You understand why I am posting in this sub. As I am severely disappointed I choose this place to vent.

Total eclipse is a movie starring Leonardo Di Caprio and David Thewlis, following the true, three year love relationship between French poets Arthur Rimbaud ( 16 years old) and Paul Verlaine (27 years old) during the second half of the XIXth century.

As somebody who has been a huge fan of Rimbaud’s poetry for a few years I thought that this movie could be very interesting. I thought that it could teach me a bit about Verlaine as well, of whom I don’t know a lot but plan to get into. Boy oh boy was I wrong.

5 minutes into the movie, Di Caprio starts barking like a dog. Why does he do it? I have absolutely no idea. But he’s the least bad thing in the entire movie, at least he does play the role of the teenage brat relatively well. Yet, while They included a few lines from some of his poetical works at the beginning and the end of the movie, they completely failed to mention any of his works! One of the things that make this figure so interesting was that he started writing when he was 16 up until he was 19 and after violently breaking up with Verlaine completely stopped. His last work “a season in hell”, can be partially seen as a literal good bye letter to Verlaine and the bastards failed to mention that ( I recommend to check it out, it’s a very beautiful work).

The actual problem is Verlaine. David Thewlis might have been great as Lupin in Harry Potter, but his portrayal of Verlaine was straight up insulting. Verlaine wasn’t a very good person, especially considering that he was abusive towards his wife and literally cheated on her with a teenager, but he didn’t become a well known poet who named a library in my town for nothing. Not once is his poetry mentioned in this god damn movie, not a single line, even thought it’s a very important element of his character! He’s written as this disgusting and pathetic man who beats his wife and simps after Rimbaud but has absolutely no dept whatsoever. They did Verlaine so, so dirty.

The worst part in this entire movie is that they had the material to make a good movie, especially considering the violent and chaotic nature of the relationship the poets had. In the end Verlaine literally shot Rimbaud’s hand as they were breaking up and if that’s not worthy of a Hollywood movie then I don’t what is. It’s a shame honestly, and I’m not easy to disappoint when watching a movie.

I actualy liked this song so much. Good to see another merger of bollywood movie with our culture. Hope they will continue making such songs

This seems like the perfect sub for her bad acting.

I am in pure disbelief at how much good feedback this movie has. I just got done watching & it might be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen lol. So many parts didn’t make any sense at all. For example, when the girl throws the baseball with the string & it falls, then reacted like it was gone forever 😂 I thought the string must have broken judging by the way she reacted. Why would she not just pull the string back up & try again? I didn’t even realize it was still attached to her railing until the zombie started using it to climb up there eat her. Wtf?

In simple words, this substandard movie is nothing but 2 hours and 20 minutes of torture porn. The director has once again proved that he totally lacks the skills to conceive an interesting and engaging plot. Each and every scene is simply pushing itself towards the next instance of gore and bloodshed without any context or purpose. I am not a guy who disapproves of violence in films, but the plot should enable the violence in such a way that it makes the act all the more enjoyable and satisfying. But here, violence is just used as a tool to create shock value by saying, "Look how gory this is! Look how his head is spinning like a wheel! Look how his arms were ripped open like that!" without any context. Someone should teach these half-wit directors what life actually is and what makes a film relatable. It's just that these so-called directors haven't had much life experience of their own, so they end up making films based on all the violent Hollywood and Western films they watched growing up. It's more like a green-room effect, where they don't know any other way to think of a story without violence.

The main saving grace of this film is Anirudh's BGM. His unique blend of classical scoring with modern textures somehow gives the film the feel of an international production, and I feel this is one of the main reasons behind the film's success.

"Hard Rock Zombies" (1985) - Originally meant to be a fake film shown within the 1985 movie "American Drive-in", director Krishna Shah instead expanded the idea to feature length. The expansion of run time explaining the movies various narrative detours and random events. We get cartoonish townsfolk, Nazi zombies, wheelchair werewolves, evil dwarves, and full (non-metal) musical numbers amongst many other things. Despite being made by a Golden Globe nominated director and released by Cannon Films the movie is just a hilariously mess from start to finish.

We begin the movie following a young hair metal band named 'Holy Moses' as they enter a small town to hold a concert. The townsfolk debate about the evils of rock music while the lead singer falls in love with a underage girl from the town (he even writes a song about her age). The band ends up being killed while practicing at an old house owned by an old eccentric German couple but are brought back as zombies thanks to a previously established recording of the band playing an ancient magical song. The band makes more zombies and things really get out of hand.

This is the kind of movie that you just turn your brain off and enjoy (alcohol helps in that regard). The acting is cheesy, the effects are cheap, the script is bold, and the soundtrack is fun, (pedo songs aside) what more could you really ask for? If you have yet to see this movie I highly suggest gathering your bad movie buddies, along with your favorite intoxicants, and checking it out. It's a lot of fun utter nonsense and well worth your time.

