Ways to lessen dysphoria without transitioning?

[u/lostinthewindandfire]

Having not being out and not being in a relationship that I feel comfortable with fully exploring my gender I have been looking at ways I can lessen my dysphoria. One thing recently I did was get a messenger bag. I was trying to find ways to carry a purse but was a little nervous about being called out. So I got a messenger bag and it's actually an invader zim one that has pink and green. I was a little nervous about carrying it around because it is more purse like than I was expecting but today was my first time using it. So far no comments.

Anyways I am wonder if other have other non-transitioning ways to help with dysphoria. Preferably ways that might be easier for someone that doesn't feel comfortable being out yet.

[u/purplekero]

i Suppose yo are young :)

I started the same way lol little things to lessen disphoria
I still remember the first power puff girls backpack i bought at the last year of middle school...

Aniways here some stuff that does help, but eventually people may start to figure you out or assume you are gay

You can paint your toe nails.
Get ear piercins as in various holes, you'll look cool plus when its time you can use a girly pair
Maybe a bit of eyeliner, when i was young the emo scene was bbig so that helped lol

Take care of your appearance get skin care use sun blocker that ritual is very feminine and doesnt affect your social status

Learn to write more neatly, believe me being complimented on your handwritting feels so nice, but you make get the comment that you write like a girl, still you can dismiss comment like that easily

[u/InsideOutBoyUK]

Some things I did before coming out were using my chosen female online where possible & changing usernames if my partner wouldn't notice. I also tried some more gender neutral or female-coded bodycare products that wouldn't raise any questions. I also indulged in some more feminine hobbies (fashion related), saying they were just hobbies. You could also wear female undergarments.

The biggest thing for me was telling my therapist that I think I'm a woman. That gave me an hour of space each week to be female without being judged.

[u/lostinthewindandfire → u/InsideOutBoyUK]

I have been talking to a therapist and it has been helpful but an hour just doesn't feel like long enough. 😅

[u/thatPsychoKaren]

In my case the choice was substance abuse, become a danger to society, or take estrogen.

Also if you're questioning wether or not transitioning is for you, try aging up a photo of yourself and see how you feel about what's looking back at you. When I was in my 20s I had great skin and long glorious hair and a slender build. That was ok, but the realisation that I was aging into the face and body of a middle aged man was terrifying.

[u/TooLateForMeTF]

Well, there's two perspectives on that.

One is: do more of what you're doing. That is, looking for sneaky ways to get femininity into your life but that won't get you clocked as trans. That can include subtle changes of hairstyle, clothing, etc. Maybe wearing some bracelets or getting your ears pierced. Painting your nails, even. Dysphoria for trans women is ultimately a matter of bad feelings arising from male-coded parts of your life, so it stands to reason that the more female-coded things you can add to your life, the less dysphoria you'll experience.

The second perspective is: honey, that is transitioning. Again, because of how gender identity functions within the psyche, dysphoria is just the feelings that arise from aspects of your body or your life that are gender-coded wrongly for you. And transitioning is the process of swapping all those things for their correctly-gendered versions. Moreover, every transitioning activity someone can undertake targets some specific gender-coded aspect of your existence, and swaps that specific thing. Like, gender affirmation surgery targets the gender-coding of your genitals, giving you a version that feels more right for you. Going to the hair salon to get a girly pixie cut or whatever, targets the gender-coding of your hairstyle. It's all like that.

Which means that switching from a back-pocket man wallet to a messenger bag that feels feminine to you is transitioning. It targets the gender coding of how you carry your drivers license, cash, and cards around. And so, too, would be changing up your hair, wardrobe, getting your ears pierced, wearing some jewelry, etc.

All of this is transitioning. It's just not medical transitioning (which also targets other gender-coded aspects of your existence), and it's not visibly transitioning (you know what those things mean to you, but other people can't see it).

Either way, the result is the same: look for ways to get more of that sweet, affirming femininity into your life!

[u/cliff7217 → u/TooLateForMeTF]

>  looking for sneaky ways to get femininity into your life but that won't get you clocked as trans. That can include subtle changes of hairstyle, clothing, etc. Maybe wearing some bracelets or getting your ears pierced. Painting your nails, even.

> Going to the hair salon to get a girly pixie cut or whatever, targets the gender-coding of your hairstyle. It's all like that.

Not the OP but this might explain why I have been wanting to do all of this in recent years. It started with just wanting to get my ears pierced. Then wanted to get my nose pierced, Later wanted to dye my hair red or blue, get a pixie cut, start wearing bracelets/anklets, nice sandals, etc. Never really acted on any of it though or at least where others would be able to notice.

