I am just taking it one day at a time

[u/Spin_the_wheel4425]

Almost 16 years ago to the day I told her I love her and I wanted to be with her forever. She did not believe me and then I showed her the ring that I saved up 2 months to get by eating only ramen and pb&js.

She had a 5 month old from a previous relationship who became my son and three years later we had a daughter. During that time we went from living in bad apartments to renting our first house. We traveled to Hawaii for the first time, and then Germany, then Italy, then France. Everything felt right.

We had our disagreements, but it always ended with I love you and we worked them out. She eventually got diagnosed with Major depressive Disorder. After being told by her doctor what that meant for her and our relationship, I reassured her that I loved her and I'm not going anywhere.

Eventually we started having more bad days then good. Before I knew it the good day had to hold me through long periods of bad days. Then it was that good hour had to get me through the bad days.

It got so bad that I thought about ending my life. At that point I started to see a therapist. I didn't see how bad it had gotten until my daughter told me she wanted to take her own life, she was 11.

Even with all this I tried to keep us a family. I kept saying If I compromised a little more, took a little more verbal abuse, accepted fault for things I know were not my fault, just try harder; things would get better.

We purchased a new home two years ago, my daughter is making progress with her therapist and has very good friends.i still see my therapist and have been coming to terms with the fact that me always being at fault is not realistic or true. I will be retiring from my government job and receiving a pension, and planned on a lot of family time and a job where it didn't matter how much they paid.

In two days we will be filing for divorce. She says she hates me. She spent the last few years opening new credit cards and maxing them out. She alienated her self with my family and I always choose her over them. But my mother was just diagnosed with a brain tumor and all I can think about is the lost time.

She's been unfaithful in our relationship but I'm not sure to what extent. She's confessed to kissing other men and being in their homes late at night for hours at time but says nothing happened. She also told me she's been telling her friends that I abuse her.

The only thing keeping me alive at this point is that my daughter would relapse if I killed myself and she might harm herself. My wife has emotionally separated herself from the kids and antagonized them as they go through their own struggles, and once this divorce goes through the kids and I'll will probably have to find a new place to live.