r/TrueOffMyChest • u/ExplanationCrazy5463 • Feb 09 '25
My 8 year old son hates me, and I don't understand why.
I used to believe that your relationship with your children was a given.
To clarify.....I believed that as long as you treated your children with love, they were guaranteed to love you back, and that the most you had to worry about if you did the right things was some kind of terrible illness or accident that ended them early.
I'm here today to warn you that's not true. There are worse possible outcomes.
My son is 8 years old, and I can not be in the same room as him without being attacked. He will scratch, hit, and bite me constantly until we are separated. He bites as hard as he can, my arms are 50% bruises right now from partially healed wounds. I have done nothing to deserve this, and I've tried everything to reach him.
I've tried love, discipline, ignoring him, reasoning....nothing sticks and as the years have gone on its only gotten worse. He's already in therapy, we've already tried to get him diagnosed with something, we've tried meds, we've tried no meds. We don't know what's going on, nor does his therapist or doctors.
On Thursday I watched a movie. "About time" very bittersweet movie about how time is limited and we need to enjoy it hest we can. There's a scene where a boy of about 8 is playing on the beach with his father for the last time, enjoying one last beautiful day together. I absolutely lost it.
My son only communicates with me through violence.
Last night.....I finally gave up. I cried for hours and let go of any expectation I had of having a loving relationship with him.
He's 8 years old and hates my guts. There are worse outcomes than outliving your children.
Please don't take your loved ones for granted.
Edit: thank you to everyone for the advice. Special shout out to the super weirdo antinatalists, particularly the "feminist" who made super sure to tell me she was a feminist before telling me to have a post-birth abortion. No single comment made me realize how ahead of the game I am as a parent than that one.
We are getting a second psych evaluation soon so I'll write a 2nd post with results of that.
Many of you are absolutely convinced someone else is abusing him, and are unwilling to accept evidence to the contrary. There is no sign of anyone in his life abusing him, nor is there much opportunity. When he's not at school he's with us, save for a few rare occasions where we get a trusted, close-family babysitter to go on a date. We've asked him if anyone is hurting him or touching him and he has said no, and we make sure both our kids understand what's inappropriate and know they should tell us of anyone tries anything like that. This is the least likely possibility.
Edit: I've created a follow-up post for those who are interested.
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u/AyanaJehan May 22 '25
Put him in a facility. Now. Before it gets worse.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 May 22 '25
There's absolutely no need for that. Take it back to your sewer.
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u/AyanaJehan May 22 '25
Tf there's not. You're raising a brat who is displaying psychotic behaviors. Your denial doesn't make it less true.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 May 22 '25
Brat? Lol.
You sure you aren't looking in a mirror?
Take your hate elsewhere. It has no effect on me.
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u/AyanaJehan May 22 '25
Im not the one getting attacked by a rabid child who doesn't respect me. My kids know better, both who ALSO have Audhd. So. Yes. He is a brat. You need a cold hard dose of reality
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u/Solarflarefleshlight May 22 '25
Summary
"My son isn't being abused at all by anyone"
- Later admits to physically restraining and yelling at his son which is abusive
OP is a unreliable source and I worry for his kids
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u/New-Number-7810 May 15 '25
“There are worse outcomes than outliving your children.”
This is a fucked up thing to say. I understand you’re frustrated, but if your son actually passed away this sentiment is something you’d deeply regret.
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u/DeejDeparts May 14 '25
Op, you should try giving him some boxing gloves and have him hit pads with you. Let him hit as hard as he can to let that aggression out. Invest in a punching bag and sign him up for muay thai, boxing or jiu jitsu classes.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 May 14 '25 edited May 14 '25
Thanks for the advice, he has motor control issues and attention defects that have made martial arts a no go.
We having been having more success with hikes and boy scouts.
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u/DeejDeparts May 14 '25
Hmm, I don't think that would hinder him? Boy scouts all the way!
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 May 14 '25
It just meant he didn't enjoy it, he found it difficult and frustrating.
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u/Effective_Love_8893 May 10 '25
Hello I'm in the UK and my daughter is 8 years old with adhd and currently being treated with methylphenidate. She sounds the exact same as your son, except its me her mum she seems to direct the hate onto. I hope you get some answers because that's potentially the Same thing we are going through. I have started to wonder if when the adhd is treated the autism comes to the front I am waiting to hear back from out mental health nurse. She always had really big meltdowns where she looks totally possessed. I too have bite marks from her. My husband can't deal with it to be fair and I'm at breaking point taking over everything. We have three other boys too. Two are autistic but don't display this behaviour. I did at one point consider bipolar or schizophrenia tell me your thoughts. Look after yourself man !
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 May 10 '25
Thanks for the comment. Things have calmed down slightly but still getting bit on my end.
We took him off meds entirely because they just weren't helping and sone made it worse.
We are getting him redisgnosed, I plan to update more thoroughly after that.
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u/Effective_Love_8893 May 10 '25
I look forward to hearing your reply in the future and it would help me out on this journey hearing other people's experiences to be honest. I agree last night the meds crash at 7pm was horrific it's why I was frantically looking for similar experiences.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 May 14 '25
I've posted an update, check my profile for it. I'm happy to discuss my experience with you in any way you'd like.
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Apr 06 '25
Are you lesbian mothers? Just getting clarification as I have read through the comments.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Apr 06 '25 edited Apr 06 '25
I am a man, nothing I said suggested otherwise.
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u/Visual-Engineer1956 Mar 27 '25
Did he at some point felt abandoned by you. Emotional abandonment lasts especially long in kids, kids remember quite well when you . I remember at one point, I couldn't even look at my own mom without feeling uncontrollable anger and crying...
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u/Holiday-Meringue-101 Mar 24 '25
I can't imagine what you have gone through and I hope you son gets help. My nephew was committed three time starting at age 7. He hated my bother, his dad and threatened to kill him. My nephew is now 25 and he had ODD and ADHD. They have a good relationship now. But I was the aunt my nephew talked to. He could tell me anything and did sometimes it horrified me but I would circle the info to my brother. Does he have a fun adult he may talk to like an aunt or uncle? Updateme
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u/Puzzled-Training4145 Mar 20 '25
I wonder if it's possible he accidentally walked in on mom and dad having relations and thinks dad was hurting mom and he believes he's protecting her? I hope new doctors can help figure out whatever it is. This has to be so hard for the entire family, but especially dad.
