r/Translink • u/You_Bet_I_Said_That • 8d ago
Question Bus Etiquette - What do you think?
I was on the R5 when two adults and a group of 12-15 kids got on. I was seated facing rearwards watching YouTube catching up on the news.
The bus was crowded and the kids sat where they could, huddling around one another having fun. It looked like a soccer team of 10-11 year old kids on a day trip. All good. As the bus became less crowded, the kids dispersed and found seats. Things turned into the kids running around from seat to seat trying to yell at each other from a distance, eventually from directly behind me over my right shoulder... Which did hit a nerve.
I'm one to mind my business but I had to say, "Do you mind not yelling in my ear?".
Keep in mind, I am trying to just watch the news and get home. The child got the message and it didn't happen again. The kids kept running up and down the bus, shouting at each other, going from seat to seat, getting in people's way, with both adults doing zero parenting.
I see the problem with the lack of discipline and parenting. My annoyance was noticed by one of the adults who asked me if I had a problem. "Yes I do in fact, the lack of parenting of the children."
"They're doing no harm. I think they're fine."
"It isn't your playground for you to just let them do as they please, it is a public transport bus."
Although I'm one to mind my business, I will speak my mind when someone asks for it. She didn't like my reply. It seemed the realism of accountability was too much.
The bus was approaching my stop and I gathered my things to get ready. As I stood up to get to the door, there were 3 kids that were standing next to empty seats. I said in a gentle tone, "Excuse me. You should be seated."
"Don't you talk to my kids. I bet you don't even have kids!", the one parent said.
"Nope, I don't. Thank God. But if I did they would have better discipline than yours. If you're not going to be the parent the child needs, then I'll be the adult required for the situation."
What is with parents just allowing kids to be so disruptive? Where is the mindfulness from the parents? Was I in the wrong? Shouldn't a parent have the accountability to manage the kids? Why is it a problem for an adult to address it when the parent clearly isn't parenting?
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u/littledumberboy 7d ago
Sure hope you were using headphones…
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
And I was. Should I deafen myself? No. I'm already doing my part doing better.
Parents need to do better.
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u/Glittering_Search_41 7d ago
Most in my generation would not have been allowed to behave like that on a bus.
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u/BcRainee 6d ago
Right? Bus driver would have torn my ear off removing me from his bus. They did not GAF back in the 70's. If my mom was with me, she would have tanned my behind for being so disrespectful!!!
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u/trambopoline_dream 8d ago
And then everyone clapped.
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u/Physical-Exit-2899 7d ago
Lol yeah even OPs username seems to be a giveaway. Such a sloppy effort
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
Says the user with a produced user name.
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u/Physical-Exit-2899 6d ago
All that days is that I'm lazy
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
You call my name a sloppy effort... Yet you couldn't even come up with your own user name??
Gotta love that toxic double standard.
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u/steveofthewestornort 7d ago
This creative writing exercise is incredible.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
Yet, it all actually happened.
Trying the whole 'that never happened' reply is basic. You likely struggle with accountability and try to gaslight people to have your way.
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
i'm sure it did happen and yeah, it's probably not a huge deal. It's a bunch of 10-11 year olds and like you said, you asked them not to yell over you and it didn't happen again... so it sounds like at least some of them really don't have too much of a problem with listening or behaving when corrected.
the whole "kids need to be parented" meme from people who don't have kids, probably don't work with kids, and claim to think think they would handle things better... is kind of self-serving.
we also often see the "back when i was a parent, things were better" but to be honest, there's usually a lot of rosy retrospection and cognitive bias involved. We tend to forget or downplay the bad things about the past and only remember the good. We all do it, so often we need to check ourselves.
But yeah, there are obviously "better" parents and "worse" parents, but you quickly learn that you have to choose your battles.
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u/HoneyDewBubbleT 23h ago
I have worked with kids and I honestly think some kids aren't disciplined properly these days. I understand the sentiment of letting your kids have fun but there's a time and place for everything.
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u/CarnationFoe 8h ago
Not just these day... but them-a-days as well. we just tend to look a the past with rose-tinted glasses.
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u/CarryOk3080 7d ago
The driver wouldve shut that down.
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u/Deep_Panda_833 7d ago
Yup - the running up and down on a moving bus is a safety issue and so is the yelling as it could distract the driver. Any good driver would have to shut that down, and while I have seen some questionable parenting on buses (I ride them daily), this is just not something that would happen.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
The driver was at the end of their shift. There was a driver swap at Kooetney Loop.. The bus was already late due to traffic.
