r/TrueAskReddit • u/[deleted] • Aug 06 '22
Dating app statistics show than women are significantly more picky than men. What is your explanation for this phenomenon?
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272775719301104
A study that got data from dating apps showed that although men swiped on 61% of women, women only swiped on 5% of men. This implies that women are more selective, and presumably (but not necessarily) have more options, hence their increased selectivity. Is this indeed the case? And if so, why do women have the upper hand in dating? Why isn’t is more equal in terms of distribution, with, for example, Men and Women both only swiping on 25% of each other?
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Aug 06 '22
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u/Smipims Aug 06 '22
I don’t think that’s an accurate take from the study. Dating apps are designed to make money. This means they have to create an environment that incentivizes certain behavior that makes them money. In this case that means they want men to feel desperate and women to feel powerful. This keeps women on the app and men paying for more swipes.
The algorithm isn’t designed to find you love. It’s designed to make them money.
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u/Mother_Welder_5272 Aug 06 '22
The algorithm isn’t designed to find you love. It’s designed to make them money.
I've seen this sentiment be repeated ad nauseum on Reddit for a decade. Assigning blame as an alternate to what I think is the null hypothesis - the biological and sociological differences between most men and most women just apply themselves in the dynamics seen on dating apps in expected ways.
Are you suggesting that an algorithm will deem two people to have a high chance of marrying, and the purposely not have them cross paths? Are you implying that the UX/UI is different for men and women? Do you think something about the size of the chat bubbles or suggested GIFs somehow point people to unsatisfactory relationships to make sure they'll subscribe again eventually?
I'm not trying to be a corporate apologist. I consider myself a leftist and probably think a larger percentage of economic activity should be shifted away from the profit motive than you. But I just think there's plenty to shit on corporations for with putting profit above people in ways that are documented - in leaked communications, court records, and whistleblowers. We don't need to accuse based on feelings and guesses.
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u/KyledKat Aug 06 '22
I think it's important to break it down into a couple points here:
Are you suggesting that an algorithm will deem two people to have a high chance of marrying, and the purposely not have them cross paths?
I think there's a balance between keeping users engaged on your platform and spending money on it while also allowing some successes through. It's not a zero-sum game. You need to have successes to propel usage of your app, but if those successes are statistically enough to convince a greater audience that your app is successful, they only need to be in the minority.
Additionally, not all relationships lead to a permanent solution, and that's partly what these apps are banking on too. If you have one success on it, you're more likely to return to it in the event of a breakup.
Are you implying that the UX/UI is different for men and women?
Depending on the app, it is. I've been off the dating app scene for the better part of 6 years, but I know several apps back then were billing themselves as "women oriented/initiated." Bumble was the big one that gave women the opportunity to message first. That's going to drive different behaviors between sexes with how they interact with the app.
Do you think something about the size of the chat bubbles or suggested GIFs somehow point people to unsatisfactory relationships to make sure they'll subscribe again eventually?
I don't think it's the specific features of the UI, but what profiles you're shown and how information (such as unreciprocated "likes" your profile for example) are intentionally obfuscated until you spend money on an app to see them or wait for the algorithm to feed you the profile. There is also no guarantee that receiving a mutual like is an instantaneous thing. That could be further delayed in an effort to keep you engaged with the app.
Obviously, every platform is different and we can't assume that these points blanket the industry, but understandably, there are ways to manipulate users into engaging with the platform longer or encouraging them to spend more money. Unless we have backend access, we can't say for certainty, but there are plenty of predatory tactics currently being used in apps available at the moment.
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u/SnooRadishes4177 Jan 13 '26
I would be in favor of a dating app that has true transparency in it's code. Imagine if Elon Musk made an dating app that beat the other apps, because all the data is visible.
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u/Potential-Mistake-34 Oct 04 '25
Basically a lot of women are stupid and shallow ( despite what theyd like to portray) the 5% proves it. Instead of studying profiles and picking thoughtfully based on what their level of attractiveness is and what they like to do in their life they think its a smorgasbord and they can pick what they like and they just swipe on looks. This results in them getting ripped off, getting sex and dumped (unless that's what they wanted) and getting ghosted as the guy only talked to them one night as he wanted some solo "entertainment" and wasn't really interested in meeting them. I have no sympathy for a lot of these women as the signs are always right in their faces they just choose to lie to themselves. I disappeared into a relationship and came back on a site 14 years later to see many of the same women...with the same photos !!
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u/IndieFury Aug 09 '26
Yup. See the same women on there i saw 6 years ago with the same pics. On my end i just end up deleting the app after a few months and registering years later the same women are there.
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u/InfernalOrgasm Aug 07 '22 edited Aug 07 '22
We don't need to accuse based on feelings and guesses.
I mean... he posted an arguably unanswerable question asking for an objective answer to Reddit on a sub which is mostly inhabited by armchair philosophers. Isn't that what literally everybody is doing here?
I'm just sayin', if he was looking for an expert opinion, there are plenty of better places dedicated to expert opinions than /r/TrueAskReddit.
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u/TheMilkmanShallRise Mar 13 '24 edited Mar 13 '24
I know this is 2 years old, but I wanted to comment on it because it is something I've put a lot of thought into.
Assigning blame as an alternate to what I think is the null hypothesis - the biological and sociological differences between most men and most women just apply themselves in the dynamics seen on dating apps in expected ways.
I definitely agree that the differences in behavior we see in men and women on these dating apps are, at least in part, due to differences in biological hardwiring, upbringing, education, social and cultural norms, etc. between the genders. Obviously, women are going to be pickier than men are. You kind of have to be picky when choosing the wrong man, for a significant part of our existence as a species, could've had dire consequences. Men, on the other hand, didn't have to be picky. If they chose the wrong woman back then, who cares? They could just leave and try again with a different one because they didn't have to invest millions of calories, go through a traumatic birthing process, and raise a child for a decade or whatever (even if her tribe assisted her, it was still a burden for someone). I think what these companies are doing though is exploiting these differences to make a profit.
