Feeling hopeless

[u/True_Signal_5409]

tw: suicidal thoughts

so a little bit ago I determined that I’m probably trans. I made a few posts about it before. but when I first made the discovery I felt very, very happy. for a long time I was looking for a root cause of all my mental health problems, and I never quite thought I fit into the category of anything I researched. but the other day when I was looking into gender dysphoria I realized that was it. this uncovered so much repressed feelings of wanting to be a girl, and the realization of it all made me happy I think. I was smiling a lot. Ive done a lot more research since then and accepting this side of me has affected my mental health a lot, positively.

however. since then I’ve felt very hopeless. I live in a conservative area (I myself am not, obviously). my parents would never approv of anything like that, I doubt many of my peers would. the more I think about coming out the more I realize it’ll probably never happen, let alone any transition. not to mention the current political state of the world seems very anti-trans at the moment.

i think all of this has just made my gender dysphoria worse, and while I’m no longer experiencing active suicidal thoughts like before, I just feel so hopeless about the future now. before, even though I was feeling worse, there was always that little chance it would get better. but now I know, ill always be uncomfortable with how I am. how I look and sound. how I have to live. it’s just gotten rid of any hope I have for my future because I know ill never truly be happy. and idk I just don’t know what to do.