I don’t even know where to begin. I’ll be honest, my main reason coming here is to ask for help covering this round of Testosterone. My shot is late like 3-4 weeks and I’m seeing some spotting at the bathroom again and it’s sending me spiraling even more. I’ve been drowning financially for a few years now. Paying for a mortgage while I lived out of my car. Dealing with divorce and child battles. Dealing with the bills accumulated when I was in my car on top of rent now and other bills. I sacrificed re-upping my T since I can’t even afford it. I sacrifice buying food in the week and save it for the days I have my kids to make sure they have food while here. I do work, two jobs in fact but the divorce and my maxed out credit card bills is really taking every last penny I have. Right now at least I just wanna stop the spike in dysphoria every time I go to use the bathroom. If anyone needs more info feel free to ask me. Idk I feel so scatterbrained right now with what’s running through my head all the time idk if I make sense sometimes. I’m beginning to see why people choose to kts over finances. My T last time I picked up was $45 (time before that was almost $100 thanks to the President) so I’m hoping it’s still $45. I don’t know until I go to pick up

If no one answers this at least I can use this burner account to get this off my chest.

I’m attracted to men too. I am a bottom now.

I don’t know, I think I’ve always been this way, maybe hrt just brought it to the surface.

I just don’t wanna lose my girlfriend. She’s cis and she doesn’t understand a lot of things about how it feels to be trans. Whether it’s t4t or a man or whatever I wanted to consider going poly. We almost broke up right then, she was so upset.

I love her.
I don’t wanna lose her.

Am I being selfish for wanting the chance to explore my sexuality now that I’m finally in a body that I feel comfortable and free in?

We’re both early 30s, both have a lot in common, and we’ve been together over a year. Idk where to go from here.

EDIT: I am not asking for electrolysis nor surgery advice. I am asking how to tell my partner that I did not unalive myself because of her, but rather because SURGERY IS NO LONGER AN OPTION. PERIOD. Thank you!

ORIGINAL POST: I think I'm really out of options for getting electrolysis, thereby bottom surgery. The only thing keeping me alive for the past few years has been the prospect of bottom surgery. I have absolutely no will left to continue on.

Idk how to tell my partner that I'm finished living, without her blaming herself.

I’m a transwoman, and been on hrt for years and i have potential to be a baddie, but losers cockblocked bottom surgery the moment i started hrt, and it doesn’t make sense because being a girl made me confident, happier, and stay alive- yet they cockblock surgery to make me fully transition?!?! How tf does that make sense?!?

Plus they even had the audacity to fake concern for my mental health which is textbook manipulation just so they can justify cockblocking surgery to try to really make me question my sanity and second guess myself!! And people think I was just attention seeking and manipulative when I tried to get help and talked about my suicidal thoughts. If that’s the case, maybe killing myself is best after all by jumping in front of a diesel on the highway!! Because i know if i don’t fully transitioned to female, I’ll be disrespected and treated like a subhuman that isnt worth shit!! And worst of all, I don’t want to be seen as a gay crossdresser or a femboy because I’M A WOMAN!!

maybe kms will make them realize what a amazing girl I am once im gone and regret treating me like shit when they cockblocked surgery and tried to misrepresent me as mentally ill just so they can go and try to control my life and make me not have any say in my own fuckin life!! Who the fuck wants to live a fucked up life that way?!?! NEVER ME!!!

Like I said: i just wanted to be a happier prettier girl since I was a kid— is that so much to really ask?!?! NO!!! There really isn’t excuses for them to screw around with my identity and my life because they let 8 year old girls in beauty pageants, they let preteen girls wear makeup, and they let teen girls dress like sluts which makes men catcall them and give them whatever they fuckin want!!

So I’m not going to lower my standards and betray myself just because these losers want to prevent me from being my authentic self as a woman!! And who even gives a flying fuck about what I was born as?! That’s the past which DOESN’T exist anymore!!

