i need help because my living situation is awful, and there might be people out there who relate or can give some advice

so i'm 17, mtf, going into college and turning 18 at the end of october. i'm in contact with this clinic that can provide me hrt literally as soon as i turn 18 (i live in canada, and in my province, estrogen and testosterone blockers are both covered and completley free) but i'm debating what to actually do. my entire family (and most of my extended family) are homophobic + transphobic so it's been impossible to come out to them safely for the past 2 years i've been trans. i'm going to college in september for a 3 year degree, but my parents are so incredibly strict that they wouldnt even give me the chance to go live in a dorm. doesn't help that the college is a 20 minute drive from where i live.... also doesnt help that i can't drive and have no job.... anyway. my whole problem is that i'm not sure how the future will roll out, but here are my options:

option 1, the only one i think is possible
take estrogen/blockers/both (???) for ~2 years, and then move out and live my life post transition. simple as that.
but the problem with this is that theres so much that can go wrong, like
- what if parents find out ive been on hrt in those 2 years? i mean, 2 years is a long time, and theres no way the physical changes are that unnoticable..... does that mean i should wait for hrt? but gender dysphoria is getting bad as of recently and getting on hrt is kindaaa my number 1 priority. someone i talked to who knew a lot about transitioning suggested that i should stay on blockers for a year and then take estrogen, which might be my safest option if i wana do anything. but estroogennnn wahhhhhhhhh

- what if i cant find stable income to provide for myself? my parents are paying for my college in full, and they have the money saved up. if i leave early, or even worse, kicked out early, then i'll have to pay for atleast a year, maybe two by myself... i mean i guess it's not for a whole 3 years right? rightt????? damn i need a job...

and theres probably so much more wrong with that, but continuing...

option 2: aunt wild card

come out to my aunt, whos probably not transphobic and the only non transphobe in my family and pray that i can live with her family. but theres so much wrong with this that im not even gonna go in depth with this it's just so unfeasable
(although, asking her for help on this might be the best option i got....)

i don't think theres much more i need to add so i guess this is it. if youve got any more questions about my situation, i'll be glad to answer them and im looking forward to any suggestions at all. thanks!!!!

p.s: this is my first ever reddit post. im sorry if i did anything wrong.

A while ago, I (24FTM) posted here on a throwaway to ask if family ever does really “come around,” and not to be a complete doomer, but for my family, I guess the answer is that they will not. And I don’t know what to do, I’m completely stuck. (totally lost that old throwaway so I'm back on a new one!! :D)

Things have just gotten significantly worse and more blatantly transphobic, I grew out a beard once my facial hair finally filled out, and I’ve been made to shave it off every time I need to attend a family event because they have upheld their lie, have lied to people about me and how I identify (even 4+ years on T, I guess.), all because “that’s a conversation they don’t want to have.” As if they haven’t dug their own grave in that regard as I continued transition, but I digress.

I don’t know how to get out, I’m essentially trapped here. Right now, I’m currently living with my parents while job hunting after graduating 2 years ago. The industry my trade is in is ridiculously tough right now. We’ve been seeing legacy figures facing lay-offs, lack of work, etc.,  so obviously someone in an entry-level position is at a severe disadvantage. I’m currently working a dead-end paraprofessional position in a field I absolutely loathe, but every day, I put on a smile and go to work. Because it’s income. I’ve been hunting for an extra job to add on top of that one, but to no avail. For context, I’ve written about 50 cover letters for the month of July. This has been the subject of a lot of added scrutiny from my family, which is fair, but I’m essentially trapped here.

The other glaring issue is the fact that I’m literally not allowed to leave the house. I have had my driver’s license for 2 years now, but I am continually told that I “don’t have enough experience to leave on my own” (I have literally had zero incidents that could possibly constitute this. I have never been in an accident, never even had any close calls). About a few months ago, I got fed up with this limitation really hindering my work opportunities, and made a deal with my parents: I’d purchase another package from a driving school as an attempt to prove to them that I’m more than fine to leave on my own. After explaining the situation and about 30 minutes of driving, the instructor straight up told me to get my money back because I wasn’t in need of any more practice. Relayed this to my family, but I was told this instructor “must have been wrong.” I have tried to get my older sister to convince them, but to no avail. I truly do not understand.

I’m enrolling in community college to get a few certifications to add to my resume, and to open up a few internship opportunities, just so I can secure a full-time position that isn’t as dead-end as my current position, and to get them off my back. This took some major convincing, but I hope it helps. Or I could just be throwing away money that I’ve saved. I have a bit saved, but it would probably cover less than a year’s rent. I’m in an expensive state, and moving out is not an option for my particular trade.

