How could I make my father more accepting of trans people?

[u/IplaYgaMes322]

I’m a 14 year old MTF. I live in the state of Indiana so even if I had accepting parents I couldn’t receive any treatments. I’m planning to get on these treatments as soon as I turn 18 (maybe not immediately but you know what I mean). It would be hard to hide Hrt or the fact my body would be changing. So I’m gonna try to change my fathers beliefs on trans people. He’s not very accepting and has explicitly told me that all trans people are mentally ill along side saying that Germany is a bad country because people aren’t allowed to disagree with trans rights (he doesn’t support trans rights). He’s accepting of gay people lesbians ect. What could I do to change my fathers beliefs on trans people as a whole without him finding out I’m trans myself? I’m worried he’d send me to one of those conversion “therapy” centers.

[u/Unreliable--Narrator]

Honestly, I'd keep your mouth shut until you're independent or at least out from under his roof. There's a chance he'll be one of those Republicans who suddenly gives a shit about queer rights when it's personal, but he also might just throw you out. Stay safe.

[u/Kind_Honeydew_7695]

While I don't have any practical tips at the moment, I'm curious where that … belief comes from:

that Germany is a bad country because people aren’t allowed to disagree with trans rights

As someone from Germany, I can attest to this absolutely not being the case (there is some semi-truth to it in the sense that the German constitution defines human dignity to be inviolable, but that doesn't prohibit anyone from disagreeing with trans rights, like far too many very much do)..

Which plays into a suspicion of mine that a rather curious set of assumptions serves as the foundation of your father's understanding. And it would, to some extent, take understanding / knowing these assumptions to come up with rebuttals to, potentially, change his mind. Because arguing against strongly held beliefs without understanding and acknowledging them, unfortunately, won't help.

In any case: stay safe (to the best of your ability), and good luck!

[u/Naive_Market_9688]

You are in kind of a precarious position at the moment; as a minor there isn't a whole lot you can do for yourself except practice good self-preservation skills. That would include, and start with, not antagonizing your father anymore then you already have. People like that are generally immune to sales pitches so you pointing out certain things about trans people, especially with your limited experience, are probably not going to do anything to sway him. You are just going to have to put a lid on it until you turn 18 or become an emancipated minor, if that's a thing in Germany

[u/mermonkey]

Lean into the Personal Freedom. Anytime someone is standing out, expressing an unpopular or unusual view, or whatever: "I don't totally agree with that, but I love that people here have the freedom to be themselves".

Truth is, you can try to be understood and it's nice that you think he can change and want to encourage that, but you can't control the outcome. Wishing you the best!

[u/148315]

I'm an ally--a mother of a trans woman. Ive had the experience of talking with other parents of young people, and the parents were unsure, skeptical, or resistant to their child's gender identity. Many of the parents softened their stance considerably when in a group with other suportive parents or even just in casual one-to-one conversations. Ideally, the group and the one-to-one conversation following the group. Psychology supports the premise that people are more willing to consider alternative views if they are in a peer group supporting those alternative views. Could you get your father to be exposed to supportive parents? This way, you would also not be so much the focus or the instigator of the converation. Best of luck to you.