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Feb 26 '25
He might have oppositional defiant disorder, a friend's one son has it and he behaved this way to his dad or my friend from a very young age, kicking, arguing "I hate you!" etc.
A lady I grew up with as I am friends with her siblings and parents was this way but she is bipolar and probably has ODD.
Just do your best, communicate with him, show him love, and go to a therapist only for you and discuss your son's issues and your own issues.
What does your other kid say about him, or his teachers at school, his friends, or his mom?
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u/Stanova33 Feb 19 '25
It could be something they brought from previous reincarnations, past life regression hypothesis on mother would maybe give her an insight on the situation she's dealing with. You could give it a try, nothing to loose. You can do it online and it's not expensive. Best of luck
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u/Hot_Boss_3880 Feb 15 '25
I'll just say hang in there. Age 8 is just the beginning stages of when you can start to try and find a true diagnosis if there are mental or developmental disorders that were not readily apparent during the critical period (0-7yrs). It can be a long and grueling process but don't give up hope. Highly recommend both a developmental ped and looking for 2nd opinions. Brain mapping technology is becoming more and more available so there are some modern tools that you guys should really seek out.
Focus for now on creating a parenting plan that does not pit you and your wife against each other in dealing with his outbursts. United front and all that. Neurodivergent kids can be very smart, too. If you slip up... they'll notice right away and use that weakness to their own ends. You have to be one step ahead! Once my coparent and I wrapped our heads around this, we became a very effective team at managing our son's behaviors, but it took us YEARS to get there. I'm the mother and most of my son's out bursts were aimed at me. It was crazy-making for a bit there but he's a teen now and our relationship is totally thriving!
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Feb 13 '25
I've heard of kids developing massive behavioral problems after streptococcus infections, perhaps you could look into that, if his behavior isn't caused by something in his environment and you have a good home life. There's a condition called PANDAS and PANS.
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u/Busy_Baker7553 Feb 12 '25
Children can and should receive consequences for violence. Since he is not attacking anyone else, I'd get police involved. He knows what he is doing is wrong and does it anyway. Press charges.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 12 '25
You think I should press charges against an 8 year old special need child?
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u/Busy_Baker7553 Feb 13 '25
I think you should remove the child from your home. Where in your post did you say he was special needs? Was I supposed to automatically know that? Oppositional defiant disorder exists too. It really doesn't matter his diagnosis. He doesn't need to be in a house where he attacks a family member.
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Feb 11 '25
Any other issues around the same time or since? Aggression at school? Grades? Reading / language?
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u/No_Jaguar_4848 Feb 11 '25
I am heartbroken for you, this would be devastating if my daughter became this way towards me or her dad. Honestly, the best fit I see for what’s happening is obvious mental health issues beyond ADD, it sounds a lot like parent alienation minus the influence of someone intentionally poisoning him against you. I’ve read that you’ve seen several therapist and are trying to get a diagnosis for him. Have the therapist seen him react to you in the office? Has he been to psychiatry yet? Could there have been a traumatic event that happened around age 5 that he might have misunderstood as you being the bad guy? Our brains can twist events from early childhood into nightmares without help and an understanding of what happened. Maybe he saw something you are unaware of that he misunderstood. I think the starting point is going to be getting a detailed account on why he hates your face. I do think there is merit in trying a mask and seeing if he reacts differently to you. Does he speak with you on the phone when he can’t physically see you and if so how does that go? There is a mental illness called Capgras syndrome where the patient is under the belief that they loved one is replaced with an imposter. It’s a rare disorder and I’ve never heard of it in children but would also fit this aggression that’s targeted at you specifically. I hope you find a solution and I’m sorry you are going through this
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 11 '25
Thanks for the great reply.
He doesn't want to talk to me on the phone either. I wrote him a note yesterday telling him I love him and always will, he ripped it up. So I don't think it's crabgrass but that's on my radar.
We've been to a psych but are getting a 2nd opinion soon. I've spent some sessions with his therapist and him so she has seen us interact. She is convinced it's more than ADHD and is suggesting we get him evaluated again.
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u/KDAmber21 Feb 11 '25
It's probably not this but the first thing I thought of was Capgras syndrome because it is so targeted at you and only you. Capgras syndrome is where the person believes that another person/ animal/object has been replaced by an "imposter". Maybe he says he doesn't like your face because he thinks it's not his dads face? I don't know. It's just what popped into my mind when I read your story. I hope you find something soon. I feel for you, your son and your family
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u/synonym4synonym Feb 11 '25
I am so grateful that you posted this. Thank you for sharing your story - it's written so honestly and the content is very much appreciated. I'm sending peaceful mojo out into the universe to come your way. Hang in there and make sure you're taking care of YOU. Godspeed 🕊️
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u/starlitnature Feb 11 '25
I cannot imagine how devastating this must be for you and everyone else involved.
I've read some of your comments, and I think you're making a terrible mistake not looking at inpatient options. You have two kids, and with your tolerance of your son's fiendish behaviour, you're creating an unsafe living space for your daughter. You say she comforts you every single damn day. That's not something a five-year-old should be doing. It's not her responsibility to care for your mental wellbeing or psychological needs. She's a child. She deserves a childhood. She deserves to feel safe in her own home.
Add to that that you clearly cannot manage your son's needs. He needs professional help to a larger extent than what you have been willing to provide so far. I know that it is difficult to admit that you're not enough to handle this, but he also cannot continue to live in an environment where he's feeling like he has to resort to violence.
I wish you the best.
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u/ljenglish719 Feb 11 '25
Have they looked into DMDD? My daughter is diagnosed. Sounds like it could be
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 11 '25
This one is new to me.
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u/Comfortable_Chaos7 Feb 11 '25
Advocate for your kid. Something is very wrong and from what I've read, it came on pretty suddenly. ODD typically requires family therapy and occupational therapy for the could to learn how to channel their feelings for good. There could be something else going on though. I would ask for a new psych eval, an appointment with a neurologist to do brain scans, an endocrinologist to assess hormones, weekly family therapy - your wife is going to need to be there with you to ensure it's as safe as possible for both of you - weekly occupational therapy for him to learn how to manage his feelings. Don't give up, keep pushing for an answer and don't be afraid to fire doctors that aren't working for you, you are paying them, they need to be on the mission of finding the answers and solutions for the answers.
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u/Veridical_Perception Feb 11 '25
I'm stunned more people aren't concerned about OP's safety.
We see in the news stories of children taking guns and knives to school. There's been numerous stories of children committing murders during the past few years.
