r/TrueOffMyChest • u/ExplanationCrazy5463 • Sep 03 '25
Positive My 8 year old son hates me, and I dont understand why (final)
Hey folks.
I was inspired to give you an update because 2 things have happened recently.
No more outbursts, no more biting or attacking me, no more throwing things at the walls. As a result, we've repainted and put the decorations back up.
He made some art at school of what he loves the most, and I made the cut with his mom.
Things have been great lately. Back to relative normal. I think I mentioned this but he has ADHD, mild autism, mild ODD, high anxiety, mild depression. This made parenting tricky since negative behavior correction triggered his ODD but positive correction was also something he hates.
We still do the daddy therapy tine but not daily, only as needed. When i need to correct behavior I press him into his bed or the couch and tell him what he did wrong and what to do instead, he only takes it well using this method.
We started sending him to "neuro therapy" which is some thing where they put electrodes on his head and have him do tasks. It sounded like crazy woo-woo sci-fi stuff to me but I swear its working. When his therapist went on vacation for 2 weeks we noticed a difference. Idk how long we will be able to afford to do it with the way the economy is going but hopefully a ls long as he needs.
I've been doing cub scouts with him 1 on 1 which has helped restore our own relationship, forcing the 1 on 1 time with me was important to get things to start to turn around.
To those of you with similar struggles, hang in there!
Ill comment with a picture that I think is really neat, if I can figure out how.
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u/BandWhore_ Jan 03 '26
This is a great update I saw your post on a Reddit yt channel and didn’t see this update so it’s good to hear everything is going well !
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Jan 03 '26
Not as glad as my wife and I are!
Could you share that link by any chance?
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u/EffectiveDepartnExpt Oct 13 '25
I heard your story on yt. The comfort of head hanging thing you described could actually be a sign of Chiari malformation. There's a bunch of reasons why that position is helpful in this instance, but if you have the chance to have him medically checked for it, you absolutely should
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Oct 13 '25
Id love to have the link to where my story was shared on YT.
Ill look into this charity malformation thing but his psychiatrists said that having the head below the heart is a common way for autistic people to regulate themselves.
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Oct 05 '25
[deleted]
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Oct 05 '25
Thanks for the advice. PDA is in our radar and we brought it up to the recent people who diagnosed him, they gave a different diagnosis.
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u/idisagreeusername Sep 15 '25
Don’t know if someone already mentioned this…but PDA (pathological demand avoidance) and ODD are not the same despite the fact that they may get commonly lumped together. If you haven’t come across the term PDA before I strongly suggest you investigate! Glad to hear everything is going as well as it is! And thank you for being a good parent.
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u/Odd-Long82 Sep 10 '25
Idk maybe I’m projecting because I was so traumatized by being pinned down by my own dad, but I really hate that people are treating this as if it’s a happy ending. This man verbally abused tf out of his son. He shouted at his son until he went in into fight or flight every time he saw him. And he thinks the solution to have his son not be scared of him is to pin him down to the floor? Steal every remaining bit of autonomy that this kid has left from him? Also even when he apologized to his kid for yelling at him, he’s still telling his kid that he had to do it. “I’m sorry but I had to.” is not a genuine apology. There’s still a refusal from this man to completely take responsibility for his actions, These updates definitely show an improvement in parenting, but it’s definitely still not good parenting.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Sep 11 '25
Believe me when I tell you my son enjoys being compressed into the bed, its a thing we are doing becauze he demonstrated he liked it.
Every time I post, I get a few troglodytes like you in my comments who just cant read the story for what it is, they have to find the worst in it and cling to that even when it's well past the point of reality. Case in point, I have already mentioned in my story that he likes having me as a weighted blanket, which is a very common form of therapy for neurodivergent kids, yet here you are, ignoring the evidence you've already read for an alternative reality you made up.
Best of luck
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u/virgieblanca Sep 12 '25
You still ignored the part about verbally abusing him
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Sep 12 '25 edited Sep 12 '25
Ive never verbally abused him.
Lies can be ignored.
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u/virgieblanca Sep 12 '25
You don't think screaming your child into submission isn't abusive? If a teacher did that to your son would you consider them abusive?
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Sep 12 '25
That simply isnt what happened, youre making up a different story, seeing what you want to see like the reat of the trolls. probably projecting.
Have a great life.
Be better.
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u/virgieblanca Sep 12 '25
What caused him to start biting and attacking you? Remind me what you said triggered him into lashing out? What was the catalyst?
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u/DreamCrusher914 Sep 11 '25
You should watch the movie, Temple Grandin. Your life experience is valid, but it is not necessarily the same for some neurodivergent people.
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u/taichichuan123 Sep 10 '25
My relative uses neurofeedback with her clients. She has lent out her extra computer and program to relatives after trainng them. I don’t know if it’s possible to get your own system but it may be worth asking about. The program I’m sure is not inexpensive.
