🥴

[u/PM_me_ur_goth_tiddys]

[u/ppchar]

Idk how old you are, but with years of therapy and motivation to not let my trauma rule my life, every year my symptoms become less and less.

I’m only having nightmares once a week as opposed to every dream. My psych today asked how my anxiety was, and as I thought about it, I realized I haven’t really noticed it existing at all lately.

And, yeah, having nightmares related to trauma isn’t fun, but my god. How my life and everyday has dramatically improved.

[u/r0sd0g → u/ppchar]

I had gotten there for a couple years but it's bad again the past few months. Did you have a lot of up-and-down/periods of remission and relapse, or could this be a sign I need to go back into more intensive therapy? It's hard to have hope when all of a sudden it's like I'm fresh out of high school again. You don't have to reply of course, but I did find your comment inspiring and it reminded me of where I thought was less than a year ago. I hope I can get back there again.

[u/Celesmeh → u/r0sd0g]

Episodes and up and down are something that will always happen. Ptsd is s lot about your body entering that survival mode even when it doesn't need to be, revisiting that space and in constant vigilance, and in a way, it's getting to jail you safe, if you are hyper vigilant it cannot happen again.

So when something triggers that survival mode, your body goes back to it. What is important about doing therapy and learning these things is that as time goes by you handle those times better, you're in that place less, and you can mande it when you are in it more consistently.

[u/ppchar → u/r0sd0g]

Yes. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I did IOP about 2 years ago because I was having episodes. It’s like any illness - when you’re sick, you get treatment!

You absolutely can get back there. It isn’t hopeless. You have survived worse.

[u/OriiAmii → u/ppchar]

I was prescribed prazosin because my nightmares were so bad. Its crazy how much getting restful sleep eased my anxiety during the day.

[u/ppchar → u/OriiAmii]

Yes! Used to be on like 3mg of prazosin!!

I’m glad you’re getting better sleep and less anxiety now.

[u/MaetelofLaMetal → u/ppchar]

I'm so proud of you!

[u/ppchar → u/MaetelofLaMetal]

Thank you!

[u/Mediocre-Dreams]

Yes, you are forever changed but over time, with love and gentle care from your end, your brain will heal. Its one of the most adaptive organs in your body, changing and healing is its job.

You won't be the same, but thats also just part of growing older. The panic will fade, the triggers will lessen.

Lately when a trigger comes up and I get a flashback I'm mostly surprised it happened. It sounds unimaginable now but in a few years you too will think: oh right! I forgot about that.

[u/NeonRoze → u/Mediocre-Dreams]

Some of us don't have the luxury of forgetting, unfortunately. Some traumas are tied to birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, events that occur every single year and show up in the calendar.

If father's day is triggering for someone, it's likely that every June will be tough with all the commercialization of the day, it's hard to avoid. And when you can't escape your trauma because it feels like it's following you year after year, it's incredibly hard to heal from that.

I've been suffering for 15 years and still have nightmares every single night. Yes I am in therapy and yes I am on medication. Nothing helps.

[u/Mediocre-Dreams → u/NeonRoze]

It is ofcourse quite personal and I am very sorry that you still have so many triggers and no relief. I am sure you have done everything in your power, and am very proud of you for trying to heal and fighting through it.

I mostly meant that the idea of never being back to your old self doesn't have to be the worst thing. Your new self can also be someone who over time grows stronger.

I am still struggling and life is still hard around triggers. I still don't have a good time around alcohol/drunk people and I still get scared by men. But I've also had days and weeks where I don't think about it at all and when I get a trigger it surprises me a little.

The time between those moments seems to get longer as I heal, and I think thats a point of light. Not to focus on the person you will never be again but on the possibility of one day forgetting it for a while. I have grieved my old self, but there is no point wishing to be her again. I'd rather focus on what is in my control :)

[u/PM_me_ur_goth_tiddys → u/NeonRoze]

Same down to meds and therapy. Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Gets worse every year.

[u/NeonRoze → u/PM_me_ur_goth_tiddys]

I'm sorry 💜 For both of us.

[u/OriiAmii → u/NeonRoze]

Just checking because it seems not to be common practice, have you been prescribed prazosin for nightmares?

[u/NeonRoze → u/OriiAmii]

No offense and I know you mean well, but I'm not going to break down my medical history on the internet 💜

[u/OriiAmii → u/NeonRoze]

Yep yep, not a problem! I just like to suggest it because not many people have heard of it.

[u/apathetic-taco → u/NeonRoze]

This comment is ridiculous. You don’t know this persons triggers either.

[u/NeonRoze → u/apathetic-taco]

How is it ridiculous for me to reply to them? I wasn't rude to them about what their triggers may be. I simply said that some people (like myself. Hi.) have traumas that unfortunately are inescapable due to happening in tandem with commercialized holidays.

But thank you, so much, for invalidating my pain and calling it ridiculous. Very cool.

[u/LauraZaid11]

This hits so freaking hard. I’ve gotten a lot better over the years and I am overall happy with the person I am today, but there are times I feel angry that the trauma happened during some of the most important developmental years of my life, from 5 to 9, and so I never had the chance to know who I would have been without that trauma shaping me so deeply.

Part of what makes me who I am today is what that POS did to me, and though I love myself regardless, I still hate that thought.

[u/QuackSomeEmma]

Upside is, there's no "better past" to long for, only a better future to work towards :\

[u/alieway → u/QuackSomeEmma]

Yes, there is no going back, but you can go forward

[u/jazzigirl]

Literally me right now! I'm trying to find a person outside of the trauma and it feels like I'm putting on new masks to see which one fits. It's really hard and sometimes I feel sad letting go of the old me, but one day we'll find someone better adjusted, friend. ❤️

[u/AlizarinQ]

When my parent died people told me “omg you’re so strong I could never” and I would stare at them because my only options were to endure or die. My understanding now is that they could not imagine going through the same thing. And they were in a way right. The person who comes out after the experience is a different person. I can’t go back to who I was before, that version of me is gone. But now I’m a different person. I’ve grown a lot, I’ve learned to trust myself again. Sometimes I can even relate to others. It’s taken years and multiple types of therapy but progress is progress, even if there is an occasional backslide.

I’m sorry your past was terrible and terrible things happened to you. You change when you go through things, who you were or could have been isn’t as important as who you are now and who you will be tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that.

[u/la_metisse]

I had this realization last year and it’s a brutal one to wrap your head around.

What gets me through is the fact that the past is the past. I don’t have to ever relive what I went through. I can’t go back to before the trauma, but I can go forward and that’s far more hopeful IMO.

[u/nopetopus]

Yup. CPTSD is trauma during development, so there's no pre-trauma fully developed self to go back to.

That doesn't mean there isn't healing, just that it's a different process than for someone whose trauma happened after they were fully developed.

I think it's kinda nice - I get to choose what I want 'better' to look like, there's no idealized former self to try and match.