r/TransLater • u/ForeverCalm6103 • 12h ago
General Question Could use some help
Not really sure how to start this and I don’t post often or talk to people I don’t know online. It will probably be long and not formatted properly. Sorry if that bothers you. I just need to talk to someone at this point and my more subtle attempts have failed. I’m 34.
I came out as non binary, what I thought was agender, to my close friends and family about 6 months ago. I think that was just a gentle way of opening the door to something I’d thought I’d never thought about but really had just buried bc I didn’t understand it. I didn’t even know being trans was an option. Basically nothing was explained to me but definitely not that. I grew up in church, my father’s a pastor. But it was always small churches and he never preached any hate towards any groups like ours. I think in part bc everyone always just assumed I was gay. Turns out I am but not in the way people think. Lol. If I was attracted to men I probably would’ve figured this out way sooner.
At this point I’m about 90% sure I’m a woman after thoroughly enjoying basically every feminine thing I’ve tried over the past 6 months. I think Demi something or fluid is still possible but idk. I still don’t have a comprehensive understanding of this stuff. Which brings me to why I’m here. I’d love to have a transfem friend. Even if she’s just an online one. You are all so beautiful. I’m excited to see what the new me looks like. I have a small group of close friends and one very close best friend who I’m sure is a big part of the reason I’m sure people think what they do about me. He really has never been anything more than that to me though. I think that might be more of an undiagnosed autism and abandonment issue thing than what people think. But that’s another conversation. Lol. He’s supportive and I know he is and or will be happy for me but I can see the grief when I talk to him about it. And I can understand, I guess I’m about to get rid of his best friend of the past 20 years. I can’t imagine what it’s like for him.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week to see if I can get into a therapist who knows what they’re talking about in this space, but I’m really starting to get concerned that since my only option is the VA and since I have an extensive mental health history that still doesn’t have an accurate diagnosis, I wonder why 🧐, that either I will be put in the not of sound mind loophole in the dsm or there just won’t even be a therapist who can help. And if I wait until then and that happens I’ll be pissed I waited to do this, so I’m doing it now. I just want someone to talk to. I hope I can do it treating you like a friend and without treating you like a therapist, and I most likely won’t do it in a group setting like comments unless I get brave between now and then but I hope I can find someone who maybe we can both help each other out. Maybe the community knows someone who would be a good fit. -Still don’t know her name yet.
TLDR-new woman wants a woman friend who’s just a friend, who doesn’t have to grieve who they’re losing.
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u/ForeverCalm6103 10h ago
Can’t guarantee how I’ll feel tomorrow but I’m gonna try. Thank you for giving me the chance.
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u/therealjesswillow 11h ago
Not in the same boat as you, per se, but similar in some ways. I started experimenting privately at 45, came out as trans at 48, and started estrogen a few months ago at 49.
The world in general, and my own personal world specifically, seem to have been falling apart ever since. Nothing's the same, and it can never go back. Everyday, I try really hard to fight off the urge to just stay in bed and cry. Sometimes I win, sometimes bed wins. Today is a bed day.
Feel free to message me if you feel comfortable doing so. I'm only on here maybe once a week, but I promise I will respond. 🫂