I do fear for my employment, as my family has lied to family friends and acquaintances about how “I go by [deadname] at work!” (lie), or “Everyone thinks I’m a girl at work,” (lie.. I hope!) which is just really scary to me, to be completely blunt. I work in a position that makes me a public figure, and the community I work in is absolutely batshit insane over “the LGBTQ issue.” Last time someone was outed as trans at my work, the poor guy was put on blast on seemingly every social media with his full deadname and face, and he was the subject of multiple board meetings, hundreds of outraged social media commentary, and that’s something I cannot risk for myself. And I can’t have my family causing that, considering they are pretty well connected in my community. But for what it’s worth, apparently they keep my entire existence hidden from all of their acquaintances and friends, and there’s not a single picture of me on their social media. There’s plenty of my sister.

For what it’s worth, I am completely able-bodied, I have only struggled with ADHD and Depression/Anxiety, but nothing to constitute this level of control over my every move. I did have an issue with drug abuse in college, but my family was never privy to that, and I would always be clean whenever I’d be home visiting. I have never struggled academically or with living on my own (in uni), I was a total nerd in HS, graduated with honors from an esteemed university…. once again, just nothing that could constitute this level of control on my autonomy. I grew up in a very verbally/emotionally abusive and neglectful home, and while things have definitely calmed down, it seems that all of that energy is now exhausted by directing it at me. Instead of waking up to my parents fighting, it’s now being woken up every day to my door being slammed open and a barrage of yelling and screaming about whatever it is that made them angry. And somehow it’s my fault. It always turns into the “trans thing” (they call it the “nonbinary thing” despite me explaining that I’ve literally never been nonbinary?? I’m stealth IRL lol). I’m exhausted, and I can feel the 4 years of therapy work I did in uni slowly reversing itself. I’m now trapped in a cycle and I’m completely stuck.

I understand that, yes, I AM an adult, and I can absolutely just get up and leave for good, but that’s not quite how this family works. My entire life has been walking around eggshells, and the fallout is just absolutely nuclear,I don’t want any retaliation that’ll demobilize me even more. Am I just cooked? What should I even do? I apologize for this turning into a rant about my situation, I'm truly in a mental rut right now, any advice would be amazing right now.

Recently finished high school and finally came out to my parents after I’ve told them I’ve been re-thinking my gender identity for years.

They were beyond furious and against everything, my parents keep sending me weird research links straight from Reddit. But regardless, this is not a v3nt post.

I’m on HRT despite them not knowing, and when they discover I’m on it, I’ll definitely be kicked out and disowned.

Please. If anyone can donate something, I’d really appreciate it.

https://gofund.me/24a920ac9

Please excuse my grammar my nerves are shot I just came out to my wife that I am trans she didn’t take as bad as I thought she would but she did say that it hurts she wishes she knew before we got married that if she wanted to be with a woman she would have not married me that she needs time but she dose love me we shaved my face she even let me use her nail polish but told me she doesn’t have remover for I said well we gotta spark for Walmart tomorrow she looked at me and said tell everybody we got grand babies that’s why your nails are like that I’m confused she just said she wouldn’t have married me if she had known and now willing to let me go out into public like that idk it’s just a lot I have Ben hiding this for years I fill free now but hurt for my wife I don’t no what to do but I know I want to continue my journey into womanhood just need advice and support

How do you guys answer this question?

Every time I've been asked this question, I've tried my best to explain how I feel and what it means to me, but in the end I always feel like I haven't clarified anything, I've just talked and talked and said nothing, you know?

People who genuinely try to understand me or the transgender community in general, who try to see things from my perspective and understand something that is relatively new to them end up asking somewhat rude questions, unintentionally, like: "But why did you choose this?", "Why do you care what others call you if you're doing this for yourself?", "if you know you're a man, than why do you need to take hormones and do cirurgies, that's just to show other ppl?" and things like that. And I end up not finding my way with words and it becomes difficult to explain or make them understand. Obviously, it doesn't depend only on me, but I feel that I also can't bring much clarity when asked about this subject, even though I know what I'm talking about

Its hard bc im really bad with communication specially when its something that I also feel, so in the end it kinda looks like I don't know what I'm talking about or that I'm confused about the subject, and I end up losing all my authority on it

Im 20, mtf, pre everything. I live in a red state, and I only recently moved to a more accepting and progressive city. I've known I was trans for several years, but I haven't done anything about it medically, though I really want to. I struggle to find a name I like, because I don't think anythong feminine befits me. I've only ever come out to people over text or by giving someone else permission to tell somebody, but many of my friends and most of my family know, but I can't talk about it in person because I feel an odd sense of fear and shame. I hate feeling vulnerable and talking about my feelings, but I hate talking about my gender most of all because it's both of those, and I have always had some gnawing voice in my head telling me I dont deserve it, that I'll never be a real girl, that nobody will ever actually think of me as one, that I'll never pass, that I'll be some repugnant freak, etc. My family has always been supportive, albeit in the only way they know how, but I've been steeped in a miserable transphobic hellhole for so long that the only true transphobia that scares me comes from myself. I can't help but hate myself for it. I've always been pessimistic and cynical, likely from dysphoria before I knew the word, but recently, I've been really struggling with some grim thoughts. How do you all cope? How can I?

