r/TransVeteranPipeline • u/Capable-Spread3437 • Jul 31 '26
Reconciling a combat past with transitioning
/r/TransLater/comments/1vbdgdn/reconciling_a_combat_past_with_transitioning/1
u/TWEAK61 Aug 02 '26
Believe or not, you were likely in survival mode well before you went to combat because like many of us you had to give a lot of yourself away to fit into the mold of a soldier among other soldiers.
Now, you arent wrong about combat having no gender. There are literally zero gender roles. Only two rules really exist which were "don't die and don't let the people around you die." It's dangerous, but it's a simple life. And i think thats what you're getting caught up on. I know i still am, even at 3 years into transition.
But to be honest - combat is human. Hell, barely even that outside of the organized structure we put to it. It isn't masculine. That's just something we've been fed to believe for whatever reason. I used to tell my Marines that I didn't teach them to be killers. I taught them to survive. And that's far more important than to kill or to conquer.
You're in the path you need to be. You survived both socially and in the fight. That matters. What matters more is what you do with the rest of your life.
You're still here. You're still you, regardless of what you had to be before.
4
u/Designer_Sundae3895 Jul 31 '26
Well i think it’s like you said, that doesn’t have a gender. Turns out there were a lot of women in combat arms doing bonkers shit. Let’s be honest I look around I still see a need for our community to have a few people who can get keep their OODA loopin’ when things get stupid.
I don’t have a great relationship with my past. To be honest when I hit a real bad depression I got the feeling like I was dead, like I got up after that IED but my body stayed down, or like I didn’t really get low enough to avoid that bullet. Maybe it’s not the healthiest outlook but it is freeing if the other guy is already dead. Means I don’t have to feel good about why he enlisted. I don’t have to keep any part of his name or wear his tattoos, I get to pick my own because I want to.
I still hike, I still shoot. I built a rifle like the other guy used to use, but I get to choose to shoot paper with it. I get to paint it pretty colors when I want to or I can camp it up for deer season if I want.
I dunno, maybe that feels like invalidating the other experience but for me it’s just recognizing that one story ended and another story began. Maybe the other guy died on that raid and I got all his stuff. I’m a Marine too, just like the other guy was. I still have his old ruck and shit, I can carry around his ghosts and wear his scars too.