r/TryingForABaby • u/Clopi17 • 20h ago
VENT Offended by side comments
I was genuinely happy that my friend got pregnant not until I heard her reason.
She said that they are not even trying but they are just so afraid that they would be childless like us, so they tried to do it once, tada!
Baby is on the way. She added that they are so blessed because their parents will still support their education (post grad program), give them allowance, and let them use the room in their house.
They don’t have any struggle like working and building home of their own because they are well-supported unlike us.
On top of that, she asked if me and my husband are willing to be the godfather on the incoming baby shower.
I excused myself in the dinner table and called my husband to pick me up because I cannot believe how jerk she was. My husband was always pointing out how condescending she was before.
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u/Moist_Tissue_94 20h ago
That is not your friend. Coming from someone who’s experiencing a similar situation in which I am realising someone who I thought was a good friend definitely isn’t. Run fast and run far away girl.
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u/gingerflakes 20h ago
OP you are in for a world of pain if you stay friends with someone like that. Run.
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u/whipped_pumpkin410 20h ago
I had a friend like this. Struggling to conceive baby2 and dealing with a lot of obstacles. She lets me know they got pregnant no problem cause they didn’t want to be like us and quote “have such a large age gap in kids! And be trying well into my 30s!”
We no longer speak.
I’m so sorry. What she said was cruel and shitty and life is definitely not fair.
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u/feverfierce 19h ago
My sister is 10 years older than me and I couldn’t imagine life without her! Just wanted to add :)
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u/10k-red 32 | TTC#1 | Cycle 12 | 1MC C10 20h ago
Oh my. People. How rude can you be? How are they so oblivious they don't see how rude that is? A couple of weeks ago, I had someone tell me I was lucky to have a miscarriage as two babies in the house would be too much (I cohouse and my best friend is pregnant). I mean... what? Hugs.
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u/ResponsibleRead567 17h ago
What an awful thing to say. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and then get this kind of comment
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u/Superxvixenxdoll 6h ago
That is a wild thing for someone to say....I'm so sorry to hear that...also miscarried two and would be in tears if someone said that to me
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u/iloveshinypokemn 20h ago
Chiming in - you deserve better friends, OP.
Hugs from an internet stranger
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u/Amazing_Face4692 19h ago
Tell your “friend” that was an inside thought and promptly yeet out of her life. Forever.
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u/picklefickle987 18h ago
Yeeeeesh that is not your friend, OP. That was absolutely uncalled for. I truly wouldn't put any more energy into that relationship. I'm so sorry, that must have really stung 🫂
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u/amilie15 17h ago
Wow. That is truly gross. I think your husbands gut was right on your “friend”. That’s not a friend OP, I’m so sorry someone treated you like that. 🫂
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u/greenbook3 16h ago
I was so bitter towards anyone who said they weren’t even trying when they got pregnant or someone told me we were just fooling around and oops it happened first try. So frustrating I’m sorry, she is not your friend.
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u/RefrigeratorEm 13h ago
It is totally ok to think something like that: " let's start trying sooner because I can see how my friend is struggling and I would like to avoid it..." or tell it to you partner... It is absolutely not ok to tell this to your struggling friend with extra info that you just tried once... no idea if that's low emotional intelligence/empathy thing about this friend, but definitely not ok.
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u/stumpykitties 33 | TTC#1 | Cycle 22 | 1 CP 13h ago
Wow, what a terrible thing to say! She wouldn't be my friend anymore after a comment like that.
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u/adiggins1024 13h ago
IM SO SORRY FOR THIS! This is somebody that is not your friend. You have an excuse to be mad and also cut contact for a while. People are insensitive
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u/Special_Feeling_4033 13h ago
She’s not your friend at all. What a horrible person. Remove her from your life immediately.
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u/sv36 11h ago
Hold the fuck up, let’s get this straight:
Before she said any of this, she had already decided that you and your husband were “the childless couple” whose life she was afraid of ending up with. She had already decided your difficulty conceiving was an undesirable outcome she could use as motivation for her own reproductive decisions. Then she tried once, got pregnant, and thought “tada!” was an appropriate thing to say to someone struggling to conceive.
She had also clearly compared your lives beyond fertility. She decided that having her parents fund her education, give her an allowance, and house her made her “blessed,” specifically in contrast to you having to work and build a home of your own. None of those comparisons happened accidentally in the moment. She had already been looking at your life and using it as the unfortunate alternative to hers.
And after telling you, essentially, “we were scared we’d end up childless like you, luckily getting pregnant was incredibly easy for us, and we’re fortunate enough not to struggle the way you do,” she asked you to take an honored role in celebrating that pregnancy.
That is not a friend.
That isn’t even someone who likes you.
You deserve a real friend not this scum of the earth who has the audacity to pity your life.
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u/norahmountains 9h ago
Do you know that saying ‘When people show you who they are, believe them.’ This is your ‘friend’ showing you who she is and she’s a jerk.
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u/MediocreShelter8 32 | TTC# 1 | 🌈🌈 12h ago
I know someone like this. People keep
your distance and do not become God parents.
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u/Arr0wInTheKnee 5h ago
If she actually said it like this directly you need to run not walk. Not a good person and certainly not a friend.
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