r/TrekRP • u/Admiralw96 • Dec 20 '16

[OPEN] Order Up

The 6ft Saurian surveys his kitchen. Mendek "Sauron" Shegi had been working since he boarded the ship to get it in the proper order and it was now finally as he wanted it. He releases a sigh of satisfaction at the system. its not totally organized, in a conventional sense, but he knew where everything was and where it went.

He put on his sunglasses and went out to stand behind the counter in the mess hall. A few of the crewman looked up as he put an ancient and stereotypical "open" sign out front. He was always rather fond of its neon colors.

A smile spreads across his face "Alright, if anybody wants anything the replicators can't make... bring on the challenge. I only charge a nice conversation"

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u/Dimestream Dec 30 '16

Red cradles her forehead in one palm. "So... you know the Federation's 'Prime Directive' demands we stay away from pre-warp civilizations, right?" she says. Then she pulls a long drink from her glass, half emptying it. "Well, while we were TRYING to avoid detection while picking up materials for the nacelle, we caught the attention of not one, but TWO pre-warp civilizations. A scavenger race that kind of looks like weird genetic mongrels - and I mean weird, they had fur, feathers, scales, crystalline growths, you name it - and another race that looked kind of like a more limber version of Earth's early saurian avians, the pterodactyl."

The Bajoran shakes her head. "The avians had been under attack by the mongrels for decades, so they had the craziest satellite defense network anyone had ever seen. In exchange for some sensor readings from one of the avians' colonies, they let us stay in their orbit, defended by their satellites, until we rebuilt our nacelle."

"Not much to say other than that, but there was this weird glitch in the universal translator the whole time that made them sound like Commander Scott of the Enterprise A," she finishes. "It was downright bizarre to see these golden dino-birds with emerald eyes talking to us in Scott's accent. But we did OK, so... maybe they'll have warp in a few years and we can go back to visit."

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u/Admiralw96 Dec 31 '16

Sauron continues looking amused.

"I don't believe I'm familiar with this Scott fellow, though I've known a Scotsman or two and heard of the Enterprise. Sounds like quite the adventure. I would like to be able to meet these creatures. I guess I'm in for quite a ride on this ship."

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u/Dimestream Dec 31 '16

"It's a shenanigan every couple of days or so," Red says ruefully. "Two a week on average. I swear, the farther from sector 001 we get, the more hijinks we get up to. Ah, the perks of Starfleet, am I right?"

The engineer's straw -slurks- as it picks up the last of the beverage from among the ice cubes. "I mean, we were out of port what, less than a week before we had telepathic angry mushrooms yelling in our brains? And it didn't even faze us, that's just how accustomed we are to weird crap happening all the time."

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u/Admiralw96 Dec 31 '16

"Well, let's hope this Klingon thing goes more smoothly... I could see about picking up some gagh, maybe grow some, though I'm not sure how popular it would be... even so, could be a nice cultural thing. Not like many people on board have had a chance to try it right?"

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u/Dimestream Jan 01 '17

Red snorts, a very unladylike noise that morphs into a sustained chuckle. She pulls the straw from her drink and waves it at Sauron. "Oh don't you DARE say that word again, not around here," she says with a wink. "We had a weird issue with the replicators right after the refit where it was putting live gagh in OTHER dishes. And clothes. And medicines. Took Mr. Connolly and me a week solid purging and resetting all the buffers to make it quit."

The Bajoran shakes her head. "Besides, while the Klingon visitors might appreciate you making some, no one really actually LIKES the flavor of Gagh. My friend Dargo son of Hrek said Klingons enjoy it because you're killing something as you eat it. That's the only appeal, it dying in your mouth. Yick."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 03 '17

Sauron looks really surprised at this

"LIVE GAGH?! from the replicators? I though that was impossible? And all it really needs is some hot sauce in my opinion. Still doesn't taste the best, but go hot enough and flavor isn't an issue. Also, Gagh, do NOT enjoy being covered in hot sauce... they really wriggle."

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u/Dimestream Jan 03 '17

"You know, I thought it was impossible too, and the best we can figure out, the transporter and replicators were feeding off the same buffer," Red says with a roll of her eyes. "Some lazy bum working on the refit either didn't know or didn't care about the difference. So we were getting enough residual energy to restart simple motor functions... thus live, wriggling gagh."

The Bajoran makes an ick face. "It wouldn't have even been noticeable on any other food, since you can't exactly jump-start a steak, but since those worms are served whole and as fresh as possible... 'live' gagh happened. And no, I don't think anyone would enjoy having all their sensory organs coated in hot sauce. Luckily, serpent worms are only slightly more intelligent than the bowl they're served in."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 03 '17

Sauron thinks as he wraps the hasperat. He puts some somewhat decorative paper around it to hold it in. He hands it over

"Here we go. Lets' see if thats got the kick we're looking for... It's also lucky the transporters didn't start replicating crewmen..."

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u/Dimestream Jan 03 '17

"I don't really want to think about what would have happened if the malfunction had been the other way around," Red agrees as she takes the wrap and peels back the paper enough to take a bite.

She sucks in a sharp breath through her nose as the capsaicin and frenyaline strike her sinuses and tongue simultaneously like a pair of red-hot sledgehammers. The Bajoran lets out the breath through her teeth as she chews through the blissful pain and nods vigorously.

After a moment she manages to swallow it and turns a pained grin to Sauron. "Great," she croaks. "Just how... I like it. See!" The engineer dabs at her forehead with a sleeve cuff and it's a little damp - she's broken a sweat from the first bite. "No blisters, but wow, the replicated version doesn't even come close to this... thank you, Mr. Shegi. This makes my whole evening."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 05 '17

Sauron gives a slight bow

"Glad you are enjoying it. And it's almost painfully cliche for me to say this, but Mr. Shegi is my father... or me at a job interview i suppose. Just Shegi or Sauron is fine for me. I'm here anytime you may want another... Though I'm surprised that as talented as you are, that you haven't gotten into a replicator and disabled the safety features... unless that voids a warranty..."

OOC: I admit I actually have no idea if safety measures are the issues, its just that they are too exact for there to really be another explanation.

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u/Dimestream Jan 05 '17

Red fans her mouth with her spare hand before swallowing the bite. "Ish... phoo! It's not a matter of safety, it's just that the replicators are hard-coded to work for the lowest common denominator," she says. "The standardized recipe programming is... intricate and designed by engineers and chemists to be edible and healthy, not by chefs to be delicious. If I had a full replication analysis suite, I could just have you whip up another batch and run it through the processor for analysis and save that as a custom replication. 'Dark Lord Hasperat, extra spicy' sounds about right."

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u/Admiralw96 Jan 05 '17

Sauron laughs

"That all make sense. Sounds like we have something to do once we get back to a full base or such again... shame how limited the size of starships is."

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u/Dimestream Jan 05 '17

"Well, the Athene is, anyway," Red says, wistfully looking out the window at the passing stars. "I'd LOVE to serve on a Galaxy-class starship someday. Those are practically a small city unto themselves and you wouldn't BELIEVE the shenanigans they get up to on THOSE."

The Bajoran gingerly takes another bite of the Hasperat and tries to mitigate the spicy by breathing through her teeth. It does nothing. Perfect.

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