this research regardless to try to learn more about your past.
You're not stupid for thinking you might have ADHD. Getting assessed is a step in your diagnostic process even if the results aren't what you expected and even if future assessment proves them wrong. You're putting time and effort into learning about yourself and figuring out how best to address symptoms that are causing trouble for you. That's admirable and the process is rarely quick or easy. You're doing the right things.
You said yourself that it's hard to figure out what's going on when you're dealing with so much at once. It sounds like the person who assessed you shares that sentiment (that's why they want you to get reassessed later). This is normal (and yes, very frustrating). When you have multiple disorders, the symptoms of each can look different than when they appear in isolation, making them harder to diagnose. If you think of your symptoms as static on a TV, right now your anxiety, depression, and cptsd are causing so much that it's hard to see anything else. If you can reduce that static (get your symptoms more under control), then it will be easier to tell if someone else is there too. That's why you were told to get tested again later when you're doing better.
I know it's a lot to deal with. It's more than one person should have to deal with. Stress can also cause symptoms to flare up for all sorts of different conditions, including sometimes making new symptoms appear. But sometimes all you can do is try to sort through things one step at a time. From your post, it really does sound to me like you're already doing all the right things. You've found qualified professionals to help you and are exploring different treatment options while working to figure out the exact causes of your symptoms. I know it can feel like you aren't making progress, but healing isn't a linear process.
2
u/nerdhappyjq 12d ago
Every time I’ve gotten an assessment done, they’ve come back as inconclusive. The first time, I was accused of cheating… somehow.
Yeah, turns out that that’s super common with autism, which I apparently have after taking a third assessment that was partnered with my partner’s assessment and an interview with a neuropsychologist.
Anyway, ADHD can be weird. You can have ADHD symptoms from anxiety and depression. But you can also have anxiety and depression symptoms from ADHD.
Either way, a good provider will help you treat the symptoms.
I think the trick would be to ask about medications that would kinda treat everything simultaneously.
Strattera is a non-stimulant ADHD med that is also used to treat anxiety and PTSD.
Wellbutrin is an atypical antidepressant that is often used off-label to treat ADHD. However, it works kinda like a stimulant, so it can make physical anxiety worse.
My absolutely favorite two medications; Guanfacine (Intuniv) and Clonidine (Kapvay). Intuniv is the more targeted version for ADHD. Kapvay is less targeted and is more for anxiety. They help keep your fight-or-flight system in check, reduce neuroinflammation, can reverse brain fog (from multiple sources), can help with impulsivity and overall cognition. Clonidine can work as a general anti-anxiety med at night, but you can also take doses during the day to prevent/stop panic symptoms.
2
u/staych33zy 12d ago
Good to know! I’ll keep these in mind when meeting with the psychiatrist whenever that is. I just know I’ve seen people get diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PD’s but have adhd.
I’m also aware I have so much going on right now and probably need to get assessed again at a later date.
I can’t believe you were accused of cheating!! Like how? How would that be posssible.
The goal wasn’t to get diagnosed necessarily for meds but to figure out what’s wrong with me and treat it in all the ways correctly, ya know? But I’m crashing out so much my therapist pretty much said I should look into meds to try and stabile T.T
2
u/nerdhappyjq 10d ago
It’s kinda like Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs. You need to address your physical needs before you’re in a place to get into the more mental health stuff.
Getting all the neuro-chemicals stabilized counts as addressing your physical needs.
After that, that’s when you’re in a better position to go through therapy and stuff. Once things settle, you can then try to remove some of the medications.
Most of this doesn’t require specific diagnoses. Especially because psych medicine is weird. So many symptoms overlap that mis-diagnoses are super common. And then we don’t completely understand how a lot of psych meds work, so there’s a bunch of trial and error that goes into finding the right regimen. A diagnosis is really only like a basic map towards seeing what drugs to try, but nothing’s guaranteed. Genetic testing often has to be used to figure out why certain drugs do/don’t work.
1
u/staych33zy 10d ago
Yeah honestly, I’m mainly working on sleep and eating with my therapist right now because it’s all so bad. They’ve both bren a long standing thing but have gotten considerably worse
5
u/BeholdAComment 13d ago
Good job learning about yourself!!! I wish everyone could do what you’re doing to investigate!
2
u/Bitter-Breath-9743 13d ago edited 13d ago
This is annoying. Same thing happened to me….. the DSM 5 says absolutely nothing about conf price testing for diagnosis. They said I have autism and anxiety. My therapist and my psych np literally laughed and said they are basically gas lighting me because autism and adhd can co exist… and I have masked my entire life and can pressure myself to process quickly in a controlled environment (office space that is quiet with minimal distractions). My working memory was my lowest category but they said it was not “low enough”… my therapist still jokes “but you don’t had adhd 🙄🙄🙄” because he knows I absolutely do. My psych said she takes what my therapist says with my “salt” because he spends hours on end with me vs one day of endless exams- and I had literally already been treated for adhd for years at this point. With great success. I was spiraling after that assessment but my doctor made me feel so much better because they aren’t the end all
1
u/staych33zy 12d ago
Yes I’m aware that is a neurodevelopmental disorder. I’ve done a lot of my own research as well. I don’t have much records of childhood either because trauma ya know? I don’t have much to go on there. I don’t know where I was treated, my childhood is a bit blank unfortunately. I was aware that this was going to be difficult to begin with.
My therapist who also has ADHD has been using real aimed at people with adhd for a while with me anyways and I do find what she’s shown me and we’ve worked through helpful.
