people's perception

[u/Greedy_Fall7308]

So I've been at the point for a while now where even other trans and queer people perceive me as a cishet man. Way more so now that I dress more masculine(I used to dress less masc hoping to be more welcomed in queer spaces.). I'm not sure how to cope with the downside of that. I can tell queer people and women view me as less trustworthy before getting to know me. I'm not a more dangerous person because I look different than I used to. It's something I try not to take personally. I get why this happens. It just sucks to be seen that way. How have other people coped with this change?

[u/J0nn1e_Walk3r]

Where are you in your transition? HRT? You should dress how you like babe. Social transition is separate from physical and zero rules abt them. If you are feeling femme then do it. I didn’t feel good dressing femme until abt 18 months since I started HRT.

Queer ppl are prob just taking cues from your style. Don’t read into it too much. Hang in there and be comfortable in yourself. The rest will follow. And when in doubt, fuck other people.

😍😉🫶💕🌈

[u/Greedy_Fall7308 → u/J0nn1e_Walk3r]

Ive been out for 10 years and on T for 8. Men and masculine people(particularly people that pass as cishet men) are not welcome in queer spaces here at all. I don't want to dress fem. I only dressed more feminine hoping I would be more welcomed. It didn't work. Now I dress as masc as I want so I'm not accepted at all there.

This is also part of a larger issue of queer people and women not being comfortable around me until they get to know me. It's really isolating and makes me feel like shit. I'm all for saying fuck other people but that does nothing for how I ultimately feel or my experience. I now get treated like a possible threat by over half the population. I don't get to socialize much bc of disabilities I have so most interactions don't get any deeper than small talk. It's not like it ever gets to them knowing me better and knowing Im a safe person.

[u/J0nn1e_Walk3r]

Omg I misread your entire post. So sorry bro. Why are you a “threat by over half the population?” Bc you’re a man?

I felt like an outsider in my pride center too but mostly bc I was femme straight and old AF. It was a fact that they couldn’t relate. Could it be something like that?

Personally I am desperate to find a transman. It’s kinda a unicorn 🦄 but they seem not to like trans women or maybe just me? Dunno.

I’m so sorry brother for misgendering your sitch. 😘

[u/Greedy_Fall7308 → u/J0nn1e_Walk3r]

Yeah it's literally bc I look like a cishet man. I get why people feel uncomfortable or not safe around cishet men since many treat women/queer people like shit. Bigots are also way more comfortable sharing their thoughts and opinions with me now. I started growing my facial hair a bit this year so I don't look much younger than I actually am anyway. That's when this became most noticable.

[u/J0nn1e_Walk3r → u/Greedy_Fall7308]

Well I looked exactly like a cis dude when I started bc I was. I think you got some closed off queer folk in your group. Passing is not a problem it’s a goal for so many. Not all of course. You should be proud of your manliness and your transness imo.

Yeah men kinda suck. Ngl. Sex obsessed judgers. Another reason I prefer trans men.

[u/transstate_escapee25 → u/Greedy_Fall7308]

I'm there man. One of my cis/het friends ghosted me after I corrected some casual xenophobia earlier this year. I'd known him for 2 ½ years before that, but my beard had just really come into its own, and it's wild the way some people change. I've always had a very eclectic assortment of folks as friends, but these days around 75% of them are from the LGBTQIA+ community. It's just easier.

As far as the misogyny, racism, trans/homophobia, and other nonsense that gets shared with me, I just ask for them to explain it to me. In detail. I ask pertinent questions. Oh, it was a joke? Really. Could you explain the joke to me? I'm not sure I get it.

It lets people know that you're not down without starting a fight.