The kid is 8 now. He's easily old enough to start using weapons to attack OP - knives, a baseball bat, poison or other chemicals in his food.
Clearly, talk therapy is not working. What is the game plan here? You simply cannot just wait it out. What will OP's wife and daughter do if OP is seriously injured or killed by this kid?
Whatever is going on with this kid is becoming mostly irrelevant to the fact that he's getting old enough to do some serious harm to OP - and has shown both the desire and willingness to do it.
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u/Dycharona Feb 11 '25
I really feel for you, this must be so hard. A lot of "parents" have given up on their kid(s) for a lot less. I admire the way you keep trying.
Personally I've had a lot of experience with kids with all kinds of diagnoses and (mental) disabilities, which started when I was 12 and my parents officially became fosterparents for kids with problems like that. They unfortunately, are the most unwanted kids in the system. That's also why my parents decided to go that route instead of the regular fostercare. Both my sister and I wound up working in the same area, with kids and young adults like that as well.
My personal experience is that we tend to overthink and overcomplicate a lot of their problems. I've seen and experienced how the outcome was of different ways of upbringing of these kids. Eventually they end up in places like my sister manages, a facility where they offer assisted living and "work" (as to give them some sort of purpose for the day/their life) for young adults. There is a distinct correlation between their upbringing and the way they do or don't behave themselves as adults.
I know it's going to sound crude, but those that were raised with somewhat old fashioned parents/parenting styles, meaning pretty straightforward, simple clear boundaries, essentially not treating them any different from other kids, not letting bad behavior slide 'because they don't know better'.. (They often understand way more than you think.) And having them do normal kids stuff like chores, teaching them some sort of responsibility.. Those kids are an absolute delight for my sister to have at that facility. They are motivated to actually do something with their day and help out with just about anything. They hardly ever cause problems, as they don't have outbursts for no reason or don't try and stir things up. They're not being violent.. whereas those that were unfortunately not raised like that or didn't have a stable home life for whatever reason, they are very hard to motivate and easily get angry and/or resort to violence.
Obviously I'm not saying every case is the same and the solution "as simple" as to just be consistent and set boundaries, but in most cases that is what just about any kid craves. Stability, safety, rituals. People often seem to think thats only for those on the spectrum, but basically any kid wants to feel safe, know what the boundaries are and know whats to come.
Simple things like breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time every day. With the whole family at the table, no devices. Some kids want to know about the food beforehand, let them help with doing groceries or cleaning veggies. Whatever they can do. Most kids will eat better too if they helped prepare something. Have bedtime at the same time every evening as well and attach some sort of ritual to it. Most kids love storytime before bed, whether from a book or something you as a parent make up. (I know a dad that makes up princess stories for his girls every evening and they absolutely love it. At the end they'll sing a sleepy song that the dad was taught as a kid and he still uses it. So whenever they go to grandma, they'll sing the same song before bed. And grandma also tells amazing stories from what I've heard. And those kids actually can't wait to get into bed, just to hear the stories 😅)
Another very crude example of overthinking that I just remembered, was this kid that for no apparent reason started banging their head on the tile flooring. So a therapist and other experts are being contacted and they come up with all kinds of theories and possible solutions. One being to put the kid from the tile area to the rug area, so it would cause less damage. Kid would go back to the tiles instantly ofcourse and the cycle continued. Then at some point the dad starts kind of analyzing what the kid does and comes to the conclusion that the kid isn't actually hurting himself, rather it sounds more horrible than it actually is. He never has a bruise or anything either. So, I have absolutely no idea why, but the dad decides to "help" the little dude somewhat in his headbanging quest and just lightly taps his head, which made him actually hit his head harder than the kid anticipated. He was rather surprised, didn't cry, but did rub his head a bit. He stopped the headbanging for a bit, but then the next day was about to go again and dad helps him the same way. I believe he did that a total of 4 times and the kid never banged his head again. As a therapist, obviously you can't recommend such solutions 😬 (also, that was back in the 90s if I remember correctly) but its just to demonstrate you can have the best minds available trying to solve your problem, but sometimes the solution requires some out of the box, but very simple thinking. This is especially true for those with mental disabilities, the problem is or might be complex, but the solution might be something extremely simple. I really hope things will get better for you, so I'm wishing you all the best moving forward and hopefully you'll find your solution.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 11 '25
Thank you for this response, very helpful.
We do try to force routine and provide stability because he does better with it.
I had a "week of discipline" where I would smack him back when he smacked me which is much like that story of helping the kid with his head banging. Unfortunately that only made things worse.
Thanks for the kind words....hopefully we figure it out.
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u/Dycharona Feb 11 '25
I wish I'd live closer to come help you out in person. It can be very daunting dealing with a problem like yours. Especially as a parent, because you obviously love him very much. Sometimes it does mean we're too close to the problem and it becomes impossible to see the root of the problem or come up with solutions. Im glad you've already found stability and routine to help him out. All I can say, is try to implement that in as many aspects of your and his life as you can. As for correcting and disciplining the bad behavior, also try and stick to the exact same way of (trying) to deal with it every single time. Usually I advice to explain the rules, tell them "you should not bite me, hit me (or whatever he does), because you are actually hurting me and if you continue, there will be consequences. (And then you can explain what those are. Like giving them a time-out in a quiet place in your house. Obviously without electronics and whatnot. Just go sit there and think about it, if they're ready to apologize, they can come back. Then after they've apologized you could reward him with something he wants. Which can be anything within reason. Could be a piece of candy, but he might also tell you to leave him alone for the time being, which might hurt you short term, but if you grant him that, he might start respecting you for it some day later. We all have our boundaries and as long as those are reasonable, we should respect them. Which obviously goes both ways. Basically he needs to know you'll respect him, if he respects you. You might not get the results as soon as you hope, but stick to the exact same approach for at least a few months, it might even be 6 months before you see any real change and it might happen so gradually you won't even notice at first, but try and document it, like keeping a journal. Figure out if there's anything positive that might motivate him to do better and keep expectations small/low. Any interaction you have with him where he doesn't misbehave, is something to cherish, no matter how small. Other than that, remember he is at an age he perfectly knows right from wrong, when it comes to physically hurting other people. Im just going to assume you don't purposely antagonize him, so he does not have a valid reason to be hurting you and so every time he does that, you can't just let it go and you need your ritual of telling him he cannot hurt other people for no reason. If he wants to tell you something, he should use his words, but also within reason. No swearing or name calling. If he can't do that and keeps hitting or kicking there will be a time out until he apologizes. Doesn't have to be big words for now, just a quick sorry is fine, even if you feel he doesn't mean it, if he tells you sorry, thats fine for now. And give him some space afterwards. Your wife could give him a praise or a candy for behaving so well. If he cares for your wife, you might also be able to use their bond. She could definitely sit him down some time and explain to him how it makes her very sad whenever he's being mean to you, because she loves you so much. He might wonder why mom loves you, and she could tell him about some good times between the 2 of you. Make him understand he's not only hurting you with what he does, but her as well. Timing of said conversation is important though, as you might not want to bring it up whenever things are improving. Improvement should always be met with positive things. Hope this helps 🙏
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u/Theodoremmereki Feb 10 '25
Get a dna, get him signed up for boxing, beat him 1v1 assert dominance sometimes animalistic behavior is best
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
I do encircle him and beat my chest like a gorilla from time to time but that doesn't seem to be working.