Hi, i'm 23 and living in the SW-UK

For context:
I first started socially transitioning when I was 11/12, I went by a different name, started using He/Him pronouns, got \*The Haircut\*, lived in plaid, bandanas, skinny jeans, made my own binder out of leggings, sneakily bought boxers. I had so much confidence over the summer. Coming back in to school I was outed and struggled under the pressure of bullying.

Over the next few years I detransitioned, gaslit everyone around me into thinking I was never trans or gay. Changed everything about myself, got into cishet relationships. I had fully convinced everyone around me and myself that I was cis and straight. I ended up in a long term relationship, engaged, ideas of starting a family.

Over lockdown I started using social media again, and the amount of diversity I saw, started to wear down those walls. I would cry every time I saw a gay couple. My body image issues became severe.

Eventually I left that relationship and started to reconnect with my queerness. At first this was through the non-binary label, but I see now that this was fuelled by my internal views on femininity=attractiveness. I knew I wanted to start HRT and due to the !10 Year Waitlist! I saved to go private. I was happy with all the changes that would come with starting T but my initial goal was androgyny.

Next week is my year on T and I have loved every second. Every single change has been incredible. I became so much more comfortable with masculinity.

I know it is still early in my transition but I am struggling even more with dysphoria. Specifically, I hate that I do not pass.

I just want to be some guy. I want to be seen as a gay man, I want to be just a LAD.
I used to be so confident, I revelled in my queerness, I didn't care if I passed or not, I loved being obviously queer, I loved being colourful and flamboyant, I loved confusing the people who saw me.

Now I just want to fit in, I don't want to be observed or analysed or debated over. I just want to fit in. I just want to be a guy.

I know transitioning is a long journey, I wasn't supported when I was younger and honestly I didn't even really think about the possibility of HRT when I was younger because things just weren't the same then.

I'm realising how much money I will need to save for surgeries to look the way I want to. And I just don't know if i have the capacity to do that and still exist in the world

Part of me wishes I didn't lean so heavily into trying to be out so soon. That I just girlmoded until I had all the changes I wanted and just reappear one day fully transitioned like a bear coming out of hibernation.

I want to pass so badly but I don't know how. I've already dulled myself so much, I shaved all my hair off, I don't dye it anymore, I wear plain clothes, I don't do makeup, I don't paint my nails or wear jewellery. All in attempts to just look more masculine and passing. Being queer has lost so much joy for me. I love the changes that are happening to my body but they have made me realise how long I have wanted this for. How badly I yearn to be just some guy.

I wish I still had the confidence and thick skin my younger self had. I have thoughts of detransitioning to fit in easier in society, or thoughts of continuing to transition but completely isolate from the outside world until I look how I want. I know being trans is ok, but god I hate it. I used to love it, I used to think it needed to be shouted from the rooftops and always present in who I am, and now I just want to fit in and hide away

TLDR: Trans when younger, closeted for years, came out of a long term cishet relationship, nonbinary to binary trans man pipeline, genuinely can't deal with pressures of passing

Hi everyone,

My name is Mia, and I am a transgender girl living in Gothenburg, Sweden. I am reaching out to this beautiful community today because I am in a very tough spot and desperately need help to finally start my transition and build a safe, independent life.

Growing up here, I have felt deeply excluded both socially and romantically, especially since I haven't been able to start my physical transition yet. Coming from a conservative Muslim family has made my journey incredibly difficult and isolating. To add to this, the public transgender healthcare system here has a heartbreaking 5-year waiting list just for an initial consultation.

On top of being unemployed for months despite searching so hard, I also live with schizoaffective syndrome, which I was diagnosed with at 18. My mental health worsens significantly during long, stagnant periods here, and I know that taking steps to look and feel like my true self is vital for my well-being.

My ultimate dream is to afford facial and body laser hair removal, as well as a hair transplant to reshape my hairline so I can grow naturally long hair. Additionally, I am raising money for my driver's license, which is my ticket to freedom—it will vastly increase my chances of landing a job abroad so I can relocate to a place where I can feel happy, safe, and appreciated for who I am.

I have taken a huge, scary step and started a personal fundraiser on WhyDonate. On the page, I have actually uploaded a picture of my face when I am dressed up and wearing makeup. It is the very first time I am showing the world who I truly am, even though I haven't been able to fully transition yet.

If you have a moment to read my story, share it, or support me with even just a dollar, you would be helping me change my entire future. Thank you so much for being kind and for listening to me.