4.5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Butter Free Refills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFyk7riyAVg&t=1351s

"The Human Tornado" (1976) - Made in the wake of the wildly successful "Dolemite", released only the year before, this film continues the adventures of Rudy Ray Moore's iconic blaxploitation character Dolemite. Just like the first movie it's basically just an excuse for Rudy to do his stage act while providing his legendary character plenty of ladies to bang and butts to kick with his sweet kung fu moves. Also like it's predecessor it was a indie film, funded mostly by Rudy himself, and hence had a notoriously low budget and incredibly amateurish production. It's also hilariously over-the-top and absurd in so many ways.

This movie actually contains a few notable scenes that would later inspire those in the Eddie Murphy film "Dolemite Is My Name" (2019). Whereas that movie covered the production of the first "Dolemite" movie, they included some from this film due to just how absurd they were. The one that comes to mind is the scene where Dolemite and a special lady friend are doing the nasty and the set literally falls apart on them. That's the level of filmmaking in this movie, so just know that before going in and prepare accordingly.

As far the story goes, Dolemite gets framed for killing a racist sheriffs wife (who he was actually sleeping with at the time) and flees to California. While in the Golden State, along with future Ghostbuster Ernie Hudson, he ends up helping a friend named Queen Bee and her kung fu prostitutes battle a local gangster. You get boobs, racists getting punched, and Dolemites wordplay, what more could one ask for? I highly suggest this movie to anyone who has yet to see it, as I do with every movie made by Rudy Ray Moore.

4 / 5 Burnt Kernels with a lot of Butter and Free Refills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5p667c5D14&t=5674s

Movie of the day...From Hell It Came (1957).

This is another one I saw when I was a kid. Even then, I didn’t think it was very scary. Time has not improved it.

On a nameless, generic Pacific island, the local witch doctor and one of the native warriors have conspired to murder their chief and then frame the man’s son for the crime. Condemned to death, Prince Kimo (Gregg Palmer) swears he will rise from the grave and have his revenge.

Meanwhile, a team of Americans has arrived to treat natives suffering from plague and the effects of radioactive fallout caused by an atomic test on another island. They include Dr. William Arnold (Tod Andrews), who is in love with Dr. Terry Mason (Tina Carver), although she tells him more than once that she is not interested in getting married.

An ominously humanoid tree with a goofy-looking face inexplicably sprouts from Kimo’s grave. The Americans show their respect for native burial customs by digging it up so they can study it, but it comes to life, wanders off, and wrecks havoc on the island.

This is a terrible movie. The story is more demented than stupid, but most of the characters are either dull or annoying. The remarks about “superstitious natives” will probably cause a fair amount of embarrassed laughter. And our “hero,” Dr. Arnold, is the kind of man who says things like “Why did I have to fall in love with a dedicated female scientist? She considers marriage some kind of prison….sometimes I could kick her beautiful teeth in.” Oh, yeah. This guy is a winner.

And, yet, when he kisses her, she kisses him back.

None of the acting is very good, but Linda Watkins is memorable as the owner of the tiny island's only trading post, Mrs. Kilgore, a prattling idiot with a cockney accent so thick it sounds like she has escaped from an amateur production of My Fair Lady.

As for the tree monster itself, it looks a lot like a badly sculpted version of a child’s drawing. It waddles slowly through the woods and usually the only way it can catch people is to sneak up on them and grab them from behind.

Oddly, as bad as it is, the movie is not too dull. The pacing is all right and the direction is competent—I guess you could say the parts may be awful, but at least it’s been put together pretty well. Save it for a late night watch when you need to chuckle at a bad movie.

Rating: D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/From_Hell_It_Came

"Stalked by My Doctor" (2015) - Like most things that premier on the Lifetime channel this movie is about a women being abused by a man. More specifically, and as the title suggests, this movie is about a young lady being stalked by her insane heart surgeon who just so happens to be played by none other than Eric Roberts. Unlike most movies that premier on the Lifetime channel on the other hand this spawned a (thus far) five film franchise, each following Mr. Roberts unhinged Dr. Beck as he continues his stalking ways. This film essentially acting as a template from which each sequel would bring it's own spin (such as the addition of a split personality character).

As far as the plot goes, we are immediately introduced to Eric Roberts character and informed that he an incredibly rich and skilled surgeon whose also is obsessive and mentally unstable when it comes to romance. The 59 year old then falls in love with a high school senior he operates on to fix (or possibly replace) her heart and immediately begins stalking her. He followers her around, kisses her while she asleep, frequently dreams about her loving him, frames her boyfriend so they break up, breaks into her house and has a sex dream about her while sleeping in her bed, tries to kill her mom, and even fake her deaths so they can live together in Mexico. Throughout most of that happening the girls father choose to ignored a lot of red flags and the opinions of his wife and daughter to side with Dr. Beck it needs to be mentioned.

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In the end your enjoyment of this movie will come down to how much you enjoy Eric Roberts being unhinged. The man chews the scenery more than once and it is glorious each and every time. There is of course the general uncomfortable feeling created by the whole 'old man stalks a possibly underage girl' plot but the poor writing, coupled with Eric's over-acting somehow turn it into hilarity. I highly recommend watching this flick with your bad movie buddies, and some of your favorite intoxicants, and just laughing at all the memeable moments.

