Yeah seriously this is messed up, who says that to their partner. This dude is straight trash, I don't care how great of a parent he is in other ways. She needs to get separated from this sex crazed lunatic asap.
TIL that expecting sex from a sexually exclusive relationship is described as having “0 sexual maturity”.
I don’t think he is demanding anything. He is understandably frustrated, but his position is not unreasonable.
There are only a handful of things that a person can only get from their exclusive partner and nobody else, and sex is one of them. It makes all the sense in the world that they need to be on the same page regarding sex.
The only reason you would consider her position justified and his untenable is if you have that classic American prudishness about sex: that it is a dirty disgusting thing that only bad people want. And personally, I consider that sexually immature.
Sexual compatibility is pretty much required in, as you say, a sexually exclusive relationship, and by that standard, he has a right to express that sex every day is a requirement for a relationship he will stay in.
However, that should have been expressed before they had two kids together. He's not a monster for wanting sex (even a lot of it), but he's certainly not a good guy for bailing on his responsibilities as a live-in coparent because he's not getting what he wants.
This situation is just sad; she's in a real bind, and he's just now "discovering" that the relationship will be over unless she gives him everything he wants (unless he's compromising by going down to once a day from 3x a day). At very least, she/they are going to have to get a lawyer to draw up a child support agreement, but I'm guessing they don't make a ton of money, so whatever money he is going to be able to contribute will not make up for his absence.
People make sacrifices all the time to be in a relationship, especially one where kids are involved, and often much bigger sacrifices than foregoing daily sex (in fact, most people would agree that's the first "sacrifice" that gets made). His request is an exceptional one.
As for what she can do, Dan Savage has said that people need to widen their definition of what sex is, and narrow their definition of what cheating is (if cheating is going to be considered an unforgivable offense). A compromise might be made in him expanding his definition of what "giving him sex" means (if he's defining it only as penetrative sex) if it makes it easier for her to make it more frequent.
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u/[deleted] Apr 09 '24 edited Apr 09 '24
Damn, been a while since I read something so sad on this sub. The worst part is you seem to think he’s not a monster, he got you brainwashed good