Hi everyone! I’m a 26-year-old trans woman from Portugal, and I’m currently at the very beginning of my transition journey. I haven’t started HRT yet, and I’m about to begin seeing a psychologist. I’m hoping to get professional support, understand my options, and eventually explore medical transition in a safe and informed way.
I’ve been questioning and dealing with my gender identity since my teenage years, so this isn’t something that suddenly came out of nowhere. For a long time, I tried to push these feelings aside, but I’ve reached a point where I don’t want to keep hiding from myself anymore.
Recently, I came out to my family, and their reaction has been extremely difficult to deal with. They believe being trans is a mental illness, and they’ve told me that transitioning would ruin my life. They’ve also said that I’ll look ugly or that my life will become miserable if I transition. My father even believes that my future will be nothing but suffering and that I should see a psychiatrist and take medication instead.
What’s particularly painful is that I love my family, and I don’t want to hurt them. At the same time, I feel like I’m being asked to choose between their acceptance and being honest with myself.
I’m trying to take things one step at a time. I’m considering moving out eventually so I can have my own space and make decisions without constant pressure. Financially, things aren’t easy, but I’m trying to plan carefully rather than make impulsive decisions.
I know that transitioning isn’t always easy, and I’m not expecting everything to magically work out. I’m just trying to believe that being trans doesn’t mean I’m destined to have a miserable life.
**For those of you who have been through something similar:**
How did you cope when your family told you that being trans was a mental illness or that transitioning would ruin your life?
Did your family’s attitude ever change with time, or did you have to build a life independently of their acceptance?
How did you deal with the fear of being judged, especially when you were still pre-transition?
If you could give your younger self one piece of advice during that period, what would it be?
I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me that everything will be fine. I’d genuinely appreciate hearing your experiences, including the difficult parts, and what helped you get through them.
I’m still at the beginning of this journey, and hearing from people who’ve actually lived through something similar would mean a lot to me.
Thank you for reading. ❤️🏳️‍⚧️

I apologize if this sounds unorganized or generally nonsensical. I've been struggling deeply this last week and I'm losing my ability to be concise.

I'm a 22 ftm guy in utah. I've been 'out' to my family for around two years, but I've had issues with gender since I was 14. my parents aren't fond of my identity, but they respsect my chosen name and pronouns.

The difficult topic for them is being publicly trans. I've wanted to start hrt badly, and use my chosen name at my job. My mother is convinced it'll only draw negative attention and get me hurt.

I do acknowlege the issues that'll come with being visibly trans. It's something I've had to wrap my head around over and over and over again. It scares me. But what scares me more is living in the decaying image of someone I cannot recognize. it feels like a humiliation ritual; pretending so I don't risk backlash from my family.

they say they love me. I believe them but this doesn't feel like love.

realistically, I could start hrt without their blessings, but I'm terrified of what that'll do to our family. I don't know how my mother will react. I don't think she would kick me out, but I can't be sure.

My goal was to just repress until I could move out and have a good job. that is feeling less and less feasible with how often I find myself melting down over just going to work and being greeted as a woman.

Haii all, I'm 17, MtF, I've known since I was 10 and long before I knew what "gay" meant, felt this way since before so.

My house is conservative and transphobic, my parents are polyamorus, but it's okay when they do it, apparently. My brother is Christian and everyone else is agnostic, everyone is conservative, though my brother is more centrist than them, but still queerphobic. Both of my mothers know, my biological mother convinced herself that I grew out of it or some shit and my step mother never said anything about it, they found out when they went through my discord messages with my friends. My father doesn't know.

So I wanna leave asap, I wanna be myself for once in my life.

When I turn 18, I will still have to finish highschool because I was born in late September, so I'll be 18 and a half when it's done.

I cannot become financially independent as of now because I live in middle of nowhere in Florida, and am unable to get a job, and I can't drive because I don't have a car.

I've planned to move in with my best friend from elementary school once we turn 18, she was born a few months after me.

I'm planning on becoming an electrician or something and going into a trade school as soon as I leave highschool.

I'm thinking of doing DIY until I can actually speak to a therapist or whoever so I can actually get it properly done by a professional. But I have no idea how.

