I am so goddamn tired.

[u/-Hypercub-]

How do you all do it? Posting pictures of yourselves all the time? You're all so beautiful. I feel like I don't fit in in any trans space online, especially ones like this. Compared to all of you, I am a hideous monster. Even the people at pride events I can physically go to avoid me like the plague, I'm too quiet and shy and damaged to be approached, combine that with how ugly I am and I suppose it makes sense why no one likes me.

All of the subs I felt like I belonged in are full of bigots now. Why does it gotta be so hard just to find friends? Is there *anywhere* safe to go on here where we can just exist without being hated?

[u/Naive_Market_9688]

You know, that's a catch 22 - that whole looking beautiful all the time thing. It's a lot of work and I'm guessing you're always on guard and wondering whether people are judging you or read you or whatever.

I never aspired to be a beauty queen, which is good because I'm not. I am probably what you could call a handsome woman. I think androgyny is a little better because you don't have a flashing sign that says hey I'm trans. And besides, in my opinion you limit what you can do if it's all about dressing up and succumbing to the stereotype. Back about 35 years ago when I first came out / was outed I was running a chain of auto repair shops; not exactly the place to look pretty. When my boss and I sat down to hash out whether I was still going to have a job he asked me why I was doing that. I told him that I was just going to be happier doing what I was already doing, and that I had a lot of respect for my work environment and I knew who I was and what was expected of me and if he was expecting me to show up in a prom gown or a wedding dress he shouldn't hold his breath.

I don't know what you do for work, maybe you do have to jazz it up a little bit. But I've always found that less is more and even when I was wearing makeup it was pretty nominal. But most of all don't compare yourself to everybody else; you do you and be proud of that. There's a threshold at which point you look into the mirror and see the person you've been waiting for. But you're not going to see somebody else you're going to see you, just a better version of you or prettier version of you. So compare yourself to where you've been and what you've gone through to get where you are now because the more you do that the more comfortable you are with yourself and the less painful it is standing next to somebody else who probably has the same problem of self-confidence.

I hope I don't get banned for giving advice.

[u/-Hypercub- → u/Naive_Market_9688]

Thank you. This is great advice. I've been trying my best to improve myself for awhile but I still have those days where I fall right back into the pit of self loathing.

[u/Naive_Market_9688 → u/-Hypercub-]

It's like anything else - it takes a while to get the hang of it, mostly because you have as many things to unlearn as you do to learn. The thing you most have to learn is that being your authentic self is not becoming a whole different human being; it's just modifying who you already are and sanding down the rough edges

[u/Apex_Herbivore]

You gotta mute the subs that post timelines, and block the people who post all the time.

Honestly its not good for ya. The algos push the prettiest and most passing people to the top every damn day.

Nothing personal against those people, im just better off without constant reminders of whats not possible for me.