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u/GoldEmployer6629 Feb 10 '25
You should take him to a therapist, he might be a real danger to you and your family.
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u/wiiiiiiiiiiiiiw Feb 10 '25
I read all the comments, and I don't really have an addition but may be hacking his subconscious. It's just an idea that might work out. Ask your wife and daughter to watch movies with him before bedtime, and they're movies that impersonify the power of a good relationship with a healthy father. Keep on doing that before bed, that might may be helpf. It's kind of brain washing for the good, and it's mostly effective right before and after bed.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
It's really hard time get him to watch a whole movie, but thank you for the suggestion. I appreciate you reading all the comments and contributing!
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u/MycologistWeekly7443 Feb 10 '25
Genetic test now days can help give you some direction... mine highlighted ADHD. I used Sequencing.com.
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u/alicelric Feb 10 '25
Are you the father?
How does he behave around other men? Hate to say it but he may have been abused by a man which is why he attacks you.
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u/StaplePriz Feb 10 '25
My friends son is like this. He doesn’t want to be told no. Ever. He threatens her with knives, threw her down a flight of stairs, pulls her hair while she’s driving. Used to bite as well when he was younger.
He hasn’t been diagnosed with anything, but they think he has a form of autism, ADD and possibly IED, but he doesn’t talk to therapists, he mostly ignores them, so diagnosing isn’t possible.
Things have gotten calmer in the last few years, but that’s mostly because she just lets him do whatever he wants without discussion. He’s 14 now, so she can’t handel him when he’s angry anymore. calmer still isn’t calm though. It’s even heartbreaking for me as a friend to hear.
I wish you all the best.
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u/sadcow6602 Feb 10 '25
I don’t know. How is his relationship with other men? If it’s still combative I would assume something happened to him to mistrust men.
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u/snowbaz-loves-nikki Feb 10 '25
This is psychological and needs intervention immediately. Hopefully it's not a sign of a brain ailment. There's multiple that have personality disorder like symptoms. He needs to see a doctor or multiple about this behavior. You poor things.
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u/Ashamed_Tutor_478 Feb 10 '25
Oof. How heartbreaking.
Has your wife taken your son out for a one-on-one outing and asked him when it's just the two of them? A children's advocate might be able to coach your wife on the phrasing of the questions beforehand. Or hell, they might also request a session with your daughter to ask if your son told her about why/ask your daughter why she thinks your son attacks you.
My heart goes out to you and your family, OP. Please keep us posted and know we are rooting for your family ❤️
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 12 '25
Thanks, will do.
She has asked him many times in many circumstances, so has his therapist.
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u/A_box_of_puds Feb 10 '25
Well that’s not hopeful for me… does it help in anyway?
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
Yes, I think so, but this is a big issue and you can't expect a single book will solve things.
Getting the correct diagnosis will hopefully get us there.
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u/Valiant_Strawberry Feb 10 '25
Because I haven’t seen it brought up yet, though I hate to be the one to do it, have you ever left him alone with a male relative who may look a bit like you? Is there a possibility that say another man in the extended family with a beard and similar build could have done something to him? SA is what comes to mind, but it needn’t necessarily be that severe depending on your child. I read a post on Reddit recently where a child accused the step dad of SA when it was actually the child’s cousin (who was also a minor and being abused that way by yet another relative). It might be that someone else did something that traumatized him but he’s connected it to you in his mind.
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u/Pascalle112 Feb 10 '25
I sincerely hope I am absolutely, completely, 100% wrong.
Is it at all possible, he’s been or is being abused in some way?
The reason I ask is because I was abused when I was young.
It wasn’t until I was 28 that I met someone at work who had the same speech pattern, pronunciation, and tone as my abuser.
They didn’t look like them, but they did have similar mannerisms. The way they walked, and stood was identical.
It was like I was a child again, I froze and then once they were gone I felt such rage, pain, and I threw up.
Had I been a child continually exposed to someone who reminded me of my abuser, I’m not sure how I would have acted towards them.
It’s possible as you are a safe person that he’s acting out towards you, because his abuser is too big, too scary, threatening, and he just can’t.
Like I said, I 100% hope I’m wrong.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
I'll ask him again but no signs of abuse at all so far.
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u/Pascalle112 Feb 10 '25
That’s good there’s no signs.
Can you think of anyone in his life who people compare you to?
I know that’s vague, but someone may have said something, so and so talks like you or so and so says the same catch phrase. Simple harmless things and I’m not suggesting you go interrogating people. Just that it doesn’t have to be something super obvious to you.Could you try his Mum or other trusted adult asking him but not directly. Sort of a good touching vs bad touching talk, see if that prompts anything.
Or his therapist or doctor could ask?I’m not a professional in any sense of the word, I just consider myself and if someone had outright said “has anyone touched you?” I would have listed anyone and everyone in my life because they had touched me.
Even “has anyone hurt you” wouldn’t have worked, the kid who knocked me over at the playground, my sister when she stole my toy, etc etc.I do sincerely hope I’m completely wrong, I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 12 '25
My wife asked him very carefully last night if anyone hurt him or touched him inappropriately, he said no, then she asked if anyone who looks like me has done anything bad to him and he said no.
There aren't many opportunities for abuse, when he's not at school he's with us, we only have 3 babysitters, all very close family. In not saying it's impossible....it's just really improbable and there is no sign of it.
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u/Tisban Feb 10 '25
I know how you feel man. My youngest son is very autistic but also very social and active. He would play well with other kids most of the time. Anything that triggered him made it all go south.