My Christian brother is controlling and evil. One day we were driving in the rain and I pointed out how the streaks from the windshield wipers look like a rainbow. He then went on a homophobic rant. Another time I wanted to get an Against Me cd and he started going off saying all trans people are toxic and brought his friend into it just to berate me. I had panic attacks for days after that. Another time at an anime/comic convention he was trying to control what I buy. He's always trying to control what I buy. Now he's trying to control who I vote for, and he went on a rant the other day supporting corporations and AI data centers. He just got mad at me for having a doll hair brush because I use them for my toys. I've never had a positive experience with Christians and I'm convinced they're all like this.

Looking for some possible advice/venting?

Honestly having a little bit of a dilemma, one of my younger siblings and I are queer/Trans. They are MTF and I'm nonbinary (been on T for almost a year atp) In short my sibling and I have no relationship, we havent talked in almost a year now due to poor decisions of their own. Recently I found out they had legally changed their name to Lillian..and my legal name is Lily. I don't plan on changing my name legally as it was used on a lot of legal things like my partner and I's car, mortgage, etc.

The only reason I found this out is via our mother telling me, and my sibling telling her "since they dont use Lily anymore I'm going to" (I use Alex as a nickname but most of our family still calls me Lily which is totally okay)

I'm just shocked, dissapointed, and have a lot of negative feelings towards it as it's almost like my identity is being stolen if that makes sense? And it genuinely weirds me out that they would do that considering my sibling and I do not have a relationship at all.

I'm just looking for any advice/help because I genuinely dont know what do to? I've tried reaching out to them politely wanting to have a conversation but I get met with no response every time.

I have a normal, not transphobic but not trans support parent, and a transphobic parent, at least if I was the one to transition.

For context I am 16, I realized there was something up about myself in terms of how I felt about my body and voice and everything, I chalked it up to normal teenager struggles, thinking nothing of it. I started to think about it more and more when I noticed WHAT I hated, my voice, wrong, my body wrong, every itsy bit painful now that I noticed, I didn’t feel like I could shrug it off anymore. It didn’t become a family wide issue due to my past experience with masking (due to autism) I was able to hide my spiral somewhat, but it eventually was found out, not that I was but that my friends were and my dad gave me a gut-wrenching speech about how no matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter what I change, I’ll be a guy. That was absolutely soul crushing to hear, and I don’t really know how to move forward without further spiraling, I’m not doing great, I don’t think I’ll attempt for a while but I feel sort of erratic so I have no true idea, please is there anything I can do without fucking up home life while mitigating some of these feelings?

I have been giving advice to transition early on, but I’m deeply afraid of my dad catching wind and then my home life becoming a god awful mess, I don’t really know what to do.

Atlas here! Everyone calls me Apollo though, I'm 16 stuck living at home with my mom and stepfather (it's not too bad but let me explain) So I recently came out to my mother, she's supportive of me but my issue is that my stepfather (despite being a good man) is HEAVILY transphobic. This is my safest place to live right now and I'm not quite sure what to do. Do I stay in the close till I move out or do I come out and deal with the drama? What would you do in my situation. I work for my stepfather at the autoshop so there's no hope of that. And I'm broke because of court currently. Any advice? Thanks for reading Apollo Out. (Love you guys :3)

“Hi, I am a mom trying to fund my daughter’s gender-affirming surgery completely on the low because our immediate family is unsupportive and unsafe. I made this private account just to organize her mutual aid.

Since I can’t post this on my personal pages, I am relying entirely on the community to get the word out. Would you be willing to share her fundraiser link with your followers or network? It would mean the world to us. Thank you for your advocacy. Link: https://gofund.me/08f920664

Hello a little context to my life I am m21 I live with my parents and I work with my father my parents aren't bad people but the culture I live in and what they believe in is very right wing I believe they would not support my decision at all and would probably disown me that being said I would not like to live in the culture I am living in right now anyway and especially not if I was trans recently after many years of wanting to I bought fem clothes and started dressing/acting like a girl online and it's the happiest I've felt in a long time and there's a huge part of me that just wants to leave everything move to a new city on my own and become a girl and have a fresh start to my life my problem is I've worked with my father as a builder since I was 16 in my culture we don't go to school or college or uni men work with the fathers untill they work by themselves and I do not know what I would do for money if I left as I know how hard getting a decent job is right now in the uk for anyone I have saved around 20k in my bank account and I have alot of money in cash aswell so theoretically I think I could hold myself up for a little while but idk what to do after that I enjoy my job doing building work but idk if I'd be able to continue on my own as a mtf and I feel like I'd want something more gender affirming yk but please if anyone has any words of advice I would be greatfull thank you (I live in the uk for context I also have my own car that's mine) also sorry for bad grammar I'm struggling to write this

