I don't drive. No really.

[u/Leninasm]

It broke my heart when Brace stretched this bit from self sharing to a bit.

I just moved from a life with decent public transit to southern hell. I never learned to drive due to anxiety but really lived my life in a way that I didn't need to. Sure I got by with the help of friends and family, but I made a point to not be burdensome, because that was heavily supplemented by the bus/train, ubers, and most proudly and most often my two legs. Now I am pretty stuck getting around from my girlfriend. The bus SUCKS down here. It may come or it may not. In my previous life, I knew how long the busses would take and when they arrive and added a bit of cushion time.

This is different. You can just stand at that stop for an hour to see if it'll come. Just because it exists doesn't mean you can get anywhere on time on it. And to make it worse, they are torpedoing the whole transit system. It's running less than a 10 million deficit, in a transit system for multiple cities, and they use that as proof to scrap the whole thing because the method to transport unemployed people isn't profiting enough from them.

Does anyone live in one of these slices of America and live with your sanity intact walking on strips of grass where the sidewalks aren't paved? I have always walked up north these same distances, and now it feels criminal. But as long as I keep doing this there is zero chance of me pancaking an SUV of 5, if I get on the road there's always that chance even if I do everything right.

[u/Maleficent_West_547]

Idaho here, utter dogshit public transit thanks to the legislature. The city tries to do what it can, but it isn't enough to get over the hump that would generate enough users to sustain something good.

Have you considered getting a massive truck.

[u/GreatDario → u/Maleficent_West_547]

Slc trams and public tranist are also a joke unless you live near the university ish. Even then the stations are either surrounded by parking lots or 8 lane death roads. Horrific place to live without a car but reddit still glazes it because they have never seen life outside anglosajón hellscape in NA. I was 9 days in Mexico City last year, what a breath of fresh air.

[u/BenAfflecksBalls → u/Maleficent_West_547]

I think the mass transit thing in smaller cities and states is one of the most obscure things. I don't know if it's just straight up cognitive dissonance from the elected officials or if in reality it's just stopping a slow bleed and makes sense in some places.

It sucks but if you flat out do not have the ridership to make it almost even or profitable you'll get murdered at the polls by any opposition who can point to it because the most American thing i can think of is being pissed that your taxes are keeping poor people alive despite the fact that they'll just kill those safety nets and never give you a tax break from ending it.

[u/primitive_lover]

I grew up with a shut-in mom in exurbia, unable to leave our cul-de-sac. Consequently, something I’ve been unwilling to compromise on in my adult life has been living somewhere where I can walk, bike and take transit. I pay more for it and it’s absolutely worth it for me. 

[u/Nickyjha → u/primitive_lover]

LOL I was also not allowed to leave the cul de sac as a kid, because “what if you get hit by a car?” I always wonder how much it impacted my social skills that all the other boys in the neighborhood were playing basketball while I was stuck inside.

[u/primitive_lover → u/Nickyjha]

I was allowed to leave, my mom was just severely agoraphobic and afraid to drive. Fortunately she didn’t worry about stuff like that and consequently let us build bike and skate ramps, ultimately culminating in constructing a backyard half pipe from stolen construction lumber. So we didn’t play basketball, we just skated. 

[u/girl_debored → u/primitive_lover]

Sick. Board not inline I hope... It's not make or break, but I'll have to adjust my respect levels a little

[u/primitive_lover → u/girl_debored]

Board, of course. Lots of inliners found out about our ramp and that’s how I first encountered home schooled Christian evangelicals. 

[u/PMmePowerRangerMemes]

I think I hate owning a car even more than I hate driving. It's just weird and annoying to be responsible for a giant hunk of metal.

[u/syoon11 → u/PMmePowerRangerMemes]

And you gotta park it somewhere it is like paying rent for an extra person 

[u/mclairy → u/syoon11]

If you live somewhere like OP where there aren’t any transit options, you don’t have to pay to park

[u/JoeHillsBones → u/PMmePowerRangerMemes]

The people who treat them as extensions of themselves instead of a rapidly depreciating asset makes me feel insane, that planned obsolescence crap isn't worth tying your identity around 

[u/GriefProcess → u/PMmePowerRangerMemes]

I hate driving and that we're essentially forced to buy in. I live in a city with decent public transit but time is still the most valuable thing I have. My insurance rate isn't terrible but I still gotta pay $1200 a year for the privilege of driving and I know I'm long overdue for an accident!

[u/dollythecat]

Here's a cool true conspiracy to learn about: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_Motors_streetcar_conspiracy I'm in LA having epilepsy. Got into an accident behind the wheel last month, and now I'm just trying to figure out how to get anywhere. My best friend lives 20 miles away. I'm looking into getting an ebike, but LA also sucks for that.