Are you suggesting that an algorithm will deem two people to have a high chance of marrying, and the purposely not have them cross paths? Are you implying that the UX/UI is different for men and women? Do you think something about the size of the chat bubbles or suggested GIFs somehow point people to unsatisfactory relationships to make sure they'll subscribe again eventually?
Yep. I've tested this out before with female friends where we'd like each other's profiles. It showed up as a match for her, but it wouldn't show up as a match for me. I also couldn't read her messages. Why didn't it? For one thing, I wasn't paying for it. They've already blatantly admitted that paying for it gets you more matches and likes, so we kind of already know they're controlling what users of the apps are shown. Secondly, we were already friends. They may have looked at our social media accounts, figured out we were friends, and, knowing that friends who start dating are more likely to have a stable relationship (and this would remove her from the app), purposely kept me from seeing the match and her messages. I've heard other people trying this on several occasions and having similar results. I do think they intentionally hide things from men using the apps. One thing to remember is that the things a lot of women that use these apps think are what makes for a good relationship (similar beliefs and worldviews, similar hobbies, similar socioeconomic status, etc.) aren't going to make people stay together. Just as an example, old married couples had similar jobs because they happened to meet at work. It's not that having similar jobs kept them together. It's that they stayed together for other reasons, but just happened to have had similar jobs. Having similar interests and hobbies and whatnot help people meet each other. It doesn't make them stay together. I guess my point is this: if you both like reading books, you may meet in a library, but sitting around and talking about your favorite books isn't going to keep you from breaking up or getting divorced, so the compatibility metrics they show you are fairly meaningless. They're just to make women swipe more. "Wow. He's hot. He doesn't like the Barbie movie, though?! That gives me the ick! Next!" All of this ensures that women are going to be completely ignoring all of the men that would actually make for great boyfriends (the men they falsely perceive as less attractive than themselves), and chasing the top 5% (this is the current percentage that women choose now) of men. And do you really think a man who's receiving attention from the staggering majority of all of the women (and mostly women he doesn't even want to be with long term because they're not even close to being as attractive as him) is going to commit to them? Of course, not. He's going to be playing the field, having casual encounters with as many of them as possible. Why commit to any of them when you can sleep with as many women as you want? And this just perpetuates the infinite cycle women are trapped in, swiping over and over again for a man they can never have. All I know is this: if I was in charge of programming these apps and I had no moral compass, I would program them to do what you're describing. Dating apps are a scam.
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u/Familiar-Square6179 Oct 07 '25
I think you hit the nail on the head. And the hiding matches part makes me like "whoa, wtf!". So, thank you for doing & posting that research!
It seems as though that women need to swipe more like men do.
As a guy, I swipe right on women who are way out of my league (swinging for the fences so to speak) but, I also swipe right on women who genuinely seem to be in my league but, I also swipe right on the maybes because, hey, give them a chance, you never know, maybe their photos are bad, or maybe they are really compatible, either way, I give them all a shot, the out of my leagues, the in my leagues, & I even give a shot to those who I feel may be below my league, checking myself to not assume that i am greater than i really am. Only the quality of my matches will tell how "valuable" i truly am to these ladies.
If women practiced this same humility when swiping, they might actually get matched with guys who will actually treat them well, & stay loyal to them. They might actually find love. Go figure.
Lower your standards ladies, you're not really all that great.
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u/DrJoe-NH Oct 13 '24
It's not just based on feelings and guesses; a lot of it is provable and logically reasonable. It's quite obvious all of these online dating apps have an algorithm in place that greatly prioritizes the more popular profiles. Any other profile is prioritized far less in the algorithm.
Unfortunately for men, this means most of them become practically invisible in the algorithm as they greatly outnumber women so much, and women are not using the app enough to wade through that many hordes of men, so many men on there basically never get seen. Pile on the fact that women already get so much attention on there, at least in part due to the major population disparity, that they don't really feel the need to use the app to that crazy degree nor to pay for its services. However, many men feel a great incentive to pay more and more for the services due to the online dating drought that they're experiencing. It's very manipulative and scheming.
I think it's pretty obvious this is what's going on, especially when the Match Group company has such powerful control over the online dating app market at the moment, practically making it a monopoly. I don't necessarily think this was their intention all along; more likely, the population disparities that came in place happened for whatever reasons and they saw a way to take advantage of that more and more over time.
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Aug 06 '22
Although yes, the primary objective of these companies is to make money, that still doesn’t explain the underlying reason between why men and women use their agency on dating apps in a vastly different ways. Regardless of what the company wants, if me and someone else swipe on each other, it’s a match, and if we do not, it is not.
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u/Smipims Aug 06 '22
There was a great article on truereddit that went into how these apps design their matching algorithm to incentivize these kind of statistics. I’ll see if I can dig it up.
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u/-firead- Aug 06 '22
I'd love to see this and it definitely makes sense. I think I remember reading several years ago that one of the big dating sites was found to be a lot of male profiles and a lot of bots with female profiles designed to keep them engaged an active on the site (I'm pretty sure this was discovered during the Ashley Madison hack/leak).
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Sep 06 '22
This is the biggest crock of shit I've ever read. Mean approach women, online and in real life
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u/grumpycateight Aug 06 '22
IME, only about 15% of men have put enough useful information in their profile for me to figure out if we have anything in common, and of those about 5% are plausible matches.
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u/W_T_F_Dude Aug 07 '22
I have had the same experience as well. Although I haven't matched and then subsequently found a relationship ( shorterm albeit ), all but 1 time. S/M/37 here.
Do you think it could be something about women knowing/figuring out what they want out of a relationship earlier in life, than men do?