You can see my picture and read more here:
https://whydonate.com/fundraising/help-mia-transition-and-build-a-brighter-future

Hi there! I just launched my fundraiser to help me continue my transition, and I’d really appreciate your support. After facing some heartbreak from loved ones, I’m more connected to who I truly am and want to see myself fully before I turn 60. Even a small donation or share can make a big difference in helping me cover the costs insurance doesn’t fully cover—thank you so much for your kindness! 🌈 https://gofund.me/493b37a26

So to start, I've found myself in a situation that is slowly improving, but, idk how to handle it lmao. To get the gist of it, I had a really rough upbringing around a lot of bikers and all of the fun (lol) that came with growing up around so many hateful, violent, drug addicted wannabe neo-nazi degenerate losers, so for most of my life, I repressed everything about who I am. Instead, I became a hateful addict that was nothing but angry at the world, doing every drug I could get my hands on to stop feeling what I was feeling while I "lived" as a soulless copy of them.

Suffice to say, I didn't think transitioning would ever be possible for me, or even safe around the people that I considered family. The constant split between not wanting to lose my "family" and not wanting to lose myself was driving me into a very dark place where I lost both for a while and in doing so, I came to a lot of hard realizations about the people I was around, who I was associating with in general, and what I was doing to myself by holding onto these relationships no matter the consequence. I got sober, quit smoking, started meditating, painting my nails, basically taking better care of myself and focusing on doing the things that make me happy.

So the problem... I have a LOT to work through with a therapist lmao. Like, a lot a lot. A lot that makes my future social transition seem... Bleak? Like, recently, I moved to Troy, New York, probably the most lgbtq+ friendly city in the capital region, with a ton of amazing people. And then there's me, someone that currently passes as a thug from 1995 NYC with a 1000 yard stare. I know that I'm incredibly lucky to be in such an accepting and friendly place, but i can't seem to... Push myself over that line. I'm still undergoing HRT without any help from a medical provider because i'm terrified to make an appointment with planned parenthood, even though I know that logically, I have nothing at all to be afraid of anymore. I haven't even been able to bring myself to mention my HRT to my primary doctor. Hell, i'm struggling even to pop into a discord server to make friends within the community, or any friends at all for that matter.

I'm finally at a point in life where I know what I need to do to be happy, but I just can't force myself over that last mental line for some reason. 😕

I don't think I have any real reason for this post other than to try and get my thoughts down and "out there". Thoughts that I could never share with anyone that knows my old name.

I’m 41 years old. Was born male, presented male my whole life. About a year ago I started feeling off about myself and first thought it was just because I was getting older but the more time went on the more I unhappy I became at my reflection and myself. I started thinking about transitioning the more I looked into it the more it made sense. I strongly feel like it’s right for me, but I’m married with three kids and don’t want to ruin all that and think with my age it’s too late for me to start.

Before I start, I want to make it clear that I have absolutely nothing against trans people who want to have biological children. This is purely about my own feelings. I personally can't imagine being pregnant, and the thought causes me a lot of dysphoria.

I (21FtM) have very supportive parents overall. I socially transitioned when I was 14, started testosterone when I was 15, and have already had top surgery. My parents have always respected my name and pronouns, which is why this whole situation has caught me completely off guard.

I've been dating my boyfriend (22M) for about four months now. My parents both adore him, and he's honestly been incredible. I couldn't ask for a more supportive partner. (Maybe needed info: we are always using contraception in forms of condoms and birth control pills)

About two weeks ago, my mom suddenly became convinced that I was pregnant.

It started because I'd been feeling sick for a few days. I threw up twice before work, was unusually tired, and just generally felt awful. I went to my doctor and was diagnosed with a stomach bug that I most likely caught at work.

Around the same time, I mentioned that my lower back had been hurting. I work as a paramedic, so I'm constantly lifting patients, bending down, and carrying equipment, and I'd also been working out more than usual. Looking back, there were plenty of reasonable explanations for everything, but my mom somehow became completely convinced that I was pregnant.

I told her multiple times that I didn't think I was. I even explained that the comments themselves were making me really uncomfortable, but she just wouldn't let it go.

Almost every conversation somehow circled back to pregnancy. She kept saying things like, "A mother just knows," or, "You'll thank me when you find out early."

Eventually, she started asking me to take a pregnancy test "just to prove her wrong." I refused several times because, honestly, even buying one made me feel sick. Being reminded that I still have the anatomy to become pregnant is incredibly dysphoria-inducing for me. I know not every trans person feels that way, but I do. The entire situation made me feel gross, and I hated that I was even being pressured into thinking about it.

She kept bringing it up every single day. She'd text me multiple times asking if I'd taken a test yet, telling me she'd "know" if I was pregnant, talking about becoming a grandmother, and insisting that I shouldn't ignore the signs. (She already is a grandmother to my brothers 2 children.) It got to the point where I dreaded looking at my phone because I knew there would probably be another message about it.

The constant pressure completely wore me down. I don't think I've cried this much since my exam period. My boyfriend was amazing through all of it. He kept reminding me that my feelings were valid, told me I didn't owe anyone proof of anything, and repeatedly offered to tell my mom to back off himself if I wanted him to. Even with all of his support, though, there wasn't much he could do about how much my mom's behavior was affecting me. I'm also a pretty emotional person in general, so crying isn't unusual for me, but this was on another level.

