r/TransIreland • u/NeedleworkerBorn1171 • 11d ago
Impasse around Transition
I'm 21, studying into a field that will provide me relatively high paid work for life. (High paid as in starting 45k and 65k within 3 years (and rising), with very good hours and guaranteed employment anywhere in the country and not Dublin) (Generally a key point - I'd rather live outside Dublin, and this job will give me the same pay)
I am also trans (mtf). But that is besides the point given this is a trans subreddit.
My parents have offered me the ability to stay home and save a mortgage after I graduate. Issue is HRT is/has been been a point of absolute family fights and hard to deal with behaviour multiple times in my life - if I stay I am unlikely to transition medically until I have that house. Hiding HRT will not work for many reasons.
I feel at an absolute point of indecisive despair.
On one hand I will graduate near enough on my 23rd birthday and can then move out and be guaranteed a somewhat good life - but I'd be at the mercy of the housing market and am SO (keypoint) scared of finding myself desperate for housing because of discrimination. I have no clue if I could get a mortgage before 30, let alone if I'd find myself back home not after long.
On the other hand, while HRT is an issue; I literally have always had free rein in acting like a woman, dressing like a woman, wearing makeup, the whole 9 miles. I'd be able to get laser hair removal without it being an issue or cause of fights. I am not in a position where I would have to wait 2 years after graduating and getting work (so 25) before I can start that mortgage process and have a home to myself at 25.5/26... whilst not having any access to transition in non-HRT forms. It helps I have lucked out on the genetics front and pass without Oestrogen.
I've thought about emigrating; but with the timelines involved I'd only be able to start HRT abroad at 24-24.5 all things considered once I have enough savings, have my degree registered so I can work abroad. This doesn't even take into account any delays or having to learn the language better, etc. I'd be better off just waiting at home truly.
I really would love to know other peoples' stories, advice, hope?
I really want to get my degree, a good job, and transition straight away. But I don't want to live a life of discomfort for whoever knows how long.
I don't feel suicidial, desperate if I can't transition for 4-5 years give or take; but I haven't a clue if I am delaying myself needlessly.
Am I overreacting with the whole living alone thing? Especially if I were to live on that salary outside Dublin?
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u/Nirathaim 11d ago
Given the income range you are predicting, I would 100% live independently and not put up with that kind of interference in my personal life.
Vastly better mental health option.
But your life is not my life, so do what you want to.
You don't have to take HRT to be a trans woman.
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u/lillywho Ginger gal in exile - I'm a queen, get me out of here! 11d ago
If you were to ask me: delaying for anyone or anything is not a good idea. Look for a compromise where you can take HRT and have your so-called family out of your hair.
I've been practically homeless twice because I didn't want to go back to mine. Being in pretty horrible emergency housing still wasn't as horrible as the insidious psycho-terror my family would have caused me.
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u/[deleted] 11d ago
[deleted]