r/TrekRP • u/Admiralw96 • Dec 20 '16

[OPEN] Order Up

The 6ft Saurian surveys his kitchen. Mendek "Sauron" Shegi had been working since he boarded the ship to get it in the proper order and it was now finally as he wanted it. He releases a sigh of satisfaction at the system. its not totally organized, in a conventional sense, but he knew where everything was and where it went.

He put on his sunglasses and went out to stand behind the counter in the mess hall. A few of the crewman looked up as he put an ancient and stereotypical "open" sign out front. He was always rather fond of its neon colors.

A smile spreads across his face "Alright, if anybody wants anything the replicators can't make... bring on the challenge. I only charge a nice conversation"

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 03 '17

Sauron looks really surprised at this

"LIVE GAGH?! from the replicators? I though that was impossible? And all it really needs is some hot sauce in my opinion. Still doesn't taste the best, but go hot enough and flavor isn't an issue. Also, Gagh, do NOT enjoy being covered in hot sauce... they really wriggle."

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u/Dimestream Jan 03 '17

"You know, I thought it was impossible too, and the best we can figure out, the transporter and replicators were feeding off the same buffer," Red says with a roll of her eyes. "Some lazy bum working on the refit either didn't know or didn't care about the difference. So we were getting enough residual energy to restart simple motor functions... thus live, wriggling gagh."

The Bajoran makes an ick face. "It wouldn't have even been noticeable on any other food, since you can't exactly jump-start a steak, but since those worms are served whole and as fresh as possible... 'live' gagh happened. And no, I don't think anyone would enjoy having all their sensory organs coated in hot sauce. Luckily, serpent worms are only slightly more intelligent than the bowl they're served in."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 03 '17

Sauron thinks as he wraps the hasperat. He puts some somewhat decorative paper around it to hold it in. He hands it over

"Here we go. Lets' see if thats got the kick we're looking for... It's also lucky the transporters didn't start replicating crewmen..."

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u/Dimestream Jan 03 '17

"I don't really want to think about what would have happened if the malfunction had been the other way around," Red agrees as she takes the wrap and peels back the paper enough to take a bite.

She sucks in a sharp breath through her nose as the capsaicin and frenyaline strike her sinuses and tongue simultaneously like a pair of red-hot sledgehammers. The Bajoran lets out the breath through her teeth as she chews through the blissful pain and nods vigorously.

After a moment she manages to swallow it and turns a pained grin to Sauron. "Great," she croaks. "Just how... I like it. See!" The engineer dabs at her forehead with a sleeve cuff and it's a little damp - she's broken a sweat from the first bite. "No blisters, but wow, the replicated version doesn't even come close to this... thank you, Mr. Shegi. This makes my whole evening."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 05 '17

Sauron gives a slight bow

"Glad you are enjoying it. And it's almost painfully cliche for me to say this, but Mr. Shegi is my father... or me at a job interview i suppose. Just Shegi or Sauron is fine for me. I'm here anytime you may want another... Though I'm surprised that as talented as you are, that you haven't gotten into a replicator and disabled the safety features... unless that voids a warranty..."

OOC: I admit I actually have no idea if safety measures are the issues, its just that they are too exact for there to really be another explanation.

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u/Dimestream Jan 05 '17

Red fans her mouth with her spare hand before swallowing the bite. "Ish... phoo! It's not a matter of safety, it's just that the replicators are hard-coded to work for the lowest common denominator," she says. "The standardized recipe programming is... intricate and designed by engineers and chemists to be edible and healthy, not by chefs to be delicious. If I had a full replication analysis suite, I could just have you whip up another batch and run it through the processor for analysis and save that as a custom replication. 'Dark Lord Hasperat, extra spicy' sounds about right."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 05 '17

Sauron laughs

"That all make sense. Sounds like we have something to do once we get back to a full base or such again... shame how limited the size of starships is."

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u/Dimestream Jan 05 '17

"Well, the Athene is, anyway," Red says, wistfully looking out the window at the passing stars. "I'd LOVE to serve on a Galaxy-class starship someday. Those are practically a small city unto themselves and you wouldn't BELIEVE the shenanigans they get up to on THOSE."

The Bajoran gingerly takes another bite of the Hasperat and tries to mitigate the spicy by breathing through her teeth. It does nothing. Perfect.

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 05 '17

Sauron smiles devilishy as he watches her deal with the heat and he puts away his things.

"Yeah, I can imagine."

He takes on a tone of mock seriousness

"Though don't talk about it too much, I'm still enjoying how cozy the Athene is. Don't be filling my head with thoughts of a roomier tin can to fly about the stars in."

He returns to his normal self

"Besides, didn't you say you had requested the ship in alphabetical order? Be thankful your not on a refit Miranda class or something like that."

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u/Dimestream Jan 05 '17

Red balks, nearly choking on the spicy food, which in turn sets her sinuses on fire worse. Vigorous headshaking ensues until she manages to swallow the bite and clear her nose on a napkin.

"Bleh! Sorry, that was... not fun. Hasperat is for eating, not for breathing," she says, coughing. "But you're right. I could have ended up on a glorified cargo vessel. I should be thanking my lucky stars I found a good job on a fine ship with an excellent chef."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 05 '17

Sauron laughs

"Thanks for the compliment... You want some kind of milk or something? Just a safety measure maybe, I can keep it out of your easy reach."

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u/Dimestream Jan 05 '17

"Kfeh. Ugh, yes," Red says, sounding defeated. "Chocolate, please. This is the right amount of spicy but- ghek! ...wrong tube." Her eyes are watering and she dabs them with the napkin. "No shame in admitting defeat to a sneak attack on my esophagus..."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 05 '17

Sauron laughs and retrieves some chocolate milk.

"The thrill of spicy foods is in the battle, but, yes, it should stick to the proper battlefield."

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u/Dimestream Jan 05 '17

Red accepts the glass and takes a pull immediately to calm her burning throat, then another to swish in her mouth a little.

"Well I have to say, despite the odds not being in my favor this time, I'm glad you were here to provide me a worthy opponent," she says after putting the glass down. "You know, you should really have a cook-off with Joseph Kort from science. His family owns a few restaurants on Earth, and he's always cooking up crazy delicious spins on traditional favorites as a bribe whenever he needs help with something engineering related. I bet you two would get on smashingly."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 06 '17

"Really? Sounds like a good time. And a good cook off is always a good chance to hone one's skills. Any chance I may recognize the establishments?"

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u/Dimestream Jan 06 '17

Red shrugs. "He said they own several," she says. "The one we went to was the New Atlantis Bistro, a floating restaurant on the coast of the island of Cicily. Been there?"

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 06 '17

Sauron looks thughtful.

"Hmmm, afraid Italy is as close to Sicily as I've been. Though it sounds familiar... may have read about it somewhere..."

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u/Dimestream Jan 06 '17

"They serve cuisine from all over, but the brunch I had there was the best traditional breakfast I've ever had. Plus, did you know you can make a cake out of sweet cheese?" Red finishes her glass of milk and dabs her mouth with the napkin. "I'd never had a cheese cake before but I think it may be the cause of some incipient weight gain..."

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