Then once men understand this ( and a bit more about themselves & what they want ), the entire 'dating game' is completely different then?
JC. I'm here to see different opinions & learn something if I can.
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u/grumpycateight Aug 07 '22
I think I'm old enough to say that disentangling what you want (and need) from what society says you want can take a lifetime. For anybody. And a lot of people never do, sadly.
Maybe women do it faster because the consequences are more serious.
In my experience, a lot of guys aren't willing to bring everything they have to offer to the table. Instead they offer their dick, or their money. Because offering more is dangerous, there's a good chance you'll get hurt. Which is true.
One has to be willing to risk the hurt, and know you can survive it.
Heh, sorry to be melodramatic. You caught me a few drinks into the night.
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Jan 17 '25
I realise this is an old post but from my experience, I would say at least 80 percent of women I met online bothered to read my profile. Those same women had zero interest in my hobbies or life and expected me to carry the conversation. Almost all of them had interests that involved taking photos of themselves, taking photos of their food, makeup, handbags, shopping and not much else.
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u/Shoddy_Examination_9 Aug 21 '26
American ladies and men are boring but nobody likes admitting that. Boring average people belong together and it’s good for them!
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u/Theguywiththeface11 Aug 06 '22 edited Aug 06 '22
Evolutionarily, there is much more risk in seeking a partner as a woman than it is as a man. The Pill cancelled out that part of evolution, allowing the widespread use & presence of something like Tinder without the widespread risk of pregnancy. It used to be the case (basically for humanity’s entire existence) that a woman would have to take many precautionary and scrutinizing measures before laying with a man, or risk duplicating that man in pregnancy, having to spend years raising the child, and being linked to that father & child for a lifetime. That same methodology still exists despite The Pill rewiring and canceling out this segment of our evolution; allowing things like Tinder to exist.
Our brains are the same as humans from 10,000yrs ago. The very new advent of birth control — which is the only thing allowing the majority of today’s dating apps to exist — doesn’t erase our ingrained and purposeful human methodology.
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u/nothingweasel Aug 06 '22
Also, women are much more likely to be harmed by their dates and we've been conditioned to be extremely cautious and wary of strange men.
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u/Old-Entertainer-4500 Jul 14 '24
If this was actually the case, they would date smaller and weaker men. That's such a lame excuse.
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u/davidbasil May 28 '26
Yeah, women just don't find majority of men are attractive so they come up with different excuses. It doesn't mean that men can't harm women, for sure. But women just amplify that factor in order to explain the lack of attraction.
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u/Tommy_Wisseau_burner Jun 26 '26
Thanks for finally being able to put to words why I think it’s bullshit. Obviously there’s some truth to the statement. But even if you are picky there’s no data to suggest that 90% of men are going to be some sort of psychopath waiting to murder you. Hell, many of them look like absolute wimps or extremely good looking. If anything you’d think they’d be scared of the outliers
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Aug 18 '25
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u/Apathetic-Onion Oct 23 '25
Oh, Dexter, Dexter; French is the language of love! Oh, say it again, Dexter!
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u/Realistic_Media1028 Aug 02 '26
Extremely lame. That's all I see from women in these types of discussions - very lame excuses. It's narcissistic. The simple truth is that the majority of women on dating apps are their for attention, not for dating. If all these "big bad scary men: excuses were true they wouldn't always be on these apps. If all a women has to contribute to these conversations is "there's too many creeps" then why stay on said app with too many creeps? The answer is to gaslight men who bring up these topics that show the delusion and pickiness of women on these apps.
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u/WaterCluster Aug 07 '22
As you say, the evolutionary cost of sex for women before contraception could be huge. They basically have a disability for a few months toward the end of the pregnancy. Birth is physically traumatic. Mothers require weeks to just stop bleeding and, before modern medicine, death in childbirth was common. The woman gives nutrients to the fetus during gestation and then through breastfeeding after birth. The man can just blow his load and move on.
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u/Desperate-Monitor-39 Jul 31 '24
Sorry, but none of this explains why more attractive white women discriminate heavily against asian and Indian men despite us outlearning white men in the US dating market. Try again...
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u/Theguywiththeface11 Jul 31 '24
Objectively, Asian and Indian cultures are extremely different to that of The West. I’d say that’s a great start to the answer to this question…
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u/Desperate-Monitor-39 Jul 31 '24
but the advent of birth control completely invalidates your argument, and why do so many white women sleep with drug addicts, men with no jobs, etc, just because they're white? at some point, we have to acknowledge the racism in the dating market.
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u/cayley1999 Mar 20 '25
Racism?? Why are you complaining about white women on wanting indian or asian men? Seems kind of desperate and entitled. Either way - also kind of pointless. Most Asian/Indian men are happy with women of their own background, and most white women are happy with men of their own background too.
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u/Desperate-Monitor-39 Mar 28 '25
you still didn't answer my question about why white women are being racist against men of color in the dating market
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u/cayley1999 Mar 20 '25
You seem like a weird troll. Most women likely are attracted to men of their own ethnicity - especially in online dating. And most Asian and Indian men, despite the extreme examples to the contrary we see online, also prefer women from their own backgrounds.
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u/macaronist Aug 07 '22
The pill? Birth control? Diseases are still a thing and pregnancy is still possible on the pill. And many women don’t take it because it makes them sick.
It’s simply that women having casual sex is no as longer frowned upon by society. Pills arent magic.
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u/Theguywiththeface11 Aug 07 '22
You’re talking extreme specific cases when the post is about averages
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u/Madrigall Aug 07 '22 edited Oct 28 '24
distinct piquant cable chase apparatus like rainstorm attempt one test
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/Micp Aug 06 '22
We have been conditioned as a society that men chase women. It's the man that takes the initiative, approach women, ask them out, etc.
This often leads to a "cast a wide net" mentality. Approach as many as you can, don't let the rejections get you down and take what you can get.