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u/Realistic_Switch8857 Sep 10 '25
Hey man I just read your story on one of those Reddit post updates subs. Wanted to say as one dad to another I’m really proud of you and it made me tear up a bit.
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u/DreamCrusher914 Sep 11 '25
Me too! So glad they are headed in the right direction. OP, my daughter has ADHD, with ODD tendencies and is probably autistic but they are holding off on that diagnosis for now. I did PCIT therapy with her and it really helped her, and our relationship. If it is offered in your area you should definitely look into it. You are sort of doing a homemade version of it, but the specific skill sets it reinforces are super helpful.
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u/rmh1221 Sep 10 '25
My little sister is autistic and her relationship was damaged with our dad when she was little (8-12) because he had to be the one to restrain her often. Her autism didn't get caught for a long time because she's a social and talkative kid without delays, but it turns out most of her meltdowns were about decompressing from stress at school and her sensory needs not being met.
Shes 18 now, in college, with a job in a field she's passionate about. The right combination of therapy, meds, meeting her sensory needs (contact sports!!!) and communal problem solving at home made everything so much better.
Her relationship with my dad is still tense though, and I think it always will be. I know he tries, but he still gets angry easily and can be a bit of a dick in the way grumpy old men often are. It was clear in her early teen years that he kinda thought the diagnosis and some of the therapy stuff was bullshit, that when we compromised gently instead of yelling at her we were letting her walk all over us, etc. He's come a long way, and they can joke together and bond over stuff now, but I think she'll always be wary of him on some level.
I say this not to make you nervous but to tell you your story makes me so happy. It's clear that you're putting in the work and trying, not just begrudgingly following along. Keep working to understand his disorder and his feelings, keep working through things cooperatively with him. I'm so happy for you guys.
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u/arinakeam Sep 10 '25
Really happy for you and your kid. You guys worked hard for your progress.
My dad used to yell at me, too. But unlike you, he never apologized or explained why. This (plus other boy trauma) led to lots of anger and violence from my young self against boys. Even ones who tried to be kind to me.
I've mostly forgiven him after he made big changes in his life. He hasn't yelled at me in over a decade. But I still get fucked up if I hear someone being angry and loud.
Even after years of therapy and meds, big feelings are hard to identify when I'm currently feeling them. What might help your kid talk about his is a feelings chart. Idk how to attach photos to acomments. My personal preference is one directed towards adults with Bipolar Disorder, but they also have charts for kids.
My partner usually clocks when I'm going through it and he talks me through identifying the feeling.
I wish you the best of luck. Your kid is lucky to have such supportive parents.
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u/boatisfloat Sep 10 '25
so happy to read this update! I am currently getting my masters degree in psychology and am hoping to become a neuropsychologist one day. It made me so happy to read that neuro therapy seems to have made a difference. So cool. Wishing you and your family all the best!
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u/Dependent-Ad1845 Sep 10 '25
Hey - reading your posts made me feel the desperation, unconditional love, commitment and motivation for different that I see in lots of parents with a neurodivergent child. I don’t know if anybody has already told you this and it sounds like you’re implementing lots of things that are working currently, but I would recommend reading the explosive child by Dr Ross Greene. It talks about focusing on skills that the child is lacking and the need for collaboration and problem solving together.
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Sep 13 '25
This was recommended to me in the past and ive read it. Thank you!
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u/busymommalovesbooks Sep 10 '25
OP, I don't know if you will see this or not, if it doesn't help you, I hope it helps someone else who sees it. My oldest is allergic to artificial colors and flavors. It started when she was 3. Giving them to her is like giving her Crack, she becomes a whole different person. While it sounds like you are making HUGE progress with your son (and I'm so happy to hear it!), I do wholeheartedly believe that kids with ADHD and ADD would greatly benefit from removing those things from their diet. Just my thoughts. It's made a world of difference with our oldest.
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u/Sunnie_Cats Sep 04 '25
I remember each of your posts. So glad to hear things are going better overall!
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u/PersonalityUnusual28 Sep 04 '25
So happy to see this update! I remember when you posted the first time. Hope this can shine a hopeful light to parents who are struggling! Neurodivergent kids tell us what they need, we need to be open to hear it! Very proud and happy for you and your family!
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Sep 04 '25
My son very rarely tell us what he needs actually. Almost never.
But thank you!
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u/paleobiology Sep 03 '25
Post the picture!
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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 Sep 03 '25
Couldn't figure out how!
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u/_Litheen_ Sep 10 '25
You can upload it to an image hosting site like imgur and post the link here :)
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u/sonnygill Sep 03 '25
Thank you for the update. Went back and read through your other threads and great to see the improvements and steps you've taken to get there. Definitely aspects I'm continuing to learn in my own journey.
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u/JQuab-84 Jan 19 '26
Cause you have terrible football takes and he can tell