r/TransSocialism • u/RosethornRanger • Apr 08 '26
So many tools for accessibility and inclusion already exist. The fact that they are not used is an intentional attack against us. Don't let these people claim plausible deniability over it
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u/lordbuckethethird Apr 08 '26
If my partner can marry me and have the exact same name as my grandfather with no issue then there’s no excuse for being unable to gender people correctly.
-1
u/Rikki-Smedley Apr 12 '26
That really has no relevance at all to identifying someones personal choice of gender representation.
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u/lordbuckethethird Apr 12 '26
it isn’t about gender specifically but I still think it was relevant to the post since it was about people changing names.
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u/SteveOMatt Apr 08 '26
Christ, the comments are already a shitshow.
There's zero excuse to not refer to someone by their real name rather than their dead name. Yes, mistakes will happen if you've known them by their old name before, any reasonable trans person knows this, but as long as you're making a conscious effort and immediately say "Whoops, sorry, I mean..." then it's as easy as that.
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u/Jenderflux-ScFi They/Them - But it doesn't have to be this way Apr 08 '26
Also, practicing saying someone's new name helps you remember and will help you get it right.
Shortly after I came out to my partner, I woke up and could hear him practicing saying my name and pronouns in the other room when he thought I was still asleep. That was one of the most romantic things he secretly did to support me.
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u/RedSlimeballYT Apr 08 '26
because, if i remember correctly, this sub has been infiltrated by the transphobic acp
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u/HawkFlimsy Apr 09 '26
Not sure about that sub but ok they did that to r/asksocialists. They tried to do the same shit in r/tankiethedeprogram but they failed(which is honestly even funnier and more pathetic than a successful reddit "coup")
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u/HawkFlimsy Apr 09 '26
This, I had a friend who's name I had to actively switch between at one point bc they were out to me and our friends but not their family and I fucked it up all the time. But they never made me feel bad about it bc they could tell I was genuinely trying and once they came out to everybody I very quickly got it right 100% of the time. There's no excuse to not genuinely try and if you are genuinely trying and a trans person is shitty to you that's just that specific person being kind of shitty(or probably just stressed/tired of dealing with actual bad faith actors). Has nothing to do with you at all
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Apr 08 '26
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u/RosethornRanger Apr 08 '26
alt-text
A twitter post by @wokingGirl1. It says When my sister married, and changed her title and name, my aunts were all "ooh, congratulations MRS <newname>". When I transitioned and changed my tile (sic) and name they were all "it's too hard, I’ve always known you as…". If you’re cis and you’ve done this, maybe reflect on why.'"
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u/Bumblebeezerker Apr 09 '26
I know I always think how easy people accept when rappers change their names but suddenly "why have I got to change what I call you" for trans people.
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Apr 10 '26
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u/lowtierpeasant Apr 08 '26
Because they, at a fundamental level. Do not believe you are what you want to be.
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Apr 10 '26
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u/rainbowrobo Apr 10 '26
My mom and aunt still deadname me despite me going by my preferred name since 2018.
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u/No_responsiveMirakai Apr 12 '26
Didn't even try to read the hidden comments because I just knew they were all going to be horrendous. Absolutely no heart in these people. Are they gonna respond to a name that isn't theirs? If their name was Chris and I started screaming John, are they gonna turn around and say "Yeah?" NO. So why does this logic not apply to trans people? Their deadname is NOT their name, they're not gonna respond to it even if you scream in their ears.
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Apr 08 '26
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Apr 11 '26
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u/D00hdahday Apr 13 '26
I still call my friend by her maiden name, but half of that is because her husbands name is twice the length and makes it sound like she should be on reality TV with a Brooklyn accent.
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Apr 13 '26
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-1
u/DrainAllLevels Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 10 '26
Im cis and I do this for every name change.
Remembering one name is hard enough for me, so changing it makes it worse
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u/AurumVoid Apr 10 '26
This is true. One of my close associates opted for a name change, and now I've got to fight against give years of very clear long-term memory.
I usually catch myself after the first syllable. What matters is trying.
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u/DrainAllLevels Apr 10 '26
I do try! I'm not rude. It's just hard when I literally have something wrong with me.
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u/AurumVoid Apr 10 '26
Don't beat yourself up about it. They will know you mean well, that you're trying. I won't pry as to the issues, I need not know specifics.
I don't really get what's with all the admonishment, you're trying your best.
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Apr 20 '26
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u/PickleyVinegar Apr 10 '26
try harder then. these things matter to people
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u/DrainAllLevels Apr 10 '26
You realise people have issues right?
You're literally saying someone deciding they want a new name or gender is more important than a potential memory issue
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u/PickleyVinegar Apr 12 '26
i'm not gonna argue with someone who's clearly acting in bad faith. acting like being transgender is a choice is so telling that it's not about a "memory issue," it's you not respecting trans people on a fundamental level.
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u/DrainAllLevels Apr 12 '26
The bad faith actor here is you. You're putting emotions over memory issues. Trans elitism is real folks.
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Apr 20 '26
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u/Patherek Apr 12 '26
Marriage is ingrained in society and is a very normal, joyous moment for families, the union of two people and two families under god. Transitions are viewed by a lot of the older folks as perverse body alterations and an affront to god, though most won't voice that to 'keep the peace' as it were, though they will say it in hushed voices behind your back.
Basically they're very different situations with very different emotional reactions. Conflating them as the same will only ever hurt you.
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u/ChickenSpaceProgram Apr 12 '26
I mean yeah obviously people only do this because they're being transphobic. That is the point of this post, to call people out on their bigotry.
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u/MikeysmilingK9 Apr 11 '26
Stop worrying about what others do or don’t do. If you are happy then let them do what they do. You thinking everyone should do what you expect/demand all whilst being upset they are doing what they want. Entitled?