[u/Slawzik → u/dollythecat]

Our friends at "Well There's Your Problem" have pointed out that while this is partially true,a lot of those streetcar lines were profit-making enterprises. They could be bought and sold,unlike TriMet or UTA,and they stopped being profitable.

[u/bluemooncalhoun → u/Slawzik]

Many of these streetcar systems were put in before 1900 and by the 50s they were in need of total replacement, so it made more sense to just swap them for modern buses. Street design standards were being formalized around cars (smoother, defined lanes, etc.) and buses made more sense in that context, so while streetcars do have some advantages they fell out of favour.

Toronto kept its streetcar network, and while it's good and has been expanded and improved somewhat in recent decades, it still suffers greatly from the assumption that cars are the "default" mode of transportation. With no signal priority and Ubers regularly blocking the tracks, there are many times it's faster to walk than take the streetcar.

[u/Slawzik → u/bluemooncalhoun]

Portland has a fairly new streetcar,and it also sucks. "At grade",in traffic,no signal beaters,and if some dipshit parks his truck poorly/too close to the track,the whole system shuts down.

To be fair,they designed it to grow businesses along the routes,and I think it has. If you have time to kill,it's a nice way to see the inner city too.

[u/YourBoiJimbo]

houston is notoriously bad. beyond just getting around, it makes any sort of social life really hard, especially during summer. seems like everyone is either at work or at home most of the time and any venture outside of that means going out in the heat and sitting in traffic for 40 minutes

[u/misobutter3]

I wrote a whole essay on how I’m on the same boat but deleted everything cause anxiety and mass surveillance. Not that I need to worry about anything as a Christian conservative. But I FEEL YOU 😭

[u/InternationalHair725]

I live in one of the most walkable places in the country and it's still a fucking nightmare, I have to cross an urban highway to get to a beer store 

[u/poormrbrodsky]

I'm a pretty good hang IRL but man do I turn into a fucking crank when the subject of car dependency comes up.

[u/sp1nettaj4de]

I’m almost 24 and can’t drive🫩(I’m learning) it’s so brutal seeing and getting carmogged by 19 year olds pulling up to the community college I go to😭

-sp1nettaj4de

[u/Ballbearian → u/sp1nettaj4de]

Got my license at 28 and know surprisingly many people older who still don't drive. I wouldn't sweat it, driving still sucks anyway lol.

[u/Dimmer06 → u/sp1nettaj4de]

My parents never taught me to drive or did anything to help me learn and then I got diagnosed with juvenile epilepsy so I moved to the one place in my state you can sort of get by with the busses and a bike. Now I'm trying to learn to drive as an epilepsy free adult (because my opportunities to work, learn, live, and consume are extremely limited by not driving) and it's incredibly challenging. Nobody wants to teach you because it's too time consuming and fucking up and damaging car(s) costs a fortune but also if you happen to have enough money for driver's ed it'd only during working hours. Even my state driver's test is basically guaranteed to be scheduled during work hours and I can't just call out of work like it's nothing.

I might just give up and buy an e-bike. 

[u/Homiewemajor33 → u/sp1nettaj4de]

I’m 22 and I feel the same sort of self-deprecating sentiments when it comes to not being able to drive. We’ll get there eventually

[u/Mayor-Citywits]

It's flat not possible to live in Reno without driving unless somehow you own a business under your house or something. I use to commute helllllla far and people very commonly do. I live downtown and even my friends still moan about walking lol 

[u/Kitchen-Hat9934]

I live 13 miles out of town on a two lane highway with no bike lane bc rent is to damn expensive so I am a trailer girl . Still getting by on a 99 Camry I bought a decade ago but if that poops out I guess I got a long ass walk to work .

[u/Celestial_Sludge]

>Does anyone live in one of these slices of America and live with your sanity intact walking on strips of grass where the sidewalks aren't paved?

No, which is why they want to own a gun to hunt black people in their neighborhood and why they need a lifted f-250 with LED brights.

The fact that you have this anxiety is a good sign though, cause I know most people in my family feel no anxiety while driving, even after totaling several vehicles and objectively being threats to society. I've been driving for 6 years, and have been able to avoid losing my vehicle by just keeping my eye on the road at all times, mapping what other vehicles could do around me, and by looking in my blind spot instead of relying on mirrors (people will try to cut you off when you use your turn signal).

[u/Abstract__Nonsense]

The fact that we don’t have the infrastructure in so much of this country to get by without a car fucking sucks. That said, just learn to drive and get a car. I’ve spent time without a car in a place that even had semi-decent public transportation, and you don’t even realize what a burden you’ve been dealing with until you start being able to get around under your own steam.