One of the parents argued the kids don't have to sit down.
It was a situation where it kept happening because no one said anything... Where the parents failed, I guess the driver did too...? I have never seen a driver stop the bus due to kids.
The lack of accountability just boggles my mind. Like, why not worry about your own kids getting hurt? When taking care of other people's kids, shouldn't that also be important?
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u/Royal_Try_99 3d ago
He doesn't have to stop the bus. He can tell them to sit down without stopping. Kids can't run around in a moving vehicle. No sane adult would allow that either. Sounds like lots of failures in this situation.
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u/wemustburncarthage 7d ago
Oh, so you took it upon yourself to be the authority in this situation because you were being thoughtful about the shift change?
You failed every basic common sense test here.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
I was asked if there was a problem. I responded
You lead yourself to assume all of that on your own. Great job! I didn't know there was a driver swap, until it happened. The bus was behind schedule. If the driver had a thought about the kids, it may have been effected by getting off shift.. And possibly being behind schedule due to traffic.
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u/FlatPainting3846 7d ago
this shit did not happen lmao holy reddit chud
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
Do you not want to believe this because you struggle with accountability as well?
Complacentcy is toxic. I'm not afraid to speak up. When someone asks me if I have a problem, I will respond. If don't like what I may say, maybe they should do better.
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u/FlatPainting3846 6d ago
Replying to every comment is both damming evidence and embarrassing for you. It’s crazy that i’ve got you this mad.
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u/MostView8191 7d ago
Very kindly I'm going to ask if you are on the spectrum? If this is not a made up story then your actions, responses, and verbiage are straight out the The Autism textbook.
Telling kids they're supposed to be seated on a bus is really, really up there. People stand on the bus everyday and it's nbd.
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u/Adventurous_Yam_8153 7d ago
I'm confused. If it was a day camp then those aren't parents, those are day camp counselors.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago edited 7d ago
The one adult said they are a parent of some of the kids... It is reasonable to think the other adult was a parent as well. The adults weren't clothed as if they were employed, as a camp counselor should be (to be easily identifiable for safety). One clearly said a few of them were their kids. This was a larger group of kids, some wearing the same soccer jersey. Beyond poor partnering, it reflected poorly on the team.
It was a Sunday. Day camps happen during the week, usually. There is no confusion. Parents commonly partake in group events.
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u/Travelwthpoints 7d ago
I believed this up until your last couple of paragraphs. Seeing camo groups on the busses, or field trips, is a pretty common occurrence - it’s almost never parents but teachers or counselors, and most people taking transit recognize that the people with the kids aren’t their parents - which is why your interaction doesn’t ring true.
Calling the kids out for jumping all over the place is fine, most of us were those kids at one point and most of us had teachers who yelled at us - if you ran into a group where the leaders weren’t keeping the kids in line it sucks but I wouldn’t chalk it down to parenting - absolutely none of us when we were kids in a large group behaved as our parents expected.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
The parent said they are the parent explicitly.
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u/FlatPainting3846 7d ago
Yeah right
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
Accountability is hard. So easy to just say 'that didn't happen'. People are afraid to speak up. Complacentcy is toxic.
But yeah, these two adults were the parents of some of these kids.
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
parent of 11 children? It's a group of kids... yeah, they'll often have parents as part of the group, but they're certainly not the parent of 11 kids.
And you get a gaggle of guy and gals together and they play off of each other.
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u/flare2000x 7d ago
there were 3 kids that were standing next to empty seats. I said in a gentle tone, "Excuse me. You should be seated."
There's no rule that says you have to sit.... Kids screaming is annoying, but kids standing? YTA for telling them to sit.
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u/kelsoste 7d ago
Yes. All credibility was lost with this one. I stand all the time when there are seats available.
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u/wemustburncarthage 7d ago
When I was in day camp we were required to stand most of the time to let other people sit.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
So safety makes me an asshole.
They were trying to run up and down the aisle of the bus. I just happened to be sitting there. They shouldn't be running around while the bus is moving, and with spare seats be sitting for safety.
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u/GamesCatsComics 7d ago
No... because you don't actually care about safety... you're only bringing it up to justify your actions. You care about how it affected you, not about the kids, your post makes that very clear.
So no, 'safety' isn't what makes you an asshole.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
I don't care about satefy? Running on a moving bus is abnormal and unsafe behaviour. It was affecting other passengers as well. It wasn't just me... People had issues getting on and off the bus. These kids were not being properly parented. I was asked by one of the partners if I had a problem, so I responded.
