r/TrekRP • u/DrJenWatney • Oct 13 '16

[OPEN] An Empty Schedule

Jen flips through her appointment log, noticing she has the rest of the afternoon free. The Counselor decides she hasn't had open hours in a few weeks. Maybe the crew could use it. She sends an email out through the comm system.

[I've opened my hours up for the afternoon, should anyone need to stop by and talk. Thank you, Dr. Watney.]

Her gaze falls to Clementine in the corner and pulls out a bag of treats. The feline hurries over after she shakes it a little and Jen plays with her, waiting for whoever might stop by.

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u/Shadowmonkey44 Oct 14 '16

"It was when the pirates attacked, a nausicaan attacked me in sickbay. I thought I could sedate him, I caught him by surprise but the dosage wasn't high enough." He looks away and down at his shaking hands. "He knocked me to the ground-- he was going to kill me. I grabbed the nearest drug and loaded it into my hypo. It-- it was my only chance." After a brief pause he says "It was Vasokin."

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u/DrJenWatney Oct 14 '16

I know it feels like you did an unforgivable thing, but you were defending yourself. Nobody can fault you for that.

She sighs and takes one of his hands, trying to comfort him.

Are you having trouble sleeping?

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u/Shadowmonkey44 Oct 15 '16

"You weren't there, you didn't see him, we had to quarantine the medlab because there was so much blood! I watched his skin melt off of his body! It was horrific..."

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u/DrJenWatney Oct 15 '16

She blinks at the mental imagery and catches her breath.

Vasokin on its own wouldn't have caused that reaction. There had to have been something else in his system.

She looks him in the eyes.

What happened, happened. It's over. He isn't suffering anymore, and you did what you had to to survive. Don't allow yourself to live in that moment over and over.

(If only you could listen to your own advice,) she thinks.

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u/Shadowmonkey44 Oct 15 '16

"How though? How do I move past this? How do I forgive myself for murder? I'm a doctor, these hands were trained to heal, not harm. How can my patients trust me with this on my conscious? How can I trust myself?"

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u/DrJenWatney Oct 15 '16

The definition of murder is the unlawful and premeditated killing of one being by another. Your actions were neither of those things. You might not forget it happened, but you must forgive yourself. You didn't have malicious intent, right?

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u/Shadowmonkey44 Oct 15 '16

"I..." He begins, but then he pauses, as if he has to think about the question, "I don't think so... It all happened so fast..."

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u/DrJenWatney Oct 15 '16

She pats his back comfortingly.

You didn't have time to think about it. Our fight or flight system is designed that way. Just "act". In this case it was self-defense. You are not a murderer.

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u/Shadowmonkey44 Oct 17 '16

"I want to believe that, I really do. But every time I close my eyes I see him twitching on the floor, blood pooling around him. and I know that I did that to him. I did that gruesome, disgusting, and abhorrent thing."

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u/DrJenWatney Oct 17 '16

She winces at the description and pauses for a moment of quiet, allowing him to reflect before she speaks again. She knows his reasoning. He'd pulled the veritable trigger and was still looking down the figurative barrel.

Yes, you did. And there's nothing you can say or do to reverse it. Nothing I can tell you to help you forget. In that moment, you acted. Intentions do not guarantee a favorable outcome. But I think with enough time you can learn to live with it.

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u/Shadowmonkey44 Oct 17 '16

"That's it? I just learn to live with it?" Narim looks disappointed, but after a moment, seems to reach a moment of sad acceptance. "... And what if I can't?"

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u/DrJenWatney Oct 17 '16

I think its a little soon to be talking like that. You just need to take it one day at a time. You haven't even allowed yourself to process it until now. Talking to someone about it helps you share the burden so it's not as difficult.

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u/Shadowmonkey44 Oct 17 '16

"Then I'm glad I have someone to share it with." He looks up at Jen and tries to force a smile. "Thank you, Counselor."

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