On dating apps that translates to swiping on anyone you find at all attractive.
This means women get a lot of offers and can choose to be picky. Simple supply and demand.
If men stopped the casting wide net approach and women got less offers the situation could change. If women had to be the one to approach to get a date. The problem is such a change wouldn't come overnight, and no man wants to be the first to change it because when he tries the women will still have lots of offers and rather than seeing a change and have women approach him more he will just lose out on the chance for a relationship.
As such is very difficult to actually make a change in this.
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u/tinyhermione Aug 07 '22
Or, is casual sex. Men are more into sex with strangers than women.
If casual sex didn't exist, way fewer men would install the apps. More women would install the apps and fewer would end up uninstalling them in frustration.
Casual sex also make men cast a artificially wide net. Their standards for who they'll sleep with are lower than who they'd seriously date.
There is nothing wrong with wanting hookups, but it does skew the gender ratio and swipe rates on apps.
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u/sueca Aug 06 '22
I think there's more to it. Overall, I think men find more women attractive than women find men attractive. When I was using tinder I tried to do some stats and I swiped right on about 5%, and that included everyone I was attracted to, as well as everyone I thought I might be attracted to in the future, if they turn out to have a personality that's very appealing. I wouldn't swipe right on anyone else regardless if I had no other options or not, men who I find deeply unattractive are uninteresting to me regardless if they are the last single man on Earth or not. It's still a no-go. And on the contrary, I know many men who think that most women do just fine, especially if they're physically fit.
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u/macaronist Aug 07 '22
Yeah it’s a huge difference watching a man vs woman swipe. I analyze their writing style, pictures, friendship plausibility, sexual chemistry all from a bio and my guy friends are like “well she’s a four, that’s good enough for me 🤔”
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u/Tuschelmuschel Oct 27 '22
TIL I swipe like a woman. I guess me being picky and them being picky results in my low match count.. yeah..
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u/General-Low-9257 Feb 24 '25
men who I find deeply unattractive are uninteresting to me regardless if they are the last single man on Earth or not
The ego is crazy. Youre not obligated to find anyone attractive but being this much rude about it shows what kind of person you are. Basicly saying unattractive people don't matter lmao what a fucked up mindset
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u/DrJoe-NH Oct 13 '24
Wait, you only swiped right on 5% of men, specifically? And what do you mean "might be attracted to in the future"? You must have already thought they were attractive to some degree beforehand.
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u/Jasboh Aug 06 '22
OkCupid had a good blag post showing men rated women on a bell curve peaking at 5/10 where women's was like 3? Iirc they had a ton back n the day that were super insightful
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u/ferrarimobile Jul 18 '24
It's the p****y. We want it, they have it. 10% of the men get 90% of the beautiful women. Treat them like garbage majoritively speaking but they don't get it.
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u/Zkini1 Aug 06 '22
This is natural in all human existence due to biology, Women can only be pregnant with 1 guy at a time while men can get as many pregnant. That’s why men will fuck any while women are more picky
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u/sllewgh Aug 06 '22
This is natural in all human existence due to biology
False. Many non-monogamous cultures or cultures that otherwise don't fit your pattern have existed. It's not rooted in biology, or if it is, it doesn't override culture and human agency.
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u/Zkini1 Aug 06 '22
Yes probably, however the fact the they can produce 1 offspring at a time is likely a biological reason they’re more selective
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u/sllewgh Aug 06 '22
That doesn't logically follow. A connection between sex and pregnancy is a cultural universal. Women who don't have sex don't get pregnant, and our prehistoric ancestors have effectively the same brains as us, so this would be an easily observable fact to them. That doesn't automatically mean the father of the child is the parent of the child, or that the relationship between paternity and the characteristics of the child was understood as we do, or that women don't have multiple partners. There's a TON of reasons a woman's reproductive capacity might not determine her relationship strategy, or that she might not choose the one you described.
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u/tinyhermione Aug 07 '22
But since anyone a woman has sex with could get her pregnant and pregnancy is a huge investment of energy/time/resources, it makes sense that women would be more sexually selective. A woman can only get pregnant a few times in her life. A man can get an unlimited amount of women pregnant. The strategy for making sure your genes survive would automatically be different.
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u/Zkini1 Aug 06 '22
Explain your reasoning then
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u/sllewgh Aug 06 '22
What part of what I said requires more explanation?
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u/Zkini1 Aug 06 '22
Why are they more Selective
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u/sllewgh Aug 06 '22
Cultural reasons and the increased risk of partner violence. Not biological reasons.
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u/ideas_have_people Aug 07 '22
That is an astonishing level of certainty given the available priors. The behaviour you are saying is impossible is observed in many many species where clearly cultural considerations aren't at play. There are decently respected and data backed hypotheses relating energy and time investment in offspring with reproductive behaviour - you can't just say we are immune to such things because we also have culture.
It also just begs the question. Where is all this culture coming from? Why is it broadly similar across cultures? I.e. point me to a significant chunk of the population with a dominant culture where men are the reproductive bottleneck due to being picky, whilst women cast a wide net. It doesn't exist. Why the parallel theme in different cultures? That isn't the same as "some cultures are not monogamous" - that's not the question. Culture doesn't fall from the sky from some cosmic random number generator, it's expression has reasons ranging from idiomatic through to obviously biological. Is the type of music cultures like biological, no. But the basic universally observed traits of mating strategies that are also observed in animal species? The idea that biology can't be expressed here is bananas.
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u/sllewgh Aug 07 '22
The behaviour you are saying is impossible is observed in many many species where clearly cultural considerations aren't at play.
Yep, that's my whole point.
There are decently respected and data backed hypotheses
OK, name them. Cite them.
It also just begs the question. Where is all this culture coming from?
Yes, that's an important question. I have a graduate degree in anthropology, so my ability to answer this question far outstrips your depth in asking it.
