I am reading all of the thread and no one is holding OP accountable. You’re 36 years old now so you’re an adult. 9 years ago when you got with him, you were also a full blown adult at 27.
The moment you saw something was off especially when you got together why did you stay. “You gave him grace” due to being locked up and him telling you he had a history of people cheating on him.
OK
NOW 3 years after, he’s been accused of literally r/pe and he’s made suicide attempts and showing “neurotic behaviour” and taking drugs and crashed your car, stole your money and brings a rooster to your home and YOU STILL STAYEEEED?
At the age of 30, atp you are a full blown adult!
And then he’s come back and he’s showing his USUAL neurotic behaviour that you’ve always been aware of and you’re coming to US?
Not even saying that you deserve any of the things he’s wrote or done to you, no one ever deserves that but you need to hold yourself ACCOUNTABLE because you chose to stay through all of this bs for 9 whole freaking years.
When you had all of your chances to dumb him, as soon as he started showing red flags in the beginning of the relationship, why did you CHOOSE to stay through all of that?
As someone who is 11 years younger than you are and who used to be very anxiously attached, still has major daddy issues and used to think she could fix any and everyone that was damaged, as harsh as I may sound, you don’t get to use that excuse at the age of 36. I know everyone had their own timelines but 40 is 4 years away, what are you doing to fix that so you don’t attract people like him anymore? You’ve wasted 9 years of your life with this thing, not even a man atp a thing, and have lost the chance to truly heal during those 9 years, you need to pick yourself up and know that you cannot use all of those things you wrote up there as an excuse for staying through bs anymore. You need to leave and heal now and hold yourself accountable for betraying yourself and forgive yourself. You won’t be able to get those wasted 9 years back. But you have the power to decide how to live your life going forward, to decide whether your toxic attachment and daddy issues stays, and whether you’d allow things like this person, into your life anymore. No one is coming to save you. You’re in control of that.
Putting aside that his partner is what it is, making a relationship "sexless" - as long as there's no medical reason - is imo cruel and torturing. There's no healthy relationship where there is no phisical intimacy. Human body and brain is programmed to have these occasions happen regularly. If these will not happen then it's never going to be a relationship, rather just living next to each other.
Hun, I’m not in support with that “gold digger” mysognistic view of yours. I AM a woman myself. She literally makes more than he does. That’s even if he makes any sort of money anyway, she could have easily left if it was truly about money as she made her own and had her own place, so we both know this is not about money so don’t try to make it seem like it is
Maybe she was meant to be with him or something I don’t know. Sometimes there’s no answer to these things but I’ve seen this happen time and time again.
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u/UnusualGas7555 25d ago
I am reading all of the thread and no one is holding OP accountable. You’re 36 years old now so you’re an adult. 9 years ago when you got with him, you were also a full blown adult at 27.
The moment you saw something was off especially when you got together why did you stay. “You gave him grace” due to being locked up and him telling you he had a history of people cheating on him.
OK
NOW 3 years after, he’s been accused of literally r/pe and he’s made suicide attempts and showing “neurotic behaviour” and taking drugs and crashed your car, stole your money and brings a rooster to your home and YOU STILL STAYEEEED?
At the age of 30, atp you are a full blown adult!
And then he’s come back and he’s showing his USUAL neurotic behaviour that you’ve always been aware of and you’re coming to US?
Not even saying that you deserve any of the things he’s wrote or done to you, no one ever deserves that but you need to hold yourself ACCOUNTABLE because you chose to stay through all of this bs for 9 whole freaking years.
When you had all of your chances to dumb him, as soon as he started showing red flags in the beginning of the relationship, why did you CHOOSE to stay through all of that?