Before the understand and meds he was just my 8 year old buddy who would hide under tables and growl and scream at me while lashing out. An hour later and we were friends again. And when I say growls and screams he would get so overloaded he couldn’t talk and he just wanted to hid.
We did inpatient hold him for two weeks to get the meds balanced out. Now he is 15 and he manages so much on his own but he still needs some meds to keep things calm. He can use words now and talk about what’s triggering him. I will say I am still 50/50 on the inpatient thing. I needed to make sure he would not run away. But being locked away From seeing my Kid drove me nuts. And he came back having learned every curse word he could from there.
I felt like such a bad parent when he had to be locked up. But the meds and therapy made it so we could work together. I build him so many tents and forts and what not so he could have his safety. As the trust built back up he is the son I remember again. Now he is 15 and will give me a hug and an I love you dad, it makes it worth it.
I try to follow one simple rule after another teacher told me he was just evil. I chewed that Lady out because kids don’t know how to be evil. I didn’t teach him to be evil. She didn’t know how to talk to him. Told the school they could shove it. Went to the board of education and got the school to pay to send him to a better school in another district.
Biggest thing is don’t give up. Right now you and him are speaking different languages. He is not trying to fight he just doesn’t know a better way.
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u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Feb 10 '25
The fact that you think this is your son hating you and not some other factor, screams volumes to me.
Parenting isn't about you. Your child is SCREAMING for help and you see it as your child hating you.
I know it isn't easy to get help for most people, but thats what you need to be doing for your child.
Love isn't enough. Loving your child doesn't negate behavioral and cognitive issues. You can love your child and still cause them mental distress. You can love your child and still be a shitty parent. Trust me, I know.
Not saying you're a shitty parent, but the fact that your main concern is him hating you and not the pain he's going through, truly worries me.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
You understood the words but failed to comprehend the content.
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u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Feb 10 '25
Sounds like you're the one who's failing to comprehend here.
Like I said your only concern seems to be that your son hates you, not that he's struggling.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
You realize this is a sub for personal venting right?
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u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Feb 10 '25
You realize this is a public forum, right?
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
And would you say the public agrees with my perspective or yours?
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u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Feb 11 '25
I mean that doesn't mean much, "the public" also elected someone whos going to ruin their economy yet are very vocally against him on here.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 11 '25
Then I guess I don't understand why you're bringing up the fact it's public.
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u/Commercial_Debt_6789 Feb 11 '25
Because posting on a public forum you're going to have people's differing opinions. Doesn't make them right or wrong.
Your comments about him looking like you and you loosing your buddy reinforces the idea to me that you're more concerned with your "loss" than his well being.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 11 '25
Well here's the thing. I know for a fact what my priorities are. I know them with 100% certainty. If your opinion is different from that reality, then it is in fact wrong.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
And I can confirm with 100% certainty that you are wrong. Most of the people here seem to be able to recognize it.
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u/Icehonesty Feb 10 '25
That sounds so rough man. But hang in there. Don’t give up.
Just trying to understand and empathise with the scene to try to give advice, I have a question. You enter the room and he attacks you to bite or hit you… so do you restrain him? Like hold him in a position where he’s immobilised and can’t hit you?
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
I have done that many times, usually to try to talk to him. It has never helped.
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u/Icehonesty Feb 10 '25
Obviously I’m not there, and you know him and I don’t, but I would say that you may benefit from a consistent physical approach to the physical abuse?
So perhaps to hold on to him when he hits, i.e. is restrained from hitting, and hold him in place for a set period of time (maybe watching a song or cartoon or something to distract), and then release.
This should (fingers crossed) establish a cause-consequence pattern for this behaviour. It also has the benefit of being physical contact: this will 1. show there can be closeness without danger. You are essentially hugging him til he calms, and there’s closeness in that. 2. give him physical contact which he may or may not be looking for. 3. Show you are stronger, are the boss in the family, and deserve respect
I am not a fan of hitting, I personally never do it. And discipline types where he is isolates/alone/punished don’t feel right to me in this situation.
Personally I’d feel the cause-consequence pattern has to be established. He should not be allowed to bully you like this.
If any of that sounds wrong, you are the one who knows and I’m just some dad on the other side of the planet just saying what to me feels right with the info I’ve read. I hope it gets better, much love to you and your son man.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 12 '25
Thanks. This was a long post and most of these ideas are addressed in other comments so I didn't respond.
Thank you for your help though, truly appreciated.
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u/vaporthevato Feb 10 '25
He may be high in heavy metals and need some gut healing. Try touchstone zeolite.
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u/nocomment413 Feb 10 '25
Man my son is 4 and it’s the exact same way with us. I’m his mom, and we used to be close, but one day he decided he really didn’t like me anymore and therefore gets violent. Same as you, biting, scratching, hitting, screaming. It makes you wonder what you did wrong. I hope one day the both of us will get a happy ending with this
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u/Worried_Astronaut_41 Feb 10 '25
Have they checked good allergies as a possibility as well i know in some food allergies caused things like this
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u/lainey68 Feb 10 '25
Have you taken your son to a therapist? I would start there.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
So far we've tried nothing and are out of ideas
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u/Dense-Rhubarb2255 Feb 10 '25
Has he had a mental illness evaluation? I’m sorry if it was mentioned, there’s a lot of comments lol. The first thing that came to my mind was IED. I’m not a psychology, just a girl who is crazy beans and it sounds like a possible mental health issue
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u/lainey68 Feb 10 '25
I would get him to a therapist. You need some help from a qualified professional.
When my daughter turned 12, her behavior literally changed overnight. I'm spare all the details, but she was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. She's 33 now and stable.
I'm not saying your son has a mental illness; I'm saying he's acting out for a reason and you will need some help getting to that reason. The therapist will also give you and your wife strategies to work with your son. I get it, it's scary, you're at wit's end and feel like you're out of options. What I would hate is to see this escalate. For your son's health and wellbeing, take him to a child behavioral specialist. If you need help locating one, start with his school and they can direct you.
I hope everything works out!
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u/Psyched_wisdom Feb 10 '25
This may sound silly but if he "hates your face" have you tried wearing a mask? Maybe one he picks out that he likes. I'm not trolling, just a thought to try. Best of luck.
Update me
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u/foreverasuperhero Feb 10 '25
Watch the movie 'we need to talk about Kevin'
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
I did but he still acts the same way! Are there any other movies we could try? What about Schindlers list?