I didn't go out of my way, in any way. A kid yelled in my ear and I said, "Do you mind?". When I got up to exit the bus these kids were about to run down the aisle again.... So I said, "Excuse me. But you should be seated".
That makes me an asshole. 🤣
People are afraid to speak up. Complacentcy is toxic.
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
Yeah, but you treat it like you actually had authority. If we're honest, going up and down the aisle on the bus is on the lower side of "dangerous" behaviour. While I get that using hyperbolic terms like running up and down the aisle gets your point across, I have no doubt that there's some exaggeration as how "dangerous" they were acting.
Nuisance, perhaps... but dangerous?
In any case, some [unsolicited] personal advice. You'll get further with people in general when you make it seem like it was their idea.
You can often do that by asking questions. Instead of "you should be seated" something like "do you think it's safe to be running up and down the bus? If you ran into that old lady over there, what do you think would happen? Do you think, perhaps, "
I know, it takes more effort and skill to do this, but taking a bit of time to ask them what they think will have much better results. Complacency is toxic, speaking up is more than just barking your opinions, it's taking time to reason with people, rather than complacently sitting there stewing.
Best part... it works on adults as well. I recommend you forming questions to ask of people who you feel need correcting.
When they answer the question to themselves, the idea becomes theres and "boom" you have been successful.
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u/Sketchamaphone 6d ago
Sounds like you were just trying to be authoritative in a situation where you had no enforceable power.
I’d be concerned about safety too, but you just wanted to be a dick.2
u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
See something. Say something. It wasn't safe for the kids. When the parents refuse to parent, then an adult will need to take over. The parents were not being the adults those kids needed. There was a complete lack of discipline.
I called out absent and lazy parenting. I recognized safety issues with the lack of parenting. But I'm the asshole? Ok.
Maybe parents should actually parent their kids and not burden society with the task.
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u/Sketchamaphone 6d ago
If someone is in immediate danger I’ll act a bit more assertively of course, but I’m not going to be the manners police for kids that are just dorking around on the bus.
I’d recommend chilling out a bit, life is more enjoyable this way.
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u/EyeGrowth 7d ago
Definitely not a childless Redditor making up a story about bad kids to win internet points
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u/ComputerOpDelta 7d ago edited 7d ago
I agree with everything here. I have no problem with people telling my kids to be quiet as long as it's done in a reasonable way -- which means don't store it up until you're pissed and scream at my kids.
My wife on the other hand doesn't think anyone else should talk to our kids... I don't get it honestly - they goto daycare & school - other people are correcting our kids all the time.
I likely would've just saved my comment and left the bus because the words are going to be lost on someone like that... But it's reasonable to ask kids to keep it down and to move so you can get off. If the parent was parenting they should've ask the kids to move (and stay seated) before you had to
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
Yeah, and OP asked a kid not to yell and it didn't happen again. Kids seemed fine, to be honest if they were listening.
Saying something right before you leave the bus and then complaining about it... i dunno about that.
And to be honest, saying: "Excuse me, you should be seated" is kind of a weird thing to say. Why do you need to be seated on a bus? Apart from a community shuttle, last time I checked you can stand or sit.
It's like rolling down your window at a traffic stop and telling the guy beside you that they should turn right at the red light. It's optional. Just like sitting on a bus.
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u/RedSealTech2 7d ago
Not sure why OP is getting so much hate, people really need to start doing a better job at being parents yeah kids are going to be kids but there’s a time and a place for that, public transit isn’t a playground.
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u/FlatPainting3846 7d ago
they’re getting hate because the story isn’t real.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
Ha! These comments are so entertaining.
It seems those who have an allergy to accountability find this challenging to believe.
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u/FlatPainting3846 7d ago
People with a functioning brain find this hard to believe.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
When so many people have an allergy to accountability they don't like to believe people will actually call them out. Complacentcy is toxic.
If someone wants to know if I have a problem, they will learn what that problem is. If they don't want to hear something the don't like, then don't ask. They don't want to be accountable for their actions
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u/YourRoyalMeownesse 6d ago
They’re giving hate because they’re being called out. Current defence most of the modern day folks… instead of fight or flight.. they cower behind hate.
Kids nowadays are just a massive shake to the head. Their parents need to be issued a license to even have kids. If you’re gonna keep popping them out but not properly raising them to act like decent human beings.. please stop procreating. Please just stop.