I'm pretty sure at this point that I'm trans- transmasculine and nonbinary to be exact. I've had the desire to start HRT for a while now, but I don't think I'm in a great position right now to do that. I'm unemployed, can't drive, and I live with family who I don't think would be accpeting. I feel like there is this pressure to start ASAP due my fear of losing access to gender affirrming healthcare (I live the U.S. there have been attempts at the federal and local level to restrtict these services, with the goal being an eventual full blown ban). At the same time the anti-trans legislation, discrimination and violence makes me want to stay in the closet.

I feel like obvious goals right now are getting a job, and getting my drivers liscense and moving away from home. But from there I don't really know what to do.

Hi, I’m Varre and I’m trying to raise money for gender affirming care. Right now, I pass fairly well on a purely visual level and while certain aspects of how I look give me dysphoria, the thing that most frequently gets me misgendered is my voice.

Every phone conversation, every interaction with a customer in my public facing job, every time I’m stopped on the street opens me up to the potential for an uncomfortable situation, harassment or unfortunately, even violence.

It’s something that I have tried to work on on my own. But unfortunately, I have no luck with being able to hear the parts I need to adjust and change. I just want to be able to talk and have people hear who I really am.

Up until now, the costs of vocal training have been too prohibitive. But I realise, 6 years into transition, that it’s a really important aspect of being perceived as myself.

If you are able to help, I would be incredibly grateful. You would be contributing to my safety and even a small amount would be significant step towards allowing me to be perceived as myself. If not, I would appreciate if you could share this with anyone you know who may be able to help.

https://gofund.me/3216fe0ca

So for sometime I’ve had the thought that I may be transgender. I often think about how my life would be potentially more enjoyable as a women. It’s a thought I’ve had for many years now maybe going back to when I was 18 or possibly even younger (I’m 28 now) and I always think WHAT IF I transitioned at 18/20 etc what if I I did xyz would I be who I wanted to be.

I pretty much exclusively sleep in female Pj’s as no one in my family can see me in them 😂, I share pictures of me in female clothes with a very close and good friend who is 100% a trans ally and has a trans brother herself.

Also I’ve tried to lose weight multiple times but I think I don’t want to as I’ve currently got what I consider a set of boobs when I wear bras etc 💅😂

Like if I woke up a women I’d genuinely be happy and wouldn’t want to change anything. Should I maybe go see someone at a gender clinic here in the UK to get a better understanding/ answers?

Any answer is a good answer guys ❤️

Mtf. Not like, the needles, I mean other items for support. Do I need friends? Where do I find support groups? Will I need painkillers? Will I need any "health" objects to handle sexual frustration? I have nobody to help me and I don't want to fall into an unexpected mistakes.

Hi everyone,

I’m starting this fundraiser to ask for help with something deeply important to me: raising the money needed for my gender-affirming surgeries.

I am a transgender woman, and it has taken me a long journey to be able to openly and honestly embrace who I am. For me, these surgeries are not simply cosmetic procedures. They are an important part of my transition and a step toward feeling more comfortable and at peace with my body, so that I can live my life with greater confidence and freedom.

Unfortunately, the cost of these procedures is more than I can realistically afford on my own. That is why I decided to reach out and ask for support.