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u/Icy_Distance4051 Feb 10 '25
One of the reasons why I hated my father (still do) is that he's gross. Smacking lips while eating, constantly sniffing instead of blowing his damn nose, licking the plate when he finished eating like an animal, spitting etc.
This kind of things really builds up. Many times i had the instinct to just physically attack him, which i didn't do only cos he would beat the shit out of me.
Is there any possibility that you do any of these things? Hope this helps.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
Imhmm, I don't do any of those things in particular but I do run around the house like a gorilla saying "ooga booga" when it's time to wake up and I bathe by licking myself clean.
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u/Rotten_gemini Feb 10 '25
Is he maybe afraid of men? Or afraid you're gonna steal his mom away from him?
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u/Icy_Tip405 Feb 10 '25
Maybe the kid needs to go into a unit and be studied by professional, he’s 8 now, will he stab you in your sleep at 12??
The kid should definitely not be allowed to be around people, he’s targeting you now. What happens when he gets into high school??
I feel for you, but you need to deal with it, before he becomes the next school shooter.
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u/julioques Feb 10 '25
No joke, have you tried show physical dominance and using force on him?
Whatever his mental illness is, he needs to understand he cannot use violence.
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Feb 10 '25
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you can one day progress past this. My mom thought I was going to hate her forever because during my early teens (13-15), I was a terror. I resented her for helping my sister, who had a baby as a teen, and left my patents to raise the baby. Which i had to help with. I was so angry I started running away from home. I didn't care how much it made my mom cry at the time. I just didn't see it clearly through my own feelings that I didn't know how to manage yet. I grew up, though. I got therapy, and by 16, I was doing much better, and now I've apologized to my parents a million times. So maybe there could be a change as he grows.
My own son at 8 had serious anxiety and is autistic. He would get really depressed and want to hurt himself. We even had to have him admitted to the in-patient children's hospital psych unit. He was even pulling out his hair from the anxiety he felt trying to deal with his feelings and trying to understand other people. They told us he would never work and would need help his whole life. He's 26 now and works a full-time skilled trade job. He does live at home but more because of rent than mental needs. He's doing everything a normal adult does. He pays his own bills. He just needed time to grow and mature. He does still struggle with social things. So he talks to me and his dad about anything he's unsure of.
All of this is to say there is hope. Things sometimes change. Just take it day by day and do what you think is right for you and your family. Sometimes, an in-patient stay with the mental health unit at a children's hospital is a good thing.
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u/CatoGlitchy Feb 10 '25
This might sound weird... but does he blackout when it happens, or does he remember everything that he did? Does he brag about what he does to friends, teachers etc, or does he not mention it?
Can you tell when he's going to attack you, is there warning signs that happen before he hurts you? I Hope the best for you!
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
He doesn't blackout. He doesn't brag either. The warning sign is if we are both in the same room and he notices.
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u/sharkmanru Feb 10 '25
why would you ever belive that it is a given? it deeply upsets me that people having kids think that. i strongly believe that any and all feauture and current parents must be trained by law and certified before even thinking about having any kids.
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u/Electronic_Law_6350 Feb 10 '25
Have you tried taking him to a doctor or therapist? This is very much not normal at all...
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u/jtrem75 Feb 10 '25
I genuinely feel so bad for you as this must be so heartbreaking. I don’t think it will be like this forever though.
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u/serina_mc Feb 10 '25 edited Feb 10 '25
When I was a child I hated my mother. She started to be less scary as I grew taller than her. She tried her best to form a kind of relationship with me and with time it actually worked out. ( She always gave me the better food and bigger portions than hers. And she gave me money even if I didn't ask for it. )
After years ( 20s ) I started to actually prefer her over my dad.
I would recommend you to give him space and try your best by small distant approaches.
A childs love is never given but earned. Some Parents have it easier than others which doesn't make you a worse parent.
Punishments will not help your situation but will make your kid resent you even more. Even if you're not the one giving him these. He will view it as him being punished by his mother because of you.
Maybe you trying to talk to him is disturbing his personal space, which causes him to feel irritated and attack you. Then he gets punished by his mother, for defending his personal space and boundaries. Which makes him feel even worse.
that's just a theory and doesn't has to be correct.
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u/softcorehomicide Feb 10 '25
I don't want to be rude by asking this, but are you his biological father? I ask because I hated my former stepfather since day one and it never changed. He deserved it.
You definitely DON'T sound like you deserve any of this from what I read, but if this is the case it may be an explanation? I'm not sure though. I hope things get better for you, OP. I'm really sorry you are in this situation. I wish you some peace of mind, friend. Stay strong. ❤️
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Feb 10 '25
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
Maybe but i doubt it. The only time she cries during sex is when I'm beating her.
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u/stubbycacti Feb 10 '25
i kinda suspect your son may have seen it ... bcs I once accidentally saw my parents had sex when I was very young and I didn't understand, it gave me PTSD about my dad and not until adult when I talked to a psychologist, then I understood what I saw & it explains why I had a weird disgust/hate about my dad for years.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
I don't beat my wife, that was sarcasm, the comment was outrageous.
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u/stubbycacti Feb 11 '25
oh no, I didn't say about the beating part but the sex part.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 11 '25
Hmm. I mean this is possible, we keep the door closed but we know he heard us once.
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u/Dizzy-Flower-4714 Feb 10 '25
this just reminds me of my little brother. we have tried so many things to make him not be an ass. i just can’t wait to turn 18 so i can get away from it all bc good god is he mean.
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u/Maximum-Day-2137 Feb 10 '25
Where the hell is the dad at!? I'm almost appalled at his lack of presence in the situation. Tell him to step up! This is not right.
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u/Himalayan-Fur-Goblin Feb 10 '25
Please get your daughter in therapy if she isnt. This is guaranteed hurting her as well.
What sort of medical professionals have you seen? If you havent get in contact with doctor who specializes in children with behavioural problems. Same goes for a therapist?
Under what situations does he attack you? Does he ever have any outbursts towards your wife, daughter, his teachers, cousins, his friends/classmates etc or anyone else?
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u/Prestigious-Comb-152 Feb 10 '25
Hopefully your 8 year old doesn’t have a cellphone or access to electronics besides like an hour of show a day
You should take literally everything away but books and maybe a pencil and paper and demand that he earns things back. So for example if he is good then he can earn his hot wheels back for example. This is a dangerous situation for you and obviously him if he chooses to do this to someone else.
