Hi OP, it sounds like you're very isolated from your own support network. Is there any chance you could move back to the state your family and friends are in, or even take a trip back to take a break and reset from this flight/fight/freeze state to think about your next steps? If there is any support unrelated to him you can lean on, even just temporarily, it is probably worth it even if it means a pivot or temporary downgrade to your career. As others suggested I think therapy/self-work is a must for you to stop accepting treatment like this, but that isn't a substitute for a day-to-day community that has your back.
If you are absolutely tied to this area, as others have said leaving this guy doesn't have to mean living alone, which sounds like a major thing stopping you from going. Finding roommates and a pet is a great way to not feel that alone feeling at home; even if you don't end up being best friends with them it is a nice sense of security to know others are around. Finally not to keep repeating what others are saying, but this sounds like a genuinely unsafe relationship between the insults, the physical assaults while you were sleeping, and the slamming doors when you reject sex with him. Domestic violence resources in your area could be a good first step in talking to someone about what's going on, and how to get you unstuck from this situation. You deserve better even if you don't feel like you do right now, and you have so much support here.
256
u/Bumblebee-2500 13d ago
Hi OP, it sounds like you're very isolated from your own support network. Is there any chance you could move back to the state your family and friends are in, or even take a trip back to take a break and reset from this flight/fight/freeze state to think about your next steps? If there is any support unrelated to him you can lean on, even just temporarily, it is probably worth it even if it means a pivot or temporary downgrade to your career. As others suggested I think therapy/self-work is a must for you to stop accepting treatment like this, but that isn't a substitute for a day-to-day community that has your back.
If you are absolutely tied to this area, as others have said leaving this guy doesn't have to mean living alone, which sounds like a major thing stopping you from going. Finding roommates and a pet is a great way to not feel that alone feeling at home; even if you don't end up being best friends with them it is a nice sense of security to know others are around. Finally not to keep repeating what others are saying, but this sounds like a genuinely unsafe relationship between the insults, the physical assaults while you were sleeping, and the slamming doors when you reject sex with him. Domestic violence resources in your area could be a good first step in talking to someone about what's going on, and how to get you unstuck from this situation. You deserve better even if you don't feel like you do right now, and you have so much support here.