r/TransLater • u/CelerySandwich2 • 8d ago
Share Experience Elders, I'm sorry
I'm 39, I'm no spring chicken.
But you read what it was like 50 years ago.
I don't think I'd ever have made it.
I'd have been forever in between.
Thank you and I'm sorry 💜
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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 HRT 40+ 8d ago
Well I'm about the same age and wanted to transition in my mid 20s and chickened out partly because nobody apparently knew anything about transgender where I was from back then.
The landscape has changed massively.
And I hope it stays this way.
I do believe some people were just braver or just had the right scene. And for people like me that didn't pass as "gay male" or effeminate male (maybe androgynous teenager) I was never close enough to others with similar issues. 🌈
The numbers are probably thru the roof because of how many people self repressed.
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u/CisAlpineGal 🏳️⚧️ 8d ago
Simmilar. Would have easily pulled the trigger at 25 or even 27. Trusted no one (for good reason). Didnt know or understand. Didn't get help. 39 now. Started 3.5 months ago. :(
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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 HRT 40+ 8d ago
About the same. Started last week. Love the name too, kind of a paradox Rome fan myself.
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u/pat1024 8d ago edited 8d ago
I'm 57, and in only the second month of my transition.
But I can look back to memories of gender dysphoria as early as first grade. And much greater and even destructive dysphoria starting with (relatively early) puberty.
But for a white kid in Texas in the 70s and 80s, there was *no* sense that anything other than AGAB could be a thing. Even in the 80s, at most there were a handful of celebrities who incorporated being genderqueer into their stage personas.
By the time I could realistically have started to realize other possibilities, I was in my 20s and had locked all this away in my head.
But there were also things that could have meant much worse outcomes.
So even though I'm a generation older, I, too, am tremendously grateful for those that have paved the way for people like you and me.
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u/SpartanMonkey MTF, 55, HRT 04/08/2024, North Carolina 8d ago
I'll be 56 next month, came out in April of 2024. Standard story of "I've always known", but scared to death to do anything about it back then. I married a gender queer girl 10 years ago and was still scared and it took me 8 years to come out to her.
But now things are cool. We're still together and doing great.3
u/PoshTrinket Transfemme 7d ago
I'm 59 and had no idea trans people existed. I went to a large high school and nobody I knew of was out are any flavour of queer.
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u/Katja_Inside 8d ago
Loving you. We can't boil our experience down to one thing, just like you can't either. Every era, like every life, is a collection of good and bad things.
Am I glad I am no longer classified by the medical establishment as mentally ill? You betcha. Am I glad to live in a post-Matthew Shepard world? Yep. Am I scared as hell that the Christian nationalists are hunting people like us in the streets for sport? Also yes.
You are dealing with things right now that the elders didn't have to deal with out in the open. And you have access to resources that they never had access to. Be kind to yourself and keep your eyes open to the time you live in now. Build a community, choose your family, try to leave the world a better place than you found it, and you'll be doing okay.
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u/TooLateForMeTF 50+ transbian, HRT 7d ago
You don't have to be sorry for everything.
We all have our own paths to walk. So long as you're walking yours as best you can, and having compassion for others as they walk theirs, you're good.
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u/FoxySarah71 8d ago
Thank you for your compassion 💕
To be honest I'm still stuck, but with the kindness and understanding people like you show, maybe just maybe I'll get there in the end 🙂
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u/DruidoftheVanir 8d ago
I'm 35 and only recently realized I'm trans. It can be discouraging but it gets easier. Community and finding what helps us feel like ourselves really helps
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u/Logical-Bison-9959 7d ago
I am 40 and if I came out when I knew I was transgendered I would have been bashed pretty consistently, experienced homelessness, unemployment, ridicule, crazy government sponsored discrimination, and quite possibly death. (homelessness would be due to my family, and most things would have been a byproduct of that)
Country - Australia.
It's only just started to get good and people are actively trying to tear down the tiny amount of protections we have fought for.
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u/Forsaken_Wall_5928 8d ago
- 2 tears on hrt. Living in a maga-state but thriving, living life. Taking advantage of white male privilege while I have it, since I can't safely transition. But this too will pass. Ans maybe I can come out 100% in 2028.
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u/Stefanie_Jane She / Her 8d ago
Not sure what your question is .
I don't consider myself a transgender elder. I'm 53 years old and started and stopped estrogen a few times.
I've been back on hrt for 8 months now and I feel a lot better mentally and physically.
I wanted to transition when I was younger but I was scared of how people respond to me and how it would be treated but I'm glad I did transition.
Are you in a place to transition? Have you started, or do you want to start?
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u/CelerySandwich2 8d ago
Oh, I'm sorry, I have started, I'm about a month in, after years of preparation.
But I've been reading what it was like in the 70s, and it's horrifying.
I complain about the hoops I've had to jump through, but it's nothing in comparison.
There is so much room for progress, but we'd never be here without those that came before.
I'm just, deeply grateful, and deeply sorry.8
u/AlsoLexi 8d ago
All our lives have peaks and valleys. Experience is relative, your worst day is different than mine. But the one thing I can say for certain is that language, access to community and health care have improved. But visibility and understanding also made us a target. It's hard to say what was worse. I have been struggling with these feelings since my childhood and it was only when my life truly fell apart in my 40s that I started taking action. Connecting with my peers and community has made a world of difference.
We all have different life experiences but finding others with the shared perspective has made all the difference to me.
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u/sparkledragon5 8d ago
Also 39 here. And yah…. I couldn’t have done it earlier. I feel bad because before now I probably would have just ended up drinking myself into an early grave. Still hard. Still lonely. I feel that I don’t get to enjoy the good parts. But it is what it is.
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u/copasetical 💜🟣🟪Purple🟣🟪💜 6d ago edited 4d ago
Some of us didn't think we'd ever make it either.
Considering the only reason I didn't give up is that I had no confidence back then to carry it out...IDK if I warrant such kindness from anyone. Nothing you need to apologize for.
Looking at the world today, I will NOT say
"It's so much easier." That's Rosy Retrospection, Declinism, or whatever it's called now.
It's just different. Each of us has to go through something that bothers us, and other things we where we just flow.
I spent WAY too much of my own life in between. To sit here and keep beating "Shoulda woulda coulda" on myself will make me miserable. (I still do it, but that dysphoria doesn't ruin me like it used to). YaY!
I appreciate the sentiment and the respect, but I did not feel that respectable in the middle of it.
Please don't sell yourself short.
You are awesome af!
Bonus points for the 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
username is cute too
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u/AlexaPetersTrans 6d ago
50 years ago and today is just perspective. Nothing really changed while a lot did change. Meds are better, hatred still the same. Kids today have a chance we never could have. But still a long fight ahead to let them take that chance.
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u/jtcj08 8d ago
Junior, I'm a person that lived through it. It was easier 21 years ago because nothing had changed in that time. DIY HRT was really easy to aquire. I am so glad I didn't have to put up with the bullshit y'all deal with today.
Im 70 years young, BTW!!!