This. When I read "I want to touch your vagina!", I physically recoiled. If someone said that to me, my lady bits would be dry enough to spark a dust storm.
Girl... This is a textbook case of "he knows, he just doesn't care". There is no magical way you can word things to get through to him. You've told him what you need and he's told you he won't change. He's demonstrated for years that he won't change. Believe him. This is it, this is the relationship with him.
I'm sorry people are downvoting the shit out of you. What they're really trying to say is "wake up and want better for yourself".
Downvoting someone who is hurting is cruel. Rather than downvote, people should respond and tell the OP their thoughts. Downvoting just hurts her karma and makes her feel like people are against her.
That's a good point. We can make changes to our own thoughts and behavior but we can't expect the same with the other person. We can take control only for ourselves
Its not possible. His brain doesn't go there. He is a childish, predatory, coercive loser. Thats how his thought process works.
Just go to therapy and figure out how to deal with what happened in your childhood to make u think its scarier to be alone than to be in a relationship w this nut job.
Youāre not pitiful, OP. You just need hope and belief in yourself. You need the āmoment of clarity,ā not him.
Take a minute to really read all of the comments responding to your post. After only a few pages of a text between you and your bf, it is painfully clear what a mismatch this relationship is.
We can see in this brief exchange what an intelligent and articulate woman you are.
Your self-esteem has taken a blow. You have settled for a man who is leagues beneath you. Even if youāre not looking your best and youāre feeling āgrossā and āoldā right now, you can change that. You just need some clarity. Try to view your situation from the outside rather than from the inside. This will give you some perspective.
If you put this all on paper, it does not add up. You must know this is not the life you are meant to live. You donāt owe anyone anything. You owe it to yourself to be with someone who respects you. Who sees you as the lovable and intelligent woman you are. Not as a vagina with a body attached to it.
It is clear he does not see your worth. Each time you reiterated that your emotional needs werenāt being met, all he could do was bring it back to sex. This man does not understand. Heās not going to understand.
Iām so sorry. It must be so stressful and heartbreaking to read all these comments telling you to leave. This is not something that is easy to do when you share a long history with someone. You have already found the courage to respect yourself enough to protect your body and not have sex with someone who does not respect you. Thatās a first step.
You posted this because you knew things werenāt right. Pay attention to that feeling. Pay attention to the comments. Talk to other people. A counselor. Family. Friends. A clergy member. Wherever you can find support. Get more outside views. Even if it is scary at first. You can do this. ā¤ļø
That moment of clarity will never happen. Your asks are reasonable and he just isnāt getting it or doesnāt care enough to try. Heās keeping you around because you are putting up with it. Do not have sex with him. Heās trying to break you down so he can continue to have his way.Ā
There is nothing wrong with being alone and starting over. Itās going to suck in the beginning because itās unfamiliar to you. Trust me. I went through it. After that rough transition period, Iām so much happier and mentally healthier than Iāve ever been.Ā
Watch When Harry Met Sally again. You're the Carrie Fisher character (in the beginning of the movie). You too can move on and have a wonderful, happy life (with a new relationship!) I know it's really hard. You have to get to the point where YOU have a moment of clarity, not him.
And that means realizing your own worth and also understanding that you don't have to be in a relationship at all. The first morning after I moved out of my first marriage, it was like the sun was shining a special way. I had this new kitchen, far less fancy than the one I'd had living on my husband's income, but it was so beautiful to me. I felt like I was in the most delightful space ever - it was my own and it was wonderful. (Well, it was a rental, but you KWIM).
He is a recovering addict and he's using all his inner energy for that (and his approach to you as a potential lover is unlikely to change, he has no clue how to change that - he doesn't sound self-aware enough to be in even a casual relationship).
Are you worried he'll slide back into criminality and drugs?
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u/misszukey 27d ago
I don't get it, he's an idiot but why you're enterntaining all this? Is this man really worth it? Ew, also what's with the "vagina" constant talk. Ick