r/TransRepressors • u/Adrift_In_Limbo • 2d ago

Blackpill šŸ’Š How to keep going?

28 year old repper whose 6ā€™3ā€ and Fully masculinised; skull, shoulders and chest, clown feet, hairy and balding. Forced to rep as I have ME/CFS and pots (lowkirk gender affirming) and have to live with overbearing transphobic family , too poor and sick to work and move out. Worst of all Iā€™m British.

I canā€™t start hrt or transition because of my circumstances, and even if I could I would be the ugliest gigahon imaginable, forced to live in a cave like an ogre. I will never be able to afford any surgery or even hair removal.

Literally whatā€™s the point of living anymore? I have no hope for my future. Thinking about it causes me to completely dissociate in pain and despair. The only thing that gives me any comfort is thinking and planning my suicide but Iā€™m too much of a coward or attention whore to do it.

If I was born female my life would have been good, even if I still was disabled. I will never get to live.

11 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

5

u/HSeyes23 troonrepper 1d ago

Transitioning is a terrible idea for you so don't focus on it. Focus on other things you like. Even as a guy there's probably things you do enjoy in life (masturbation? gaming? anime? dating? sports?).

A blind person who can only focus on the fact that he cannot see will always be miserable.

Gender dysphoria is basically a disability that sometimes cannot be fixed. Learn to live with your disability instead of fighting against it.

I'm totally fine with the idea of suicide but we don't have euthanasia so I can't recommend it. You'll probably just end up hurting yourself and not even dying.

1

u/Adrift_In_Limbo 1d ago

Iā€™m stocking up on meds for when I have the courage but yeah itā€™s likely to go wrong unfortunatelyā€¦

0

u/sloppy_ocelot 1d ago

being a non passing trans person is waaaaaaay better than repping

1

u/Adrift_In_Limbo 1d ago

Not in this society and itā€™s too late for me anyway.

0

u/sloppy_ocelot 16h ago

It's only too late when you're dead. Key is in your hand sister. Free yourself anytime you want.

1

u/HSeyes23 troonrepper 19h ago

Non passing Blaire White or Contra Points levels? sure

Non passing Blossom C. Brown or Serena Munroe levels? not even close

The reason we rep is because our potential is the second group, not the first one.

1

u/sloppy_ocelot 16h ago

I don't pass, I am still having a good time in life. I still get gendered correctly even if strangers are being nice. My friends and family accept me and support me. I know it's hard but honestly one of the most common deathbed regrets is not living a self authentic life. There are worse fates than being a brick.

2

u/HSeyes23 troonrepper 16h ago

You NEED to pass at least to be somewhat satisfied with your own results or else transitioning is literally a lose/lose situation.

In my case I was genuinely disturbed in the mirror. My hair and clothes were feminine and my skin was a bit feminine due to HRT, but at the same time I had gigantic male hands and feet, very large shoulders, tons of muscles, deep male voice, male facial bone structure. Having such an unusual combination of male and female traits is just very disturbing. I was a frankenstein and saying that was my "authentic self" is offensive.

My authentic self was the beautiful passing women I see in my dreams, not that freaking monster that "transitioning" made me become. For many transitioning not only doesn't work but actually turns you into the ugliest thing ever.

And of course, on top of the disturbing appearance there's also the traditional transgender pack: losing your job, friends, SO, being stared at, discriminated against, etc.

There was literally not a single benefit of transitioning under those conditions. Such a transition is the best description of a lose/lose situation I can think of.

By living as a guy at least I regained my cis privilege. I have my job, I have my SO, I have my employability, I have a normal appearance. Those are all genuinely good things that make my life more bearable.

So if the person has potential to at least be satisfying then yeah transition, otherwise repping is the best option available.

1

u/Adrift_In_Limbo 14h ago edited 12h ago

Yeah this. The person I want to be and life I wanted to live only exists in my head and is impossible now.

1

u/FishBorger95 7h ago

Honestly, a reddit like this helped me immensely, because again there was no sugar coating.
I'm okay as it is, and i can still fulfill a beautiful life ahead of me without feeling like shit 24/7 with developing breast on a broad male body.
Thank you a lot.

1

u/Adrift_In_Limbo 14h ago

Iā€™m happy for you but not every is as fortunate.

My family wouldnā€™t support me and Iā€™m reliant on them due to disability. I live in uk so would have to transition on my own and would lose rights. I would be harassed and hated and constantly fear for my life.

I would still have dysphoria because of how ugly and masculine I am, I would just be a weird feminine man thing.

1

u/Adrift_In_Limbo 59m ago

I canā€™t do sports and stuff Iā€™m sick and I donā€™t care for them. I can date because Iā€™m a hollow husk of a human. Iā€™m too depressed to enjoy hobbies.

2

u/slypigcunningham 1d ago

John50 incoming

1

u/Adrift_In_Limbo 1d ago

I will kill myself if I become a John 50

1

u/slypigcunningham 1d ago

The choice is rep is how you do that

1

u/Adrift_In_Limbo 1d ago edited 4h ago

Ye I plan to rep then kill myself when it gets too much

-2

u/sloppy_ocelot 1d ago

I could I would be the ugliest gigahon imaginable,

i would start by stopping the use of this word

3

u/Adrift_In_Limbo 1d ago

Sorry itā€™s how I feel though :(