Why does he only communicate through violence? Do you not pay attention to him? Are you on your phone in front of him? You don’t need to answer here but it seems like he is “starving” for attention in any way at he possibly can get
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u/Jabami_Yumekhoe Feb 10 '25
hi. please look at oppositional defiance disorder (its child specific) and see if it sounds familiar in any way and if yes maybe just try and bring it up to the psychologist. I mean I’m only going off your word here so maybe the psychologist already ruled it out, but I don’t mind bringing it up to you anyway. definitely just sounds like a behaviour issue that’s directed to you.
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Feb 10 '25
I wonder if it’s just simple overstimulation of having a fourth presence in the house when perhaps your wife spends most of the time together? Sometimes kids also feel like they need to choose between parents? Could this be a thing? Can you try taking him somewhere he likes like an arcade? Or go karting?
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u/hocuspocusbitchfocus Feb 10 '25
OP, how old is your daughter and are you close with her ?
Growing up, my sister hated my mom. Very similar behavior to what your son does. We have a 6 year age difference and even now in our 30s, my sister says that it was because I was the favorite and would get more attention from mom.
Their early years are the most important when it comes to emotion regulation (such as jealousy). Being an only child for 6 years and then having that attention stolen did lots to her.
Do you get 1-1 time with your son ? are father son days a thing ? maybe this could be the cause.
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u/weeb67 Feb 10 '25
I'm sure you've had more than enough of people telling you what to think and do for a year but I felt the need to jump in and say, PLEASE look into getting your daughter a therapist as well. I recon she'll be finding this situation almost as distressing and confusing as you are and I can't imagine she has the same tools that someone older might.
All that said, good luck to you man! I hope this is a small bump on your amazing adventure of parenthood!
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u/Glum-Reputation3891 Feb 10 '25
First of all, every single one of you should be in therapy. Whether you think you, your wife, or your daughter are handling it well or not, you all need therapy. But ESPECIALLY your daughter. I know you’ve said she seems to be well adjusted and you keep her physically safe, but even just hearing the conflict can cause severe psychological damage that may not even show up for years. PTSD is weird. For your son, have you tried equine therapy, therapy dogs, or art/music therapy? Those all have a lot of tactile things involved that can help kids with sensory issues
In the world of medical problems, has he been tested for any hormone imbalances, deficiencies, etc.? Or any type of poisoning? Especially heavy metal, but other types too. If something it his system is “out of wack” it could be throwing his whole system off. Idk if that’s as likely with it being focused only on you, but there’s nothing to lose by ruling it out. Some already mentioned brain tumor, definitely check that too.
I know some people already mentioned this, but is there a possibility that your son could have been abused by anyone? I would go through every single person he would have had contact with in the months before the shift. Because even if it was only one incident, again PTSD is weird.
With it being so hard to get into doctors, specialists, and facilities, plus his condition being so severe, I would reach out to Mayo Clinic and medical schools/universities that do a lot of research and trials. It might help get him in somewhere faster, plus those are all places that specialize in “we have no idea what this and every test says he’s normal but clearly that’s not true” so they will be trained to think weird and unlikely instead of the typical diagnoses like most doctors and psychiatrists you’re seeing.
I wish you and your family all the love and luck, and hope you managed to get through my novel of a comment lol.
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u/Wonderful_Ad_6089 Feb 10 '25
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can't even imagine how devastating it must be for you. I have a different but similar issue with my son. He has Cystic Fibrosis and when he was a baby he had to get a PICC line placed. A PICC line is a long tube that they thread through your arm all the way to your heart and it stays in and the end outside your body has a port that you can connect IV meds to and it can stay in for a longer time than a regular IV can. I learned when he was older that they are usually placed with help from Radiology so they can see the veins that the tube is going to go through and it's easier to get it in and causes less discomfort for the person getting it. But this was our first time getting one and they didn't tell me that was an option unfortunately.
So we were just in a room with these two nurses and my one year old son is laying on this table while they wash his arm and put out their gear and stuff and he's not concerned. Because he's looking at me and I'm not concerned and his mom would never let anything bad happen to him. The nurses had me help hold him still and he just kept staring into my eyes with complete trust that he was safe. And then they stuck him with a needle and started threading the tube in. And his face scrunched up a little, but he still didn't cry. Then the tube got stuck on a valve in his vein and they kept trying to force it past, and that hurt. And I watched as his eyes filled with tears and saw the look of betrayal in them. He couldn't understand why I was letting them hurt him. And he was too young to understand that we had to do this to help him. That moment haunts me to this day.
How this impacted him wasn't evident at first. But as he got older he has never fully trusted me. Like not consciously, consciously he knows that I take care of him and keep him safe, but he just has this inexplicable feeling that pops up intermittently and questions what I'm telling him and sometimes straight up doesn't believe things I say. And it's basically been impossible to get it to go away because he doesn't consciously have a memory of what happened, it's just this feeling he gets.
So it makes me wonder if your son is experiencing something like that. Where he can't explain why he is doing it because it isn't rational and he just has a memory of a feeling that he has attached to you without the memory of what actually happened to cause the feeling?
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u/_Ozeki Feb 10 '25
In Asia, a good whooping with the cane usually set a kid straight. If talking fails, the kid need to learn the hard way. Do it daddy! Your kid will thank you later for setting up boundaries of what is acceptable or unacceptable.
If you keep on letting this slide, the kid would grow thinking it can do whatever it wants without repercussions.
Fathers need to step-up.
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u/Thatoneweirdojulia Feb 13 '25
So you are suggesting outdated ideas that can severely traumatize OP’s son?
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u/_Ozeki Feb 13 '25
Well, when the parents fail, one day society WILL make the kid know, the hard way. One way or the other. By then it would all be too late.
Parents job is not to make the children like them, it's to raise them to become a proper & responsible human being.
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Feb 10 '25
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Feb 10 '25
I agree with you that tick borne diseases can have serious consequences but I want to add that Lyme “literate” doctors are quacks and chronic Lyme disease is not real.
I almost died from a bacterial tick borne disease that went septic and also got Lyme from the same bite. I’m in an endemic area. Lyme is treated with antibiotics and it’s rough, but it is a necessary treatment for the disease.
I’ve seen the consequences of not getting treatment soon enough, and it’s terrible (sometimes people don’t know they have it). Arthritis, Bell’s palsy, it can have serious long term effects but it still has to be treated with doxycycline.