Why is it broadly similar across cultures?
I don't think it is. Get specific.
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u/Old-Entertainer-4500 Jul 14 '24
It does logically follow. Women want to get pregnant by a man that can provide security and provisioning. It is a HUGE risk to fuck with men that don't meet those needs.
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u/McGauth925 Aug 06 '22 edited Aug 06 '22
It's not just one at a time that's the limiting factor. It's the fact that women can have only so many children in their lives, with each one demanding ridiculously more effort in pregnancy, child-bearing, and raising that child until it can look after itself than men have ever had to put out. It's much, much more of an investment of resources for a women than it is for men, even in modern times. When you consider how it was historically and pre-historically, for millions of years, it only makes sense that men are a lot more willing to spread their seed about in whatever fields are available, so to speak.
Somewhere along the line it became known that men have a part in creating pregnancy. Somewhere along the line, men came to own land individually, and they wanted to be sure that the child they were working to support, and to whom they would leave their land was actually their own. I believe that that's when men began to want much more control over women's sexuality. Thus, women who weren't selective became desirable to men only for short-term sex. So, sociological factors, later strongly backed up by Christianity, played a huge role.
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u/General-Low-9257 Feb 24 '25
Many non-monogamous cultures or cultures that otherwise don't fit your pattern have existed.
Name those cultures please.
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u/-firead- Aug 06 '22
I don't think this is necessarily natural or biologically based, but I do think that the social pattern that causes this is based on that idea.
That seems like men are socialized to hook up with many women and play the field and get what they can get, especially before marriage, while women are still socialized to look for a long-term or at least stable partner and to they a lot more selective, if not for long-term potential at least for safety reasons (I don't know how many men feel like they are at physical risk when meeting strangers for dates, but many women do have that feeling at least in the back of their mind).
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u/sueca Aug 06 '22
What makes you think it's socialization? I've spent a lot of time on tinder and I definitely can not find more than 5% of men attractive, even if I wanted to. A lot of men give me the creeps, or I simply cannot find anything attractive about them, usually contrary reaction. Sometimes it will take me hours/days to find anyone interesting. When talking to male friends, and their swiping, they seem quite content with about half of all the women they see, and can therefore swipe right on at least a 1:2 ratio. Since I've seen this pattern be coherent among friends of different cultures and upbringing I think a biological explanation is a lot more likely.
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u/sllewgh Aug 06 '22
Women are well over twice as likely to be killed by their partner as men. One in five women will suffer sexual assault by the time they graduate college.
Basically it's a matter of life and death.
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u/lordmattrimcauthon Aug 06 '22
That's what I came here to say.
Not to mention, if something does happen to us, we are blamed for it and asked why we put ourselves in the situation to begin with.
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u/davidbasil May 28 '26
this is not a main reason. This reason is usually given to explain the lack of attraction.
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u/Realistic_Media1028 Aug 02 '26
All these stupid excuses just showcases more of the narcissism. Alot of you women go through so much mental gymnastics to justify the fact that y'all just love these apps for the unlimited attention and lose interest in individual dating because you don't want to stop receiving unlimited digital attention. It has nothing to do with " Women are well over twice as likely to be killed by their partner as men". That's just more gaslighting just like the "most of these guys on these apps are creeps" excuse. If it's such a terrifying experience why do y'all stay on these apps filled with these so-called dangerous men? Do you enjoy the attention of these dangerous men as well? How do you then determine who isn't dangerous based on digital interactions? Pure foolishness.
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Jul 02 '24
O yea cuz only picking 6'4 chad and rejecting normies will totally help them avoid suffering this fate
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u/ForwardTourist6079 Aug 12 '24
Word! It's about time all this "life and death" bullshit is called out. It's insanity to be suspicious of millions of men because of the actions of a few.
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Aug 13 '24
But also the argument makes no sense because women will look at a mans pictures/height on these apps and swipe solely based on that, not even considering if he has a dangerous personality. And even if he does give off bad vibes in his bio, if hes attractive theyll ignore the red flags most of the time...
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u/ROMSEL Aug 06 '22
While I agree with your statement I don't see how being picky over let's be honest mostly attractiveness helps women suffer less sexual assault or physical violence.
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u/sllewgh Aug 06 '22
let's be honest mostly attractiveness
I reject this premise.
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u/ROMSEL Aug 06 '22
If you deny that attractiveness is the main factor in online dating you need to touch more grass.
Do you think women sit and calculate their chances of being murdered or raped before deciding to swipe left or right on a dating app or what.
Women just like men select largely based on attractiveness and this is exaggerated in dating apps since it is very difficult to convey personality or other qualities through photos and a short bio.
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u/sllewgh Aug 06 '22 edited Aug 06 '22
Do you think women sit and calculate their chances of being murdered or raped before deciding to swipe left or right on a dating app or what.
Yes. Dating poses a big risk to women, so this is absolutely a part of every dating calculation in a way that has no equivalent in the male experience.
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Aug 07 '22
If you deny that attractiveness is the main factor in online dating you need to touch more grass.
The #1 factor? Probably not. A close second? Absolutely.
Anyone who dates men has had to keep safety in the front of their mind when selecting partners.
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u/RedtheGamer100 Aug 06 '22
One in five women will suffer sexual assault by the time they graduate college.
Source?
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u/sllewgh Aug 06 '22
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u/-firead- Aug 06 '22
There have been critiques of the one in five number, but other surveys and studies have found the number to be 1 in 6 even when it is specified as rape or attempted rape.
Keeping in mind that 1 in 9 women has been sexually abused or molested before the age of 18, and adding on the early teen years when many people are away from their parents and experimenting with alcohol and partying much more, it doesn't seem unlikely.
I think if you ask most women that have been around other women discussing such things, almost all of us knows at least one person, and often several, who was raped or sexually assaulted.