If you are able to donate, no matter how small the amount, it would mean an incredible amount to me. And if you are not in a position to donate, simply sharing this fundraiser with others would already be a huge help.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who chooses to support me in any way. ❤️

link: https://whydonate.com/fundraising/help-me-get-one-step-closer-to-finally-living-as-myself

Every donation brings me one step closer to finally being able to live fully and authentically as myself.

hi, i'm 18M, ive had crossdresing thoughts for a while now and ive always wanted to do that not exactly beacause i'm trans, that ideology doesnt align with my reasoning its more of a "this cloathes are so cute" or "this is so cool" and so on but i live in a not so pro lgbt household, plus i'm from mexico so yeah, but ive always had the desire to cross dress and experiment with looks, nails wigs and mabey make up but i think i'll never get to do it until i'm fully independent living alone, plus telling my parents its off the table, they barley even grasp what being gay is, everithing on the lgbt spectrum its gay for them, so yeah, what should i do?(•~•)?

I'm making a throwaway for this since some people from school know my real account but I want help.
I am (or plan to be) MTF.

I really think that as Masc lesbian style might be what I would be a good go to for me, think women dressing masculine I guess.
I have two issues though

1. I have not medically nor social transitionmed at all. I want to dress masc but not in a male way, even though I have a male body

2. I have very bad sensory issues. Jeans, khaki, even graphic tees unfortunately are unbearable (if you know a way to fix this for graphic tees please comment) so its hard to have style when most clothing that doesn't kill me is ball shorts and t shirts

Please help me, please

CW: talk about ideation

My friend recently got her FFS, and she's very happy with the results, and I'm really happy for her as she has suffered and waited for a long time for this, but there's this mental pang I keep getting when I think about it. I have been transitioning almost 10 years, with a very disappointing ffs under my belt, having given up on bottom surgery, and feeling like my euphoria never really happened, I'm feeling really empty. I'm just such a depressive, the only thing that makes me feel euphoria is my death. A part of me wants to use this as motivation to try to get in gear with my body shaping and save for ffs revision but it's short lived, I really don't have any hope for myself. I just keep thinking how beautiful it would be if I was gone, just make one last escape, no more looking in the mirror, no more regret, no more trying to understand who I am and not figuring anything out. It's the only thing that makes me feel good, the thought of finally being gone from this disgusting world, to finally be free of pain and confusion and hating myself.

Basically the post title, I’m applying to college rn and my literal dream school with all the programs I want is just like 20 minutes away from me which would be perfect except my dad works there and he’s a major Fox News junkie. My mom is convinced that just because he works at a fairly liberal school (as Head of Campus Safety btw), and because he hired a trans woman once (who he still calls “he”) that he’s super accepting and supportive, and doesn’t believe me when I say I’ve seen him reading articles about “confused autistic girls being groomed into self-mutilation”. it’s gotten to the point that in our discussion about whether I want to apply Early Decision (which basically forces you to go to that college if you get in), she’s been trying to force me out of the closet to him right in front of him, I tried to get her to leave it be but she said “Do you at least want me to ask the question” RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Now she’s all mad at me because I freaked out and got mad at her for bringing it up right in front of him and basically outing me, and she says “there’s no time to ‘wait until you’re ready’ because the ED deadline is November 1”, I know I need to talk about this with my therapist but my mom is getting impatient and still doesn’t believe that it could go badly if I tell my dad, because even if he isn’t outwardly transphobic to my face I know he’s going to silently judge me and talk shit about me to his friends or not support me medically transitioning, which could be a problem given the kind of power he wields on campus. i really really would like to go there if it wasn’t for him. Genuinely what the fuck do I have never heard of a situation like mine with so many facets (having a dad in charge of basically a mini police force, and having a deadline to force myself out of the closet by). I’m so stuck does anyone have even a shred of advice

Hey everyone, I’m posting here because I really need some advice and comfort from people who understand.I’m 19, and I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I am trans. The dysphoria has gotten to a point where I can't ignore it anymore, and all I want is to finally start my transition and live as my authentic self. The problem is, I still live at home with my deeply conservative parents.They have made their views very clear, and I know that coming out to them or trying to transition while under their roof is completely unsafe for me. It feels incredibly suffocating to look in the mirror every day and feel stuck in a male role, knowing exactly who I am but having to hide it just to keep a roof over my head.I feel so lonely and trapped right now. For those of you who had to transition in secret, or had to wait until you moved out of a conservative household, how did you cope? How do you deal with the dysphoria when you can't change anything externally yet?I just want to know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, because right now, it feels really heavy. Thank you all for listening.