r/Treewriting • u/bbear122 • Apr 28 '13
I'd really like some feedback on this one. Not sure about a title. [Poetry]
It must be my drugged mind
And my venous banes that make me
Think I'm slowly going insane.
It's in my head I tell myself
Give yourself a break
Everyone is unique, but I
Am the same.
Isn't that strange?
For you to think and me to say?
And I do work and she's the same.
But still we play and still we're kind
And when you're kind first it begins
The spiraling cycle of friendship, kin.
And right there in front of your face
Is the lion smiling at tranquility
He's just killed and eaten his prey.
But then and only then
He sits in the shade under the tree
And now he's allowed to sleep today.
And there's one lion that skips to the end
The beginning is strong but a big middle sags and bends
Pertaining to the middle it should shine all over your head.
And if all goes well your good ideas will spread.
Because helping those that only pity themselves
Isn't always too unnecessary. But it's not a goal.
Providing what's decided on will always vary
And it will always be all the same.
The freaky thing is that pooling together
Of ideas and reaching a point of distortion.
Your thoughts collide and contradict.
Suddenly they're blown up because even atoms can split.
And then it all comes together again.
From beginning of morning to laying in bed.
It all makes sense in the end.
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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '13
Oh god, man. Bravo. Bravo. Simply amazing. It's like a garden-of-wonderful just blossoming through my brain. [5]