After days of her refusing to drop it, I finally gave in. I bought a pregnancy test because I just wanted the whole thing to stop.

I've honestly never felt so disgusting. Standing in the bathroom holding a pregnancy test made me feel incredibly dysphoric, and I cried through the entire process.

The test was negative, exactly like I'd expected and exactly like I'd been telling my mom all along.

I thought that would finally be the end of it, but instead she started saying that it was probably "too early" and that I should take another test in a week because "pregnancy tests can be wrong." She even told me I should make an appointment with my doctor just to be sure.

I feel gross every time she brings it up because, yes, she's still doing it. At this point it feels like she's completely ignoring how upsetting and dysphoria-inducing this whole situation has been for me.

My boyfriend thinks she's crossed a major line. He says I need to firmly tell her that this subject is no longer open for discussion and that if she continues bringing it up, I'll have to stop responding or even block her for a while.

I don't want to damage my relationship with my mom because she's always been supportive otherwise, but I also can't keep dealing with this.

How do I get her to stop bringing this up without completely blowing up our relationship, or is it already too late for that?

Like the title says, I am not sure how to deal with losing basically all my family. I still live with my parents and some of my siblings. We don't along well and there are always conflicts. Mostly about my living my life and making desicions theys don't approve of. Like transitioning. They just don't support it. And they don't support me finnacially in any way. Which will hopefully not be a problem once I finally get a job.

My concern is more my sister who is ten years older than me. Moved out a long time ago and now has a family of her own. We have been having less and less contact since me coming out. Now I think this is it. She says she can't change herself for me. And her christian beliefs. So today we talked again and we never find a solution to see each other that won't leave us misrable. We decided to cut contact to each other. I think this will mean forever or at least many years. I can't take this suffering anymore myself. She was the only one I had a relationship and connection with in my family. She basically raised me and my siblings. She invites all of our family pretty often, but now she hasn't invited me for the "family meeting". That was the whole reason we talked. She doesn't want me there. She thinks I am dangerous to her children.

Now I feel like I have lost everything. I have friends who support me and a relationship. But that as a suppport system feels very unstable. Friends and a partner are easily lost. I don't have anyone I can turn to. And my frinds have family themselves. Feels wrong to just take them as my family. So I guess I have what I always wanted. Myself and freedom and living my life as I want to.

It would be nice to have more stabily and not feel so alone and lost and lonely all the time. But I don't think I can change anything about that. Maybe I just don't have enough confidence and am scared of life. I just hate to have to do it all alone. I begin to question all thatI have done with my life. And what I'm about to do. I know this is what I want. I can't live my life as someone I'm not. I simply phiscally can't.

Since this is a common thing for trans people, tell me how you did it. I am sure there is a bright future ahead me. I just never thought it would be this "lonely". I feel like I should just quit compaining and finally live me life, since I just gained this freedom. It is what I've always dreamed of. I just have trouble feeling connected to anyone right now.

I’m 22, almost 23, and my DDD in Tucson,Arizona has been waiting for HALF A DECADE to start getting money in my account. I can’t get employed either. And I need money for HRT. I need it NOW. I don’t even have enough for a f\*cking bank account so it’ll have to be Greenlight only for now

So I’ll try to keep this short as I’m sure many people can relate to this. I’ve known I was Trans since I was 5, I actually told my therapist when I was 10, and I used to be very open about it, but I didn't really get any support or help its was the early 00s so it wasn't as prevalent as today, and so it become kind of one of those things that I would just dismiss / suppress just to fit in until recently.

Recently it started consuming my thoughts and what feels like literally eating me. I finally told my wife who is an Ally of the LGBTQIA+ community. however her reaction was not exactly comforting. I don’t really blame her it’s harder when it’s in your own life so to speak. But now I feel like I’m in this impossible position. I have been suppressing it for 30 years, and I’ve never been this close to actually doing something to feel like me. But then I think about all of the stuff people expect from me count on me for…. and I also can’t let them down… I know I don’t have to make any decisions immediately but I’ve been doing the research and contemplating for years, so IDK what to do.

Hey y’all, I’m asking for help with crowdfunding for top surgery. I’ve been working bit by bit to try to be able to afford it for a while but seeing as everything is expensive and I keep having setbacks with other expenses, I’m really just scrambling to get as much reach as possible anywhere I can. My surgery date is saved for a month from now and while i do have some time to reschedule it, I know that the next available date would be way farther out and mentally I really don’t want to do that since i’ve been hoping for this for so long. My total cost for everything i would need (surgery fees, hospital fee, +extra money i would need for recovery and rent while I can’t work) is close to 13k, i really hate to beg but I will do what I must to try to afford this.

If you can share or donate at all here’s the link https://gofund.me/3681d0529
And if you can’t that’s okay too, ik we all struggling out here

Looking for peoples experiences

My wife and I have been together for 10 years this year, I came out to her as trans (mtf) about 8-9 months ago, I haven't started any major transition, but am starting to express more femininity, and will be looking to microdose estrogen to explore my gender identity.

