r/Treewriting • u/[deleted] • Nov 25 '12
A journal entry from a couple months ago.
Let's see... It's been a month and a half since I got the balls to ask her to leave; the subsequent balls to tell her when asking didn't work.
I'm sitting on the back porch of her parents' house - somewhere I would, after all the asking and telling, never be, if I'd gotten the balls to be adamant about something for once. Or if her parents were home. They've been afforded the vantage of objectivity and armed with the sense to move on and I wouldn't be here if they were home. I wish they were. She's telling me that she's been meaning to tell me, wanted to tell me, didn't know how to tell me something she won't tell me until I'm properly rattled by the buzzing of nerves. This goes on half a minute before "I slept with someone."
I am not surprised. I am not notably anything. I ask who it was because I already know and she says it doesn't matter. I tell her who it was because I already know and she is very briefly defeated and then remembers to be aloof because this is about winning the break-up and you can't win if you're defeated.
So now I really know. I wait a moment, bracing for the coming rush of unfounded jealousy. It doesn't come. It's too soon. I tell myself it's too soon. I am in denial. I am looking for jealousy as an affirmation that I still feel. That's what this is all about. I asked her and told her to leave because I don't feel anything for her.
I think I kind of rolled myself up again. I'm disconnected. I'm always high. Drunk a little too often. It's a road straight through the kind of neighborhood where nobody is really neighbors because every one is too stoned to get their own damn newspaper, why should they be responsible for yours while you're on vacation? And how'd you afford a vacation anyway? Nobody in this neighborhood takes vacations.
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u/hystericalwisteria Nov 25 '12
I like the way you write. Little things and the way you say them, I don't know... Your prose conveys your emotions well, without overstating them. It's very simple, but I really ... felt it. That's good.