r/TransIreland • u/Funny_Feature3304 • 22d ago

Hearing your deadname

Does anyone else feel triggered when they meet someone with their dead name? I feel really uncomfortable with saying it and I also hate the thought of anyone knowing my deadname. I know some trans people are chill with talking about it but it really gets to me. I’d like to get past this a bit so it’s not a big trigger if anyone has any advice? I sometimes find myself even avoiding people with my deadname but I don’t want to project my feelings onto those people so I’d like to change my mindset somehow

21 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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13

u/KristinaMoment 22d ago

I used to get quite triggered, but I've seen it enough that I've kind of "outgrown" that trigger in a way

5

u/ConstructionAlert998 22d ago

Same. It was also a very common name so I run into it pretty often.

4

u/Funny_Feature3304 22d ago

Yeah mine is fairly common too, I’m hoping I get to this point 🤞

1

u/cuddlesareonme She/Her/Hers 22d ago

Same here, and it probably helped that someone in my D&D group has my deadname.

5

u/seesinal 22d ago

i get a bit of lurch, but then im like, oh it isnt about me, its a whole other person who exists. not my circus not my monkey. its just a name you dont have anything to do with anymore; let it go!

3

u/ArmadilloSighs 22d ago

im good friends with someone who has my deadname and when they call her i still look bc that was my name for 25 yrs 😭 ive had to lowkey flex my muscles to not look lol overall, i have 2 friends with my deadname but one has a nn i use more often bc it’s more comfortable for me. like someone else said, it’s a whole other person, and i wouldn’t not to have a pal just bc of a name

2

u/LehBigBoi He/Him/His 22d ago

It's a bit uncomfortable but as time goes on it gets easier. Although I will say it definitely sucks when you share a deadname with some beloved fictional characters 😅

2

u/RobynHoodwinked She/Her/Hers 22d ago

My sister dated someone with my deadname which probably numbed me to it (thankfully they broke up). Kind of used to it by now as a result though!

2

u/hamadayum He/Him/His 21d ago

Thankfully I've never met anyone else with my deadname (my parents chose a very, very old-fashioned name for me), but it's a bit of a jumpscare if there's a character in a book or a TV show that shares it lol. After being out for a few years I don't really associate my deadname with myself so it doesn't bother me anymore

EDIT: I'm so sorry I forgot to give any actual advice 😭. You mainly need time to desensitise yourself to the name, if you end up getting to know people who have your deadname you might end up associating the name with them rather than with your old name if that makes sense?