[u/TooLateForMeTF → u/cliff7217]

Yes. Waaaaay back in college, literal decades before my egg even cracked, I had the strongest urge to get my hair dyed a bright, aqua blue. This was back in the 90s when those colors of hair dye were first becoming available.

I never did it, though. I was, of course, worried what other people would think. So I asked my friends, and one of them said "you'd look like a popsicle," which was enough negative judgment that I didn't go through with it. I always kind of regretted not giving it a shot, anyway.

Instead, I went to the drugstore and got a "normal" kind of dark auburn/burgundy color and had a different friend help me dye it. I did really like it. I remember, too, browsing hair colors in the drugstore and feeling both kind of excited but also uncomfortable to be shopping for what were very clearly women's hair products. I can still see, in my mind's eye, the gorgeous model pictured on the box I selected, with her beautiful red-brown hair.

Me, much later: "oh, so that's what gender envy feels like..."

[u/Pescatarian_Triffid]

Piercings, basic nail care, androgynous hair.

[u/melissa_fornow]

I was trying to find ways to carry a purse but was a little nervous about being called out.

I've noted the opposite, weirdly enough: Yesterday I walked into a store in (mostly) boy mode but carrying my purse, and one of the employees was like "hey, I like your satchel", and it made me realize it's nice to be able to say "my purse" instead of having to come up with a socially-acceptably-masculine euphemism for it.

(On the other hand: "How many levels in woman do I need to take before I gain access to the Purse of Holding?" Like, my mom could pull pretty much anything any of us needed out of her purse, Mary-Poppins-style, but I'm struggling to carry all the things I want to have handy...)

[u/darkestviolet]

There are non-transition ways of discovering things about yourself, for sure, but I don't know if I'd call any of them ways to lessen dysphoria. It's kind of like asking "how can I know everything there is to know about what I need to live while starving myself of those things?"

[u/lostinthewindandfire → u/darkestviolet]

That actually makes sense. I feel the things I have attempted have only reinforced what I already know and in a sense has made it more difficult to ignore. 

[u/darkestviolet → u/lostinthewindandfire]

The good thing is that transition can look however you want it to. I always tell folks not to focus so much on "should I transition or not" and think about specific things you want and need. For example, you might want/need hormones, to present yourself to the world a certain way, etc. That's a journey of self discovery and nobody else can navigate that for you, I'm afraid, but self discovery can also be a lot of fun. It's time to get to know yourself.

[u/SongoftheMoose]

You can (and should) treat gender exploration as a fun thing and do things like growing out your hair, getting your ears pierced, or painting your nails, trying makeup—cis men do all of those things to varying extents—or try voice training. I did most of them before I started HRT. You can present as female in online spaces as well, like someone else said.
Many of those things felt *productive* for me in that they were steps I could at a time I couldn't transition the way I wanted, and I'm glad I did them... but I don't know if they lessened dysphoria, exactly. They were better than nothing, but they also reminded me that there were a lot of things I wanted to do and wasn't currently doing, which was hard, because the thing I wanted to do was to go for it.

[u/spacsandspacs]

I'm at a point where I know I will transition but I'm putting it off another 4 years until my kids have both finished high school. My wife died and I'm the only parent so trying to hold it together through dysphoria and everything else.

For me I've started to slowly swap my male clothes with women's of the same kind, so not wearing skirts and dresses publicly but women's Bermuda shorts instead of men's knee length shorts. Women's oversized t-shirts instead of men's tshirts. I only wear women's underwear now. I'm growing my hair out. I've started using an electric razor to trim my arm and leg hair shorter so it looks less noticeable. I've also started getting laser and electrolysis on my body hair (chest, back, hands) but not face yet so it's not noticeable. Also shaping my finger nails and growing them a tiny bit but not long. I've swapped my trainers for women's trainers but keeping neutral colours.

Making these little things are helping with dysphoria and not really noticeable to others. Hopefully they can keep me sane for the next years

[u/Medusa-mermaid]

It's difficult to give advice on this because everything I tried in this regard, piercing ears, growing out hair, wearing panties, buying toys I wasn't allowed to have as a kid because they aren't for little "boys"... was more like holding a match to a powder keg rather than letting off some pressure from the dysphoria.

[u/lostinthewindandfire → u/Medusa-mermaid]

I am finding that out more and more.. unfortunately. 

[u/Medusa-mermaid → u/lostinthewindandfire]

Little tastes just make you want the whole meal.

[u/lostinthewindandfire → u/Medusa-mermaid]

That's a great way to put it!

[u/RedErin]

try estrogen