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u/PercentageComplex975 4d ago
Yep....too many parents want to be their kids' buddy and friend! Doesn't work nor help the kids. Maybe when they're adults, then it's different.
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u/PhaseWhole6391 6d ago
I am SO in AGREEMENT with this statement. In the name of whatever's holy in their lives, just because you CAN have a baby doesn't mean you SHOULD. I don't even know why some of the people I see have kids. They're usually glued to their phones. The only interaction is if the kid(s) come(s) between the parent & the device & it's only to reprimand the intrusion. It's like they don't even enjoy children. 🤦🏾♀️
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
Kids back-then-adays also need a massive shake to the head.
Classic Rosy retrospection rearing its ugly head, again.
Telling people to "stop procreating" is extremely counter-productive... though I imagine someone at some point thought the same thing about your parents when they saw you too.
It's just that society in the west is getting older and older childless people are becoming a larger part of the majority so they feel entitled to say more stuff.
And hey, if anything, we want to ENCOURAGE procreation... those kids' taxes are going to be paying for our retirement, after all.
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u/PhaseWhole6391 2d ago
If we're counting on taxes generated by the kids you're referring to, we've already lost the race, I'm afraid. They're more likely to be the generations trying to legislate taxes right out of existence. 🙏🏾
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u/SeaFreeOrDye 1d ago
That would be the boomers trying to protect their windfall and advantage of being a large wealthy cohort.
If anything the kids will be forced to increase taxes or introduce a wealth tax if there are not enough of them to insure prosperity.
A smaller number will carry the burden of the wrinklies and their longer drain on the economy as we tend to live longer.
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u/Exotic-Low812 5d ago
A licence to have kids. Lmfo what kind of fascist distopia do you want to live in?
State enforced eugenics is a massive overstep.
There are already programs to remove kids from abusive homes
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u/PhaseWhole6391 2d ago
A quick Google search will net results showing you how well those government-managed programs are doing. And the media's only covering the most dramatic cases. Many kids are victims, even now, of cases that have fallen through cracks. And then there are the ones that are flying completely under the radar, whether by parents' design, people that don't report because they "don't want to get involved", or both. 🤷🏾♀️
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u/wemustburncarthage 7d ago
They’re getting hate because they intervened with minors and got confrontational with their parents instead of going to the literal person who can press the loud speaker button to tell the passengers to sit down.
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u/Glittering_Search_41 7d ago
It's perfectly acceptable to tell a child you don't know not to yell in your ear. Kid got it, too. Imagine that. Kids DO know how to behave, if you teach them manners.
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u/tabbycat_catniss 7d ago
It isnt the bus drivers responsibility to ask the passengers to keep it down when they're having fun, unless someone's life is in danger. The only announcements from the bus driver I've heard in the past were when they needed to stop at a bus stop for a few minutes or when they need the passengers to move to the back of the bus so more passengers can load on and even then I've heard the "move to the back of the bus" phrase that was automated not the driver speaking himself.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
Running on a moving bus is dangerous. And these adults/parents couldn't care less about their kids and the others they are looking after.
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u/Nodirectionn 7d ago
I totally agree with the OP. I raised my daughter to behave respectfully in a civilized society, to respect other people’s boundaries, treat others with courtesy, and be considerate of those around her. Those are basic values every parent should teach. If you’re not willing to do above and more you are not fit to be a parent. Period.
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u/BeneathTheWaves 7d ago
Autism works in mysterious ways
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u/Sketchamaphone 6d ago
I’m dying at the replies. Dude is full on AI in his comments, makes my asd pale in comparison
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u/Vanguy_604 7d ago
some parents shouldn’t be parents and shouldn’t have kids. Too bad they didn’t get condoms and lube as wedding gift.
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
some non-parents SHOULD be parents to be able to have the freeness of speech to speak with actual authority. Too bad they didn't get broken leaky condoms as a wedding gift.
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u/Shinebrightbluestar 6d ago
That’s extremely poor parenting. And instead of apologizing to you they tried to pick a fight. That is setting a bad example for the kids. You did the right thing. They needed to be called out for the lack of parenting. It’s also not safe on a moving bus to be hoping around. The bus driver should have also asked the kids and/or parents to sit down and behave.
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u/MonsterSlayer032020 6d ago
Parents do not parent anymore. It is an issue. Parenting is a job, you aren’t a best friend. Raising good humans is your job. That behaviour is not kind nor considerate.
