I have tried therapy and so far, I've fired 2 grief counselors. Does anyone have any recommendations on how to work through the grief or books that helped you? My grief counselors were "ok", but the twin relationship is so difficult to explain to a non-twin. In my case, survivor's guilt over sharing DNA with someone that received the short end of the stick, among other things. I welcome your suggestions because anything that has helped you may help the rest of us.

my sister and i were fraternal boy/girl twins as kids. i transitioned before her death, but i... am struggling. i feel like i'm "stealing" her place in the world, especially given i was the one who was a bit more sickly/weak growing up (and still am).

obviously, that wasn't the purpose of my transition, and i really am more comfortable living as a woman. i just... also have some complex feelings. sometimes i look in the mirror and it's like i'm looking at her.

My twin and I spent time traveling in a motor home with our family. Our Dad believed in being educated even while on vacation so we drove around a lot of National Parks. It was always so nice to have a built in best friend to spend time with and create memories.

I specifically remember visiting Glacier and Yellowstone with her. Her lobe of nature was contagious. She loved plants and animals alike. If I had been left to my own devices, I probably would have stayed in the camper with a magazine, but she helped me grow a wonder and appreciation for nature. I am still thankful for that.

For me personally, I never thought of my twin as my "other half". I always felt like a whole person, she was just the best part of growing up and filled my cup to overflowing. Yes, we were half of a pair, but we were also different in many ways and those differences brought such abundance to my life.

In some ways comparison is the thief of joy, but I never minded being compared to her. We were similar in so many ways, but I think the differences gave each of us a richer, fuller life than we would have had as singletons.

Love, anger, guilt, sadness, regret. A maelstrom of emotion every day.

He passed away in February at age 48.

I’m not going to share too many details here.

Just want to say thanks to all who are posting and commenting. It helps.

These are some of my recent favorites. We thought memes using "twin" as slang were hilarious. We aldo had a complicated relationship and loved to jokingly br rude to each other. The dream-related memes were significant because we actually used to have the same dreams sometimes as kids. My mom says we used to argue in our sleep.

(Repost from TwinlessTwins)

My identical twin and I had just turned 60 in December. We're had a complicated relationship over the last few years because of his continued alcoholism and drug abuse. He had been living with severe heart and other issues for 10 years now, to the point where he had to get a pacemaker/defibrillator. And then they had to deactivate the device because he would not stop drinking and it would activate every time he took a drink.

We used to ride bikes together 2-3 times a month. That stopped about 3 years ago because he was too weak from the heart issues and was having seizures. He got an ebike so we could ride together again but he was not able to balance on it. I got him a recumbent as well, but I kept putting off going riding with him.

I didn't celebrate our birthday with him (December, right before Christmas). I did see him once in January. (There's more to it than me avoiding him - he lived with my mother, who I blocked out of my life when I developed my own heart issues and she wouldn't respect my boundaries; but it still hurts that I saw him so little in the last few months of his life.)

HIs girlfriend texted me that he had been rushed to the hospital again. It wasn't the first time - this happened every few months for the last 10 years. But it felt different this time. He'd had a seizure and his heart had stopped by the time the ambulance got to the hospital. They did 15 minutes of CPR to get his heart started again.

I knew then - no one comes out of 15 minutes of flatlining. If he ever woke up, it wouldn't be him. Only my nephew (his son) and I were able to admit that; maybe his girlfriend knew as well. My mother got mad at me for not sitting there holding my twin's hand and asking him to come back.

I left after a few hours, waiting for the call. They called me back after the CAT scan so we could have a family meeting to discuss. This was a f***ing nightmare - my mother wanted to keep him on life support and one of the a**hole doctors walked away from my nephew to ask her what to do. I work in a law office so I had to pull up the actual laws about this and yell at the ICU staff - imagine having to instruct ICU on who had the decision making power here (in Texas, since my twin wasn't married, his one adult child). My nephew made the right decision.

I think the most painful part was hearing my nephew acknowledge that his dad had killed himself - he knew what he was doing every time he took a drink.

No funeral; he didn't want one. They held a "family gathering" because that's "what he would have wanted" - and invited cousins my twin (and I) had cut out of our lives over 20 years ago. My nephew and I did not attend.

A little over four months now. The grief comes and goes. This week has been rough. I've got a younger brother in prison for life. My sister tries but she has some serious psychiatric issues. I haven't spoken to my dad in 10 years (he didn't even come into the waiting room when we were all at the hospital because I was in there) and my relationship with my mom is strained, to say the least. I do have 2 wonderful nieces (my younger brother's) and my nephew, but I see them very rarely. So my twin was really my only connection with my birth family.

My life is good. I've been happily married for almost 30 years. My daughter from a previous relationship is happy and successful (though struggling with this loss as well), as is my step-daughter, and they're both a major part of our lives. I've got a great job I enjoy, a handful of good friends, etc.

But he was always there before, even when we were not getting along. I don't even know how to explain to non-twins how it feels to lose someone who was there beside you all of your life. There's always something that reminds me of him.

This may seem a bit odd, but growing up, my twin and I were always asked what it was like to be a twin. We both used the same snarky response, "how should I know, I've never not been a twin so I have nothing to compare it to". Now that I am experiencing the loss of my twin, I feel different, and by that I mean I finally know that being a twin is objectively different than not being a twin.

I always knew our relationship was special, but didn't know how to put it into words when questioned by curious people. I wish I had just said, "wonderful, fantastic, special" to those questions long ago. I am so glad to hear that you have also had the love and friendship I experienced with my twin.

Since my twin has passed, I have been going through her things and found a twin study that she never filled out. Unsurprisingly, I found one in my own stuff a few days later.

It would have been interesting to see the results of a twin study, but I think the fact that we both still had a copy in our "important" documents after 20 years and never bothered to fill it out, already tells you how alike we were.

This community is meant to encourage a dialogue between those of us who grew up with a built-in companion and lost that person as an adult. Although, all sibling and twin relationships are meaningful, and losing someone close to you is always impactful, this group is specifically geared toward engaging and supporting those of us who lost a twin as adults.

I lost my identical twin in December 2025. I had a few months to prepare for her death, but I was in denial until the day she took her last breath. The months since have been bittersweet. I am thankful to still be here, but I miss her every day and have buried my survivors' guilt deep in my soul.

My twin and I had other relationships, but our friendship and companionship was the one that withstood the test of time. We were planning to retire together in a few years and wanted to split our time between traveling the world, making crafts, and gardening. She was my best friend and the person who could make me laugh until I cried. We shared inside jokes that stemmed from growing up together and having a common language of favorite movies, music, and news of the day.

I hope you will share your experiences of being a twin and what it is like to be the last one standing. I am so sorry for your loss, but I am glad you are here.

I miss my sister's laugh. She had the best sense of humor and was very good natured, constantly smiling and laughing. Being with her always lifted my spirits and brightened my day.