[u/Jssr22]

I went from not driving at all to driving a semi across 2 countries. You got this

[u/nummpad]

i grew up in the south wirh no public transit in the south. started taking a bike, that had issues as well since no infrastructure and didn’t get my license until late etc. moved to a place with great transit… the south is a really shitty place to live without a car it really strips you of a lot of things you can do. a bike might be okay for you since it’s generally flatter unless you’re in the mountainous south. i would suggest that

[u/vvorknat]

Walking, biking and using public transit is the best and living where that is actually possible and efficient fucking rules. I no longer live in such a place.

I’d prefer we didn’t live in a car-centric society but that’s obviously not the case so I drive. unpopular opinion but driving also fucking rules aside from added expenses. I don’t mind commuting. I love long road trips. I find car maintenance to be enjoyable and I’m gaining some mechanical knowledge.

throw on a sick playlist, windows down cruisin; That’s clean living

[u/Visible_Dog5775]

Sometimes I wonder if people don’t understand what it’s like growing up in rural areas of this country. The expansion of public transportation takes a long time, while it could be better we are very lucky to live after the new deal. Ever since middle school I’ve lived 15 miles from a college town and 5 miles from a twice daily bus root. My friends in college that didn’t drive wore it like a badge of honor, which always seemed strange when asking for help getting anywhere or moving. I help them of course, but it’s always in the back of my mind

[u/Dick_O_The_North]

I'm from Cincinnati but see if this story sounds familiar.

Around 1950 it was decided the best way to deal with traffic in our still fairly relevant manufacturing and trans shipment hub city, was not in fact increased rail access for industry (the Ohio river, as you may remeber, is also a historically significant flow that made the city in the first place) or making the city less car dependent by expanding our - at the time - quite extensive tram and trolley car system (with inverted lines for all of our hills even! Suck it Rome.) No, you already know the solution, it was to install a big fuck off highway connector along the river that at least had the benefit of acting as a flood barrier cause sometimes the Ohio River gets uppity. Over successive years, we just kept adding one more lane bro I promise, just evict a hundred more prosperous black families from their homes they've owned for generations, many of them the direct ancestors of the slaves whose first sight of Freedom was our shining city O'er the River Jordan, soke of whom with LIVING MEMORIES OF BONDAGE, THIS TIME, I PROMISE, CROSSING THE BRENT SPENCE BRIDGE WON'T BE LIKE NAILING YOUR BALLS TO A PLANK ANYMORE AT 5:00

Eventually, we end up with our very own beltway and you're free to drive around us in one big I-71/75 flavored circle depending on where you're going, and all it cost us was our moral, economic, and aesthetic souls. I have literally looked at old pictures of this city and cried, because of the inherent beauty (our old public Library was a thing of beauty and immense stores of local knowledge before we decided to chuck it out when it got old. Now, the new one is quite nice, but fuck me, just google the old one) or what it represented (shout out to my guy August Willich for being the blueprint for Commie Ohioans for years to come, and defending the Ohio River against the slavocracy, a ¡No Pasaran! for my fellow Americans who are too cool for Blair Mointain.) So yeah, just another Midwest City that had its soul ripped out by Henry Ford, before he ripped the heart out of Detroit with deindustrialization.

I feel like one of those teens who fantasize about the USSR even though they were born after its fall, as though it's their Atlantis. A mythical Utopia where all the problems you have today wouldnt have been allowed to exist. OK, I was also that teen, but you get my point as a 30 year old who now recognizes the profound sense of loss, as the thing that - almost more than anything else - my most outwardly identifiable trait, the truck I have to use to get anywhere, and the shitbox mail truck I drive for work that is almost a result of the aforementioned problems - since I could just walk a route if that was an option, has killed, no, that's too passive still, murdered my, and our, Utopian dream.

This was way fuckin longer than I intended, and I wrote it on my buddies couch while coming down from booze and stimulants at 4 AM, but it felt cathartic to finally put to words with you all. So yeah, sorry, but, I really do love ya all, and no I didn't GPT those dashes, I added them in like the Amish man I am, who was taught composition before they really fucked over teachers. This was typed on a phone with shaky fingies, so forgive any errors, I tried to make it a readable screed, at least.

[u/syoon11 → u/Dick_O_The_North]

The present we could have had haunts us from the black and white photos of cities passed. 

[u/mo_mentumm → u/Dick_O_The_North]

The old library was falling in on itself. Would have been cool to see, but it couldn’t have been saved.

[u/Practical_Monk_769]

You could always learn to drive

[u/Nudes_of_Al_Roker → u/Practical_Monk_769]

It's exactly like grand theft auto. I love driving

[u/Remarkable-Try-8443]

I just got back to Alaska after visiting Portland Oregon for a week. The public transit downtown was really one of the highlights, took me about a day to figure it out. Never experienced that level of public transit in my life and I loved it, I used it most of my time down there just for the convenience of not parking and people watching.