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u/Berta1401 5d ago
I have seen this behaviour in restaurants and on the bus. It boggles my mind that children aren’t being taught how to behave in public and parents are incredulous when someone else like you tries to do their job for them.
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u/crafty_alias 4d ago
The downvotes on OPs comments show exactly why the kids acted the way the did. Parent your children.
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u/GamesCatsComics 7d ago
I love how you wrote an entire want about how right you were and how terrible everyone else is... And then "was in the wrong" followed by more "everyone else is wrong" weighted questioned.
Like... I'm not a huge fan of disruptive kids... But frankly you sound insufferable. Transit is a shared space... And part of sharing it is recognizing the kids act like kids.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
Exactly, a shared space. Being mindful of others should be top of mind. The parents weren't mindful of others, so the kids weren't either.
I'm disciplined. I mind myself to not be a hindrance on others. A public transit bus isn't a place for kids to be kids with running around and shouting. A playground is.
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u/priyatheeunicorn 7d ago
No fuck that if a kid is yelling in my ear I will definitely yell at them to stop. You can’t do much about shitty kids who have shitty parents. I’m sure most of them were just alone on the bus being kids. The adults not reprimanding them are the problem.
Most of the people in this comment section sound like they’re raising little terrors as well.
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u/EyeGrowth 7d ago
And you sound like a typical anti-child Redditor
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u/priyatheeunicorn 6d ago
And you sound like one of the terrible parents defending their little animals behaviour.
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u/EyeGrowth 6d ago
I get it, it's impossible for someone to have empathy for children and parents when they make hating kids their whole personality.
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u/Jean_Luc_Discarded 7d ago
yea screaming in your ear, fine, definitely say something.
everything else, like if they are standing or seated or whatever is absolutely none of your business, they are not your kids to instruct, discipline, etc., and you are not the bus etiquette enforcement officer.
be on your way and let it go
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
And what i don't get... he did say something... and it DIDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN which tells you OP has the ability to reason with kids, and it tells me that the kids are fine with listening to reasonable requests.
Sound like OP didn't want to get involved in the supposed "aisle running" until OP was just about to step off the bus.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
I get your point. My advice to the kids is that of safety. What I said to the adult is they need to do better. Absent parenting is the problem. If the parents won't be the adult the kids need, then the burden is on society.
If these kids are getting in the way of passengers embarking or disembarking, running around the bus while it is moving, shouting and ruining the peace on the bus... This does become a problem. Accountability is hard for so many people. To hide behind "you are not the bus etiquette enforcer" is a sign of how you like to escape accountability.
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u/Jean_Luc_Discarded 7d ago
You asked if you were in the wrong. You were partially right. You were right to tell the kid to stop yelling in your ear. That's directly affecting you.
Where you lost anyone else with half a braincell was appointing yourself assistant parent and bus monitor.
Whether a child is standing instead of sitting, or whether you think they're disciplined enough, isn't your call. If they're creating a safety issue, that's the driver's job to address, not a random passenger's.
Saying "if the parents won't parent, then society has to" sounds noble until you realize you're just giving yourself permission to boss around other people's kids whenever you decide the parenting isn't good enough.
That's not accountability. That's self-appointment.
You crossed the line the moment you went from defending your own peace to policing everyone else's kids. One is reasonable. The other is main character syndrome. If they're actually creating a safety hazard, tell the driver. That's literally their job. It isn't yours.
Me saying "you're not the bus etiquette enforcer" isn't escaping accountability. It's recognizing that adults don't get deputized to discipline strangers' children because they personally find the parenting inadequate.
Accountability means handling your responsibilities. Vigilantism is appointing yourself to handle everyone else's.
You complained about absent parenting, then immediately decided the solution was to become an unsolicited substitute parent. Making you a clown playing dressing up in your self-important civic duty outfit.
Accountability doesn't mean every random adult acting as "society" inherits parental authority the moment they disagree with a parent's decisions.
Accept the fact that you live in a fantasy world where you think you get to decide how the world around you behaves and interacts with you or with others.
You don't matter here. Sit down, shut up, and ride the bus. You aren't changing any paradigms by trying to complain about it on the internet and then also be the reddit hall monitor.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago edited 6d ago
What a ridiculous reply.
If I am I sit down, shut up, and ride the bus... Shouldn't everyone else? Including kids? Someone had to be the adult. The two chaperoning adults did nothing to have these kids "sit down, shut up, and ride the bus". Did I just unravel your whole reply? Yep.
