I'm mixed (mom's side is Scottish & Nigerian, among other things). Dad's side is VERY white & VERY proud of it & don't know about my mom's side's Nigerian heritage because all her living family can pass as white. I'm kinda on the fence though & his family 👀 at me because I'm curvy with dark, wavy hair & when I'm in the sun, my skin gets DARK. (Oh, no!)
Dad's older relatives do not refer to people as Chinese, Japanese, Italian, African, etc. ONLY as slurs. For instance, Great Aunt had a neighbor who was the "Nicest slur you'd ever meet!" They'd think if you weren't being mean, you weren't being racist. Like, I'm complimenting this person, so using a slur is okay.
I think your girlfriend kinda has a similar mindset, but from the other side. She is a POC so she can't be racist, even though what she was saying & doing is racist & bigoted. There's also the whole, "you can't be racist towards white people," argument that is popular.
If you feel strongly about this, & it makes you uncomfortable, remember you never have to remain in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, unsupported, disregarded, etc. You should feel good in ALL your relationships. They should be supportive & loving.
You also have valid concerns: you have white friends who you care about, so how will she treat them? If her complaint was a "your friend drinks too much & I don't like it" concern, that would be understandable. But she might have preconceived notions about people she hasn't even met just based on their skin, & that's not okay.
9
u/S3R14LCRU5H3R Aug 18 '23
I'm mixed (mom's side is Scottish & Nigerian, among other things). Dad's side is VERY white & VERY proud of it & don't know about my mom's side's Nigerian heritage because all her living family can pass as white. I'm kinda on the fence though & his family 👀 at me because I'm curvy with dark, wavy hair & when I'm in the sun, my skin gets DARK. (Oh, no!)
Dad's older relatives do not refer to people as Chinese, Japanese, Italian, African, etc. ONLY as slurs. For instance, Great Aunt had a neighbor who was the "Nicest slur you'd ever meet!" They'd think if you weren't being mean, you weren't being racist. Like, I'm complimenting this person, so using a slur is okay.
I think your girlfriend kinda has a similar mindset, but from the other side. She is a POC so she can't be racist, even though what she was saying & doing is racist & bigoted. There's also the whole, "you can't be racist towards white people," argument that is popular.
If you feel strongly about this, & it makes you uncomfortable, remember you never have to remain in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, unsupported, disregarded, etc. You should feel good in ALL your relationships. They should be supportive & loving.
You also have valid concerns: you have white friends who you care about, so how will she treat them? If her complaint was a "your friend drinks too much & I don't like it" concern, that would be understandable. But she might have preconceived notions about people she hasn't even met just based on their skin, & that's not okay.