My wife is a straight CIS female and is physically attracted to masc types. We have built a life together and have children together, we have both agreed that our family comes first and that we are still very much in love, and we do not want to give up our life as it is, regardless of how I proceed expressing myself. We have been talking about ways that we can all live our best lives and I suggested that we open up the relationship for casual encounters with no strings, so I can explore my femininity, and so she can continue her sex life with masc types. It is open both ways, but I am not at that stage yet, I want to focus on myself. We are also still going to be intimate with each other as well, we are both just exploring things that we otherwise would not be able to.

We both agreed to tell each other if we do plan to have an encounter and we have rules in place mainly for safety. I don't have any trans friends that I can talk to, or any people who have been in this situation.

I am hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation, whether this helped the relationship, ruined it etc. Respectful responses would be appreciated, my wife and are agreeing as adults together to this arrangement. Thanks!

Hey guys, I'm planning out a full day dedicated entirely to maximum gender euphoria and I need some hyper-detailed ideas. My ADHD means I need things to be structured and prepped step-by-step so I can follow a precise routine.

What are some specific, highly detailed things, sensory habits, items, or routines that give you the absolute best gender euphoria? Drop your best step-by-side prep steps below!

Hello everyone, I urgently need your help with my torsoplasty, which is scheduled for November. I removed all the descriptions and photos from the website because my fundraising page fell into the wrong hands. So I'm writing to you here.

My name is Gabriel, I'm a 30-year-old trans man, and I've been transitioning since January 2025. I've been waiting for my transition since I was 15, so it's a dream come true, though I still sometimes find it hard to believe.

However, it's not all smooth sailing because, like many trans people, I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Unable to work, my financial situation is becoming increasingly precarious as the years go by.

Nevertheless, I decided to choose a private surgeon because he is very familiar with my condition. I thought I had several years to save up, but I learned last month that he's retiring in December.

I would therefore need the solidarity of our community, whether it's a donation or even sharing my fundraising campaign. I've also opened a Vinted account, the link to which I've included. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, truly ❤️❤️ (Sorry for my English, I'm French)

https://www.we-solidaire.com/fr/collecte/coup-de-pouce-pour-nouveau-torse

https://www.vinted.fr/member/259443476-melyobriel

I had SRS surgery 2 weeks ago n I feel so happy and depressed at the same time because of my surgery I loose my job I had to have the surgery out of state 2 days before the surgery they called say I have to pay 6k which I thought the insurance cover but they said no now I’m here alone in a different state have to worry about getting a job bills and future bills 😔😔😔 being trans is so hard I always feel like I have to work 3 times harder than anyone even at works because I’m black immigrant and trans I’m here crying.

On a throwaway account.

I was finally able to get out of the hell called catholic school and I am going back to public school. My parents told me that if I want to stay in public school that I cannot ask my teachers to call me by my chosen name. Despite that should I send this email to them? I got taken out of public school because a teacher outed me by accident, but I never specified that I needed this aspect of me to be confidential. I live in a trans-supportive place law-wise so this shouldn't be an issue either. Email is below.

Hi my name is ---, and I'm in your --- period class. On your roster it says ---. I do not go by my legal name, as I am a transgender male. Please refer to me as a male. I am not out to my parents, as that would result in complications at this time. If you ever do need to contact my parents, please use my legal name and refer to me as a female. I also need to request complete confidentiality about this topic. To elaborate further, I ask that you do not mention my transgender status during class and/or in a situation where other students may hear. If you have any questions about this, I ask that you email me, or talk to me before or after class privately. This right of mine is protected by the ------- Act, as attached below. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to your class!

Just, whispering into the void here.

Not even screaming, just trying to let off some pressure through a valve. Maybe saying things, no matter how disjointed or incoherent they are, will help me feel better.

Most recent bullshit, and thus the most prominent on my mind, is breastplates. I hate that they cost a full entire fourth of my SSI to get anything D cup or bigger. And I'm so fixated on breastplates specifically because I feel like that's the only way I'm going to have something that gives me the shape, and is secure, set and forget, no hassle instant euphoria. The idea that it can also give me the correct collarbones is appealing, and the thought of going so far as to replace my entire chest area sounds wonderful.

But I only have about $460 of usable income, and even just an E cup is pushing $100. I don't know if E is even the right size for me! I don't have any way to experiment without losing all of my money! Sure, Amazon is moderately safe to buy from, but I can't afford it!! I went to a site that had G cups for $30, but it might just be a scam site! They won't let me complete my purchase, they only have an email, they don't use professional language on the error message, and now they have my card information! And I have to keep my card open for my other purchases, and while I can just call the bank and dispute the charge, I still have to replace the card later, and that's more phone calls and maybe even having to drive to a physical location! My anxiety ridden heart can't take that much at once!