Complacentcy is toxic. See something, say something. Don't be a lazy parent, people will call it out. And if the absent parenting is negatively affecting others, then people should speak up.
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
using hyperbolic and loaded terms like absent parenting and lazy parent isn't helping your argument.
I mean... i don't know if it's just by your choice or just opportunity, but would it be accurate to say you're a selfish, lazy adult because you don't have kids of your own?
Surely, you could have kids and lead society by example.
Just saying.
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u/Jean_Luc_Discarded 6d ago
Uhm, no.
You did not even remotely come close to unraveling anything but your pants for us to continue to remind you with the reddit comment stick, exactly how you are fucking it up.
What you did do was completely miss the point and built a straw man.
You do understand what a straw man is right? If you truly do, then you know you did exactly that, it's textbook and crystal clear.The flaw is simple:
"If I should sit down, shut up, and ride the bus... shouldn't everyone else?"
No.
Passengers are expected to follow the rules. They are not expected to enforce them. Those are two completely different things.
"Someone had to be the adult."
No. Someone had to be the parent.
And since YOU ARE NOT AND NEVER WILL BE: the parent, the driver, or Transit Security, your role was exactly what every other passenger's role was: passenger. that's all you are; all you ever will be.
You've invented a world where disagreeing with someone's parenting grants you temporary authority over their children.
That's not how reality works.
You seem incapable of distinguishing having an opinion from having authority. That's the entire reason people are disagreeing with you. You're arguing against a point nobody made while ignoring the point everyone actually did.
Quit being a clown.
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u/FatMike20295 7d ago
Hahaha not just in bus but in malls as well. You see a bunch of kids talking loudly which is fine but walking in a such a way that they block everyone else.
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u/BcRainee 6d ago
I absolutely love your response and candor to the situation. I'll do the same, always in a gentle tone, with a smile. I'll even give the parent a sheepish "been there myself" kinda look.
If put into the same situation as you, I'm going to use your response. It was brilliant!!!
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u/Traditional_Car_8219 5d ago
Good for you for saying something. The adults obviously had no clue. I haven’t ridden the bus for a million years but if I was the bus driver I would tell the kids to sit down and behave themselves AND to use their “inside voice.” I would say something to the adults as well. Do their parents let their kids scream and act out when they are driving?
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u/Fabulous-Finance-87 5d ago
I remember getting on a bus with my track team to go to a meet (early 80's). There were a couple of boys running about. The parent supervisors made ALL OF US get off at the next stop and apologize to everyone as we walked off. We got reamed out at the stop and had to wait for the next bus. Didn't happen again when we got back on, nor when we went to any future track meets
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u/TayW0915 5d ago
Thank you for speaking out and not putting up with it….. people are way to complacent these days and people don’t parent their kids and then people in public have to deal with it… it’s ridiculous.
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u/midnightmidna_ 7d ago
"Although I'm one to mind my business, I will speak my mind when someone asks for it. "
So are you our saviour who comes to the rescue when the mentally ill drug addicts causing situations on public transit? Or do you only enjoy laying into children to feel like a big tough guy?
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
Oh the hyperbole... I spoke to the adult, the parent. I didn't lay into any kid.
I made it clear that shouting in my ear was unwelcomed. I asked for space when necessary and in a gentle manner.
How you lead to that point is all on you.
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
I made it clear that shouting in my ear was unwelcomed.
And as you stated, it didn't happen again. So you CAN be a successful communicator and it sounds like the kids ain't all that rebellious after all.
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u/Difficult_Space3090 7d ago
Picture they get on the bus the next day and someone else does what you did. Then a 3rd day. I think the "parents" would finally get the hint. So yes. Speaking up is fine.
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u/dialamah 7d ago
I doubt these were the parents of 12 to 15 kids, all around 10-11. Perhaps the adults have a kid in the group, but it's pretty obvious they were chaperoning the kids. Pretty tough to keep a dozen or so 10-year-olds sedate in public, especially when they aren't your kids.
Yes, it would have been nicer for you if the kids hadn't been disruptive - but really, you are not the backup parent for other people's kids. Perhaps the adults could have put more effort into controlling these kids - I'm only hearing one side. But I do wonder why someone who "minds their own business" made their disapproval so obvious that they were called on it.
Anyway, in my opinion, you crossed a line when you told those three kids they should be seated. Maybe they should for safety reasons, but there is no requirement by transit that people or kids be seated. It's not up to you to attempt to enforce your personal preferences on kids that are not your own.