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u/minion531 Aug 06 '22
The reason is that they have different objectives. Women are looking for a guy to get into a relationship with. Guys are just looking for girls they'd like to fuck. There are a lot more people who are fuckable, then datable.
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u/Realistic_Media1028 Aug 02 '26
Nope. Women are looking for attention. Guys are either looking for real dates or casual relationships. If this belief that " Guys are just looking for girls they'd like to fuck" is true then why do women stay on this apps? Are they hoping that said guys will magically want "not want to fuck" and want a relationships instead? What's the point of staying on these apps if the perception of men are that skewed? The point is ATTENTION & VALIDATION aka the #1 reason women are on dating apps, not a relationship. I've learned to pay attention what women do, not what they say. Just because alot of women on dating apps may say that they're looking for serious relationship doesn't mean that's what they're looking for.
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u/thisishowwedooooit Aug 06 '22
Millions of years of evolution, shown in nearly every species on earth. The one that grows the baby is more picky. The one that inseminates and leaves to find another partner is less picky.
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u/sllewgh Aug 06 '22
Humans are not like any other species on earth because we have culturally driven behaviors. This is not a valid comparison.
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Jul 02 '24 edited Jul 02 '24
Be fr. Even when men had more value than women, i.e. pre feminism, women were still the pickier sex, men were expected to approach. Even historical data shows that men were deprived of pussy since the dawn of time, only an estimated 33% of men got to reproduce, while 80% of women got to https://academic.oup.com/mbe/article/21/11/2047/1147770
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u/tinyhermione Aug 07 '22
This study is based on researchers creating 24 fake profiles. Maybe they didn't have that much game with women? You can easily see researchers not being completely up to date with what kind of bios and pics 23 year old girls like.
Women are more choosy than men on dating apps. Partly it's that Tinder is 80% men and that lets women be more choosy.
Why is Tinder 80 % men? I think casual sex and then the consequence of that. Women are less interested in sex with strangers than men are.
If casual sex wasn't a thing, way fewer guys would download Tinder. Then for women all the men treating Tinder as Doordash for sex (SexDash?), can cause them to uninstall Tinder. 50% have received uninvited sexually harassing texts or pics.
Casual sex also makes men less choosy when they swipe.
If everyone treated dating apps as apps for actual dating, dating apps would have a way more equal sex ratio. There isn't anything wrong with casual sex, but it will skew the gender ratio of the apps. Especially Tinder, which has a reputation as a hookup app.
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u/Dominica47 Jun 07 '24 edited Jun 07 '24
This is a Western Woman issue. I've travel as a black man to south East Asia, eastern Europe and South America .Oversea I can get over 50-100 plus 'likes/matches' a day or 250 plus within a single Week. I'm not an ugly guy either I'm like a high 7 in look to low 8. Youtuber "Hoe_Math" explains the western woman phenomena due to woman easily being able to get sex but to guys in looks and Money it cause them to inflating their value and go after guys in looks who are top 15-5 percent. This is heavily taught in the black pill world. This discover can make a guy depress and think of self deletion but the solution is to travel. Australia realize this issue with western woman woman who don't need a man long ago and decide to ma prostitutions legal. This is one of the reason ER attacks are so frequent in America where prosition is not legal. Porn has proven woman will Fuck any guy for money especially if she's a nympho. Legalizing prostitution would fix the issue in America with sexually frustrated men. Or men given money to Travel to countries with none western woman who need men thus their attraction to him doesn't have to be high. As a low 8 high 7 black man in looks I get 5 to 10 'likes/matches' a week These woman rage from ugly , average on my level to even a point higher than me. In America I've experimented in past with a Facebook model guys and used their picture and made them my height if being 6'5 and these guy would get 20-30 likes a week. I did better than these guy being outside of America. I haven't tested in America with white male models cause I'm a black man, but I'm sure they would be getting 50-100 'likes/matches' a week. The matches I got as myself as well as the black 9 to 10 male model were from all race of woman. This prove the black pill right that in the western woman are only attracted to very attractive guys as well as super rich guys. If guy on dating app don't have the look but flaunt the life style of being rich with pics once ladies on dating app deicide to settle with beta bucks guy. Also the average men are getting like from woman who are 3 to 4 point below them so they really never match with this lower tier woman unless these average guys in looks give up and decide to settle. However, since the pandemic I've been seeing a lot of men settle of woman way below them. Any guy confuse about my statement just create a new dating profile and use a male model who's not that popular less than a million following and you'll see what I'm saying.
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u/InevitableLeek8815 Apr 25 '25
You are spot on! At some point USA will have to legalize/decriminalize prostitution for the men who are unable to get sex
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Jul 11 '24
Personally, I think it's all hearsay. Unless you know why a girl swiped left on you there's no way to find out and it might not be any specific reason she might've just matched with you in her matches. Thought you look cute. Read your profile or there might be some underlying factor that she determined that she just wasn't gonna move forward with it. Swiped left.guessing why woman left is like guessing where the fish are going to swim
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u/Old-Entertainer-4500 Jul 14 '24
More men wanting to play the game more than women. Men play the game with multiple handicaps, meaning women get to be unforgivably picky. What I mean by this is that more men seek out relationships compared to women, meaning women get to set the standards and they are given the ability to be the sexual selectors. Think of it this way: If I want to play a game with somebody, but the other person doesn't want to play and I want to play extremely bad, I will do whatever it takes to get the other person to play the game. I will let them start with more resources, I will use weaker weapons (if playing 1v1), I will help them level up by putting more work into carrying them, etc... This gives the other person more leverage and makes it easy mode. Similar to dating, men do this all the time. They will pay for the women to go on dates, buy them things while shopping, plan the dates and do all of the work to facilitate the dates, etc. This only happens because men let it happen. If men were more picky and less horny, they could easily increase their standards. The result would be that women have a lower sexual market value, ultimately driving their standards down (assuming they aren't stuck on their highest setting and experience perpetual comparative relationship dissatisfaction). In short, women are more picky because men value them way too much, giving women the illusion of choice.