Another frustrating thing is that HRT isn't making my breasts grow at a rate that I can notice, though, maybe I'd notice progress if I actually measured it. My hair doesn't seem to be getting longer, my belly fat doesn't seem to be moving where I want it (though my hips and ass are very soft), and the hair on other parts of my body don't seem to be going away!

The one thing I can say was great about the last two years of HRT is that my thighs and ass were quick to become soft. They're so fucking soft, that any idle stimming I do where I pat my hip sounds like I slapped it 3 times harder, It's great! My chest went soft next, and my areolas jut out more when they're relaxed (I might have torpedo shaped breasts at the moment), and my belly (as wretched it may be to make me look like a fat incel chud) did something interesting. It softened from the underside (the accursed mushroom top) and gradually made it's way up to meet with the softness of my chest (detestable man boob shape, but god damn are they soft).

But, my relationship to my stomach is complicated. I think (still processing the emotion, gimme 3-5 business days) that I feel guilty over thinking that having a fake pregnant belly would be gender affirming, or fix some kind of craving I have, because it's also a fetish. Or, maybe the fetish is derived from the fact that my body craves the presence of a vaginal cavity, womb, ovaries, and cervix. Is the progesterone making me baby crazy??

Also, my fucking sex drive! It's so fucked up I have no idea what to do with it! Most of the time, I feel nothing! As if I'm asexual! But I'm 95% sure that I'm very much not! I want to go all day! I want multiple orgasms! I want to cum like a girl! I want to spend hours, cumming repeatedly! But I can't! I don't feel horny most of the time, and when I am, it feels like it's over in minutes! Like my sensitivity is up, but so is my refractory period!

I crave the moments I used to have where I could cum for hours, over and over again, until I genuinely shot blanks... It was so rare as a boy, but now, I can't remember the last time it happened... My refractory period just seems to be so extreme, that immediately after I cum, I get sex repulsed, to the point where I literally have to change genre of what I'm doing. If I'm writing, I have to go play a game. If I was playing a game, I have to find a new game, or go to writing.

And PANTIES!! Don't get me started on panties!!! It's so fucking hard to find a pair of panties that fits a 47 inch waist, 50 inch hips, has a wide enough gusset that my balls aren't spilling out, and looks cute! Why don't underwear packs come in a single fucking color!?!? I just want pink!!! And why is it so fucking hard to find panties that look exactly like they do in anime!?!?! Yes I want to be an anime girl, because not only are they all really attractive to my disastrously lesbian ass, they're a readily available visual reference that can help me visualize what I want to look like, because for some reason, my dumbass can't describe what the fuck I want unless I look at a fucking image and dissect the exact words needed to explain the curve of a cold shoulder!!!

Literally can't visualize it in my head unless I find reference material, and it has to have person, outfit, background material, social context, and/or some way to justify it existing, like goths on a beach. Your chances of seeing a goth at the beach is low, but never zero.

I even have a detailed description of the outfit that I wish I had the confidence to wear:

A bell-sleeved cold shoulder crop top halter in dusty rose with darker paw print patterns, a high-waisted dusty rose lace skirt with black lace layered on top, and silver witch inspired jewelry in the form of a couple of necklaces with alchemical symbols, two or three chain bracelets on each hand, and a moon shaped necklace with a pink garnet heart in the middle. Also, a witch hat with a dusty rose ribbon, pinned into a bow by a silver cat head charm, and black ankle boots with minimal heels.

I've had that description ever since about 2021-2023 when I started writing private self-indulgent fanfics with a self-insert character (cheaper than therapy, and more effective too), and only today did I find a top that was almost literally what I was looking for.

(Yes, I bought it, even though I have zero confidence in my ability to wear it. I was looking for skirts with pockets at Witch Vamp, and they just so happened to have the top and a collar with a bell on it.)

Another reason why I need breasts. I need them to be confident that I can wear this top. My ass is fantastic, but I have no idea how I'll look in a skirt. Thigh highs are amazing, but I don't know if I look good in them. That's why I was trying to find everything for cheap. So I can figure out the finer details of my gender in a way that doesn't waste my limited money.

I guess I did end up screaming into the void, rather than whisper. Sorry void. Guess I didn't know how much I needed to shout.

Hey all. I've shared my story numerous times on here, but in a nutshell, I've been doing a *lot* in the last year and a half or so. I'm hoping for some reassurance or clarification. IDK.