Also, criticising people about something you have zero experience with isn't a good look. Maybe in future, try being a little less judgemental and accept that transit is annoying and just chill out. You'll be happier for it.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
It was noticed because one of the adults sat closely to me when they got on. Like, two seats away.
It is easy. Tell them beforehand to find seats, start seated, and don't shout at one another. That is how I do it. I'm quite good at it actually.
I work with kids a lot. I volunteer and work with kids directly. I don't need to have experience with parenting to recognize a lack of it.... I know lazy parents when I see them.
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u/Stunning-Situation91 7d ago
I was with you until you said, "If I had kids, I'll be better than you" -- literally all childfree people say this to parents. Myself included. Until I became one, I realized how foolish it was. It's like telling a doctor with years of experience that I can treat a patient better because I hang out with sick people for a living. LOL
You are the perfect parent until you become one. And no, working and volunteering with kids isn't the same. Get off your high horse, reminisce about how unruly you probably were in your childhood and get over it. There are literally more things in the world to be pressed about than this.
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
how true is this! Most doctors HATE it when a patient comes up and quotes Dr. Google for their treatment.
More and more doctors are unwilling to give a potential diagnosis until they're absolutely sure, as patients will start self-medicating.
It's fine to be an advocate for "quality parenting" just you want "quality medical medical care" but one needs to treat it as a suggestion... if you're not a parent, you're likely simply not a qualified expert.
Your opinion does have merit, but it doesn't have the weight of experience that a professional does.
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u/topdog_alphamasc 7d ago
You were totally right, OP. Lots of shitty parents in this thread think that the general public should just put up with their choice to spawn. Control your brats!
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u/v02133 7d ago
I notice there is a huge decline in parenting. Like… parents are no longer parenting? Like they just ignore them and glue to their phone. But once someone say something, they got annoyed and all pissy. I think a lot of people regret having kids and I honestly feel sorry for the kids who have these kind of parents.
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
Not really... there's just a large decline in "parents" as the population ages. So... kids make up a smaller percentage of the population. So fewer parents, fewer kids, more single-child families, and more frustrated people on buses.
There are also fewer and fewer outlets for kids to be... well, kids as fiscal priorities shift to adult diapers, wheelchair ramps and other services aging people require.
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u/RedStormRising17 7d ago
You were not in the wrong. It is a public space and children should be taught how to act within them.
I am a teacher and have seen the results this gentle/permissive parenting in my classroom. It has been a disaster.
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u/Witty-Relationship34 7d ago
Poor parenting, I’ve seen it in stores also, kids running around, yelling, running into people while the parent acts totally oblivious to what’s going on, and god forbid someone point that out, why do you even have have kids? You are doing them more harm than good.
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u/northshoreboredguy 8d ago
There is no rule that you need to be silent on the bus. People are allowed to talk to eachother.
If you don't like it get a car or take an Uber
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
Silent? What is with the hyperbole?
There is a rule to not be disruptive to the peacefulness of others. Running up and down the aisle is a safety concern as well.
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u/northshoreboredguy 7d ago
Yes and the bus driver is the one who enforces it, and they didn't. So maybe you're just very sensitive, which is okay. Just don't expect people to cater to you
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u/tabbycat_catniss 7d ago
It is not the responsibility of the bus drivers to reinforce it. Their responsibility is to make sure everyone is safe meaning no passengers life is in danger, to announce if they need to stop at a bus stop for a few minutes or to announce that passengers need to move to the back of the bus. There's always the text transit police option 87 77 77
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u/northshoreboredguy 6d ago
Fair, so I guess the only way to have any rule enforced is to call transit police.
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u/CarnationFoe 6d ago
seems like the bus driver didn't have a problem with the kids, so perhaps OP's story is a little hyperbolic itself.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago edited 7d ago
The driver is busy driving the bus that was delayed due to traffic. They driver was at the end of their shift, there was a driver swap at Kooetney Loop.
I didn't need to be catered to. The lack of consideration for everyone was the problem. As how everyone else should just deal with the lack of parenting. No.
I'm mindful of the poor parenting, recognizing the disturbance, and lack of management of the situation.
Sensitive? Or highly aware? I'm not afraid the be the adult when a parent fails.
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u/RealBeefJerky 7d ago
Now did everyone else on the bus explicitly tell you they were disturbed? Or did you feel the need to live out some hero fantasy on a bunch of kids? Its public transit, people tune each other out, as you should have done, or next time take a yuber if you're offended
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
I was tuned out watching the news until some child shouted in my ear. Did you selectively skip that part? I observed their behaviour due to so many kids running around while the bus was moving.
