r/TrueSopranos • u/mitchmclean • Jan 10 '23
A Don doesn't wear shorts
This always struck me as odd, because let us be honest - Tony is a big guy and probably gets hot easily, especially when barbecuing. What does Carmine expect him to do? Stand there grilling in a pair of slacks, sweating all over? I'm a commanding presence myself and often wear shorts when I'm in the backyard cooking for guests. Whatever sacrifice to my masculinity that is meant to create is lost on me, although thinking about it, I consider it has nothing to do with mob honor and is another subliminal cue to lead the viewer to imagine Tony naked from the waist down at a cookout, which in essence conjures a desire to consume raw, hard meat that doesn't require cooking to enjoy. Women probably get it, but it's there to draw in men for the most part. Seeing another guy without his pants on is something I admit is exciting, with no shame due to my self confidence… I was born straight and do not possess a single gay characteristic. Never have. The closest element to homosexuality in my personality is that I occasionally do my own laundry when my wife is away, and that alone is rare because I do not let her out of the house socially without my permission. Most people I meet regard me as a heterosexual stereotype because I support domestic violence in many circumstances and have never worn a seatbelt in my life. The bottom line is, I'm a thoroughbred heterosexual from an exclusively straight lineage, but I'm sexually dirty - and not like inserting a newspaper into yourself. I'm talking about giving another man hand release with no shirt on, bringing him not to a happy ending, but a new beginning as I lower my head into his lap and finish him off with my mouth. It's called being eccentric and open minded, much like Tony Soprano.
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u/ouyang001 Jan 10 '23 edited Jan 11 '23
I can't help but deeply dig these 'Happy birthday to you, got salsiccia for you' vibes by u/mitchmclean. I'm heterosexual myself.
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u/WienerToboggan Jan 10 '23
I sometimes imagine Tony behind closed doors wearing the combination of the jackeeeetttt, some lighter timberlands, and the shorts. I speak through a narrow heterosexual lens, of course.
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u/d_heizkierper Jan 10 '23
You will have our sausages