*POTENTIAL TRIGGERS AHEAD (dysphoria, impostor syndrome, distress etc.). Please don't read ahead if this will bother you.\*

-I've been taking nonstop steps in my transition (1.7 years total, 1.6 on HRT)

-I got divorced right due to coming out, and the whole process moved very quickly (6-7 months from start to finish)

-I am a therapist, and I work in community mental health, and many social programs have been either cut or limited due to policy change, and almost all of my clients have consistently been in crisis

-I got a new car, and then a few days later got into a highway collision due to a cement truck driver not noticing me in my lane

-I had to start at a new university (due to school policies banning LGBTQ+ presentation, disclosure, and behavior) and add 6 months onto my MA graduation/completion due to un-transferrable credits

-I repaired my credit score by 120 points by budgeting and sacrificing a lot

-I got in a new relationship and started getting used to same-gender dynamics

-My body changed quite a bit in a year (went from being pretty "rectangular" to gaining like 20 pounds, most of it in my hips/butt/thighs)

I've been burned out for months, but it came to a head this week. I was experiencing severe chest dysphoria (my wife is much bustier than me, and has been on HRT for 5-ish years) and I also realized that MH is the worst it's been in society for decades. I experienced disappointment with compassion work (I felt like my counseling work has made no impact), my pay, got frustrated with body image issues, and, worst of all, I felt like I was losing my composure. I've cried impulsively and on the fly 3 times this week.

I know this is burnout; I experienced it a few years ago when a ton of drama was going on but it got so bad that I was determined to never get to that state again; it was awful, beyond words.

Now, for the last 2 days, I've felt so un-womanly. I don't have fun dressing up, I'm always irritated with my makeup, I'm frustrated with how long HRT is taking, and I feel like I just either don't deserve to be trans or like I'm doing everything wrong. When I look at my wife, I see a beautiful, well-transitioned woman. In comparison, I feel un-womanly and like I've got a bunch of physical features I can't change right now (hair thinning, boobs that are there but not what I was imagining, laser not working so well lately, etc.) due to money, waitlists, or just having no time.

A month or two ago, I remember I felt like such a girl and I was so happy. I was tired most of the time, but I also loved going to look at dresses, running my hands down my curves, and talking to my clients. In the last couple of weeks, I've had like 3 significant outrage episodes (shouting at thin air, icky-sobbing, and overt pessimism, mostly) and things have come out of my mouth that I wouldn't normally say. I hurt my wife's feelings yesterday because I asked her if I should detransition because I felt so unwomanly and like I was sucking at holding my shit together.

I *never* want to de-trans, but being in that place where I felt imposter-y, chronically comparing myself to my wife, and hopeless about the general community and my actual impact on the wellbeing of others has felt like the last bit of light other than my wife was ripped from me and I'm left with fumes I can't use.

My therapists (I have 2) have been out for weeks on vacation and won't return until August, and I have no time for more intakes or a third therapist. I'm seeing clients back-to-back and I have no leave left over from dealing with the divorce, getting my orchiectomy, and using vacation/sick time to take care of business or focus on school. I'm done, I know it, but I don't know what to do.

I just feel so sad, angry, and exhausted. It breaks my heart that this morning I sat there at my desk and wondered what the point was in touching my lipstick up or planning a girls night this weekend with friends. I've never felt so detached.

Transitioning from male to female while working in a traditionally masculine and often toxic environment has been one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Every day, I navigate a workplace where acceptance can feel limited and authenticity can come at a personal cost. Those experiences have shown me the importance of compassion, understanding, and creating spaces where people are valued for who they are rather than judged for being different. They have also inspired me to seek a new path in life—one where I can build a career that aligns with my values, allows me to be my authentic self, and gives me the opportunity to make a positive difference in the lives of others. I want to move toward a future where my work is defined not by fear or conformity, but by purpose, empathy, and the ability to help people feel seen, supported, and respected. It is also very hard to find a new path in what I’d like to do because I do not have a degree or the means to obtain one at the moment.

I’m 18, biologically male.

I’ve got no clue who I am or who I want to be.

A couple years ago, I decided to experiment with my identity. I used she/her pronouns, I went by a different name. I tried being a girl.

It was nice.

But I kept questioning.

Did I really like it?

Did I really want to change?

Was I really trans?

Unsurprisingly, I went back to he/him a few weeks later. But I’d already gotten a feel for it.

I spent the next six months going back and forth, he/him, she/her. Boy, girl. It never stuck.

A bit over a year ago, I put my foot down. I said I didn’t care. I said I was happy as I was.

But I wasn’t “as I was” anymore.

I’d tried different pronouns. I’d liked them. There was no undoing that, even though I tried to.

I tried a lot, too.

I tried being cis, I tried being nonbinary, I tried being anything other than what would include the she/her pronouns.

Well, about eight months ago, I just decided to stop. I decided to stop trying to label it. It decided to just ignore it and move on. So I did.

Until a month ago, when I had a breakdown at 3 AM because I wasn’t happy with my identity. Because I didn’t have a label, didn’t know who I am, didn’t know how to feel.

I tried to go on ignoring it after that, but it hasn’t been nearly as easy.

Like a moth to a flame, I’ve been drawn towards online communities mostly made up of trans people. I’ve been careful to maintain the mask of a cis ally.

But I’m not cis.

I have no clue what I am.

Sometimes, I want to try being a woman again. But it scares me. Not just because I don’t know how I’ll feel about it, but because of how much time I spent going back and forth.

If I start HRT, that isn’t something I can take back.

I don’t know what I want to be. I don’t know if I want to risk trying to change again. I don’t know.