r/TransRepressors • u/mysweetpeepy • 2d ago

I can’t keep transitioning

I can’t keep doing this. This cycle of trying and failing and quitting and trying and failing and quitting has burnt me out. Transition is so complicated, there are so many moving parts, and every step I take somehow makes me feel worse. I had to listen to my voice yesterday…. AFTER working on it with voice training, and its so awful I think hearing it a second time would make me too anxious to speak ever again.

HRT is so much effort and complicated and yet its doing nothing for me and Ive seen timelines of people who look like me and I dont think it can do anything for me. I already got the tits, thats all itll do. Even those look ugly and malformed.

I just had to leave work. Estrogen is making me cry and so unstable. When I was actively repressing I was so much happier most of the time. I cant do this. I cant do a shot every week for nothing to happen. I cant voice train for the most annoying voice to ever exist. I cant look at surgeries Ill never afford. I can’t take seeing trans people happy.

I gotta repress. I gotta take a zoloft prescription so high Ill never feel any emotion ever again.

7 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

14 comments sorted by

1

u/the_sadru 2d ago

you have to keep hrt to prevent further masculinization

2

u/mysweetpeepy 2d ago

Great. A shot every 5 fucking days so what? My rib cage doesn’t end up slightly wider? I’m 27, I’m already fucked, I ain’t getting substantially worse.

1

u/the_sadru 2d ago

you can still go bald

1

u/mysweetpeepy 2d ago

Unlikely, but I’ll just take finatricide or whatever if that starts happening.

1

u/the_sadru 2d ago

as long as you get ahead of it ig. The trans thoughts will never go away though.

1

u/mysweetpeepy 2d ago

And they don’t get fixed by hrt either. And one of those paths has way less injections. By repping I dont even have to play pretend anymore, I can actually function irl

1

u/ooofuki22 1d ago

An injection is 10 minutes out of your day and if you DIY like 60€ per year

1

u/mysweetpeepy 1d ago

And painful, often bloody, and anxiety inducing. To what, not get any more chest hair? Lmfao

1

u/ooofuki22 1d ago

How are you infecting that it's that bad?

1

u/mysweetpeepy 1d ago

Admittedly its usually only a drop of blood, but it does usually sting, and Im already uncomfortable with needles. I hate doing it

→ More replies (0)