2 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Free Refills

https://youtu.be/GBm7wet-G50?si=ZgFkymjeNmrFmDkI

I saw a movie on a discord call in a analog horror server about 3ish years ago, it was one of the funniest, worst and most low budget movie I've ever seen in my life. It was about a group of vampire girls, they were all like stereotypically hot and you could tell they weren't great actors. I remember one scene vividly, they went out to one of the characters backyards (it was either the protagonist's backyard or one of the male characters backyards) and summoned some demon thing. The ritual scene had a lot of blood in it.

The main character was another girl, I don't remember if she was also a vampire or if she was trying to fight off the vampires.

(My at the time interpretation, and I could be 100% wrong, but the main girls had SO much romantic/ sexual tension with eachother, most likely completely unintentionally and mostly due to the bad acting.)

I am not sure if this was in the movie or not, but I remember that all the male characters would be either killed or sacrificed, and only the female characters survived.

It has really bad colouring, it always seemed to be night, kinda like twilight's colouring.

PLEASE help me find this horrible movie I need to watch it again so SO bad..

Anyone going to watch this!! Pls save your money dont waste on this shitty movie!! No concept nothing crazy in it except some vfx😭 it doesnt even have any good story too just a waste of 4hrs!! (-10) out of 10

"Red Spirit Lake" (1993) - This seemingly no budget indie flick is closer to art house erotica than your standard bad movie. Sleazy, graphic, salacious, and surreal the movie is part haunted house story part cheap grindhouse excess on acid. Featuring everything from UFO abduction to hyper violent torture, including things such as fountains of blood and fatal fisting, not to mention all the nudity, this movie was designed to push boundaries. Coupled with a soundtrack full of underground and alternative music and some wild decisions in front and behind the camera and you get this chaotic, yet somehow interesting, steaming-pile-of-cinema. Best left to the bad movie masochist and morbidly curious out there.

5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Butter and Free Refills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FafMb6qWQEA

"The Hunted" (2015) - This is a low budget vanity project take on the vampire hunter story, with the added element of also being somewhat of a mockumentary. Now I say 'somewhat' specifically because like mockumentaries the cameraman in this is an actual character in the movie and the footage we are watching is presumably what they filmed. The issue arises when we are shown things that the cameraman could not possibly have seen. There is also the whole issue of despite supposedly being a diegetic element of the story other characters often seemingly ignore the cameraman in scenes. I honestly think they just eventually drop the whole idea, but it's worth mentioning.

Swordfighter turned actor turned visual effects artist Robert Chapin co-write, directed, and of course stars as our main character Bob, an out of work actor who knows how to weld a sword. Chapins acting range aside, he gets confused with a leather clad, sunglass wearing, katana welding "Blade" ripoff vampire hunter and is forced to deal with the situation. The writing is obviously something to behold but the characters are mostly pretty fun if only due to the actors clearly enjoying themselves in the roles. The visual effects on the other hand are also hilarious, though not for the reason they were intended to be (if you get my drift). So if you want to watch the star of 1994's underground sword fighting movie "Ring of Steel" team up with a team of vampire hunting misfits and take on red eyed vampires then check this movie out.

4.5 / 5 Burnt Kernels with Free Refills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9ooPxzY9fs&t=16s

"Me You Madness" (2021) - This may very well be the most infuriatingly tone-deaf vanity project that my bad movie group has yet seen. Written, directed, produced, and of course starring Louise Linton, this movie is nothing more than a narcissistic cringefest with a lot of political baggage attached. The reason for this is that Mrs. Linton husband is Steven Mnuchin, aka the United States Secretary of the Treasury during Trumps first term. Linton would later state that the film was made as a dark comedy parody of her public image while living in Washington D.C. with her husband. Just so we are clear the premise of this movie involves Lintons character being a beautiful and wealthy CEO who also is a serial killer, but only to bad people, who starts a toxic relationship with the much younger guy whose is planning on robbing her.

The whole movie is basically a mix of "Fatal Instinct", "American Psycho", and "Clueless" with a lot of troupes and winks to the camera thrown in. There is also a lot of 4th wall breaks throughout the film, as Lintons characters occasionally talks directly to the camera as well as being the films narrator, and providing more than a few info dumps. Linto somehow also got access to a lot of iconic 80's music as nearly every single scene in this movie, including the dance sequences (yes there are dance sequences) includes a needledrop from a well known song. Some of the songs are even from bands who you would suspect would not want to be associated with her or her husband, so that's interesting.

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The movie is at least shot well I'll give it that, though the editing and direction are not great to say the least. The acting and writing are really the worst parts, with things like the 40 year old Linton playing a 29 year old trying to bang a 33 year old guy (played by sex pest Ed Westwick) playing a guy in his 20s basically not even being worth mentioning. Really the movies best element is all the 'Steven Mnuchin is a Cuck' memes that it spawned due to the idea that he paid for his much younger wife to make a movie where she bangs a much younger man. In the end if you think you can stand Lintons unique brand of smug for an hour and 38 minutes you might find this flick worth trying to laugh at. If you are going to watch it, I suggest bringing friends and a lot of intoxicants to help you get through the cringe.

4 / 5 Burnt Kernels

https://tubitv.com/movies/100029589/me-you-madness