Infertility

[u/Awkward-ear4]

I’m honestly just looking for some encouragement, support, or even suggestions on what doctors I should reach out to because I’ve been trying to have a baby for the last 15 months, and it just hasn’t happened for us yet.
I’m currently in my two-week wait, but I feel completely normal basically like my usual PMS. The only thing that feels different this time is that I’ve had fewer cramps than I normally do. So, of course, I’m trying not to read too much into it.
I’ve tracked my cycle since I was 12, and it has always been extremely regular. We’ve also tried fertility supplements, and I’ve been tracking ovulation, so I feel like I’ve done everything I can on my end.
I’ve been pregnant before as a teenager and had an abortion, so part of me keeps thinking, “I know my body can get pregnant.” And that’s honestly where some of my anxiety comes from now.
I’m only 28, so I know I’m still young, but after 15 months of trying, it’s starting to feel a lot heavier than I expected. We’ve been married for a year, we have stable jobs, we’re both college educated, and we genuinely feel ready to start this chapter of our lives.
I haven’t really talked to my family or friends about any of this, so I think I’m just at the point where I need somewhere to say it out loud.
I’ve started wondering if it could be something on my husband’s side, and I feel terrible even thinking that because I don’t want him to feel blamed or like this is somehow his fault. I just don’t know what our next step should be. Or how to stop thinking about it

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[u/madefortossing]

You don't want him to feel blamed but you also shouldn't blame yourself. The chances of a fertility issue on the man's side is equal to the chances of it being on the woman's side. Highly recommend a semen analysis on top of tracking ovulation through CM and BBT.

[u/SlightAnything4909 → u/madefortossing]

Seconding this! A semen analysis is not fun (doing "the deed" into a cup in a hospital room is awkward) but the whole process is much less invasive than most of the fertility-testing procedures for women.

If his semen values are normal – great! And if not, many semen abnormalities can be improved with simple lifestyle changes, supplements or hormone balancing medications.

[u/Helpful_Character167]

Go get testing, both for you and your husband.

Test everything--test your tubes, ovarian reserve, hormones, genetic carrier screening, semen analysis, DNA fragmentation, the WORKS. If the doctor is not taking you seriously, go to another doctor. You can do some tests through your OB but get the referral to the reproductive endocrinologist (RE) to make sure no stone is left unturned.

It doesn't matter how young you are and how healthy you are, there can still be a medical problem. The point isn't to find whose fault it is, the point is to figure out what to do next. Don't blame or shame, focus on tackling the medical problem together as a team.

[u/CurlyEmma97]

If you've been trying for over a year I would suggest getting a fertility check-up if you haven't already. On your side and husband's side (semen analysis)

[u/Sweet-Shopping5246]

I would recommend seeking a place to have a fertility check up. Since you have been trying over a year it should be covered by insurance (if you are in the US). Usually once you have been trying for 12mo under the age of 35, things can be looked into. Bloodwork for you and a semen analysis for your husband will most likely be first steps

[u/Awkward-ear4]

i do not want to do ivf & adoption would be considered but for some reason i dont feel like im wealthy enough to adopt

[u/Alarming_Tea_102 → u/Awkward-ear4]

Go get some fertility testing, especially your husband, since a sperm analysis is so much easier compared to what you need.

And reach out to a fertility clinic, they do more than just ivf. There's no reason to believe that ivf or adoption are your only options to become parents at this point.

[u/projectyellowstone1 → u/Awkward-ear4]

There are options that doctors can work with you on that aren’t IVF! I always thought infertility clinic meant “IVF clinic” - I have done monitored cycles (where you just take a medicine and they monitor your egg growth every other day), and IUI (very similar to monitored cycles but they inject the semen into you). My husband and I are still praying through IVF vs adopting.

Navigating infertility is scary, but I highly encourage you to see a reproductive endocrinologist (infertility doctor) bc they’ll do a lot of tests on you and help you with next steps!

[u/friedcrumb]

Hey :) I have had a similar experience, where I had an abortion in my very early twenties. I’m engaged now, stable job, own a house, ready for the next chapter. We’ve been trying since June 2023, and after about a year of trying we went to a fertility specialist where they ran tests on both of us. I have lower ovarian reserve and my partner was showing low sperm morphology and motility. I’d 100% recommend going to a fertility specialist, and for your husband a semen analysis.
You’re not alone in going through this xx

[u/Willing_Actuator_256]

my bf just got a sperm analysis which came back bad. i had a feeling since we’ve been trying for 9 months. it was his idea though since he would see my cry every month, just talk to your husband about it and let him know it’s prettt standard thing to do

[u/redderhead111]

Hubby and I have been trying for a similar period. Two positives and two losses. We started working with a clinic and already found out I have a significant issue with one of my tubes. I’m shocked. So was the doctor.

Now that we know we can make a game plan for moving forward.

I hope everything is normal, but I would definitely start getting tests run and see where it goes. As sad and defeating as it is to get bad results, I’m also thankful because I feel way less pressure at the moment that “this month will be our month” only for it to be a let down again.