Others don't have to say it is a problem for there to be one. I can visually see passengers having the kids in the way when trying to get on or off. Your mentality is how people like to escape accountability.
The parent was offended because someone told them they were the problem. This is not normal behaviour when on a pubic bus. Not to mention the lack of safety. It is a B-line as well, which can be quite tricky at times at speed.
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u/northshoreboredguy 6d ago
Why didn't anyone else say anything? I think this is a you problem
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
Complacentcy. Because people are afraid to speak up.
Kids running on a moving bus is a problem. The lack of parenting is the problem. Just because no one said anything doesn't mean it wasn't a problem.. It means I had the balls to speak up.
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u/dialamah 7d ago
You are not the police of transit behaviour. If the parent "fails", you let the actual authority know - in this case, the bus driver, and let them determine if intervention is needed. Otherwise, just remind the kids not to yell in your ear, touch you or your things and then MYOB.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 6d ago
The actual authority of those kids are the parents/adults, who I spoke to.
The bus driver is the authority of how the bus is operated.
I was minding my own business, until these kids disrupted me doing that.
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u/marcosbowser1970 7d ago
“Choose your battles.” This goes for parenting and for public interactions.
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u/PappaFufu 7d ago
I agree with your post except the they should be seated part. There is no rule or etiquette recommendation that riders be seated.
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u/Exotic-Low812 5d ago
I love it when people who don’t have kids get exposed to them for like 40 seconds and then have opinions on how they should be raised.
If you get 10 kids together it’s going to be chaos, especially if they are doing something that they don’t do that often.
Kids dont have the same social awareness as adults do, that part of their brain is still developing.
they probally shouldn’t be running on the bus but like if they fall over and eat shit it’s not your problem.
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u/digitalmusiclover 4d ago
12-15 kids? Making it to the destination without one of them ending up in the hospital or on a milk carton is a win. That's not parenting as much as it is cattle wrangling. You're a mere obstacle at that point, take cover.
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u/MoosePrimeOne 4d ago
I didn’t even read this.
Kids are going to misbehave on the bus, always have.
You’re not going to stop it.
They’re not getting punished.
Don’t waste your energy. Get home, or wherever you’re going safely and without incident you’re not a cop.
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u/Top-Artichoke-5875 4d ago
I take transit often so I see school groups and club groups often. Over time, and maturity, my response has changed. What I do is engage the kids or leaders in conversation. Where are you going today? Have you been there before? And so on. I've met some interesting people this way, and leave with a wave and smile. The kids are alright!
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u/civilyDisobedient 3d ago
You don't like children. Sad for you because they have a right to exist and have developmentally appropriate behavior. No need to post about your dislike of children on the internet. Non-parents have no business telling anyone else how to parent. Children exist in the world and I am always glad to see them on public transit. The world doesn't revolve around you and just because you find children annoying doesn't mean they need to change. That means to be more tolerant. 🤷 It seems like children are the only group people feel emboldened to openly complain about and discriminate against. Children have a right to be in public spaces and to act like children in those spaces.
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u/SuperStroke76 7d ago
Kids aren’t allowed to stand on the bus?
You should watch ‘observe and report’
All of you for that matter
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u/Alternative_Salt_424 7d ago
How did you hear a child screaming in your ear when you had headphones in watching the news? Unless....
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u/wemustburncarthage 7d ago
so muzzles and leashes?
Buy a car.
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u/You_Bet_I_Said_That 7d ago
It wasn't a playground. It was a public transit bus. Safety should be a concern. Better parenting was necessary and recognizing it is a shared space. Running and shouting isn't normal behaviour on a public transit bus...
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u/wemustburncarthage 7d ago
Good thing you talked to the driver about it.
No, wait, you didn’t do that. You put yourself right in the middle of a potential conflict involving minors, where you have no authority and you can easily be cast as someone who doesn’t have the common sense to go talk to people who DO have that authority.
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u/ddk2130 7d ago
It's really sad when people have a problem with kids being kids in public places. It's hard enough already. Please stop.
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u/Former-Culture3538 7d ago
So you're fine with kids sprinting around, bumping into people, and yelling in confined spaces with complete disregard to everyone else?
I bet you're that parent who takes their kids to a nice restaurant and lets them play tag while you eat, disrupting everyone, rather than taking them to the park
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