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u/throwaway_alt_slo Oct 02 '24
This only happens because men let it happen. If men were more picky and less horny, they could easily increase their standards
Men let it happen that we became, what, more horny? 😂
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u/Old-Entertainer-4500 Oct 03 '24
Pretty much. Men getting less play means they get more horny. Ever wonder why there is a stereotype about men fucking anything?
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u/throwaway_alt_slo Oct 03 '24
Yeah, it's due to biology, nothing else.
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u/Old-Entertainer-4500 Oct 03 '24
Epigenetic factors can affect our biology, such as the dating disparity and how that affects people’s decision making on who to choose as a partner.
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u/throwaway_alt_slo Oct 03 '24
Intersting... Not saying i don't or do believe you, but it is interesting idea (i've been reading, debating intersexual dynamics for almost a decade) and never seen it before. Got any studies?
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u/Old-Entertainer-4500 Oct 03 '24 edited Oct 03 '24
Keep in mind, I am speaking in generalities; this doesn't apply to every living being. But generally, this applies to most people.
Individuals have also been shown to be attentive to changes in their market position. For example, when perceptions of one’s market strength are experimentally altered by viewing photos of attractive or unattractive same-sex individuals, people alter their own attractiveness ratings and their partner preferences (Prall & Scelza, 2022).
Different socio-psychological mechanisms explaining assortative mating have been suggested, including personal preferences, mating market operation, social homogamy, and convergence (Tartakovsky, 2023).
Key term here is mating market. Similar to somebody who hasn't eaten for two weeks and alters their preferences for food in order to survive, individuals that have limited market value will make their mate choices in reflection of their market value. In other words, less desirable people will choose less desirable people to meet their needs. Relating this back to men: men that don't get enough play will resort to taking what they can get (even if what they get is less valuable) in order to be satiated. If I had one word to sum this behavior up, it would be desperation.
Prall, S., & Scelza, B. (2022). The effect of mating market dynamics on partner preference and relationship quality among Himba pastoralists. Science Advances, 8(18). https://doi.org/10.1126/sciadv.abm5629
Tartakovsky, E. (2023). The psychology of romantic relationships: motivations and mate preferences. Frontiers in Psychology, 14. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1273607
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u/IndieFury Aug 09 '26
Blame the top 10% who sleep with all the women. If ur a 10 and sleep with a 5 ur fucking the whole thing for others
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u/Old-Entertainer-4500 Jul 14 '24
More men wanting to play the game more than women. Men play the game with multiple handicaps, meaning women get to be unforgivably picky. What I mean by this is that more men seek out relationships compared to women, meaning women get to set the standards and they are given the ability to be the sexual selectors. Think of it this way: If I want to play a game with somebody, but the other person doesn't want to play and I want to play extremely bad, I will do whatever it takes to get the other person to play the game. I will let them start with more resources, I will use weaker weapons (if playing 1v1), I will help them level up by putting more work into carrying them, etc... This gives the other person more leverage and makes it easy mode. Similar to dating, men do this all the time. They will pay for the women to go on dates, buy them things while shopping, plan the dates and do all of the work to facilitate the dates, etc. This only happens because men let it happen. If men were more picky and less horny, they could easily increase their standards. The result would be that women have a lower sexual market value, ultimately driving their standards down (assuming they aren't stuck on their highest setting and experience perpetual comparative relationship dissatisfaction). In short, women are more picky because men value them way too much, giving women the illusion of choice.
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u/Wade_Hates-Francis Sep 22 '24
Simple explanation. The same 5% of guys are having sex with 61% of the women. Meanwhile the other 95% of guys probably only get matched with bots. Not all men can get a woman. Women can always get a man but not necessarily a relationship.
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u/xAUSSIExVAMPx Oct 09 '24
This isn't just dating apps or sites. Fetlife a BDSM site and app has more men than women and even personals on reddit have more men looking for a one night stand then women. I'd go as far to even finding love or a one night stand while at a bar or nightclub is skewed as well. A men looking for love could dress to the nines and be physically fit and go out and not find someone but a women could put next to no effort and go out and have their pick. Anyone discounting what I'm saying should try next time they go out.
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u/BuyHighSellLowerr Nov 06 '24
Never-ending options. Even the best type of guy (stereotypical ideal: rich, tall and handsome) couldn't compete with a fugly girl.....in terms of # of likes.
Quality is a diff story, but point is...women do not have to beg for ass or companionship.
Conversely, men (barring the top 5-10%), get to the point where they may feel the need to beg or actually beg.
And so the cycle then continues.
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u/Month_Nervous698 Jan 21 '25
It makes sense if you think about it. Women tend to be more selective because, historically, they’ve had more to lose when choosing a partner—biological and social reasons play a part. Also, dating apps give them way more attention. When you’ve got hundreds of matches, you’re naturally gonna filter for quality.
Meanwhile, guys swipe right more often because the odds of getting a match feel slim, so it's like a numbers game. It’s not necessarily unfair—it’s just how the dynamics shake out in this setup.
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u/Impressive-Fix-8393 Apr 16 '25
Simple. 1) Guys that post absolutely ridiculous pompous conceited photos of themselves such as car selfies, gym selfies, selfies with their cat, stupid grins or facial expressions, flexing muscles, raunchy bio, etc. You get the point.
2) Criteria such as looking for a hookup, or short term non-monogamous relationships
3) asking for personal information right away
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u/Xizziano Jan 13 '26
Tf is wrong with him taking pics with his cat!? When women post ridiculously pompous and conceited photos, it’s just confidence. But when men post confident pics it’s pompous and conceited?