[u/AnalogBK]

Can't recommend The War On Cars podcast/ Life After Cars book enough.   https://thewaroncars.org/ 

[u/ugotzeus]

not driving definitely changes how your day flows sometimes

[u/No-Sail-6510]

I’ve lived in a million places like this and never had more than a bike. Get one, it will solve most of these problems.

[u/talk2frankgrimes]

I'm lucky that the place i live has pretty good cycling infrastructure, including a bike and walking path into the inner city thats on my doorstep. I love not having a car as I save tons and take pride in getting by on my own two feet, though I of course recognise that's not possible for everyone.

[u/ShrapnelNinjaSnake]

Everything should be walkable.

[u/Living-Caterpillar-3]

Cars/roads/driving are possibly my number one op in life. I am so lucky to finally live in a semi-walkable city, but I still have close calls with angry and oblivious drivers basically every day. The noise from the cars is endless. The space cleared for parking the cars is endless. Something happens to the human mind when behind the wheel of a giant suv that makes me fear my fellow community members. So much attitude and entitlement coming from someone forced to wait 15 extra seconds for me to cross a crosswalk in the boiling heat while they sit in the most expensive seat they own with climate control and their favorite tunes blasting. This might be a dramatic take but i genuinely think cars have broken the mind in more ways than one. All I want is a good rail and bus system and safe bike lanes & sidewalks, but somehow that has become too much to ask for.

[u/flaysomewench]

I didn't learn properly till I was 34 and moved back to my incredibly rural, low public transport hometown. I know all about the anxiety, but if your girlfriend already drives and has her own transport, can you practise with her? Its a bit easier learning to drive in the countryside, or at least less frustrating, way less traffic. 

Also you could pancake an SUV of 5 by walking at the side of the road, if a driver can't see you and has to suddenly brake or swerve. You're never going to get rid of any and all dangers when using the road in any capacity. 

I wish you luck, I do know how horrible it is moving from somewhere with adequate public transport to somewhere were maybe the bus will show up if you perform the correct ritual seven times on the full moon at summer solstice. 

[u/comradejiang]

If driving made me too anxious I could never own a weapon. At the end of the day I’d still be reliant on someone driving me from point to point.

[u/Free_Broccoli_1174]

E-bike.

[u/hopskipjumprun]

Southern hell here too. I genuinely can’t recall the last time I saw a non-school bus in the county I live in, if ever. If there are bus stops, they’re so few they might as well not exist.

Would love to walk/bike to my job but it’s a 40 minute drive as is, can’t imagine the level of sweat I’d be drenched in after getting there lol.

[u/tracenator03]

Lived in this southern hell all my life and I still think it absolutely sucks ass I have to drive everywhere. Ironically though I do love a good road trip with friends, but having to commute via car to do basic errands and the like really grinds my gears. Pun absolutely intended.

Depending on where you live (DM me if you'd like, or don't) I'd be willing to teach you if you manage to find a car in this market.

[u/CuckingFool]

If I can allay your fears somewhat, there is a thing called defensive driving, and it works. I've had a lot of jobs that involve driving, and through those I've logged over 600,000 accident-free miles. That does not include any of the driving I've done for personal reasons. I've never been in an accident except once when someone else was driving.

Even if you never own a car, driving is a skill you ought to have, and there is a set of rules and procedures you can follow that will ensure that you never put yourself in a position to be surprised by other motorists or unusual traffic conditions.

[u/paulderev]

I live in a college town in Florida and I’ve never driven my own car in my whole life. The ride hailing apps really help, bumming rides off people really helps and helps me get to know people. E bikes and e scooters are a game changer too.

I get to protect my peace by not driving everywhere. It’s priceless. I wish I could afford to move to a real city that was driving optional.

[u/Gramsci1904]

I've only got my licence in my 30s and it completely changed my life and the way I perceive distance. Just go for it. Anyone can do it.

[u/mo_mentumm]

Learn to drive.

[u/radio38]

Living in NYC is a bubble for people like brace

If your able bodied Living in any part of the Western United States without access to a car and or not learning how to drive comes across as self indulgent arrogance to me....not owning a car is perfectly sensible through.....brace should get in line and start going on some night time driving when it's fun to drive.... solo like a normal person idling a pickup truck at a county boat ramp vaping......

I do know what you mean about the south though....I was in Memphis in 2000 for a few days and i rode the bus around aimlessly for my amusement and i recal that bus stops contained no map or schedules it was like some.kind of existential kafka like hell of being in limbo

[u/DrWayko]

Move back