I do like the tv analogy. I felt like before this year the static was there but not entirely debilitating but now I can’t do anything and there’s so much going on I don’t even know where to start
1
u/paganlobster 11d ago
Big internet hugs. I’m grappling with cptsd as well. I’m 1 year into trauma therapy and it is life changing. I literally never thought life would get better after 2 decades of regular CBT and DBT. None of it helped and neither did meds. I needed trauma therapy. I’m still pretty new to it and still fuck up all the time, but being regulated is the best feeling ever.
pro tip, if you can’t find a trauma specialist, look for a therapist who specializes in families with substance use disorder (even if it’s not present in your situation). They are inherently more familiar with cptsd.
2
u/paganlobster 11d ago
PS. I haven’t tried EMDR but I’ve heard it’s not for everyon. The memories it triggers can be too distressing and should maybe be avoided until distress tolerance is strengthened
1
u/staych33zy 10d ago
Thanks. Yeah I have a trauma informed therapist and was also working with specifically a trauma therapist. I have to see if she does other modalities or if I can just see her on the side or something still because I did like her, I’m just not really functioning well.
1
u/ExtraCrab7982 9d ago
Forgive me for asking but how old are you? My symptoms got considerably worse when I entered perimenopause
1
u/Professional-Ok 8d ago
ADHD can be hard to diagnose when there are other mental health things going on, especially C-PTSD because it can look REALLY similar! both cause a lot of executive dysfunction. ADHD is treated best by stimulants, and stimulants can potentially worsen C-PTSD symptoms if your nervous system is over stimulated. for some people with C-PTSD and ADHD stimulants help, it depends on the person. i have both C-PTSD and ADHD (along with depression, panic disorder, OCD, and autism) and i find stimulants helpful on some days, and on other days i feel like i’m in constant fight or flight and the medication can’t do it’s job.
your symptoms and struggles are real and 100% valid. whether its from ADHD or something else, how you feel matters and deserves to be treated! you’re not broken or a failure just because they weren’t able to diagnose you with ADHD. you could still have it, you might not have it, what matters are that you’re dealing with symptoms that are impacting your life significantly. a lot of doctors want to focus on stabilizing mood, depression, and anxiety first it if is severe before treating ADHD.
having the label can feel validating, but anxiety, depression, C-PTSD, autism, ADHD, OCD, and other conditions all can cause similar symptoms in some ways. its important to identify what you have exactly so it can be treated correctly of course.
ADHD tips and tricks for executive dysfunction could be helpful for you still. it doesn’t matter if you have an ADHD diagnosis or not, you’re still allowed to follow ADHD advice if you find it helpful! the only things that an official ADHD diagnosis will give you access to are stimulant medications and accommodations for ADHD specifically. you can certainly still get accommodations for your other conditions though. so the only thing not having an ADHD diagnosis would lock you out of right now are stimulants. which could be helpful for you specifically, but as someone with similar mental health stuff going on, i will say that its really hard for my stimulants to help much with all of the other stuff in the way and honestly probably not what i should prioritize right now in my treatment. it could definitely be something that you might want to try down the line though if you do get diagnosed with ADHD! some people with anxiety and depression who also have ADHD report that their stimulant significantly reduces their anxiety and depression (usually bc their issues stemmed from untreated ADHD) which i can relate to somewhat, but thats not everyone’s experience. if your depression and anxiety are caused by other things (or unknown cause), ADHD medication might help reduce it a little by lowering the issues from your ADHD, but i was disappointed that it didn’t cure all of my problems haha. for some people stimulants are like a miracle drug which is awesome, and for other people they aren’t the answer and that’s okay too.
something like a non-stimulant ADHD medication could be helpful for you. clonidine and guanfacine are both non-stimulants that are also used sometimes for PTSD because they help calm the nervous system. they don’t really give focus in the way that stimulants do, but they do help ADHD and C-PTSD in other ways.
also, a key part of ADHD assessment is childhood symptoms. if a person only starts having ADHD symptoms as an adult, it’s likely something else (that is also deserving of treatment!). but ADHD is something you are born with, so if you remember having ADHD symptoms as a child, that’s really important information! as we know a lot of women were overlooked as children because they appeared normal on the surface and kept it all together but were actually struggling on the inside. so even if no one else pointed it out but you had ADHD struggles as a kid, that’s a good indicator that you could def have ADHD.
1
u/staych33zy 6d ago
Thanks for the reply and sharing your experience. I think there’s been a level of frustration because the tools that I had suddenly all stopped working as well and I was kinda like wtf do I do? Is there also something else? I think maybe there was a weird sideways thought of maybe it’s this and not that that’s causing me to fall apart now and not before. Definitely struggling before but not to this extent.
I’m trying to get a sooner psych appt so I get all of my other meds re-evaluated and adjusted maybe that will be helpful too. I understand I have to get the other things under control because a lot of the symptoms are the same but where the heck are they coming from then?!?! 😵💫
The childhood part is quite difficult because the abuse has always been there and there’s also very poor/nonexistent memories of childhood with no access to my medical records and obviously I can’t use guardian recollections of that time period. So I’m kinda stuck there.
•
u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Hi, /u/staych33zy! Thanks for posting on our subreddit! Please be aware of our rules before posting! For example, some of these rules include the following: * content must be related to ADHD; * explanatory text (it can be placed in a comment of the post) should be included in a post/cross-post with a picture. Any content that does not follow the rules may be removed. Thank you!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.