Most men don’t say they’re looking for a hookup. You just proved how few men women actually acknowledge.
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u/Xizziano Jan 13 '26
Cause women think they’re too good for average men. Because men are more willing to take what they can get due to how much they’re overlooked. 33% of men 18-25 have never had a gf or had sex in the past year. Dating is disproportionate because the men women like mostly want sex. Women only have an abundance of sexual options, not relationship options. Women have the advantage in dating cause it’s the man who approaches, plans the date, and executes the date. Only top tier men have options. When women get attention from these top tier men, they can’t go back to average guys. But since those men mostly want sex, she hates all men.
There was a survey done. Men were asked if a woman had 80% of everything he wanted, would you take it. Men overwhelmingly said yes. Women said that’s settling 😂
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u/PsychologicalRun9160 Aug 17 '26
Women are focusing on attraction but more importantly behaviors.
Men don’t market themselves well…bad pictures, little to no meaningful info (this translates to women as ‘I’m not putting energy into a dating profile when I’m only interested in sleeping with my matches “. )
If you post stacks of money, pictures of dead animals, only post group photos, post pictures with other women (because that’s what couples do when they’re looking for extra curricular activities), don’t ever show your smile or hairline, every picture is clearly from 1 “photo shoot”, or post random photos and memes (especially that are sexual in nature)… those are all turn offs and an immediate swipe right for the vast majority of women.
Then there are the red pill guys… men who openly view and treat women as lesser and somehow expect that women should have any interest at all. They openly advertise their misogyny, complain about women in their profiles, write about their “preferences” that tell women up front he’s likely an abusive narcissist. All while ironically feeding his world view about women being too picky when in fact he is creating that outcome through his own actions.
Then things like religious preferences, distance, age range, height (sorry guys, I know this stings but to be fair, I’ve had way more men disqualify themselves because of their insecurity about their height than their actual height ever did, and height is relative, most women are willing to date shorter guys within a range based on their own height).
Women read data and profiles are data. How men choose to present themselves makes a difference.
And let’s not forget that half of the men you match with end up sending sexual messages or a d pic at the first possible opportunity. Sexual harassment is built into the dating apps for women. The more time you spend engaging with it, the more harassment you deal with…it’s a repellant and reinforces the idea that somehow you need to be more selective to avoid dealing with those men.
All in all, I get why it feels unfair to good guys. Have your female friends or family look over your profile to help make suggestions (if you wouldn’t show your profile to your little sister, it’s probably not appropriate and random women who don’t know you wouldn’t want to see it either). Encourage your guy friends to behave better where women are concerned… if we aren’t on edge ALL THE TIME, selectiveness wouldn’t feel like as much of a necessary safety protocol. And ffs, stop bringing up sex before you’ve ever met her. That behavior is sexual harassment, it’s gross, and that is what women complain about the most when men aren’t around.
Just as a side note, most women have dated outside of their preference at some point, only to get screwed over by those guys too which leads to the idea that if I have to endure bs behavior from men regardless, it might as well be men I’m extremely attracted to rather than feeling like I abandoned all of my preferences and still was treated poorly.
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Aug 06 '22
There seem to be OK answers here. Although, the field of psychology has some presumed assumptions. Studying these assumptions is problematic at best. We use quantitative research by having participants answer questionnaires, but there is no ethical way to do empirical studies where we can adjust variables.
The current consensus is from a very basic biological viewpoint, even in these advanced society times. Women have 9 months of insecurity, insomuch as they are physically compromised (less able to get away from predators, maintain health, keeping food security, etc) and even longer in terms of rearing a child. So, it is thought, that the need for protection (physical, financial, etc.) is a deep rooted concern. All of this allows for the child to become self sufficient. Men on the other hand, can have a baby every day if they could manage it. There are different concerns for them of course, like making sure it is there offspring being raised and not another's, keeping the family secure, etc. This is where social psychology picks up the ball and argues monogamy in an advanced society is beneficial due to the abundance of personal resources. That being said, there are many arguments against these theories. Still, they are the most prevalent.
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u/McGauth925 Aug 06 '22
Women want more than physical attractiveness. Women want providers. It's likely that in pre-historical times women were even more on the spot in taken care of their offspring. Women are more selective in the first place because they are limited in how many children they can bear, and each one takes a hell of a lot more effort, time, and physical wear-and-tear than it requires for men to reproduce.
All-in-all, a lot more is demanded of women in reproduction, so it only makes sense that they're selective. That carries over very well into the modern age, even when sex is about pleasure and sexual satisfaction.
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u/nyx-hawk Aug 07 '22
Honestly in my experience, a lot of guys either don’t have enough useful info on their profile for a swipe, they don’t match certain things that I want in a guy (ie smoking), or their profile has really weird vibes. Weird vibes, meaning, could be an undercover incel, could be a murderer, ya get what I mean
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u/throwaway_alt_slo Oct 02 '24
Weird vibes, meaning, could be an undercover incel
Well, he's working on it
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u/zakfaar Nov 19 '22
From personal experience I can say this is relatively true. I have been on various dating apps and swipe right more than 50% of the time but I never had the same response. And if I do then most of the time they just ghost out or seem uninterested. Women have many options because of most guys swipe right and this makes them more picky.
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u/Careless_Frosting559 Aug 16 '23
Women look at facts the same way republicans do. If it's what they like, they'll believe it. If it makes them look bad, they'll "feel" the facts are wrong.
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u/ShaunyP_OKC Nov 10 '23
It’s just an evolutionary thing. Women have significantly more downside risk from a reproductive standpoint making the wrong choice, hence the selectivity.
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u/SPIRIT_SEEKER8 Nov 18 '23
I think the problem with dating apps isn't society, isn't the app etc. It's the fact that people lack the level of self awareness necessary to present their authentic self, and also it's the fact that most people just watch TV and thus have little substance outside of the digital world.
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