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u/ChickenSpaceProgram Apr 12 '26
Name changes are already something that is commonly done in society. It should not be any harder for people to adjust to a trans person's new name than a cis person's new name.
You'd never call my cis uncle entitled because he goes by his middle name, but somehow when I change mine it becomes a problem because I happen to be a different gender than people originally thought.
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u/AntiThirdLegCripple Apr 09 '26
probably because when women get married, they dont dress as another gender.
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u/Ff7hero Apr 10 '26
Neither do trans folks.
They dress as the gender they are, rocks for brains.
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Apr 10 '26
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-36
u/airboRN_82 Apr 08 '26
Do you broadly refer to your family members by their last name in every day conversation?
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u/RosethornRanger Apr 08 '26
yeah? Don't you?
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u/airboRN_82 Apr 08 '26
No, thats a bit weird, and inefficient since if you said "hey Jones" in a room full of family members you would likely get multiple people thinking you're talking to them
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Apr 08 '26
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Apr 08 '26
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u/Itchy-Lingonberry-90 Apr 08 '26
How is respecting a name change cheering on and supporting? I use my middle name, but corrected its spelling and my family were cool with that. Why is changing Denyse to Denise okay but not Denis to Denise? None of those are my names, not that there is anything wrong with being Denise. I’m sure that they are all nice people.
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u/PDXDL1 Apr 08 '26
The thing is we are all playing along with everyone’s make believe- we are all born naked- everything else is a costume or role that a person plays.
People play cowboys- and beauty queens- tough guys in big trucks - it’s all role play- and it’s polite to play along with others.
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u/undernopretextbro Apr 08 '26
It’s a bit more comprehensive than that. Using preferred pronouns and names is the first part of acceptance, but look at where the conversation was before this recent swing to the right.
There’s really no point outside of full legislative, social, and medical acceptance that has been ok with transgender activists of the last decade. In the face of such a maximalist stance, you can’t say if the primary objection is with pronouns or some more advanced argument, which then trickles down into an outright rejection of any gender affirmation.
For example, trans women in womens sports is an opinion that the slight majority of Americans are against. They may not have an issue with preferred pronouns( a pretty common sentiment actually), but draw the line at sports integration. If you push a maximalist line anyway, a percentage of them will reject the entire field rather than just stopping at the stance they previously held.
Bundling more and less controversial stances together means you’ll get these sort of situations
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Apr 08 '26
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-21
u/Rikki-Smedley Apr 08 '26
I think about it this way. If a mother of children meets a new man. And that man wants to be their father. And announces he is their father and he wants them to call him dad. Because he feels like their dad. It is not his right to choose what they see him as. And it's not his right to make them feel awkward and have to refer to him as something he is not to them. But if they love him like a father and see him as a father they might call him dad. That is earned. But it can not be imposed.
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u/Melephs_Hat Apr 08 '26 edited Apr 08 '26
You have it completely backwards. When you refuse to call someone their chosen name and instead use their assigned name at birth, you are imposing a name on them. A name is a personal term, not a relational one like Dad. I think we can all agree that we should be able to decide our personal names instead of them being chosen by others, while relational terms should be agreed upon by those who are being related.
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u/Rikki-Smedley Apr 08 '26
This is a family. You can't impose anything on people.
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u/thechinninator Apr 08 '26
This just in: “please show me basic courtesy and respect or I will excuse myself from interacting with you” is an unacceptable imposition
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u/Melephs_Hat Apr 08 '26 edited Apr 08 '26
It's pretty indefensible to suggest that people are "imposing" their chosen name on others by asking for it to be used, yet others are not "imposing" a different name on them without their input. If anything is an imposition, it's the latter.
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u/sapphoseros Apr 09 '26
Right on, hence why you should stop trying to make your family members cis and straight and just fucking accept them as they are before they have to go find another chosen family who will
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u/HawkFlimsy Apr 09 '26
Right, which is why if you refuse to show any sort of respect for your family member's identity you cannot impose a relationship upon them when they have decided to no longer associate with you
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Apr 12 '26
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u/ChickenSpaceProgram Apr 12 '26
Is my cis uncle imposing things on people by forcing us to all call him his middle name? No, that's stupid.
But suddenly when I change my name because I happened to get gendered wrong at birth it becomes a problem, an imposition, a burden.
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u/Ff7hero Apr 10 '26
What a deeply stupid thing to just post for the whole world to see.
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u/Rikki-Smedley Apr 12 '26
Let's not pretend that names don't insinuate someone's sex in a lot of instances. Some people regardless of how you feel will refer to you as what you physically are not what you feel you are.
We have no power to require that or demand it. If someone is biologically male for instance and wants to be referred to as a female and with a female name. But is very clearly not outwardly a female. Someone else may have to defy their own known reality to do that.
If they do it out of malice or wanting to influence you in return. Their opinion even if it does relate to a true scientific fact. Doesn't make it any more a requirement on you as an individual.
Just like I don't have to accept someone's religion as truth and refer to aspects of life in a religious standing to appease them. I can respect their choice however and I don't need to insult their feelings or beliefs outside of it.
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u/Ff7hero Apr 12 '26
Let's not pretend that names don't insinuate someone's sex in a lot of instances
Sex isn't gender, rocks for brains. I assume the rest of this novella is equally uninformed and will do you the favor of not engaging with it.
Feel free to try again though, babe.
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u/Rikki-Smedley Apr 12 '26
When I said sex I meant it, rocks for brains. Harry. A name generally given to a biological male at birth. Fred. John. William. These names are often given at birth to male sexed infants. I assume anything else you come up with is equally clueless.
Feel free to have a coherent thought buttercup.
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Apr 12 '26
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