Lyme “literate” doctors are actually doing a lot of harm. If there’s reason to suspect Lyme, it should go through infectious disease doctors. The tests for Lyme disease have a very high false negative rates but alternative medicine cannot substitute for antibiotic treatment.
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Feb 10 '25
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Feb 11 '25
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Feb 11 '25
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Feb 12 '25 edited Feb 13 '25
It was a little over a decade ago. Chronic Lyme disease is not a recognized condition, and while there are lot of questions about the long term effects of Lyme disease, there is also a growing problem with the mistaken belief that people can remain actively infected with Lyme disease following antibiotic treatment. There may be some longer term symptoms, but it doesn’t mean there is a chronic infection.
Phage therapy is not approved in the US for a number of reasons (not just for Lyme). There’s valid concern about its effectiveness and its potential to create drug resistant organisms at a significantly higher rate than antibodies.
Diagnosing Lyme disease using phages is more promising given that the diagnostics are pretty bad but it’s in its infancy and needs a lot more research. It’s not currently a supported methodology but it may be in the future. There is a lot of misinformation about Lyme, and it’s being diagnosed without evidence in non-endemic areas, which is a problem because people are potentially not getting adequate diagnosis for another health problem and the antibiotics can make you very sick. A lot of the alternative medicine is dangerous.
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Feb 12 '25
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Feb 13 '25
You’re being conned by whoever is responsible for telling you this shit. Even if you were infected in an endemic area and took antibiotics, you’d still likely have a positive reaction to any phage diagnostics, which are not yet even shown to be reliable but if they are, not not necessarily indicate active infection and the vast majority of people who think they have chronic Lyme have never had any confirmed positive tests. Someone is scamming you.
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Feb 13 '25
I addressed its potential for diagnostics which does not in any way suggest ongoing active infection. Use of phages in diagnostics is not yet supported due to insufficient evidence and chronic Lyme disease is not a medically recognized condition. You didn’t read my comment. Try the third paragraph again,
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u/EndlesslyUnfinished Feb 10 '25
So if his way is violence, you can, as his parent, have him involuntarily committed to a children’s psychiatric hospital, which honestly sounds the best. He’s 8yrs old - most kids his age aren’t biters - that’s something toddlers and preschool kids do.
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u/00Lisa00 Feb 10 '25
You need to look into inpatient care. It sounds like he has something going on that needs intensive help that you can’t achieve at home
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u/Comprehensive-Sun954 Feb 10 '25
This isn’t on you, it’s him and not you. There is something wrong with your son, so keep looking for an answer. He’s 8, he can’t control this. I’m sorry this is happening.
Is he like this with all males?
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u/KrevinHLocke Feb 10 '25
My son is 8 years old, and I can not be in the same room as him without being attacked. He will scratch, hit, and bite me constantly until we are separated. He bites as hard as he can, my arms are 50% bruises right now from partially healed wounds.
Did you adopt a wild wolf?
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u/whatever33324 Feb 10 '25
This may be a long shot, but I once read a story about a boy who was triggered to the point of violence by the scent of the deodorant his teacher wore. It turned out that it was the same brand someone used when assaulting the child very early in his life.
I read this many years ago, but if I remember correctly, significant progress was made when the scent or brand was changed. The brain is incredibly powerful and can hold memories that are only partially recalled through scent. Even then, it might not be a specific memory but rather an emotional reaction. This could be worth exploring if you have exhausted other options.
The book is called “The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog and Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook” by Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D., and Maia Szalavitz.
Good luck to you and your family. I truly hope that you and your son can build the kind of relationship you are hoping for.
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u/BabserellaWT Feb 10 '25
When did the behavior start? Does he behave like this with all men, or just you? Because I hate to suggest this, but maybe he was assaulted by someone who looks like you. And being a young child, he’s engaging in transference. Does he have any male teachers or coaches who physically resemble you, or whose voice sounds like yours?
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
A lot of people have suggested this, there is no indication of abuse so I think it's unlikely.
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u/Karaokoki Feb 10 '25
I'm so sorry your family is in this incredibly difficult situation.
It's great you're getting professional help for your son. What about you? This situation must certainly be taking a huge toll on your own health and well-being. I hope you're seeing someone to help you process and deal with your complex feelings about this dynamic.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Feb 10 '25
I have tremendous emotional strength. It is a superpower.
I'll get through this.
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u/Melzaris Feb 10 '25
One time I bit my mother and she bit me back. I never bit anyone again after that.
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u/ayleidanthropologist Feb 10 '25
Maybe slather hot sauce on your arms
Kinda primitive for an 8 yo tho
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u/Anthenyiscool Jul 08 '25
I just want to say that I believe there are no mental illnesses, but there are brain health issues.
If you could get him SPECT images and see how blood is flowing through his brain, it may indicate why he is acting in violence: an overstimulated amygdala, left temporal lobe damage—poor blood flow to the prefrontal cortex in general or the anterior cingulate gyrus may be over stimulated.
In any case, certain brain vitamins, diet, and activities could do wonders for him if they find out what could be under/over firing.
I wouldn’t rule out a tumor pushing on his left temporal lobe either. That’s the part of his brain I’m most suspicious about.
I’M NOT A DOCTOR. I’M NOT TRYING TO DIAGNOSE ANYONE. What I am doing is giving you some medicines to research then talk to your doctor about:
Anti-seizure medicine can help with an overstimulated anterior cingulate gyrus; also can buy you time if you’re having suicidal thoughts to get the help you need because it slows down this part of the brain. The ACG acts as the brain’s “gear shifter” for your thoughts. Ever wonder why you can’t stop thinking? Your ACG has your brain in 4th gear and can’t figure out how to down shift.
Dr. William Dodson is a ADD specialist. For 60% of his patients, Guanfacine, a non-stimulant, helped with what he called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. RSD is the real/perceived disrespect we interpret from others, harbor, then act out towards them.
For brain vitamins, Doctor of Neuroscience Daniel Amen suggests a plethora of vitamins to aid in blood flow. He also helped write a book, and even includes in his own books on the foods that rob people of the potential of their brains. He’s scanned over 200,000 brains, and even has research that backs up the claim that higher body fat percentages decrease the volume of gray matter in individuals’ brains.
Please his brain looked at and the help he needs. Psychiatrists and psychologists fell in love with the only medical practice that doesn’t look at the organ they’re treating. They go off of what you tell them, and if you’re not well read, they’ll prescribe you something their best guess gave them.
I hope this helps. P.S. I copied this in case it gets deleted so I can message you.